2019 [DFO] Banner Tournament: First Round, Day 13

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

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13 days, what is this, the… ah, I got nothing. Well that’s not true, I have this lovely dance number

and I have the results of the SHAN’KHOR Regional right here.

1. “Man, I LOVE the old touchdown, tv timeout, kickof [sic], tv timeout routine. Really gets my nipples hard for more hot NFL action when my team sucks, the commissioner is fining someone for special cleats, a star player beat his pregnant girlfriend, my favorite former player blows his fucking brain out due to CTE, and I’m not sure if I can keep supporting this sport. That’s what keeps me going, the excitement of a touchdown and a kickoff broken up by several commercials for dick drugs, cars, and fascism.” beats 16. “THIS (PATRIOTS) GAME I CALL ROGUE ONE BECAUSE WE ALL WATCHED IT AND WE KNEW HOW IT WAS GOING TO END” 21-15

9. “I haven’t seen a running back taken this high since Ricky Williams got a ride to the airport.” beats 8. “The hand of cod!” 22-14

12. “Ok, I’m embarrassed. This whole time I thought ‘calamistrum’ was a thing I was supposed to do for my wife on our anniversary but I was too tired and she was kinda pissed.” beats 5. “I’m in a red state. Memorial Day Protip: Be white in a red state and you’ll never feel blue.” 19-18

That one went back and forth throughout, so we’ve got our first late-game heroics by whoever made the swing vote! That’s great hustle, whoever it is!

4. “I see they’re honoring Joe Paterno’s 50th anniversary of the first game he coached. To start the game, they will have 40 years worth of moments of silence.” beats 13. “It’s 91 here but it feels like 104. I am jerking off to women’s water polo, but mostly for the pool.” 24-14

6. “Hey England, just like went Dad went out for smokes, the World Cup ain’t coming home.” beats 11. “Bud Light is to beer what The Eagles are to music.” 26-14

14. “MLS? Is that like Lou Gehrig’s Disease? I’m glad these people are getting better though, let’s keep hoping for a cure.” beats 3. “THAT HAIL MARY PLAY I CALL IT THE DENTIST BECAUSE IT KILLED SOME LIONS FROM EXTREME LONG RANGE.” 21-20

Hey look at that, a second one-vote margin in this region! So I guess unlike government elections, your single vote actually means something in this thing.

7. “For driving through Arizona that quickly, Sheriff Joe Arpaio just asked to see Jimmy Garoppalo’s papers.” beats 10. “That’s true. If something were to happen to Winston, he’d pretty much be asking for it, standing there so provocatively in the pocket late in a bad game.” 22-13

2. “I haven’t seen a khunt debut like this since Traci Lords’s 14th birthday!” beats 15. “So both teams just forfeited to the Behr’s?” 28-7

And I also have the next two polls to vote on.

First Round, BOLTMAN Region

  • 5. “No problem.… I’m a Bengals fan, Buckeyes fan, and Moderate Republican. I’m used to be taken in the backdoor.” (76%, 25 Votes)
  • 12. “Kicking zebras are the number one cause of Lion concussions.” (24%, 8 Votes)

Total Voters: 33

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First Round, BOLTMAN Region

  • 13. “I haven’t seen a group of Saudis go down in flames like this since 9/11” (76%, 25 Votes)
  • 4. “The Gang Wins a Game” (24%, 8 Votes)

Total Voters: 33

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And now there’s only two days of the first round left! So okay, then we get to see who plays for a trip to the Saucy 16. Because we are not sweet. Well, occasionally. But not often.

Do the vote thing!

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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nomonkeyfunRedshirtballsofsteelandfuryMr. AyoUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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Redshirt

So a majority of the people enjoy the concept of me and anal. Good to know.

King Hippo

Man, that is an under-seeded 13 fo sho.

Howl about that Dayton-bound Pack!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I haven’t seen a 4 go down this fast since my last date.

ballsofsteelandfury

This comment deserves more likes.

nomonkeyfun

Who let R. Kelly onto DFO.

blaxabbath

Swing vote!?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I think I’m the author of the “jerking off to women’s water polo” comment, and even I voted for the Paterno one. Tough seeding, that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

was truly the most difficult vote of the tourney for me (so far)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I have a feeling #4 is me. If not, it’s still an excuse to repost this.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Thirteen days. What is this, the Cuban Missile Crisis?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
LemonJello
LemonJello
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fucking dork.

nomonkeyfun

13. “I haven’t seen a group of Saudis go down in flames like this since 9/11”

“Always making the brown man the scapegoat. SMGDH.”

-P. Carroll

ballsofsteelandfury

I have no idea who the person in the #5 seed comment could possibly be…

LemonJello
LemonJello

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