2018 Quotables – Week 15 (Submissions)

First off, losing to the 2018 49ers is a Michael Irvin sized bump, Seattle media.

Anyways, I am just now remembering that you all deserve results from last week. I straight up forgot. I guess I was too busy WINNING fantasy while starting Josh Rosen!

Suck my [Wooo!]
Nah – I’ll get those together for ya. But yeah, one regular season week left. And if any of you were planning to take it easy and rest up before the playoff push — just know that fans only want guys who love the game. With that said, we’re off!


Just thought we could hold on to this for when NYJ does their good play next year.

The Saints could run this division on only one leg, seriously.

Visual representation of RTD’s take on the closing weeks of the 2018 AFC West.


Jared Goff: System Quarterback

Browns 2020

“Dr Alex Guerrero says you have something for me….”

You know Gruden has his eyes on a safety like Reshad Jones who can give up a big first-down gain.

Find me a more appropriate Baltimore celebration than aimlessly shooting guns at a group of young men then running off before officials arrive.
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I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] 2018 Quotables – Week 15 (Submissions) – December 18, 2018 […]

Enrico Pallazzo

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I accept your application to be the next Eli Manning, Jared, but can you beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl twice first?

Unsurprised

Hey, look everybody! It’s Enrico Pallazzo!

Enrico Pallazzo

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Coach Reid ate my pregame meal AGAIN???

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Man, these European concussion tests are really hard!”

/that’s a Man With Two Brains reference for the kiddos.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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At the worst possible time, Jared Goff’s alter-ego Jeered Goof makes his appearance.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jared Goofus or Jared Gallant?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Where did he go? Where did he go?” – Orlando Scandrick, after being stricken with fast-onset Chris Conte Disease.

Petronel

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“Tch. Lamar gets put in as starter, and next thing you know, he thinks he can be vice president or something.”

Petronel

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“Rah, rah, sis boom bah!
Tyler’s down, ha ha ha!”

Petronel

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Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the opening comes
When the line is broken, like a bat out of hell, I’ll be gone, gone, gone
Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the opening comes
But when the play is done
And the Case goes down
And we’re one point over the Blue
Then like the old Browns before each year’s draft
I’ll come crawling on back to you

SonOfSpam

Ah, Meat Loaf…my most hated of loafs. (Respek for song parody)

Petronel

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“Wife says, the way I’m playing this season, I need to get my post-retirement plans up and running. So…ya think this suit will look good in the booth?”

Petronel

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[Like I said in the thread – insufficient RRRAAMMMITT! can make your game look like shit.]

Petronel

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“Check it out, guys, Mike thinks he’s Merton Hanks or some shit like that. Let’s see if he can break his neck again.”

nomonkeyfun

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This is actually the scene where Joe Pendleton switches bodies, in the newest Heaven Can Wait, but the timing was messed up.

Petronel

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When you want that moment to last forever…but it just ain’t gonna happen.

nomonkeyfun

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He truly is the Windows ME of QBs.

King Hippo

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Son, you were just a turd out there. – George Bluth

King Hippo

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Ballerina girrrrlllll….you are so love-ly!

LemonJello

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“Is there a new sex cannon in the league? One that can shoot twice and go deep? Maybe.”

Unsurprised

Two snaps and a backfield in motion.
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King Hippo

P*ts/Yinzers?? HA-ted it!

Downfield Matriculator

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Cobra Cam’s o-line should have swept the leg

SonOfSpam

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“Aw, thanks everyone!”

– Trent Green, just after finishing a grand jeté while naked in church

SonOfSpam

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DAVIS, DEMARIO – QUESTIONABLE (stigmata)

nomonkeyfun

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John Elway continues to ensure his status as the best QB by being the worst executive in Broncos history.

Unsurprised

John Elway’s GM decisionmaking is conclusive proof that playing football causes CTE.

SonOfSpam

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THIS CASE KEENUM I CALL HIM “CALIFORNIA” BECAUSE HE IS GETTING OVERRUN BY BROWNS WHO ARE MURDERERS AND RAPISTS AND SOME OF WHOM, I ASSUME, ARE FINE PEOPLE.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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SonOfSpam

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“Thanks to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, this next play will be run by Timmy Johnson, a thirty year old Jared Goff fan from Los Angeles, who really wanted to make one play as the Rams’ quarterback before ALS completely wrecks his sense of balance and coordination…oooh, that’s rough for Timmy, as it looks like the disease has taken over his movem- wait, I’m being told that Timmy ran his play during practice last week, and that what we just saw was Jared Goff making a really stupid play. Well, that’s good news, as I really didn’t wanna keep making fun of poor Timmy and his condition. Of course, ALS is incurable and Timmy will be dead soon, but to be clear, that bit of graceless failure was perpetrated by Jared Goff and not a diseased invalid. Booger, your thoughts?”

Unsurprised

Riveting story. I laughed. I cried. I came.

SonOfSpam

As long as you came.

Game Time Decision

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back in my day, Buccaneers shot the ravens.
/ties onion to belt

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Fuck Hue, Joboo, I do it myself.

Unsurprised

How many points did the cowboys score? pic.twitter.com/Yk31wZ8P6e

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) December 17, 2018

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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You know what’s more effective around loose balls? Nick Foles’s hog.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Do we…light that on fire?

–Jeff Sessions

LemonJello

Not topping this one. Moving on…

nomonkeyfun

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The Bowlen family isn’t as confused as the Bronco defense.

nomonkeyfun

Or you know, the Broncos offense. I may have CTE.

Unsurprised

Another victim the NFL is trying to silence.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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No one dances more embarrassingly than Captain Dingleberry

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie purple case of instant C-T-E

Unsurprised

This rules.

nomonkeyfun

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Now these are the LA Rams I grew up with.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Joe Flacco’s wife feels tingly all of a sudden

nomonkeyfun

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“She showed us her tits!!!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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These guys do the YMCA like Christian Hackenburg throws passes

Game Time Decision

unintended Village People/YMCA double shot joke

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Disturbed minds and all

Game Time Decision

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The non-union replacements for the Village People really need to work on their choreography.

Game Time Decision

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I guess the tree doesn’t fall in the forest

Game Time Decision

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I assume they think the season is over and are cheering to not have to endure any more pain

Unsurprised

It’s shocking how few of them are giving the double middle fingers salute.

LemonJello

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“THESE JETS FANS I CALL THE IRAQI AIR FORCE BECAUSE THEY’RE FULL OF SOUND AND FURY BUT DO FUCK-ALL WHEN IT COUNTS!”