Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

More squadoos playing? You bet. TO THE GAMES!

Bengals/Chargers:

Cincy is likely to get stomped given that wr Green is done for the year and rb Mixon was limited in practice all week. On top of all that The Fecund One, Mr. P. Rivers, has placed yet another sperm bomb into Tiffany’s nether region. But perhaps this game catches the Bolts off guard, given the emotional win last week vs. Pitt and their upcoming battle with K.C.

Broncs/Niners:

The fellas that poor Nick Mullens had to lean on in the passing game go by the handles of Goodwin, Pettis and Kittles. That last guy is a tight end that has proved this year that he belongs but all I can think of is cat food when I read his name.

Eagles/Cowboys:

They came, they played, they caused people to boo uncontrollably. Philly’s running back trio of Adams, Clement and Smallwood have a collective average of 4.3 yards per carry so far this season. Each one brings a little something different to the game and it helps to keep opposing D’s a wee bit off balance. Though you wouldn’t call the Cowboys D a difference-maker they have played capably in that they’ve yet to give up 30 points in a game.

Steelers/Raiders:

Raiders have a mere 10 sacks so far this year so Ben should have all the time in the world for Brown and Smith-Schuster’s patterns to unfold. Quick! Name a player in the Raiders secondary. I thought so-if they did have someone of quality Gruden would have traded him by now.

Lions/Cards:

An inter-conference tilt that means nothing to no one.

Let’s get some soup!

 

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Wakezilla

MIAMI MIRACLE, COMRADES! I CALLED IT! Did you see Gronk’s half assed tackle on the last play? With that kind of poor tackling, it’s no wonder the Dolphins beat the P*triots 30% of the time in Miami!

Woooooo!

Spur

Bad Dak, Bad.

Doktor Zymm

delayed another hour…barkeep!

King Hippo

perhaps you will also find a rugger?

Doktor Zymm

Perhaps!

Romonobyl

So if I turn on CNN tomorrow morning will I be rewarded with yet another viral video of a drunk female redacteds fan being aggressively dragged off a United flight?

Doktor Zymm

I wish! I just sleep on flights when I’m drunk, way less fun

Redshirt

What?! You can’t dive for the fucking endzone anymore?!

WHY THE FUCK WOULD THE QUARTERBACK GIVE HIMSELF UP ON ONE GRASSBLADE LINE?!

King Hippo

yeah that’s a special grade of fuckery

Spur

Gotham is still on?

Spur

Wow, the Bengals QB has guts.

King Hippo

wouldn’t YOU??

Senor Weaselo

If the alternative was Hue? Hell yes.

Spur

Worse he’s going to save Marvin’s job

Redshirt

Bengals do a good!

Gratliff

98 yards of total offense in the first quarter. Oof.

Spur

Does Wentz think he’s Donovan McNabb?

Gratliff

Is he drunk?

Redshirt

OH F*CK YOU SIDEWAYS WITH A METAL RAKE, ROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Do you think the birthplace of Thomas Paine is marketed as ‘House of Paine’?

Redshirt

Does it still have $20 cover charge?

Redshirt

Soulful QB: 4/6, 23 yards

Maybe having no soul was Dalton’s strength.

Spur

Best thing about Vegas is the winter. Just a great weather, went to Red Rock today.

Spur

Folks.

Col. Duke LaCross

Sir.

Doktor Zymm

Bad; my flight is delayed and I suspect we will not be leaving in half an hour as they claim
Good; I can watch more FOOTBALL

Romonobyl

Bad: Airport drink prices.

Doktor Zymm

I gots a United club membership

Romonobyl

The first rule of United club….

Petronel

Hot potato!

...

Oh God. A bar near me is running a special tonight where people drink for *free* from the start of the game until the first team scores.

Petronel

Inevitable result: 0-0 tie and record number of DUIs

...

They’ve done events like this before because their location sucks and they have to generate attention somehow. The place is also a weird mish mash of south comfort food and forties in literal paper bags.

I genuinely thought about going, but I spent the last couple days drinking 14% ABV barrel aged beers.

Doktor Zymm

There’s no way that can go wrong!

King Hippo

after much consideration, methinks I want RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and Bearistocrats! to draw.

Redshirt

That’s not a catch, but based on the two Green Bay challenges, that doesn’t mean shit with challenges.

Senor Weaselo

River Plate with a goal in Extra Time, 2-1 (4-3) to them in the Riot Bowl.

King Hippo

Maybe it’s just me but Tim Patrick don’t look so Irish

Romonobyl

Dallas has about as much luck in the red zone as I do every few weeks.

Gratliff

Birds did everything but score for Dallas there and they still can’t get in

King Hippo

turns out Gallup is pretty good when he has a little help in the WR corps

Gratliff

Personal Foul: Mildly inconveniencing the passer

Redshirt

We’re two years away from QBs getting a one-yard halo rule.

