Today was the first day back at school, and I arrived afflicted with the planet’s deadliest plague –
The Man Cold.
I bravely soldiered on, yet was not lauded by my colleagues for strength in the face of adversity. So, tomorrow I’m coughing right into the coffee pot.
NFL News: Hippo’s got you covered with a Sunday rundown, so I’ll sweep up the garbage
- Well, people have ‘got’ Cody Parkey’s back:
- Philadelphia idiots have been sending money to “Cody Parkey” through Venmo as a thank-you for missing the kick.
- Leading enterprising Illinoisans to set up fake Parkey accounts so they get the money instead.
- the All-22 has “proof” Eagles DB Treyvon Hester got his mitt on the kick, which – although slight – might have had enough effect to change the spin rotation.
- Philadelphia idiots have been sending money to “Cody Parkey” through Venmo as a thank-you for missing the kick.
All-22 footage clearly shows Treyvon Hester got a piece of Cody Parkey’s final FG attempt vs. Eagles. pic.twitter.com/kAZdjdXug4
— Nick Shook (@TheNickShook) January 7, 2019
Deadspin has the Spanish call of the kick, and it’s delightful.
- Also excited about the Bears loss? The Raiders.
- The Bears, by virtue of record, were slotted into the #24 spot in the 2019 Draft, which is the Raiders’ pick from the Khalil Mack trade.
- If Dallas craps out this weekend, their pick that belongs to the Raiders would be 25th or 26th, depending on how the Eagles do.
- Who’s up for some Monday beef?
- Chargers OL Russell Okung claims Roger Goodell doesn’t want them to win, saying “Roger Goodell doesn’t want us to come home.”
- The Broncos are blocking teams from interviewing Gary Kubiak for available Offensive coordinator positions.
- Bears DC Vic Fangio has turned down the Dolphins, but will interview with the Broncos for their Head Coaching position.
Finally, more will likely come out tomorrow, but it appears the Packers have made their coaching decision already.
The #Packers are hiring former #Titans OC Matt LaFleur as their new head coach, source said. ESPN on it first. They’ve made the first hire.
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) January 7, 2019
All that remains is the inevitable recriminations & hand-wringing about the Rooney Rule.
Tonight’s main attraction:
- College Football Playoff National Championship:
- Clemson vs. Alabama – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
Based on the internet, there’s way more hate for Alabama
than Clemson
Most Clemson hate seems to come from Gamecock fans, because ‘bama fans have other concerns, or don’t care about opinions east of their state. This game (sigh) should go Saban’s way if only because of all the key players Clemson had suspended before the Cotton Bowl.
I do enjoy the fact that the trophy they’re playing for
looks like someone mashed together a Georgia O’Keeffe (thanks Sharkbait)
& a Mark Rothko.
It’s the college football equivalent of watching the Patriots & Steelers play, because each fanbase thinks the rest of the country is against them & that they’re hard done by, yet have been the two most successful programs in the last 10 years. They are both led by insufferable head coaches, for whom the process is everything and they are the true stars. The organizations preach team above all-else, and that their model of efficiency it the true test of their commitment to excellence. The only difference is that the college players aren’t paid.
Alabama & Clemson, much like the Steelers & Patriots, and their fans, can go jump off a fucking cliff. This game should end in a tie due to accidental release of tear gas in the stadium.
Tonight’s other sports:
- NHL:
- Blues at Flyers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Kings at Sharks – 10:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- WWE:
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- They are bringing back Hogan, Ric Flair & others for a Mean Gene celebration.
- Please enjoy this classic WWF bit with Mean Gene & Randy Savage.
- They are bringing back Hogan, Ric Flair & others for a Mean Gene celebration.
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
WHATCHA GONNA DO?!
4th and goal? Fake another field goal!
One summer when I lived in Charleston SC I had a girlfriend who was a Clemson student. She was a committed one too: Delta Delta Delta sorority, justice on the student supreme court, went to get her MBA. I fucked the hell out of her that summer. No complaints heard.
