Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

More squadoos playing? You bet. TO THE GAMES!

Bengals/Chargers:

Cincy is likely to get stomped given that wr Green is done for the year and rb Mixon was limited in practice all week. On top of all that The Fecund One, Mr. P. Rivers, has placed yet another sperm bomb into Tiffany’s nether region. But perhaps this game catches the Bolts off guard, given the emotional win last week vs. Pitt and their upcoming battle with K.C.

Broncs/Niners:

The fellas that poor Nick Mullens had to lean on in the passing game go by the handles of Goodwin, Pettis and Kittles. That last guy is a tight end that has proved this year that he belongs but all I can think of is cat food when I read his name.

Eagles/Cowboys:

They came, they played, they caused people to boo uncontrollably. Philly’s running back trio of Adams, Clement and Smallwood have a collective average of 4.3 yards per carry so far this season. Each one brings a little something different to the game and it helps to keep opposing D’s a wee bit off balance. Though you wouldn’t call the Cowboys D a difference-maker they have played capably in that they’ve yet to give up 30 points in a game.

Steelers/Raiders:

Raiders have a mere 10 sacks so far this year so Ben should have all the time in the world for Brown and Smith-Schuster’s patterns to unfold. Quick! Name a player in the Raiders secondary. I thought so-if they did have someone of quality Gruden would have traded him by now.

Lions/Cards:

An inter-conference tilt that means nothing to no one.

Let’s get some soup!

 

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King Hippo

OH GOODIE, MOAR DONKS/TOMSULAS

Mr. Ayo

MOAR LIKE DONKS BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Another half hour added to the delay. It’s Mx, so I could potentially get comp for the delay, and I get to drink more free prosecco and watch more shitty feetsball! Also, it appears that I currently have all of row 10 to myself and I’ve moved up the upgrade list due to people switching off the flight.

I’m pretty damn relaxed about delays when I don’t have anything pressing on the arrival side. I’m super weird and like hanging out in airports

King Hippo

BUT RUGBY DUDES IN ALL THEY SWARTHY GLORY??

Doktor Zymm

I wish, it’s just business types at the mo 🙁

King Hippo

we are all disappoint along with ya

King Hippo

replay of the Miami hook and LATERAL on now

Mr. Ayo

That clip belongs in the Smithsonian.

/NAWT FAHR!

Redshirt

Why did the Bengals have to wait until NOW to grow a pair?!

JustStopDude

This fucking commercial…they just showed a bunch of happy Xmas scenes where people are so fucking happy getting a gift from a loved one…and that gift is fucking scratch offs from the state of Virginia.

Short of herpes, I can’t think of a worse gift to give someone for Christmas.

Doktor Zymm

I’m once had someone buy me a bunch of startbursts and scratchoffs as an apology, I won $20, so that was okay

King Hippo

I am the angel of death. The time of purification is at hand. – Redshirt

Redshirt

Redshirt of Earth. You have great rage in your heart. You belong to the RED LANTERN CORPS.

Doktor Zymm

Is there a word that’s milder than schadenfreude? Being amused by incompetence that isn’t really super important?

Redshirt

Halbschadenfreude

Dunstan

Brownswatching

Gratliff

Coaching the Lions?

Gratliff

I hate games like this because I never know if the Eagles holding tight for the first half will lead to a resurgent second half or an agonizing defeat by this exact differential.

Spur

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Col. Duke LaCross

She takes her vitamins.

...

Tag yourself: I’m very obviously horny Toucan Sam

Dunstan

I’m the redheaded Rice Krispie dude between her legs. With the shit-eating grin.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m the dude that frosted the Krispies

Mr. Ayo

I’m the Cocoa Krispies guy spilling the early seeds.

Doktor Zymm

Low scoring games are so much better when it’s because of shitty offense rather than good defense

Doktor Zymm

Although hooray for the good kicky skills!

King Hippo

AGREED.

Game Time Decision

62 yard field goal for the non gendered cow persons

King Hippo

SIXTY-TWO YARDS, what a Non-gendered Cowperson miracle!!

Gratliff

Really? That’s the one he makes?

Gratliff

Who was the last QB to blow up and then collapse as fast as Dak Prescott? Kevin Kolb? THough I don’t know if he was ever considered as good as rookie Dak.

Doktor Zymm

Fitzy?

Game Time Decision

That even odd week stuff

JustStopDude

Johnny Football?

