[DFO] Hate Week Presents: The New England Patriots – An Open Thread (Of Hate)

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Welcome to the second day of the Third Annual DFO Hate Week™, brought to you by the Quincy Market, the USS Constitution, and Boston drivers – where road rage is for both in front of & behind the wheel.

   

I could easily just repost my Hate Week articles from 2017 or 2018, but I care enough to try and bring original hate each season,

but forgive me if it does come off as repetitive.


The 2018 New England Patriots.

They fooled us all. They finished with an 11-5 record, and lost games to the Lions (6-10), Jaguras (5-11), Dolphins (7-9), Titans (9-7) & Steelers (9-6-1). When they lost, they looked bad

and it gave all of us hope. Hope that this might finally be the end of the Patriots dynasty. That we could look forward to February football and not have the spectre of this

staring back at us from our TV screens.

But our arrogance belied our fears. Misplaced faith in false prophets

led to the worship of false gods

as possible harbingers of the end of (Patriots) days. In that we were all swindled by Him, the Great Deceiver. It brings to mind ancient words that hearken as true today as they did then:

**grumble grumble**

If we were wise, against so great a foe
Contending, and so doubtful what might fall.
I laugh, when those who at the Spear are bold
And vent’rous, if that fail them, shrink and fear
What yet they know must follow, to endure
Exile, or ignominy, or bonds, or pain,
The sentence of thir Conquerour: This is now
Our doom; which if we can sustain and bear,
Our Supream Foe in time may much remit
His anger, and perhaps thus farr remov’d
Not mind us not offending, satisfi’d
With what is punish’t; whence these raging fires
Will slack’n, if his breath stir not thir flames.

Paradise Lost – Book II; 202-214

Thus, it is just as much our fault that the Patriots are once again in “The Big Game”. We worshipped the false gods that promised us salvation, yet proved inept at fulfilling said promises, hurling us headlong flaming from the ethereal sky with hideous ruin and combustion down to bottomless perdition, there to dwell in adamantine chains and penal fire, in a dungeon horrible, where peace and rest can never dwell, and hope never comes; torture without end.

Until He retires.


There are still records for Tom Brady to achieve, mainly in the regular season, since he owns most of the postseason QB records. He may never catch Drew Brees in regular season passing yards, but both of them are within distance of Peyton Manning’s 539 career regular season touchdowns – Brees 520; Brady 517. He could also catch Doug Flutie for the most rushing yards (212), and the most rushing touchdowns (4), for any player after turning 40 years old.

He better not fucking touch this.

And if you think he’s not sticking around until he can hold every conceivable record, then you’ve forgotten about Spygate Brady & Deflategate Brady. That’s the Brady that’s still playing into his 40s. This underdog persona bullshit world only he lives in is the true mystique. How he fails to recognize his place in the pantheon of NFL QBs is what drives a significant amount of hatred towards him.

From Sporting News

I don’t think we’re asking him to roll into town wearing his rings on his dick, but it would be refreshing once in a fucking while to hear him say something along the lines of, “Y’know, I’ve had a pretty good run,” or such.

It would let people know that he gets it, and not just act like the random cog in the Bill Belichick coaching machine he says he is. But Gisele & Bill have done such a masterful job cuckolding him that his default setting is “sub”.

Exhibit A

And I think that’s what makes trying to appreciate his achievements maddening. He wants us to believe he doesn’t believe he’s been that good.


Even hating Brady & the Patriots – let’s face it, outside of Gronk & Edelman, the Pats are a faceless bunch – has become a routine February exercise. Deadspin today opined, “Hate The Patriots For The Right Reason”. And within five keystrokes I found enough back & forth on the issue to lead me to only one conclusion: Why can’t they just fuck right off?

Actually, that’s too simple a request. Because it requires ignoring a basic fact: the rest of the AFC East has been absolute dogshit the entire time. Think about it – if any other team had been able to consistently able to challenge the Patriots, Belichick would have had to tinker with the formula enough that Brady wouldn’t be Brady. Think for a minute about the quarterbacks Bill Belichick has flushed since he got to New England:

  • Drew Bledsoe
  • Damon Huard (2001-03)
  • Rohan Davey (2002-04)
  • Matt Cassel (2005-08)
  • Doug Flutie (2005)
  • Vinny Testaverde (2006)
  • Bryan Hoyer (2009-11; 2017-18)
  • Ryan Mallet (2011-13)
  • Jimmy Garappolo (2014-17)
  • Jacoby Brissett (2016)

Leaving aside the two guys at the end of their careers, which of these guys have succeeded once freed of the Patriots? If more opponents played like Bernard Pollard instead of Breeland Speaks, Belichick might have had to rely on his backups more often, and that would also have changed the New England dynamic.