Romonobyl

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King Hippo

We’ve got our Chubb on!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

We’re going out to eat tonight at a place called “World of Beer”.

I’m sure this won’t end badly, right? RIGHT???????

Doktor Zymm

Holy shit! I’ve been there!

Romonobyl

We all have…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Owings Mills locale?

Brick Meathook

Try “World of Drugs” next door.

King Hippo

/ears start burning

Don T

Pft. Just go to “World of Belligerence”.

Doktor Zymm

Yup, only that one actually. Enjoy your time in the suburbs of Ballsitchmore! Try to make it out to Maryland Live! at some point

theeWeeBabySeamus

Metro Center seems safe-ish.

Doktor Zymm

Do you mean the DC metro station? I hear the metro doesn’t catch on fire nearly as often nowadays!

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. No. Metro Center in Owings Mills.
Big shopping and eating place with lotsa security.

Baltimore County Cop followed me all over that place a few days ago. No shit. I was very happy I wasn’t a black man.

Too soon?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Romonobyl

Got a chance to go there when I took the train from Norfolk to DC a month or so ago, pretty crazy place. To go back, I found it was easier to take the metro from Union to Alexandria and hop on Amtrak from there. The more you know!

King Hippo

SIGH. C’mon Donks

Romonobyl

I only saw post game coverage, but the end of Miami/NE restored my faith in humanity. Oh to be in a Southie sports bar right now.

King Hippo

I was eating slow-cooked pork while watching it live. Without question, one of the top 5 moments of my existence.

...

I can’t recall many times where a series of laterals worked on a play like that, but I guess when Gronk is too big and dumb to chase a defender, the odds are in your favor.

Gratliff

The Saints game where they missed teh playoffs because Carney shanked the xp after

Senor Weaselo

Maybe the zig-zaggiest emotional moment in sports history.

Gratliff

Pretty sure the radio call guy hung himself before the team got off the field

Romonobyl

He didn’t eat enough Tide Pods during the half.

Redshirt

I’m not saying the Bengals defense has quit on Marvin Lewis, but the Bengals defense has quit on Marvin Lewis.

Senor Weaselo

You mean they haven’t quit on Hue Jackson?

theeWeeBabySeamus

When I get to restaurant/ sports bar in just a bit, which shitty game should I insist they change to?
Stillers/Raiders is my lean, but I really would love to see Iggles/’Boys fans cannibalize one another, and also want to see Niners go further into the toilet.

Decisions, decisions. What can I say? I’m complicated.

rockingdog

raiders/stillers

Doktor Zymm

Eagleboys sound like a horrifying genetic hybrid. Go with that one

yeah right

I found a solution! I’m watching the games AND the Christmas parade while wearing my Ipod.

/ cackles maniacally

blaxabbath

Lots of empty seats at fake college stadium today. Bidwill is so lucky Phoenix is a destination for most visiting team fans in December….

Brick Meathook

Are the Cowboys wearing sparkly numbers?

Romonobyl

Only when Johnny Weir is working the sideline.

Petronel

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Doktor Zymm

Honestly, I’m amazed they haven’t bejeweled their unis yet.

Gratliff

Can the Eagles non-existent secondary handle the 54th ranked passing offense in the NFL? Let’s find out!

Romonobyl

So an easily stopped force meets a mushy, tepid object? Physics is fun!

Petronel

OK. I am ready for my second loss of the day. 😛 (Come on you goddamn golden idiots, prove me wrong)

rockingdog

one more time!
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Romonobyl

Sad trombone…

Romonobyl

Well, so if Dallas wins it will only be due to this play, at least to Philly fans.

Gratliff

BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSHIT

blaxabbath

RG3 threw a good ball there.

Gratliff

OPENING DERPAGE

Redshirt

Good. The Bengals still remember how to sack a QB other than their own.

Redshirt

BREAKING NEWS: Its December and the Browns are currently no longer in Last Place.

blaxabbath

Darkest Timeline indeed.

Gratliff

I either go back to expecting a Super Bowl again or I immediately quit on the season when the game ends. Let’s fucking go!

Brick Meathook

I wonder what the credit rating is of that guy in the banner pic. I’m pretty sure he’s not allowed to vote.

Romonobyl

Yes he is, his ID is inked in under his left ear.

blaxabbath

I like the Neil Lane commercial because that guy knows to ask the gay kid if that is a nice ring or not.

rockingdog

that commercial on mute is very uncomfortable…

yeah right

Oh fuck! I’m still alive in the Little Drummer Boy challenge and there’s a fucking Christmas parade starting right on front of my fucking house!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Stabbin’ cabin.

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