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Your “Yay – League Bureaucracy Will Keep Me Engaged” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL News:

  • The NFL has published its list of all 338 Combine invitees.
    • The Combine starts February 26th in Indianapolis, once they sweep the place for any remaining Irsay-strength “medicine”.
  • The Chiefs are trying to keep Patrick Mahomes from Jeff Kent-ing himself and have prohibited him from playing offseason basketball.
    • They see it as protecting their investment, although – as Richard Sherman opined – if he doesn’t have a specific clause about off-field activities in his contract, they are SOL unless Mahones chooses to play along.

  • Prior to the Combine, there are two other important February Tuesdays in the League year:
    • February 12: NFL teams may sign CFL players whose contracts from 2018 have expired.
    • February 19: The beginning of the “Franchise Tag” & Transition Player designation window.
      • Closes March 5th.
      • “The Ballad of Le’Veon Bell” should make this an interesting period. ESPN has some tasty, team-destroying scenarios for you to chew on.
  • Those bastards at ESPN have axed Charles Woodson.
    • One of their most listenable analysts, he will likely be replaced by more Ditka & Keyshawn.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: Jets, Habs, Oilers & Canucks are regional broadcasts
    • Penguins at Panthers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Sharks at Flames – 9:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at Hawks – 7:30PM | TSN
    • Lakers at Celtics – 8:15PM | TNT / Sportsnet360
    • Spurs at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • Cincinnati at Memphis – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Penn State at Ohio State – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • Iowa at Indiana – 9:00PM | ESPN
    • Washington at Arizona – 9:00PM | ESPN2

Seamus has you tomorrow night, so let’s reconvene Saturday night for our first Open Thread of the AAFL season. FEBRUARY FOOTBALL FEVER – CATCH IT! (Unlike most of the receivers.)

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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King Hippo

I still love this so very much:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU3mc0yvRNk

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King Hippo

I hate the lack of real sporting events to keep me sane.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Donald Trump has accidentally told an audience of global religious leaders that America’s greatest accomplishments include the “abolition of civil rights” during the National Prayer Breakfast.

“Since the founding of our nation, many of our greatest strides, from gaining our independence to abolition of civil rights, to extending the vote for women, have been led by people of faith and started in prayer,” the president said on Thursday. “When we open our hearts to faith we fill our hearts with love.”

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Unsurprised

He said the quiet part loud again.

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Wakezilla

People forget that Satan is the first equal rights advocate.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Kinda weird yoga class.

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herodotus450

If I were to make a porn parody of this hockey game, I would probably call it “The Red Wangs vs. Golden Shower Nights.” Not that I’ve put a lot of thought into it.

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Brick Meathook

This is a model kit of a Lunar Module made out of paper:

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http://www.educraftdiversions.org/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=LM%2D5%2D32

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Brick Meathook

It has a 220-page instruction manual for building it.

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herodotus450

If the manual isn’t incorporated as part of the model then frankly I’m unimpressed.

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Brick Meathook

This is a paper model of a full-sized Apollo LM guidance computer keypad. It is made of paper.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kind of reminds me of this old gem from The Onion: https://www.theonion.com/russian-scientists-announce-six-month-delay-in-carving-1819564767

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Petronel

NASA has some much simpler paper spacecraft models as part of their outreach materials.

Years ago, I put together the Galileo and Cassini (the simple one was the only one they had back then) models on a lazy afternoon, to use as props in a public-outreach talk. Nowhere near as complex as these, but they were a lot of fun to do.

(NASA has some damn awesome science outreach and education materials, FWIW.)

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m sure I’ve had higher star counts on deadspin, but I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of a one-two-three punch combination than this sequence: https://deadspin.com/1832413893

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Beerguyrob

That’s impressive follow-up.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The name jackin4beats actually showed up in my feed. Blast from the past.

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Don T

“I hate to turn this into a civics lesson”?!
???
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King Hippo

I was thinking the other day….I have no recollection what my Deadspin handle was. I would have used my old earthlink address to sign up, so no way to find out.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Check in your pants…..

Oh wait, that was a handle for a different website.

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King Hippo

chuh chuh

#LimpAndDisinterested

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BAM!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BAM!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BAM!

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herodotus450

So what makes brown sugar so brown, anyway? Well it’s just regular white sugar mixed with some molasses. But what’s molasses, I hear you cry? It’s just caramelized, gooified sugar. So, brown sugar is just regular sugar mixed with more sugar that took a different route.

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scotchnaut

“You think you’re so smart! You’re no Eisenstein, hombre!”

-Guy Fieri

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

God, wouldn’t it be nice that if for oh, say five minutes should be enough, Guy Fieri turned into On-Fire Guy?

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Beerguyrob

“So, blackfaced?”

– Ralph Northam

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scotchnaut

No one talks about post-Super Bowl snacking. Until now.

I’m currently enjoying “Day of Expiration Date” whole wheat tortillas accompanied by three-day old egg salad.

