Your “Pa-Rum-Pa-Pum-Pum” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Scared you, folks still in the Little Drummer Boy derby, didn’t I? I had to wander into a mall today and it is quite difficult conversing with sales clerks while you have cotton stuffed in your earholes. That’s right, I play to win. I hope the wife is happy with the XXXL pyjamas I bought her…

TO THE GAME!

Chargers/Chiefs:

Here we jizz! Ah… “Is”. Sorry. “Is”. A recent newcomer to the site by the name of Vlad The Impaler asked me the question, What exactly is at stake here? Well, Vladdy, quite a bit. For one thing, the naming rights to Riversbot 9.0. For another, the race to finish more than 10+ wins over the Raiders. This is serious business fellas.

I’m a simple man. While you nerds swallow your ‘next level’ stats like DVOA, WAR, Adjusted Jocks Per Possession, 5th Down Passes Defensed, Time of Possession by Evil Spirits and Missed Tackles by One-Handed Rookie Linebackers, I’m taking a hard look at Points Against and I see that the Bolters are only behind the Ravens, Texans and Titans at 270 in the AFC. It sure do look like Bosa (he wasn’t around for week 1’s 10 point loss) and Company need to find an answer to the equation that Mahomes and Friends have formulated. I say this because Rivers’ TD/Int ratio for his last 4 trips to Arrowhead are sitting at 2/6. “But”, you say, in that nasally voice that I can’t stand, “KC is down to their 3rd string tailback-what about that, Tide Pod for brains?” “Meh”, I reply, “the Chiefs O keeps running (get it?) on all cylinders no matter the circumstance. This is just a plug-in and play scenario”. [scrawls ‘one’ under my name on non-existent blackboard]

Lays Ketchup chips were at one time more ketchupier than they are now. You can’t prove me wrong.

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yeah rightMoose -The End Is Well NighRikki-Tikki-DeadlyBrettFavresColonoscopyWCS Recent comment authors
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yeah right

That’s some cold blooded shit right there.

Finish them Philip.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

I know that look. They’re clearly reading my thesis

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

BECAUSE MY KIDS WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 15 SECONDS!

/runs off crying and severe blue balls

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I’m really glad “Daddy Yogurt” didn’t come up in this conversation.

Because if you leave it on the floor in the middle of the night, somebody is going to slip and fall.

WCS

Yeah, usually me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DAMN IT!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“What happened? What was that noise?”

“Honey, I slipped in my own Daddy Yogurt again.”

“AGAIN? You are going to get CTE.”

“Honey, I wore my helmet this time.”

“…….”

WCS

“But, Daddy… why’s there so much, and so many places?”
“Because Mommy works too damn much, and you and your sister don’t understand the concept of ‘alone time’ yet. Now, continue watching Frozen, so Daddy can at least finish this laundry.”

(no innuendos here; I’ve given up doing work when they’re awake, because all they do is try to kill themselves, or each other)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They need to turn up the sound.

yeah right

It builds on this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s a bit in the final season of Beavis and Butt-head where Beavis mentions that he has a masturbation helmet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You don’t?!?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

DFO clubhouse watching the LOLphins Hook and Ladder last week.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

When asked about the Khalil Mack and Amari Cooper trades, Mark Davis replied with “In the future, we might be saying, ‘Damn!’

No shit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mahomes is very much the real deal, but do the Chiefs have a signature win this season? No, no they do not. The closest they have is last week’s overtime squeaker against the Ravens, I think.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What do you mean a “signature win”? That is hawt taek talk. They’ve beat 11 out of 14 on their schedule. Look; I hate the division teams too, but jesus.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fair enough. Perhaps my overexuberance has gotten the better of me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s OK, let’s pick on their defense……. everybody else is.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That happens sometimes when you watch a division game naked and oiled up. Hippo can do it, but the rest of us can be rash.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hippo has a rash?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, he’s a betting man and odds are it is far more than one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

I mean, they have beaten the Chargers and Steelers this year already.

But I ask you, what the hell does a signature win even mean?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The was wild….wacky even.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I just found out that I could’ve watched TNF on Twitch through Amazon. Then I saw Joe and Troy and nearly threw away my laptop.

Brocky

We think it’s bad with rivers now, wait till he converts mormanisim and has like 63 kids

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

1,397 less than The Sex Canon.

987 of those he didn’t eve have to penetrate. Many he wasn’t even in the same room.

Spur
Spur

The Lord Provides

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The Chargers are SO much better than those loser Rams.

rockingdog
rockingdog

hell yea!!!!
those last 2 TDS are awesome!!!!!!! needed those for Fantasy football sooo badly!!!!!
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Wakezilla

Someone isn’t reading 50 Shades of Grey

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t think Stoya is even going to answer her damn phone.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

Eat it all KC.

Col. Duke LaCross

“Okay.”

A. Reid Kansas City, MO

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes, eat all the KFC.” – K. Benjamin, when asked about his postgame plans

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“No.”

-The rapper/ producer dude who does not eat pussy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That joke was much better in my head.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The other noises in there are not nearly as melodic though.

The Maestro

Amazing, amazing stuff.

Spur
Spur

Eat a cows ass Reid. Fuck you, you have Philly stink.

Brocky

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Spur
Spur

Not really. I hate Reid and Philly.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Squib?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Playoff Chefs!

Redshirt

(jaw drops)

Spur
Spur

SUPER Chargers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redshirt

Come on, Chargers. Fake 2pt Conversion Drop Kick.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Kicking is not their strong suit

Spur
Spur

Float for the Almighty

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Yes, go for two!

rockingdog
rockingdog

BIG BALLS!!!!

King Hippo

NO CATCH

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does Andy Reid know it isn’t the playoffs yet?

The Maestro

ONE JOB, KC.

Col. Duke LaCross

British announcer: “der’s nuttin wrong wit dat. He just wanted to shake hands wit him.”

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Chargers win helps the Pats, right? Explains everything.

King Hippo

YUPPPPP

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Redshirt

The receiver just literally showed everyone the pass was uncatchable. How is there Pass Interference?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Technically, he caught it. Just beyond the end line is all.

Col. Duke LaCross

Pray to your yellow flagged god!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THAT CALL I CALL IT REVLON CAUSE IT WAS MAKEUP.

King Hippo

oh, bullshit

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

BLEEERGH!!!!

rockingdog
rockingdog

stunned

Redshirt

Oh, fuck off, everyone! Is a defender supposed to stop in midair?!

Col. Duke LaCross

Gotta be some quality Laserface .gifs coming out of that.

Spur
Spur

Float it

King Hippo

oh, just fuck off

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK.