Your “Pa-Rum-Pa-Pum-Pum” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Scared you, folks still in the Little Drummer Boy derby, didn’t I? I had to wander into a mall today and it is quite difficult conversing with sales clerks while you have cotton stuffed in your earholes. That’s right, I play to win. I hope the wife is happy with the XXXL pyjamas I bought her…

TO THE GAME!

Chargers/Chiefs:

Here we jizz! Ah… “Is”. Sorry. “Is”. A recent newcomer to the site by the name of Vlad The Impaler asked me the question, What exactly is at stake here? Well, Vladdy, quite a bit. For one thing, the naming rights to Riversbot 9.0. For another, the race to finish more than 10+ wins over the Raiders. This is serious business fellas.

I’m a simple man. While you nerds swallow your ‘next level’ stats like DVOA, WAR, Adjusted Jocks Per Possession, 5th Down Passes Defensed, Time of Possession by Evil Spirits and Missed Tackles by One-Handed Rookie Linebackers, I’m taking a hard look at Points Against and I see that the Bolters are only behind the Ravens, Texans and Titans at 270 in the AFC. It sure do look like Bosa (he wasn’t around for week 1’s 10 point loss) and Company need to find an answer to the equation that Mahomes and Friends have formulated. I say this because Rivers’ TD/Int ratio for his last 4 trips to Arrowhead are sitting at 2/6. “But”, you say, in that nasally voice that I can’t stand, “KC is down to their 3rd string tailback-what about that, Tide Pod for brains?” “Meh”, I reply, “the Chiefs O keeps running (get it?) on all cylinders no matter the circumstance. This is just a plug-in and play scenario”. [scrawls ‘one’ under my name on non-existent blackboard]

Lays Ketchup chips were at one time more ketchupier than they are now. You can’t prove me wrong.