Gratliff

Thank god Dak is fucking garbage

Spur

If Grier is there in the 2nd Round. Dallas has to take him.

King Hippo

Dallas HOTBOIZ?? For reals??

Spur
Gratliff

horseshit

...

The Patriots radio call from @highlghtheaven . Featuring 35 seconds of total silence.

https://twitter.com/506sports/status/1071895271615934464

...

The challenge is trying not to cum during the 35 seconds. You’ll fail.

Dunstan

The color guy saying “oh Jesus” when he realized what was happened was my point of no return.

Gratliff

total silence = cough button + fuck screaming

...

I prefer believing they went full Hawk Harrelson.

King Hippo

#FullMast

Redshirt

You have to love listening to the local team radio call when they mess up. Especially if they are homers for their team.

Mr. Ayo

I love this so much. I’m tumescent.

Spur

Am Gronk and I cant tackle.

King Hippo

Some world-class DERP in the late window

King Hippo

LMAO, Striped Pylons

Spur

that missed FG wont come back and haunt Dallas.

...

It’s been something to see so many of last year’s playoff teams absolutely eat shit this year.

Doktor Zymm

Parity!
.
.
.
LOL

Redshirt

How can you jump offsides on a Hail Mary?

King Hippo

offside on the Hail Mary, Clippers du Merde can try FG?

Gratliff

So typically, whenever an Eagles game goes to the half extremely low scoring, one of the teams gets nuked by orbit and is playing its backup by the 4th. Can’t wait to see Nick Foles on the field again.

Doktor Zymm

The best thing about Foles is his nickname

Spur

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King Hippo

Sua Cravens sucks

King Hippo

EVERYBODY SUCKS

...

The only thing I think about whenever I see that Dick Cheney movie is how awesome it would be to see Dick Cheney get shot in the face.

Romonobyl

As usual he was the shooter back then. I remember it well as I drove by the hospital where they had the wounded lawyer dude for a few days. The media satellite trucks were a pain in the ass.

King Hippo

BE LESS SHITTY, DONKS

Doktor Zymm

Can we demote the entire NFC East to the minors?

Romonobyl

I was thinking Canadia.

King Hippo

would give them at least a reasonable amount of footy sides

Redshirt

Touchdown Ross. At least until the referee says he game himself up and declared himself an ineligible receiver.

King Hippo

Cuck Liouns/Birdcano is what one would expect

King Hippo

Beatie Mixon WOO

Romonobyl

So Clint is running drugs now? Charlton Heston would not approve!

Spur

and people say Americans wont do those jobs.

Redshirt

See? See?! Why send in an immigrant to do a job that an American wants to do.

Spur

another dead bird in Jerry world. Philly is going to need to hatch some new players soon.

Spur

Shitty throw by Dak, Coop had a TD.

King Hippo

his recent competence seems to be unravelling

Redshirt

Aw, hell. Driskel’s shoulder is being looked at. We could be looking at Doc Savage Time.

Redshirt

Oklahoma QB Kyler Murray has already signed a contract with the Oakland A’s. How is he still able to play college football? Didn’t something like that cost Bo Jackson his senior year of college baseball?

King Hippo

they must have changed it b/c Russell Wilson played pro baseball while he was still at State/Wiscy IIRC

King Hippo

Mullens is just fucking wretched

...

So I guess someone finally hit the big ass videoboard in Jerry World.

Romonobyl

Oh that wasn’t the first, won’t be the last.

Redshirt

If I’m a punter, that would be my goal for every punt.

Spur

Achievement unlocked. Here’s your free Whataburger

Senor Weaselo

Kyler’s agent says he’s going to baseball. Oh, it’s Scott Boras.

King Hippo

MY MAN! Ike Yiadom!!

King Hippo

godfuckingdamnit

Spur

How is Wentz so slow??

Doktor Zymm

He always has to take the time to add the extra letter to ‘went’

Romonobyl

If he waits to add the apostrophe he usually gets sacked.

King Hippo

uh…WHITE?

Doktor Zymm

I wish there was an RB named Escher who had an optical illusion running style

King Hippo

someone should have pointed out that Kittle is their last, alive, good player. Surely this had to come up during film review?

...

One of the guys I follow on Twitter is a Trubisky defender and hate Josh Allen. I’m not sure where he’s seeing pro-Allen takes, but they’re driving him crazy.

King Hippo

wow, you know your side has given up when you let Fat Sackford run for the first down.