Is that the one that caused your advanced syphilitic brain lesions?
No that was the gal from Connecticut who went to College of Charleston.
Leave my cousin out of this.
She has and can be shared….. we are watch ‘bama get fucked after all.
Tri-Delta – everyone else has!
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
“Delta Delta Delta – May I help ya help ya help ya!”
I learned that from her.
Are you sure she wasn’t just yelling for help? Are you Brett Kavanaugh?
I love stories with a happy ending.
Does Clemson have a Cancer-Having Kid in the stands? Because this is starting to remind me of that OSU-Purdue game earlier this season.
Best conference in College Football, everybody.
Yalta was better.
That’s a deep cut, but I was expecting more of a Dumbarton Oaks from the likes of you.
Sorry, going for low-hanging fruit at this point. Like the Dungy kid.
I got the Dumbarton Oaks reference. I used to live a block from there.
Well, like him you have to swing for the fence.
or just with the wind, either way.
For, from, whatever.
Toward the fence from the tree. or was it from the bridge? I can’t remember.
Alabama will blame Doug Jones
The Clemson qb was great in Dazed and Confused.
I keep getting older, but these quarterbacks just stay the same…..
“Dabo, you got a joint?”
“Ah, no, not on me, Trevor.”
“It’d be a lot cooler if you did.”
“You gonna be fucking that cheerleader tonight, or are you gonna be a little wimp? ”
“How do you know I haven’t already? I mean, I’ve fucked the Bama secondary all night. “
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Good thing about playing bama is our score keeps going up and Alabama’s stays the same.
Yours is more relevant.
“I love to see a young quarterback”
Wow. Kirk Herbstreit turned into Jerry Sandusky so gradually I hardly noticed.
Has this quarterback ever been in a grown up locker room? Say a spa?
Does he like gladiator movies?
How about a “Turkish” Bath House, my friend?
Its a good thing I watched “Airplane” or else I would be really uncomfortable right now.
I’m a little hard too.
Dabo to Arizona Cardinals
No way he’s taking that kind of pay cut.
Holy shit, this Ross kid is amazing. (Unlike the Friends character who is a waste of oxygen)
But is story arc with the monkey was amazing!
In that it encouraged me to hunt monkeys to extinction.
I’d much rather hunt Schwimmers to extinction.
Well, this kid is MUCH more accurate on all the throws.
Ross seems to be moving up the draft board.
That catch was insane.
hole ee sheet
Few more tds and Saban will be a mix of Urban Meyer and Fred Sanford
Peppermint Patty is a pretty good qb
“Nice catch, Chuck. Let’s go 69 Marcie.”
I mean, fuck Dabo, but, that was a sweet catch.
How many Award Shows do we really need? Is everyone in Show Business that conceited and in need of vindication?
Only country “music” has more award shows.
Stephen Paddock should have a Greatest Hits album.
I mean…duh.
An insecure bunch who traded dignity on a casting couch with a random Weinstein.
Satan needs to hurry this up. Am getting sleepy.
Based on the comments below am I to assume the Tide is not, in fact, rolling?
The Tide is, in fact, out.
Call me deacon blues
Saban’s gonna need a Steely Dan to relax tonight.
(It’s a dildo. Steely Dan is a dildo.)
Am I too late? Has Sabin killed someone on the sideline yet? Because I can hit YouTube.
Bears fans triggered.
STOP GIVING BEARS FANS PTSD FLASHBACKS
Looks like the Bears have found their next kicker.
Dude!
Dude.
Dude?
DOINK DOINK DOINK LOLOLOLOLOLOL
DOINKS FOR ALL!!!
What’s the old saying?
“You could shove a lump of coal up Nick Saban’s asshole right now and he’d shit out a diamond.”
How much do I gotta pay? I’ll pay like $20.
I’ll match that.
Ok, and can I have first shove? (assuming cock does the shoving)
I can see that you feel strongly about this
I already have a GoFundMe page active.
