Your “Womb for one more? Of course!” Saturday Night Football Open Thread

I’ve been in this doctoring game for some time but I’d never seen a patient like this one. She explained that she’d been through three other physicians before me and that I had been highly recommended by someone in her Bible study group. Her name was Tiffany R. and she lived in a small community by the name of Stepford, California.

“Why come to me?”, I asked, more than a little curious as to the answer. “The others, they’re all tired. I wore them out”, she replied. Her smile was genuine, it seemed. But those eyes, I’ll never forget those eyes. They were blue but god, there was a great deal of pain in there. You could just tell that she’d been through so much and was trying hard to make the best of a very difficult situation. My heart went out to her.

I didn’t realize the full extent of the hell on earth she was enduring until her third visit. I was on the phone trying to give my wife some good news. You see, I had entered a best ball golf tournament and as luck would have it our team squeaked out the lowest score. The reception was quite patchy wherever my wife was at the time and I nodded to Tiffany to take a seat in my office. The third time trying to get through was a charm but I had to yell out quite loudly, “HONEY, WE WON THE GAME!”. What happened next was the stuff that nightmares are made of.

As soon as Tiffany R. heard those words a glazed look came over her face and she started unbuttoning her blouse. I sat there, my jaw, as they say, dropped open and I was speechless. “That’s wonderful”, she uttered, without a hint of emotion. She lay down on the floor and spread her legs open. “I’m ready now”, she said, and I noticed a single tear running down her cheek. I quickly took off my coat and covered her up. “TIFFANY! TIFFANY!” That finally broke the spell. She cried for 45 minutes as I held her in my arms. “Make it stop, make it stop”, she said over and over again as she clutched her knees and rocked her body back and forth.

What kind of bastard would do this? I never saw her again. My guess is her husband discovered what happened and sent her off to someone else. I checked her contact info but her cell number had been changed. I think about her quite a bit. How she gathers the strength to get up every day, waiting, wondering how and when she’ll be ‘triggered’ by that beast of a man…

TO THE GAME!

RAVENS/BOLTS:

I just hope I can get back in time from a family obligation to see most of this. Should be a good one.

My trigger word is ‘shenanigans’.

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Spur
King Hippo

brilliant song, brilliant band

Sharkbait

Well that was unexpected.

King Hippo

yeah, I was just congratulating myself for not starting LAMAR!

Spur

a forward pass?

Horatio Cornblower

Good lord.
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King Hippo

RATBIRDS WOO!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Champ just got jobbed by the judges. F-bombs a-flyin’ on national TV in the post-fight press conference.

Cannot believe anyone thought that was a good idea.

King Hippo

Is Joe Flacco a Elite Second String QB??

King Hippo

FUCKING RATBIRDS

Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait

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Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Always nice to count how many n-bombs you can hear during live discussions from boxing cornermen.

King Hippo

Ratio of soft “uh”s to hard “er”s?

Horatio Cornblower

Only one, but hard r.

Petronel

Right now is when Trans-Siberian Orchestra (live, lights and all) needs to kick in behind these guys.

herodotus450

“As long as they stick to their rightful bathroom they can do whatever they want”

rockingdog
Horatio Cornblower

Would’ve been good from 62.

King Hippo

those two misses saved my money league side 12 points!

Horatio Cornblower

Kate Abdo is playing the part of the sideline reporter for this boxing match.
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Looks like she knows how to cut weight.

King Hippo

I expected they’d kneel

King Hippo

Hooray, saved my first half GAMBLOR!!

Horatio Cornblower

One of the fighters I’m watching is a cousin of Antonio Gates, of the NFL.

Did you know that Gates played basketball in college?

litre_cola

Did he go to Harvard like Ryan Fitzpatrick?

Horatio Cornblower

Judging from the head-butting going on he strikes me as having the boorish manners of a Yalie.

Unsurprised

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King Hippo

That’s pathetic

litre_cola

Reminds me of all of my teenage trysts.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. “Teenage”

litre_cola

Whisky dick is an amazing thing!

Horatio Cornblower

Whisky Dick would be a great name for a wrestler whose schtick was ending all his matches prematurely.

rockingdog

bahahahaha

Horatio Cornblower

You know a guy is committed to a career as a professional boxer when his tattoos come up over his neck and around his ears.

Brick Meathook

Did anyone else just see a law firm commercial who want clients with “gangrene of the genitals?”

rockingdog

bahahaha

Petronel

Those free initial consultations must be kinda awkward.

