The Cardinals Way

Can I just say something here? It may be a minority view around this place but surely not one that I feel won’t be respected:

I am much more entertained by the nonsense around the NFL than I am watching the actual games.

Gimmie AB’s holdout drama over analysis of when statistics suggest Pittsburgh needs to look for their heir apparent to THE HARF BEN. I don’t give two shits about Super Bowl MVP Julian Edelman; I absolutely am interested in the fact that he missed the first month of the season after pissing some hot on a league drug test following offseason rehab work with Dr Alex Guererro. As a basic rule of thumb, what I’m saying is, if you’re making me focus any time on the NFL, as priority #1 CRIMEBEAT me. Close second, however, is outsiders poking their heads into the football fray.

Nixon’s Play, as the quintessential example, of what happens when some dope — usually a politician — feels compelled to throw his weight around to, I dunno, give a go at being a leader of a sports team. Or even when they really show their fandom and governors make little wagers between each other on playoff games where their bets are just gift baskets that showcase their home states. It’s the sports fandom equivalent of those videos where cars keep losing control on a patch of ice.

Honestly, I don’t blame politicians for not keeping up with sports. Sure, if you’ve got a front-runner heading into a championship game, I’d like you to know the name of the quarterback and have an idea of what defines said team. But do I expect Eric Garcetti to be able to list the entire Chargers defensive line? Nah. In fact, one of the moments that always gave me a sour taste on OBUMMER was when he couldn’t name any White Sox players.

Sincerity matters.

So what’s the point of all this? Well, you already know Arizona has absolutely horrible political leaders but today’s example comes from the recent renaming of the section of Bethany Home Road in front of Fake College Stadium to Cardinals Way.

Honestly, upon reading that this just happened, I was a little surprised. I mean, isn’t that like a thing all teams do? I guess I can’t name any specific examples but if we’ve got a street named after Robert E. Lee, it seems about equally offensive to name one after the worst franchise in the NFL — which is at least from Arizona.

Now I’m not one to fire up the Compaq Presidio and hop on [DFO] to wring my hands over some town dropping eleven large to celebrate a team that just wrapped up being the worst in the league and fielding a squad that very well should have gone 0-16. Mexico will end up paying for the change with the new NAFTA anyways (suck it, Beerguyrob).

No, I simply had to fill you in on the offseason news of Glendale Mayor Jerry Weiers quote about the significance of the signage:

Yeah, can you imagine the fear that will strike right to the core of Aaron Donald reminding him that he’s heading for a cakewalk game? What happened? Was #1 Overall Pick Stravenue taken? Or how about we renumber all the streets in town so the Cardinals can appropriately play at 0 Championships Drive?

This is all an aside, of course, from the fact that players on the bus probably aren’t reading the freeway exit signs as they head towards the stadium.

Seriously, the Cardinals are the only team in the NFC West without a Super Bowl. They’re under a disastrous ownership regime that failed into getting Bruce Arians and enjoyed his subsequent success before deciding that it would be preferable for Steve Keim and Mike Bidwill to bring on a new coach than let BA have a major say in personnel decisions. The result? The 2018 Arizona Cardinals. Now they’ve gone and hired a college football unknown to coach the team, can’t make up their mind PUBLICLY about the commitment to the status of their second-year franchise quarterback; but maintained the same meddling owner and ineffective GM because, hey, this is Arizona and we don’t give two shits about morons being in charge.

So that’s all. Just wanted you guys to know about some sign changes you might experience if you come to town for Spring Training.