Ian’s Infinite Nets Week 11 post inspired me to write this post. In his post, he wrote about New York and his relationship to the city without capitalizing it as The City and I thank him greatly for that. Seriously, though, it touched me in different ways as I saw similarities in his experience and the experience of many people here in LA.

Ian wrote about having to leave his neighborhood and what it means to be a New Yorker. This got me thinking about what it means to be in LA, from LA, and leaving LA. As I mentioned in Ian’s post, a close friend of mine was leaving LA (and has since left) to go live in Austin. He is one of many friends that I made here in LA that have left.

This post will try to tell their story. Hopefully it will also explain the city/area/region better for you and help you understand why we don’t give a fuck about the Chargers, why the Rams will never have a true home field advantage, and why the movie “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” manages to encapsulate perfectly what LA is all about.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was the movie that relaunched Robert Downey Jr.’s career after his stint in jail for drug-related offenses. His character comes to LA from New York in hopes of making it in the movie business. Of course, in true LA fashion, he ends up doing something else and creates a whole different life for himself.

That was the story for the bulk of the close friends that I made in the 90s. Well, except for the jail thing. They all were from different places, but they all came here to succeed in showbusiness. They all ended up doing something else too.

I, like most people in LA (and probably NY) was not born here. I was born in Mexico City. Thanks to my dad’s white collar job, we flew here on a jet plane and went through the long process to become naturalized US citizens. I’ve been in LA for almost 39 years.

I’m still not considered a Native.

I only have one relatively close friend that I know was born in the greater Los Angeles area. He is my brother’s best friend. He now lives on the Westside after having grown up in the Pasadena area. Yes, that’s all considered LA.

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A Geography Lesson

New York is easy to define. There are five boroughs: Queens, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Staten Island, and The Bronx.

Anything or anyone living outside those coloured lines does not live in New York. Period.

Compare that to LA:

That map only shows the cities in LA County. There are, of course, cities to the south in Orange County, to the west in Ventura County, and to the east in Riverside and San Bernardino Counties. I have worked in downtown LA with people that reside in every one of those counties. Yes, they make that daily commute.

Here is an even more detailed map that breaks down the City of Los Angeles by neighborhoods:

The point is that I’ve lived in the Pasadena area since I arrived here yet when I travel abroad and people ask where I live, the answer is LA. It’s always LA. I’m sure that’s the same for someone that lives in Redondo Beach or Bellflower or Simi Valley.

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Why LA?

I swear to God, it’s like somebody took America by the East Coast, and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on.

– Harry, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

As I said, my friends came here to make it in the movie business, but that can’t be the only reason people come here. There are a lot more industries here than just that one. Maybe it’s the weather? It’s gotta be the weather.

Truth be told, as a pilot once mentioned over the plane’s communication system as we were on final approach to LAX, LA is the Land of Milk and Honey. It’s the land of dreams where people are encouraged to dream and make those dreams come true. I’m not sure there is any other place like that on earth.

Certainly not New York. It seems to me that New York is outwardly hostile to new people coming in. It puts up a front and makes it seem really tough to live there. “If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere”, that kind of thing.

LA doesn’t do that. LA welcomes all and embraces all. The dirty little secret, though, is that this town is every bit as tough as the others and things are set up so that a large percentage of those who come here fail. Making a profit off broken dreams, however, doesn’t fit well on a brochure.

Every year for the last decade, the rate of people leaving LA has exceeded the rate of people coming to LA. If it wasn’t for the birth rate, LA would be losing population.

Yet, they keep coming. For what?

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Love?

The one major complaint I’ve heard about LA is that it is impossible to find someone here.

One friend that came here from Philadelphia stayed for about six years, gave up and went back home, and then promptly met a girl in Philly and now has six kids.

Another friend came here from Boston and stayed longer, gave up, went back to Boston, met a girl within a year, and now has two kids.

A third friend came here from Dallas, stayed even longer, met a girl in Dallas while visiting his parents, moved there and has been married for two years.

The latest friend that just left came from Boston and is now headed to Austin. I guarantee he finds a wife within two years.

I think the common denominator that defines the LA experience is that if you want to get something or somewhere, you have to work at it. Hard.

Bond didn’t defend the practice. He simply maintained that the more effort and ingenuity you put into gambling, the more you took out.

Ian Fleming, Casino Royale

There are so many activities and groups and things to do in LA that it’s very easy to meet new people if you try. Yes, they’re constantly looking to see if there is someone better, but I find that just makes you work harder to BE better.

Does that make sense?

I’m single, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t found love in LA. Love in LA is different. It requires more effort and it’s less secure. It is more difficult to find and maintain, yes, but that challenge makes it worthwhile to me. If it was easy, I wouldn’t appreciate it as much.

Then again, I’m the type of guy that expects other guys to hit on my girlfriend. I mean, if I thought she was hot enough for me, isn’t it natural for others to think so? And I welcome the challenge of being better than the competition for her affections.

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Money?

I read an article recently that talks about the rising gap between the upper middle class, which supposedly constitutes about 20% of all Americans, and the rest of the population and why this is the cause of all of America’s problems.

Yeah, sure.

It does seem, though, that the 20% all seem to live in the greater LA area. Formerly rough neighborhoods are being gentrified and even South LA (not South Central because marketing) is no longer what it was two decades ago.

The housing market, as has been documented everywhere, is to the point that it’s very difficult for the average person to own property. LA is just a very expensive place to live, even for renters. So, it takes more money to live here and the competition for jobs and housing is fierce.

