Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

More squadoos playing? You bet. TO THE GAMES!

Bengals/Chargers:

Cincy is likely to get stomped given that wr Green is done for the year and rb Mixon was limited in practice all week. On top of all that The Fecund One, Mr. P. Rivers, has placed yet another sperm bomb into Tiffany’s nether region. But perhaps this game catches the Bolts off guard, given the emotional win last week vs. Pitt and their upcoming battle with K.C.

Broncs/Niners:

The fellas that poor Nick Mullens had to lean on in the passing game go by the handles of Goodwin, Pettis and Kittles. That last guy is a tight end that has proved this year that he belongs but all I can think of is cat food when I read his name.

Eagles/Cowboys:

They came, they played, they caused people to boo uncontrollably. Philly’s running back trio of Adams, Clement and Smallwood have a collective average of 4.3 yards per carry so far this season. Each one brings a little something different to the game and it helps to keep opposing D’s a wee bit off balance. Though you wouldn’t call the Cowboys D a difference-maker they have played capably in that they’ve yet to give up 30 points in a game.

Steelers/Raiders:

Raiders have a mere 10 sacks so far this year so Ben should have all the time in the world for Brown and Smith-Schuster’s patterns to unfold. Quick! Name a player in the Raiders secondary. I thought so-if they did have someone of quality Gruden would have traded him by now.

Lions/Cards:

An inter-conference tilt that means nothing to no one.

Let’s get some soup!

 

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Gratliff

Sproles isn’t having this shit

King Hippo

Hey, at least he ain’t fumble??

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!

Horatio Cornblower

Dak’s targeting unit seems to need a good smack.

Spur

fucking Dak

Gratliff

Mark Sanchez is the best starting QB in the East.

litre_cola

Most accurate.

Brick Meathook

The only one with a normal fucking first name. Yeah, I said it.

litre_cola

I am more angry than the Superb Owl. Could be the cold meds.

Horatio Cornblower

Having small children will absolutely lower your rage settings.

Mr. Ayo

Fightin’ Grudens over the Fightin’ Epps?

Horatio Cornblower

An Italian luger named Kevin? I’m gonna need to see some papers on this one.

Spur

stellar 3rd down for the Eagles

Brick Meathook

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Spur

chaps by definition are ass less.

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

YUP, ASSED CHAPS ARE CALLED PANTS

Spur

Sweet. NFL Saturday football is back. There was a 5-8 period the NFL stopping putting games on.

King Hippo

it makes me very, very happy

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not exactly the most compelling of matchups, but I’ll take them.

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta say, I’m not a fan of women announcing luge; it takes away from the purity of the sport and is clearly just a nod towards the politically correct libtard crowd.

/has no understanding whatsoever of luge

Doktor Zymm

Do they coach lowering your head going into contact as an rb? Curling up seems instinctive, putting your head in a vulnerable spot not so much

litre_cola

Suttondown pls

King Hippo

Donks running the slowest-motion hurryup ever

Spur

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Spur

Good job Dak but you still suck.

Spur

Zeke’s hair saved him from a concussion.

litre_cola

OK Ginger Jeebus, Ertz down it is simple

Petronel

That was purty

Horatio Cornblower

Suddenly Dak is good again.

King Hippo

God, Birdcano are stupid

litre_cola

I do not want Zeke hurt but he did lead with the head.

Gratliff

Counterpoint: Fuck him. He deserves it.

King Hippo

I’m ok with it

Horatio Cornblower

I thought he was getting shoved from behind and that it should have been a no-call, but fuck it. No matter what happens, I still have to go to work tomorrow.

Mr. Ayo

Good try Striped Pylons

Horatio Cornblower

Deal Or No Deal was the dumbest show. You’re offering me $14,000 because I picked some suitcases?

Yeah, fuck it, I’m out.

Doktor Zymm

It’s actually a pretty interesting economic/psych experiment

Horatio Cornblower

That I would agree with.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

About how much money it takes to make Howie Mandel host a game show and occasionally be touched by the unwashed masses? You make a convincing argument.