Can we ban Dr. Pepper from every running a commercial again?
Only if you murder the 2 Sonic guys.
One of those guys is Mike Pence on The President Show.
careful that’s a hate crime in most states now.
What if I legitimately hate them for their commercials, instead of their unspoken but oh-so-clear love?
It’s like you’re baiting me to admit I love those commercials.
GO AWAY, BAITIN.
Now, now. I’m in favor of them electrocuting Les MIles.
Can this QB go NFL now?
One more quarter first please
Dabo is not someone I want to see happy
Saban just stopped a hole in the ground like Rumplestiltskin. Kidnapping also his recruiting method
BAH GAWD THAT’S JALEN HURTS’ MUSIC
He literally broke the defender’s ankle on that move.
Maybe the kid figures he won’t get defenestrated by Satan if he’s already incapacitated.
That’s Pragueressive thinking.
(fuck stop with the puns asshole)
That thought crossed my mind. You get beat that bad, fake a hamstring.
+1 defenestrate. I learned that word from Calvin & Hobbes
wow. what happened? the DB fell down?
Non-contact, which is never good. Prolly not Hurns-level, but not good either.
This game is pretty cool.
Hahahahaha
Clemson’s D on the fake FG:
Well that was fucking stupid. Everyone knows it is Fake Fieldgoal #2, never fails.
Nick Saban as bad as faking it as his wife is
Saban sees his wife for like four minutes a year, and then it’s just for a handshake and to hand over her settlement money.
And has hired assistant watch footage of their honeymoon just in case
Somehow that transaction results in Mrs. Phillip Rivers getting pregnant.
I grew up next to Arlington Cemetery and the Pentagon, and served five miserable years in the U.S. Navy and I say:
FUCK THE TROOPS
BallsofSteel is that a porn genre? #askanexpert
Rule 34.
18 years AF dependent, 4 year USN active duty, 20 years as an AF civil service, and I echo your sentiment.
I didn’t serve so unfortunately I can’t agree.
Thank you both for your service.
/rolls eyes
I was in the KISS Army. WHERE’S MY FUCKING PARADE???
Kids In Satan’s Service!!!
Fuck yeah fellow old man.
FUCK YOU, CITIZEN
To be fair, I have no issue with the troops, but fuck their decision-makers. War Pigs is the best hippie song ever.
Hating generals is easy. Hate the troops, that’s where it’s at, bro. Wear your American Legion hat for maximum effect.
Holy shit…Clemson had most of their guys way off the line. Stupid fake call. Woulda been better off punting.
not like that
What a terrible play call.
go for it
Army-Navy combining with Chik-Fil-A is perfect, in that they can all bond over their love of the military and fear of gays.
You’re thinking of Air Force.
I prefer to call them “Pre-Space Force”
When I was in the fleet, the go-to phrase was “It’s not gay if you’re underway.”
catch me fuck me’s
But does she say “SHA-ZAM!’??
They’re clearly just reviewing this call so that we can see another 15 minute snippet of Captain Marvel.
Ah yes, another 10 minute break for a review over 2 yards.
but it was a Marvel preview.
I’M NOT HERE TO READ A COMIC BOOK!
I just noticed that Tua is left-handed.
It’s attention to detail like that that has made me the head of recruiting for UConn “football”.
He’s right handed but his tiger-daddy made him throw left handed.
bad spot.
That was a terrible spot. He had the first down easily.
If you want “twitchy” pass rushers you really need to focus on recruiting in southern Ohio, West Virginia and eastern Kentucky.
Banner this man.
I’m almost certain they could have finished this game during that halftime.
The super powerful Executive Producer of all the Marvel franchise movies was a production intern at the company I first worked at in Hollywood 20 years ago. I’m still doing the same job and giving hand jobs down at the docks to make ends meet.
So you’re saying he’s jealous?
She
Kevin Feige’s a she?
Don’t judge.