/I willingly look forward to AOC taxing me 70% over the 10 million I’ll be making this year…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No, it’s 70% of you earn!” – idiots

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scotchnaut

Heard this tune 2 weeks ago-it won’t go away…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpJ3AajaMaQ

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herodotus450

“Wait a second, where are their fighter jets?!”
-Pol Pot after seeing Paul and Wings take the stage
/Because it’s live from Kampuchea, you see

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scotchnaut

“Guh! Don’t explain the punchline! Just let it hang out there for a while and see if someone finds it.”

-M. Hutchence

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Beerguyrob

“Not too long, though. Once they get too old, there’s no more use for them.”

– J. Sandusky

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rockingdog

what is it about the “mic’d up” nfl videos that is so appealing?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“What can you say, it’s just interesting to hear people speaking candidly.” – FSB technician stationed in Helsinki, Finland.

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scotchnaut

I was watching ‘dog rescue’ vids earlier. If you want to feel good about humanity you should take it in. Just don’t think about the lack of humanity that got those dogs into that unbelievably dreadful place initially.

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LemonJello

Well, what the fuck is Chris Foerster supposed to do now? Show up for his night shift at the Stuckey’s off I-95 like he wasn’t waiting for the phone to ring?

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nomonkeyfun

With a resume like that I’m sure he came at a discount. Mike Brown will never let him go.

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rockingdog

found a funny:

I’m always on the hunt for milfs (monkeys in little fedoras)

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Redshirt

Hey, I’m not one to judge another’s person kink.

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scotchnaut

If you look up another’s person kink in the Urban Dictionary it re-directs you to “Lola”. Weird.

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Redshirt

I heard she was a showgirl.

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nomonkeyfun

/runs to haberdasher, buys Stetson

“Whew, I should be safe now.”

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Col. Duke LaCross

Apropos of nothing, I’m about half sick of people glorifying “common sense” as if it’s the end-all-be-all in governance. How about we demand some goddamn next-level thinking from our elected representatives?

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’d recommend fire. That seems to be a big motivator.

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Redshirt

When the bar is set low, this happens. Even the two recently beloved Presidents on both sides have flaws beyond the political.

Reagan: “Too old, memory have been going, to notice his people illegally selling weapons to the same people who took US hostages less than 10 year ago.”
Clinton: “Thought he was smart enough to lie about cheating by debating definition of the third person singular present of ‘be’.”

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nomonkeyfun

Also that a blowjob isn’t sex. Any of you married guys want to suggest that tonight?

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Redshirt

“Yeah!” – J. F. Richmond, VA

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nomonkeyfun

Also, thats what Reagan wanted everyone to think.

https://youtu.be/b5wfPlgKFh8

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Redshirt

This is one of my favorite SNL skits.

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Beerguyrob

A classic.

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blaxabbath

So I’ve been getting up at 2-3a everyday with the mind a racin’. Wife gave me a melatonin last night — I was up at 11:30p. So that was no better. She noticed I was out of bed and gave me half a muscle-relaxer about 2a (maybe?) and I felt trashed until like 1p.

Shit is weird.

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Redshirt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_disorder

Review the list. I recommend the DSPD. Actually I recommend the nonsomnia, but that’s for the lucky bastards who have it.

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blaxabbath

Dang — didn’t know there was so much to this.

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scotchnaut

I wish I had something positive to tell ya. On meds, off meds, working out to exhaustion, slicing hobos, weed…nothing prevents that gotdamn squirrel from racing ’round my brain and keeping me up.

/as per a New Year’s Resolution, yoga is up next
//fingers crossed*
*that’s one of the easier poses, I’m told

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Wakezilla

Let’s make this a controversy. Bob Kraft was at a Miami bar last night, letting commoners, like my idiot friend, touch the Superb Owl.

What’s Kraft doing in Miami when he should be in New England to make sure everyone is doing their job? SMH.

Dynasty. Ovah!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Your friend should have affected a Russian accent and then asked to try on his Super Bowl ring.

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Redshirt

Redshirt’s boss: “Its your turn to write the motivational email that’s going to be sent to every one of our factories nationwide on Friday. It’ll be read by everyone from the CEO down.”
Redshirt: “Why don’t you just save some time and fire me right now.”

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Wakezilla

Remember Triple H’s speach about being greatful for your job (to Roman Reigns)? Just use that

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Beerguyrob

Or Big Show

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77e9kc08d9U

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Wakezilla

Or do New Day. Believe in the power of positivity

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blaxabbath

The Aristocrats!

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Don T

Subject – YOU

Plebes:

No days off!

-Redshirt

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King Hippo

Dear Factory Ppl: We R Going Gay!

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herodotus450

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Col. Duke LaCross

I miss those dudes in the hats.

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scotchnaut

After the Port Arthur Massacre, even finger guns were banned. smgdh

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Unsurprised

This would kill Balls.

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