...

Not sure who has joked about a reality TV show where sick people battle for the chance to get their medical debt paid off, but we’re probably a year or two away from GoFundMe: The Game Show.

yeah right

I might watch that.

Spur

Not Zack Martin. please be ok.

Mr. Ayo

Ded

King Hippo

now FEED BEATIE

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a garbage call. Elliott’s getting pushed from behind.

And here come the make-up calls!

litre_cola

No call is as brutal as the opening fumble.

Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t see it but I will assume you are correct, because nothing is as bottomless as the incompetence of NFL officiating.

Gratliff

Fumbled kick off return by Dallas. Play blown dead while the ball was under a pile of Eagles. After review, Dallas maintains possession due to “no clear recovery”

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure it was the correct call, and the reason will be made clear tomorrow morning, after the NFL has had time to make that reason up.

Mr. Ayo

Yo Donks. On 4th down, throw BEYOND the first down marker.

Spur

Elliott looks wobbly.

Doktor Zymm

He always looks like that, it’s a consequence of being an entitled dickhead

Redshirt

Helmet Hit on the OFFENSE?!

Doktor Zymm

Is that the rb rule they passed a few years ago but never enforced?

Horatio Cornblower

Joe Buck yelling about a good tackle just before Elliott breaks said tackle and runs for 14 yards.

litre_cola

I AM SORRY THAT I AM EMOTIONAL!!!

Doktor Zymm

I’m cool with it, need a hug?

King Hippo

Beatie should be getting 30+ carries, he runs angry

Horatio Cornblower

That’s not the only thing he does angry.

litre_cola

Churns butter with the amish?

Horatio Cornblower

Guy named Semen just went off prematurely and has blown his chance at the luge.

Please make your own jokes below.

Spur

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Gratliff

So is it the missed FG or the missed PAT that brings destruction here?

King Hippo

give us the DRAW, o Lord Jeebus

Spur

Shit play calling

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Doktor Zymm

One more hour delay, looks like I get to watch the end of the game

Col. Duke LaCross

Damn, are you going up into orbit or something?

Doktor Zymm

Not even close to the edge of the atmosphere!

Gratliff

The fuck happened to Denver?

King Hippo

Best offensive player and only reasonable starting CB had major owies before the game. NO SMIRE

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

What did you think would happen when a horse was left at the controls?

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Unsurprised

They hired the dude from Cum Town as QB

...

I’m probably the only person who will understand and appreciate this joke

King Hippo

yeah, I ain’t googling it

Unsurprised

It’s a podcast. One of the hosts is a stand-up comic named Nick Mullen.

Spur

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King Hippo

more pro-Yinzer bullshit

Mr. Ayo

How was that not a fumble? Mirror image of the mascara incident.

Mr. Ayo

Welp, Karma does exist

King Hippo

yup and yup

Horatio Cornblower

This luge track seems very dirty.

Gratliff

Make up bullshit passer inconveniencing call

Petronel

Have just successfully Instant Pot-ted four chicken breasts. First actual food cooked in the thing. So, even if the Tomsulas manage to piss this one away in some ridiculous fashion, I’ll have at least one win in my day.

King Hippo

current win probability: 97.2%

Gratliff

Instant pot will fuck up some chicken. It’s so good.

Petronel

I’m looking forward to fucking some chicken the HELL up. 🙂

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

When I Instant Pot a chicken, it’s because I was hiding my strain from the authorities!

King Hippo

how is it not fucking empty hand for BOTH sides?

Col. Duke LaCross

That’s a fumbre

litre_cola

F bombs in front on inlaws with Decilitre here nawt a good thing.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s your house. Toss ’em if they don’t like it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

FUCK EM

Brick Meathook

Holy shit it’s Sproles! He is ALWAYS GOOD! Why the fuck don’t teams keep him?

King Hippo

his ligaments are made of tissue paper

Gratliff

This is his 5th season with Philly

Brick Meathook

I guess I don’t see them enough, but he’s bounced around a lot it seems.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Dean Spanos. Need more be said?