As I think was the theme in a rash of Hippo Thoughtz comments yesterday, I too get most of my NFL news from a strict diet of Hippoz, Quotables, and Twizzlers. Which, by the way, did you all know Mark Sanchez was on the [*Redacted] s?
I do not understand why east coast teams keep signing Sanchez. He should be a Raiders backup. Also good enough to be a Raiders backup? Any of you. So let’s see what you got in this Week 14 Quotables!
[…] me? Then let’s find out. Below are your Week 14 Quotables […]
I swear that I can strike out Babe Ruth. What say you, weirdo?
We never landed on the moon, Jalen.
“Uau, isso é um mergulho.” -Neymar
I believe that’s called a Jacksonville butterfly kiss, because all the butterflies down there are all meth addled and get jacked in the mouth by their cousins whenever they step out of line
He went wide right
I like how just no one on the Jets sideline thinks anything of this play.
The Jets just do. Not. Care. About the next few weeks.
“Tampa Two” is now the new name for a gay sex maneuver formerly known as the “Flying Dutchman” — where one young Buccaneer leaps up and takes someone on the same team from behind.
/have not checked Urban Dictionary yet
Is she pulling away because she’s mistaken him for Alonzo Spellman?
He looks like the Cat in the Hat ate the Grinch.
Nice one but can he catch a battery?
It’s a shame we didn’t find out during that game.
“Oh come on, at least Costa Rica was warm!” – [*Redacted] s cheerleaders, after being informed of their upcoming mandatory “hospitality” trip to the North Pole
“It’s not that I object to a four getting plowed, but…by a ninety six? No thanks.” – Brad Childress
I much prefer this Disneyfied version of Grizzly Man where all that happens to Timothy Treadwell is that a bear accidentally knocks him down.
Another unsuspecting “Wild Bill” taken out by a shot to the back.
“You look about the right size, you know what a spinner is?”
If you’re big enough, any girl’s a spinner
Unless you’re too big, in which case no girl is.
So when did Christian Laettner start coaching players in the NFL?
Seattle fans respond to the question of “Anybody still listening to Macklemore?”
“Who?” – Seattle “fans”
I haven’t seen a fat man with moves that good since Andy Reid mistakenly signed up for a years worth of salsa classes.
But Brady has a force-field around him at all times?
Fuck this game. Fuck the NFL.
“Hey, Akiem, you wanna see what rhymes with your alma mater?”
The Bucs attempt to win the game by wearing QB practice jerseys was foiled by Tommylee Lewis calling out “opposite day”.
“NAWT FAYUH! THAT FACKIN FIELD IS ALL FACKED UP! NO WONDAH GRAWK COULDN’T MAKE THAT TACKLE! RAHJAW HAS IT IN FAR US, NO ONE DENIES THIS!”
“Nope. Nothing.”
-Ryan Shazier, when asked if he felt for Stephen Hauschka on this play.
Jesus Christ.
“I asked you not to use this gif, Blax.”
-BeerGuyRob
“I’m taking you home to meet my parents this Christmas!”
At least it’s not the family from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Fighting back in the War on Christmas will cost you $39.99 in parking.
“Take my money!”
— MAGA chuds
He sees them when they’re sleeping.
He knows when they’re awake.
He knows which ones are natural blondes.
He knows which ones are fake.*
*Due to numerous hidden cameras and peepholes littered throughout their dressing room, allegedly
Can he point out which ones are “bad” and which ones are good?
/asking for a friend
Figures that Dan Snyder would hire a retread from Nashville.
Shit like this* is why Ricky Williams had to retire from football.
*This being the requirement to stay clean and not be so high you trip over your own feet
That ref was just doing his best Mark Sanchez impression
Well he’s definitely ready to play in London
“And what happened that day? Well, the owner’s box attendant said Jerral’s erection grew three sizes just from this play.”
I haven’t seen a group of bears trample somebody like that since the last time Cher tickets went on sale!
“Anyone can have bad breath, Taylor…but you could knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon!”
This is still closer to making the tackle on the ball carrier than Gronk was
Dammit, should have scrolled down. Well played.
“Okay, who let the camera man in the Summerall memorial trailer.”
See kids, Megyn Kelly was wrong, (agayn) Santa Claus isn’t white.
[Voice over]
We’ve secretly replaced Jalen Ramsey with Neymar Jr. Let’s see if anyone notices
Playing “duck, duck, goose” live on the air
Jalen Ramsey gets ready for the move to London.