As the capitalist system we all live under dictates, that means there are many losers. The homeless problem in LA has reached crisis levels. The number of homeless people living in LA County (almost 53K) is greater than the population of most cities in the rest of the country.

The quarters I carry in the cupholders of my car are not “laundry quarters” as they used to be when I was in college, they are now “spare change for the homeless”. If you think about it, it’s really fucking depressing.

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What Then?

I don’t know. I came here when I was young and I didn’t choose to be here. I thank my parents every day, though, that they came here, decided to settle down here, and were smart enough to put down sustainable roots.

So, I decided to ask someone that is uniquely qualified to weigh in on this topic. He has lived in multiple cities for extended amounts of time and just recently arrived at our happy West Coast metropolis with his lovely bride-to-be.

I speak, of course, of DFO’s very own BrettFavresColonoscopy! I asked him a few questions offline and he was kind enough to answer. Take it away, BFC!

Do you like LA?

Yes-ish. LA is….weird. I like being close to the beach and hearing people complain about how cold it is when it’s 50 degrees. I’ve enjoyed the exploring we’ve done; despite how far west we are and the associated anchoring on neighborhoods that don’t require hour plus drives, we’ve still tried a bunch of restaurants, museums, cultural experiences, etc east of the 405, so that makes us the modern day Magellans of LA. But the (warnings is too strong but what the hell) warnings our friends gave us of “make sure you like you’re neighborhood because that’s where you’re doing EVERYTHING” were pretty accurate. And that can feel constraining, especially in such a geographically spread out place. Based in part because of my remove from the industry, I haven’t been as confronted with the pure Hollywood bullshit, which I think has left me more favorably inclined toward the people than I otherwise might be. That being said, I prefer Chicagoans and Washingtonians, to an extent. So the answer to your straightforward question is a less straightforward “yes, but.”

Are you glad you moved here?

Yes-ish. We moved for work, and that’s been a net positive (despite how much time I still spend on planes). I do, however, miss my friends back East and find myself missing Boulder a little. In part, that’s likely because we haven’t embedded in the culture here. As we make more friends, I expect that to change.

Do you feel like a stranger in a strange land or have you become acclimated?

I’m really adaptable. My mom used to joke that any of her three kids could talk to a wall, and I think she meant it as a compliment, as in we can get along with anyone and figure things out. I definitely feel that way, though it definitely doesn’t feel like home yet. In fact, walking around my old neighborhood in DC this past weekend was surreal because it very much felt like I was caught between too worlds. No weirder than being on a bus in Santa Monica where not a single other passenger gets on or off the entirety of a 25 minute ride, though.

Balls Note: You ride the bus?!? You’re definitely not acclimated yet.

Do you see yourself leaving?

Yes.  I could stay on the west coast for a bit but feel like I’d want to explore other parts of the west coast rather than just settle here for life. More importantly, Lady BFC really wants to raise kids who don’t exist yet back east closer to family, so that’s going to trump. Per the adaptable point, I could live anywhere, so could I see myself in LA in X years, sure. Is it likely, no. Would I rather be in Scotland or Spain, yes. Is that going to happen, no.  Are there horse socks?

Do you see yourself raising kids here?

No. Per the above, this isn’t a one vote decision, and if it were, the vote isn’t mine and is stacked in the opposite direction. Even assuming for a minute that wasn’t the case, I’m not wild about some of the raising kids stuff in LA that is even harder than raising kids everywhere else. Friends whose kids are struggling with body dysmorphic disorder because they’re led to believe something is wrong with them if they don’t look like actresses, kids not learning to be independent, kids thinking it’s normal not to walk uphill both ways in the snow, all of those give me a bit of pause. But what do I know, I’m just an asshole?

Balls Note: Yes, you are a wonderful asshole. The non-wonderful assholes that shame kids for not looking like actresses can die in a fire. BTW, that’s more prevalent on the Westside, where you live, than in the rest of LA, just so you know. “Westside parents” are the worst.

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Conclusion

Reading BFC’s answers, I can understand why people leave. It’s a lot different coming to LA as a child where you BUILD your life here and create those roots as opposed to coming here as an adult with previous roots and friendships elsewhere.

As I mentioned in the Chargers post, breaking away from the past is nearly impossible, which makes life and sports fandom in Los Angeles the unique and difficult thing it is for people born elsewhere. Which, as I’ve mentioned before, constitute a large proportion of the population.

As for me, despite all of its flaws and the difficulties of living here, I wouldn’t live anywhere else on earth. I’ve mentioned previously that I’ve only ever felt “at home” outside of LA in Barcelona and Rio de Janeiro. I could see myself living in those two cities for months at a time, but I ultimately see myself coming back to LA.

Despite the “fakeness” that is claimed about the people here, the truth is that LA is a place of thousands of little communities, each with varying interests and each willing to welcome and encourage newcomers. For we are pretty much all from somewhere else. Those of us that have stayed know what the others have gone through and we do empathize.

We want our friends to succeed and we want them to be happy. It would be great if it was here, but if not, we understand.

I miss you, boys.

I’d write more, but I’ve got to put on some shorts and flip flops and grab a double double. The sun is shining and it’s a beautiful day. Maybe I’ll go surfing in the afternoon. Or go the other way and go skiing. Or drive 40 minutes in any direction and find food from any corner of the world cooked by people from every corner of the world.

Y’all should come back and visit.

(32/69)