2019 [DFO] Banner Tournament: Ice Milk Eight, Day 1

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

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Welcome to the Ice Milk Eight, sponsored by Flanders’ Unflavored Non-Fat Ice Milk!

Don’t be swayed by pretenders!

Which is apparently a thing now, it’s a brand of organic, uh, milk substitutes? I’m not using the term “nut juice,” but, yes. That.

We have the semifinal results in the BLEERGH Region, to see who will square off in the BLEERGH (What the Hell Are) Regional Final.

1. “Aaron Hernandez (neck) out indefinitely” beats 4. “These Georgia Bulldogs, I call him [sic] David Carradine because last night on their way to a successful climax, they choked to death and died.” 28-7

6. “Flyers-Capitals is beginning to resemble a GOP debate, right down to a black guy getting punched out and then thrown out by the authorities.” beats 10. “That thing went from 9% completed to 90% completed faster than me when I lost my virginity.” 18-17

It’s been smooth sailing for the #1 seed, winning its three matchups 26-6, 27-10, and now this 28-7 victory. It wasn’t too bad for the 6 seed until this Saucy 16 matchup, as its 23-10 and 28-13 wins in the first two polls aren’t exactly close—just the 18-17 was, as we still haven’t had a tie. And now they square off to represent the yellow cloth of BLEERGH.

BLEERGH Regional Final

  • 1. “Aaron Hernandez (neck) out indefinitely” (84%, 36 Votes)
  • 6. “Flyers-Capitals is beginning to resemble a GOP debate, right down to a black guy getting punched out and then thrown out by the authorities.” (16%, 7 Votes)

Total Voters: 43

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And now the GAMBLOR Region, the one that’s broken everyone’s bracket due to the top half of the quadrant. Everything else in the region’s been chalk, but did Cinderella go dancing on?

16. “THESE PROVIDENCE FRIARS, I CALL THEM LEX STEELE BECAUSE THEY ARE PUSHING THESE TROJANS TO THE LIMIT!” beats 4. “Man that is messed up, and right after he [Jonathan Martin] shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.” 17-16

That would be a yes, as this one went back and forth.

2. “‘…the calming effect Tony[ ]Dungy had on the high-strung quarterback.’—If only he had that calming effect on his high strung son.” beats 3. “Kennedys don’t retire, they die in office. Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?” 17-16

Wow, somehow both polls were one vote apart. And apparently Gratliff noted he tied them both (presumably at 16), so thank you late poller who came in and broke the ties. I really don’t want to cast deciding votes, to be honest. Will the shoe fit one more time?

GAMBLOR Regional Final

  • 2. “‘…the calming effect Tony[ ]Dungy had on the high-strung quarterback.’—If only he had that calming effect on his high strung son.” (58%, 25 Votes)
  • 16. “THESE PROVIDENCE FRIARS, I CALL THEM LEX STEELE BECAUSE THEY ARE PUSHING THESE TROJANS TO THE LIMIT!” (42%, 18 Votes)

Total Voters: 43

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You know what to do by now!

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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UnsurprisedballsofsteelandfuryThe Right Reverend Electric MayhemLemonJelloWCS Recent comment authors
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nomonkeyfun

The Lex Steele comment has come from behind on James Dungy, how appropriate.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, how the tables have turned. It seems Tony is the one with the surprise comeback, which is funny considering his moral stance on back cum.

blaxabbath

So the Mrs and I have begun our Las Vegas home search. I will take opinions outside of “Henderson is nice” now….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My South African friends chose to live on the Red Rock side, if that helps.

blaxabbath

They a bunch of prawns?

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nomonkeyfun

Maybe the Mrs will enjoy living next to this place?

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LemonJello
LemonJello

Looking for a fixer-upper?
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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Out by Red Rock (both National Park and Casino) in Summerlin is nice. Friends lived there for a couple of years with young kids.

nomonkeyfun

Hernandez is out there really murdering that competition.

Game Time Decision

He’s letting it all hang out there

blaxabbath

Not sure I’d run my mouth about him too much….

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I went to Whole Foods yesterday (because I’m so fucking granola) and was looking in the vast dairy case trying to find plain old whole milk from a cow and sure as shit there it was, staring at me with dead eyes: MALK

Either they’re paying a royalty to The Simpsons or the Fox lawyers dropped a major ball somewhere.

blaxabbath

I am a Miak man myself.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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WCS

Authentic Bulgarian miak!

Sharkbait

This is definitely more interesting than the real tournament.

King Hippo

chuh fucking chuh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS LEX STEELE COMMENT I CALL IT [awaiting suggestion of another male porn star from @Balls] BECAUSE IT IS GOING PLACES NOBODY EXPECTED IT TO GO.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not to speak for Balls (lol, that’s funny in and of itself)…. but I’m pretty sure the answer to this one is Peter North.

Whoever that is.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Even better, “the North Pole”.

blaxabbath

Some milf’s step-son?

ballsofsteelandfury

You write ONE five part series on the AVN Awards and you get labeled as the porn expert…

Not that I mind, of course. I just honestly think some of you guys are more experts than me. I just have the lack of class to write about it often.

Game Time Decision

I do hope that 16 seed pushes into the next round

LemonJello
LemonJello

It’ll meet some resistance at first, but it’ll pick up a rhythm that builds to a climactic victory.