King Hippo

Tough second date conversation, too

Brick Meathook

I swear this was a real thing

rockingdog

What you all drinkin tonite?
I’m sippin a nice Ballast Point Sculpin…

Sharkbait

Manhattan.

Petronel

Sharing with the two year old, or does s/he get his/her own?

Sharkbait

No. Parents frowned on that idea

Game Time Decision

Local craft beer, “Brockoberfest”. It’s 6.1% ABV so got a bit of a punch

Horatio Cornblower

I just had a chocolate milkshake.

Unsurprised

Starbucks?

Mr. Ayo

VODKA

litre_cola

A lovely red from Burgenland in Austria.

King Hippo

Your great-grandpappy was right. #TheVeerWorks

King Hippo

really need the first down, then TD

Mr. Ayo

Shitty Clippers can’t stop a nosebleed.

King Hippo

/insert LA cocaine joke

Sharkbait

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Petronel

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Horatio Cornblower

Nice suit.

Game Time Decision

Mr. Potter

King Hippo

could you imagine the shittasrophe that would follow if Clippers du Merde had homefield the entire AFC slate?

King Hippo

perhaps we really COULD see the games moved to Wichita! Order extra nutmeg…

Wakezilla

In BC with racist family. I’ve been told that the NFL is still having horrible ratings because Kaepernick is still playing in the league.

Yes, they watch Fox News, why do you ask?

/Drinks aren’t cutting it at the moment

King Hippo

pills, mah brother. PILLS!

Game Time Decision

Just block the channel. They’ll never figure out how to undo it

Unsurprised

That’s an impressive level of ignorance.

Sharkbait

Oh. So that’s where Cyrus Jones ended up.

Brick Meathook

The Goodyear blimp’s mooring station is about 500 yards from StubHub Center
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Mr. Ayo

#BlimpWorthy

Brick Meathook

How the fuck does a blimp knock over a steel tower? Plus, is that thing like four times the size of the Hindenburg? FAKE

King Hippo

Still like the decision to go for it.

Spur

Lamar gets a acl/mcl tear by season end? I cringe when I see him spin

Mr. Ayo

Some people have all the luck.

–D. Snyder

King Hippo

Should benefit the team running the veer?

Seriously, this stadium situation is beyond ridiculous, and Clippers du Merde should have been forced to play all 16 games in the opponent’s stadium (as is often the de facto case anyway).

Spur

The Oakland Chargers?

Spur

Good commercial to remind everyone, Army invaded Houston today and took all it’s oil.

Spur

Action Jackson

litre_cola

Scotchy that was quite the intro, I guess the Northern Ontario hobo population can sleep well tonight.

King Hippo

As someone who (i) wants the Chefs to stay on the 1 line so NE does nae ruin the Owl again, and (ii) has $50 on Ratbirds to win the half, and another $50 to win the game; and (iii) fuck the Yinzers…

WOO!!!! PRAISE BE UNTO BLEERGH

King Hippo

Extra Pissy Laserface!

rockingdog

kind of psyched to see these pot shops opening up here in New England….. cool!

King Hippo

OPI so obvious, even an NFL ref could see it.

Sharkbait

Sister in law, husband and their 2 year old have arrived and are staying over tonight. It’s acceptable to give a 2 year old a Manhattan to make them fall asleep right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As long as it’s made with rail bourbon

litre_cola

No top shelf stuff if you don’t have a job.

Brick Meathook

Add a little chocolate milk to it

Spur

That kick is headed towards Long Beach

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Marty Morniwheg thinks it’s the 60s and he’s in Hanoi

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That intro, scotchy, wow

King Hippo

scotchy is quite the creative, disturbing writer!

Petronel

JESUS CHRIST LAMAR WTF

King Hippo

/redux

rockingdog

im really hoping rivers throws 2 more INT’s…..

Spur

Got a bottle of casamigos for the Xmas party. Am not big on tequila but I’ll try this

Brick Meathook

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Spur

Tequila is like riot punch for me

Spur

Ravens like the smokey conditions, reminds them of home

King Hippo

hey, who set CA on fire again?

Petronel

Huh. Laserface-guidance perhaps a bit wonky.

Mr. Ayo

Even Pitino was impressed.

Mr. Ayo

The pitch looks splendid for this fixture.

Brick Meathook

It’s Christmas break so there haven’t been any P.E. classes on it.

Spur

Folks

Brick Meathook

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Petronel

Making Communion more fun!

(But when does that become wine?)

Brick Meathook

Keep watching (but you have to believe)