2018 Quotables – Pro Bowl Weekend (Submissions)

Welcome to Quoteables, where our ELITE team of professional Commentists have been hand selected to meet in Hawaii Orlando (at least it’s not Phoenix!) to crack wise on the images you see below. They truly are the best of the best (minus those commenting in the Superb Owl, those who may be injured or those that just didn’t feel like it) as the the Alcohol Football Commentists take on the Narcotics Football Commentists to battle it out in a no holds barred contest of divisional supremacy*! I am your host, Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, continuing to fill in for our own Blaxabbath, who at this point, I can only assume has been deported for having a tan.

Following The Big Game™ next week could be the last edition of Quoteables until we reach the Draft. Take advantage of this top shelf #content now while you can, because the horizon is looming and it is getting daaaark. Enjoy, comment responsibly and remember to tip your GIF generators (and yes, beer is a kind of tip.)

*No, no one said that. Get the fuck out of here!

h/t to Unsurprised for saving me a step

Do they teach that at Princeton? Ah, yes they do.

#probowl

DOINK is about more than just goal posts, you guys

“We replaced Mitch with Nathan Peterman. Let’s see if anyone notices!”

To be fair, Witten doesn’t have experience lifting a trophy

[Banner image via]

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.
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Mouth Flies Open: Lucky Number 7 – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] so how about that Pro Bowl? What a display of competence and competition! What’s that you say? The Pro Bowl was and […]

Redshirt

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“They’ll never be able to air what Coach Garrett did to that football after this GIF ended.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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The only other times I have seen Jason Garrett look this way is when he is contemplating invoking his droit de seigneur.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DEEP CUT!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Such soft tackling of a Patriot is usually only seen when they play against the Jets.

...

Extremely cursed image:
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Petronel

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“Roughing the passer. Fifteen yards, automatic first down.”

“That’s not Brady, you idiots! Damn referees.”

ref puts on glasses

“Whoops, our bad. He’s actually more mobile than Brady, isn’t he?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Should have stuck with barrel making

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ANOTHER DEEP CUT!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Von Miller’s passing clinic sucked

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Game Time Decision

I’m thinking that how the trophy got brokencomment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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You should see what he does to Georgia O’Keefe paintings

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

VAG!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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My five point plan to lay out all New England Patriots could have kept Aaron Hernandez on the straight and narrow.

Enrico Pallazzo

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He’s got my Hall Of Fame vote.

Game Time Decision

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This is what loosing two weeks in a row looks like

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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If I can smile through listening to Jerry Jone’s bullshit, I can smile through anything.

Although, I must say, I haven’t seen a smile that forced since the last time Melania had to publicly welcome the Cheeto Benito back from a trip.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Well, there is your problem, it looks like the trophy was sponsored by GMC (and from the looks of it, made by them as well).

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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It’s like alternative history – an Adams taking out the Patriots.

(tried to come up with a reverse tea party joke, but just couldn’t do it)

nomonkeyfun

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“.. / .-.. .. -.- . / – .. – – .. . …”

nomonkeyfun

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The NFL invests the same amount of attention to the Pro Bowl as the fans.

Game Time Decision

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What football will be like in 20 years
/aka flag football

ballsofsteelandfury

20?

SonOfSpam

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“Now see, right here he’s gonna try to lift the trophy from the top, but the glue used by the NFL is only 5 pound weight-tested, so the top’s gonna pop right off. Then the players will be surprised, they’ll all try to cobble it together and save face.”

– Tony Romo, watching the game at home, 10 minutes before this happened

nomonkeyfun

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/Thinking
“I can’t even win an inconsequential Bowl Game. But, I’m a Princeton man, I deserve a 10 year extension and a raise. It is my right after all.”

SonOfSpam

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Wearing the unfamiliar uniform had caused Amari to forget he was not voted in as a Raider.

nomonkeyfun

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“See I told you he wasn’t a real grinder. Look how ‘hard’ he plays in the Pro Bowl.”

-JG, no the other one.

SonOfSpam

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“Mmm, yes…slicing up the eyeballs of that hobo and serving them on a bed of his liver and rice pilaf was the perfect meal to prepare me for this abortion of a game. Perhaps I’ll have Muffy read to me tonight while she severs his foot tendons.”

Petronel

…Scotchy?

Omigawd, guys, he’s gone ginger!

nomonkeyfun

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MAGAs: “Deport the n—,”
/realizes they are around people of color bigger than them.
“Nice young fella to the nearest out of business bookstore chain. He-he, none of those people will get what I mean. Hey Wifey-Sister, go get mah gunz.”

Don T

Re, LCSS’s comment on the Witten one: 🏆

SonOfSpam

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Damn, I haven’t seen a cosplaying Patriot take a hit like that since Rand Paul pissed off his neighbor.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HERE WE GO!