2019 [DFO] Banner Tournament: Ice Milk Eight, Day 1

Welcome to the Ice Milk Eight, sponsored by Flanders’ Unflavored Non-Fat Ice Milk!

Don’t be swayed by pretenders!

Which is apparently a thing now, it’s a brand of organic, uh, milk substitutes? I’m not using the term “nut juice,” but, yes. That.

We have the semifinal results in the BLEERGH Region, to see who will square off in the BLEERGH (What the Hell Are) Regional Final.

1. “Aaron Hernandez (neck) out indefinitely” beats 4. “These Georgia Bulldogs, I call him [sic] David Carradine because last night on their way to a successful climax, they choked to death and died.” 28-7

6. “Flyers-Capitals is beginning to resemble a GOP debate, right down to a black guy getting punched out and then thrown out by the authorities.” beats 10. “That thing went from 9% completed to 90% completed faster than me when I lost my virginity.” 18-17

It’s been smooth sailing for the #1 seed, winning its three matchups 26-6, 27-10, and now this 28-7 victory. It wasn’t too bad for the 6 seed until this Saucy 16 matchup, as its 23-10 and 28-13 wins in the first two polls aren’t exactly close—just the 18-17 was, as we still haven’t had a tie. And now they square off to represent the yellow cloth of BLEERGH.

[poll id=”80″]

And now the GAMBLOR Region, the one that’s broken everyone’s bracket due to the top half of the quadrant. Everything else in the region’s been chalk, but did Cinderella go dancing on?

16. “THESE PROVIDENCE FRIARS, I CALL THEM LEX STEELE BECAUSE THEY ARE PUSHING THESE TROJANS TO THE LIMIT!” beats 4. “Man that is messed up, and right after he [Jonathan Martin] shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.” 17-16

That would be a yes, as this one went back and forth.

2. “‘…the calming effect Tony[ ]Dungy had on the high-strung quarterback.’—If only he had that calming effect on his high strung son.” beats 3. “Kennedys don’t retire, they die in office. Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?” 17-16

Wow, somehow both polls were one vote apart. And apparently Gratliff noted he tied them both (presumably at 16), so thank you late poller who came in and broke the ties. I really don’t want to cast deciding votes, to be honest. Will the shoe fit one more time?

[poll id=”81″]

You know what to do by now!