The Cardinals Way

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Can I just say something here? It may be a minority view around this place but surely not one that I feel won’t be respected:

I am much more entertained by the nonsense around the NFL than I am watching the actual games.

Gimmie AB’s holdout drama over analysis of when statistics suggest Pittsburgh needs to look for their heir apparent to THE HARF BEN. I don’t give two shits about Super Bowl MVP Julian Edelman; I absolutely am interested in the fact that he missed the first month of the season after pissing some hot on a league drug test following offseason rehab work with Dr Alex Guererro. As a basic rule of thumb, what I’m saying is, if you’re making me focus any time on the NFL, as priority #1 CRIMEBEAT me. Close second, however, is outsiders poking their heads into the football fray.

Nixon’s Play, as the quintessential example, of what happens when some dope — usually a politician — feels compelled to throw his weight around to, I dunno, give a go at being a leader of a sports team. Or even when they really show their fandom and governors make little wagers between each other on playoff games where their bets are just gift baskets that showcase their home states. It’s the sports fandom equivalent of those videos where cars keep losing control on a patch of ice.

Honestly, I don’t blame politicians for not keeping up with sports. Sure, if you’ve got a front-runner heading into a championship game, I’d like you to know the name of the quarterback and have an idea of what defines said team. But do I expect Eric Garcetti to be able to list the entire Chargers defensive line? Nah. In fact, one of the moments that always gave me a sour taste on OBUMMER was when he couldn’t name any White Sox players.

Sincerity matters.

So what’s the point of all this? Well, you already know Arizona has absolutely horrible political leaders but today’s example comes from the recent renaming of the section of Bethany Home Road in front of Fake College Stadium to Cardinals Way.

“Congratulations, Mr Bidwill.” “HI!”

Honestly, upon reading that this just happened, I was a little surprised. I mean, isn’t that like a thing all teams do? I guess I can’t name any specific examples but if we’ve got a street named after Robert E. Lee, it seems about equally offensive to name one after the worst franchise in the NFL — which is at least from Arizona.

Now I’m not one to fire up the Compaq Presidio and hop on [DFO] to wring my hands over some town dropping eleven large to celebrate a team that just wrapped up being the worst in the league and fielding a squad that very well should have gone 0-16. Mexico will end up paying for the change with the new NAFTA anyways (suck it, Beerguyrob).

No, I simply had to fill you in on the offseason news of Glendale Mayor Jerry Weiers quote about the significance of the signage:


Yeah, can you imagine the fear that will strike right to the core of Aaron Donald reminding him that he’s heading for a cakewalk game? What happened? Was #1 Overall Pick Stravenue taken? Or how about we renumber all the streets in town so the Cardinals can appropriately play at 0 Championships Drive?

This is all an aside, of course, from the fact that players on the bus probably aren’t reading the freeway exit signs as they head towards the stadium.

Seriously, the Cardinals are the only team in the NFC West without a Super Bowl. They’re under a disastrous ownership regime that failed into getting Bruce Arians and enjoyed his subsequent success before deciding that it would be preferable for Steve Keim and Mike Bidwill to bring on a new coach than let BA have a major say in personnel decisions. The result? The 2018 Arizona Cardinals. Now they’ve gone and hired a college football unknown to coach the team, can’t make up their mind PUBLICLY about the commitment to the status of their second-year franchise quarterback; but maintained the same meddling owner and ineffective GM because, hey, this is Arizona and we don’t give two shits about morons being in charge.

So that’s all. Just wanted you guys to know about some sign changes you might experience if you come to town for Spring Training.

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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litre_colatheeWeeBabySeamusballsofsteelandfuryLow Commander of the Super SoldiersKing Hippo Recent comment authors
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litre_cola

0 Championships Drive is fantastic. It could be like Springfield in the Simpsons and be in a lot of places.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d drive up HER street. Just sayin’.
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ballsofsteelandfury

This is pure delicious hate.

I do love the Fitzy tag…

King Hippo

I also think they should change the name of that fake college to Larry Fitzgerald’s Dead Mom University

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

There are no businesses or homes currently located on Cardinals Way…

A quick GOOGLEBING search seems to tell me that this is true of the road directly in front of Fake College Stadium, which is apparently nothing but farmland(?), but there’s a separate and completely disconnected part of this blacktop that has a Little Caesar’s, TWO Walmart Super Stores, a massage parlor Bob Kraft would likely visit and a whole host of homes.

I guess leave it to the Bidwill’s to slap their name on something completely unwanted and then insist that it will strike fear in the hearts of their enemies, whereas in reality, these “enemies” won’t notice it at all, because it looks like there is less than a quarter mile from the freeway exit before turning into the stadium.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They added the Little Caesar’s since I was there in 2004 touring this monstrosity’s construction.

King Hippo

on behalf of teh #BFIB, let me assure you it is because is a pale imitation of the real and Most Glorious Cardinal Way, Yadi WOO!!!!!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

In Arizona, pale imitations are the only ones not punished by deportation.

Ian Scott McCormick

Cardinal Sway

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

Most entertaining part of any season is the off-season, doesn’t matter the sport. I’m old, I can’t be fucked to schedule my time around a game, but trade rumors and scandals? No clock on that shit!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still better than St. Louis IMHO

King Hippo

FLAGGED!!!1111

nomonkeyfun

we’ve got a street named after Robert E. Lee

/record scratch

Wait, what!?!
It’s a racist, dickhead, beta-cuck move when Virginia or some other formerly traitorous state names things after the losers, but Jesus fucking Christ. Arizona, I know they are going for the racist crown, but WTF?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Arizona is all the white people pissed off because they didn’t want to wait for the white railroad barons to take over Santa Fe, they wanted their white separatist state like Oregon and they wanted it NOW, Goddammit. They’d be damned if they were going to be part of New Mexico and living in the same territory as brown people and Indians.

And it never stopped being that.