But they haven’t been challenged within their own division enough, so they have had the ability to focus on defeating their Conference opponents every season. The Steelers have had to contend with their own division and the Patriots. The Manning-era Colts had to deal with their own division and the Patriots. “On to Cincinnati” means more than just moving on from a loss; it means focusing on opponents you need to prepare for, because you know the guaranteed wins you have in your pocket/division. And that’s what makes it so easy to hate Bill Belichick: he hasn’t been challenged for the throne.

As much as I want to hate Belichick & the Patriots, I have to rationally put equal hate into the incompetence that has been the Dolphins, Bills & Jets. But since their season strategies seem to be hoping this is the year the Patriots fail, why engage in hopeful thinking about poor management.  They haven’t been worth the time, so why start now?


In conclusion, this year’s Patriots are the same guys we’ve hated on in previous years. The only consistency has been at quarterback and head coach. The rest of the team are interchangeable pieces which serve only to compliment the master plan, which is to win – in a pattern so routine that it’s that routine which has become the most hate-able aspect of the Patriots dynasty. Wes Welker could show up all Molly’d out on game day thinking he’s at the Kentucky Derby,

and Belichick would have a strategy already in place to avoid the drug test and then get him 6 catches for 40 yards. Yesterday we discussed what is driving fans away from the league. Outside of New England, it’s the Patriots. Until they get bad again, over a consistent period, no one will ever really believe they are out.

So – for the good of the league, I repeat this same belief I’ve expounded every year, with every ounce/gram of honesty I can muster:

Fuck the Patriots.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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bk109Moose -The End Is Well NighRikki-Tikki-DeadlyBrick MeathookALXMAC Recent comment authors
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

dang this thing just keeps on going. it’s not bad though.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

yeah right

When I first moved to the midwest from California, about 1980? We moved into a house in Moline Illinois and We didn’t even realize we had a fence around our backyard because there was so much fucking snow.

I’m not belittling you poor bastards that are living through this cold shit I’m telling you that it’s survivable.

And I’m also reminding you why I live in California now.

Lowest known temp was -29 outside the Milan cinemas in January 1981 give our take.

Fuck that.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

September?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Well, it’s a price I can’t afford so from her perspective; yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I went from the west side to downtown to Pasadena and then back to the west side today. Is that the LA equivalent of completing the Oregon Trail? Or do I have to go down to Huntington Beach?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If you drove yes, if it was a limo, no. If it was public transportation you have done the impossible.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

On a weekday? That’s a pretty good voyage.

yeah right

You have go to Pomona.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I genuinely don’t even know where that is.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

herodotus450
herodotus450

yeah right

Russ Meyers is a god.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Why can’t the busybodies of society do some good and shame the major sprots leagues into eliminating the term “blackout.” It’s offensive is what it is.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

In this climate?
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rockingdog
rockingdog

last funny:

me: are you cool?

my armpit: good to go

me: you sure? not itchy?

my armpit: oh come on, I’m fine

me: promise me

my armpit: dude I promise

me:

my armpit:

me: ok *puts on long sleeve shirt, coat, scarf, and starts driving*

my armpit: you’re not gonna believe this

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Flyers beat the Rags 1-0, meaning hell is somewhere in the midwest.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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It felt good, though.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Sometimes ya just gotta do it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Fun fact: This comes up when you search for “KILL KILL KILL”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Russ Meyer; an American Hero.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Army Signal Corps field photographic unit
European Theater of Operations
Russ Meyer, center (with mustache behind motion picture camera)

“World War II was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”
-Russ Meyer

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Not me.”

-Tens of millions

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

“There’s winners and there’s losers.”
– F.D.R.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought he was OK with Jews.

herodotus450
herodotus450

White pants at this time of the month? Brave.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Daniel Bryan turned heel and is now doing a shitty white vegan gimmick, and tonight, he threw out the WWE championship due to it being bound to the skin of a dead cow (Daisy he named her. Daisy died for Vince’s gaudy symbol. RIP Daisy.) and unveiled a new 100% Organic Sustainable Hemp Vegan Belt, and folks, I kind of dig it.
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

No way! I gotta check out this brochure!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well……..

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Is he going to try to smoke it at least?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

so useful!!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I mean, if you read Michael Lewis’s The Fifth Risk, sounds consistent with what NOAA found effective in getting people to listen to warnings based on outcomes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

People are smart.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I had forgotten how much I HAAATE Final Fantasy 7 until Cloud showed up when I started playing Smash Ultimate tonight.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

My favorite is the map where Bahamut randomly fucks you up

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

what would Steve Buscemi and Jennifer Lawrence combined look like?

https://twitter.com/MikaelThalen/status/1090349932266094593

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d doooo eeeet.

SonOfSpam

RAMMMMMMMIT 4 LYFE (or until they leave again whatevs)

litre_cola

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“[TEAM] 4 LYFE (or until they’re bad again whatevs)”

LA’s sports culture in a single sentence.

SonOfSpam

Culture so bad, your team moved here.

And now you have no team.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

And they have no fans, so, call it a draw where everyone loses?

SonOfSpam

Except the LA Galaxy.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I thought they were mad because the Spanoi clan made them get rid of the bleacher seats and now they don’t have any cheap tickets available anymore?

SonOfSpam

I mean, maybe? My LA Galaxy knowledge consists of: They play soccer, Landon Donovan played for them I think, and grifter-extraordinaire company Herbalife is/was a sponsor.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“FACK YOU, SAUX 4 LYFE (OR WHATEVER OTHER TEAM IS GOOD RIGHT NOW, FACK YOU!)”

Boston’s sports culture in a single sentence.

bk109
bk109

Actually it’s “Awww, how cute, you won a trophy. Congrats, lil’ buddy!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well done sir. There is no reason not to hate the Patriots, unless you are a misguided fan of said team.

litre_cola

Have Hippo or Twbs had a rage fit at this NC State game yet?

King Hippo

I can nae believe we battled back and forced OT in the first place. 14 points down to Wahoowa is like 30-35.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

[grocery store seized by terrorists]

“Not today”, I say, tearing the label from a tube of Poppin’ Fresh Dough and rolling it down the aisle

SonOfSpam

and penal fire

But enough about Gronk’s offseason…

Gratliff

Presented without context because I do not know what it is:
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I have… questions.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Isn’t that the weirdo who founded Barstool Sports?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are going to have to be much more specific.

rockingdog
rockingdog

sweet! sharks are doing good this season! currently 2nd behind Calgary!
alright!
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Ian Scott McCormick

Off topic, but something I’ve always wanted to put onto the record. My wife has always laughed at the end of Rocky IV, because according to her, the translator does such a shitty job, that everybody who does not speak English would have left the fight absolutely baffled. Here’s the clip:

And here is everything that the translator says:

“Thank you very much. When I came out this evening to this ring. I thought I didn’t like them either. During this fight I saw that a lot has changed. And I felt that you changed also. And I think it’s better than twenty million dollars. I think every one of us can change. And you can change. Everyone can change.

Merry Christmas, guy.”

Maybe they’re cheering for him because they think he’s severely mentally handicapped? Not “Rocky Balboa” mentally handicapped, but I Am Sam type challenged.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The last half of Rocky IV, from the training montage through the end of the fight, is just some first-class visual cinema story telling. It really is well done. And it’s fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Unfortunately the story, writing, and acting are terrible. Maybe fortunately, because it is funny at this point.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

No, Moose, I think the story, writing, and acting at this point is perfect. Every cliche is pulled out, and done very well.

Game Time Decision

Well reasoned hate. With multiple points and references. Me likey

Gratliff

You can tell Rob Gibson is uncomfortable with being booked on a Janela show by the way he’s side-eyeing Ricky Morton in the promo pic.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am in Solvang for work. It’s nice here.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You sir, are but a stones throw from Firestone Walker’s fantastic barrel aging facility/pub and Figueroa Mountain Brewing. If you don’t already have drinking plans, you do now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We drove by it earlier today, but tonight’s plans involve beef and wine and no DUIs so not in the cards.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Windmills!

Gratliff

Hearing the Rags have a Bulgarian in net tonight

WCS

Have our friends north of the border frozen in place yet?

Game Time Decision

It starts tonight and should be around until Friday.
/Bundle up campers, it’s cold out there.
//Its cold out there every day

Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

What is this? Miami Beach?

Redshirt

Cincinnati is closing everything with -20 to -30 wind chills. Meanwhile, Chicago is seeing the forecast for -50+ wind chills and is grabbing a sweatshirt to go with tomorrow’s outfit.

Horatio Cornblower

“Windchill isn’t a thing for anyone smart enough to put on a goddamn jacket.”
-My Dad, making me walk to school

Gratliff

“Bullshit.” – Wind

Gratliff

North of the border? Yukon Territory is rocking warmer temps right now than the midwest.

WCS

So is Antarctica.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Let me know when it gets colder than Mars.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[is reminded of the time he chipped a tooth on a Mars Bar he found in the freezer]

– Andy Reid