EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – DAY

A very young boy plays by himself with a football on the lawn in front of a nondescript suburban home.  He tosses the ball up in the air as high as he can, then darts underneath to catch it.  As he runs across the lawn, pretending to evade tacklers, he stops to watch a minivan drive up the street and come to a stop in front of his house.

— [van door flies open] —

MARK DAVIS: HI I’M MARK DAVIS!

[NAME REDACTED]: Hi.

MARK DAVIS: ARE YOU PLAYING FOOTBALL?

[NAME REDACTED]: I guess so.  I don’t have anybody to play with.  Do you want to play…oh, wait.  I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.

MARK DAVIS: I’M NOT A STRANGER.

[NAME REDACTED]: You’re not?

MARK DAVIS: NO, I’M FRIENDS WITH YOUR DAD.  YOUR DAD’S NAME IS TYREEK, RIGHT?

[NAME REDACTED]: Oh! That’s right.

MARK DAVIS: AND YOUR MOM’S NAME IS CRYSTAL.

[NAME REDACTED]: Yeah.

MARK DAVIS: SO YOU SEE I’M NOT A STRANGER AFTER ALL.  BUT LET’S MAKE THIS FORMAL. [extends hand] MY NAME IS MARK DAVIS HI HOW ARE YOU?

The boy shakes MARK DAVIS’ hand, and smiles.

MARK DAVIS: ARE YOU GONNA BE A FOOTBALL PLAYER LIKE YOUR DAD?

[NAME REDACTED]: I hope so. My dad’s the greatest football player in the world.

MARK DAVIS: MY DAD LIVES IN A CASTLE.

[NAME REDACTED]: Really?

MARK DAVIS: FOR REAL. ALSO, MY VAN IS A TRANSFORMER.

[NAME REDACTED]: What? No it’s not.

MARK DAVIS: YES IT IS DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT TRANSFORM?

[NAME REDACTED]: Sure!

MARK DAVIS: [to minivan] HEY VANGUARD, TRANSFORM INTO ROBOT MODE.

Nothing happens.

MARK DAVIS: OH I GUESS HE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE DOING IT RIGHT NOW. HE DID IT ON THE WAY OVER HE’S PROBABLY TIRED. YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT I’VE GOT INSIDE, THOUGH?

[NAME REDACTED]: It better not be drugs. I’m supposed to stay away from drugs.

MARK DAVIS: [quietly] No, no, that van won’t be full of drugs until Le’Veon Bell gets traded to the Broncos.

[NAME REDACTED]: What?

MARK DAVIS: OH, NOTHING, HERE, LOOK!

[NAME REDACTED]: Wow!

MARK DAVIS: WANT TO SEE ME RIDE IT?

[NAME REDACTED]: Okay!

MARK DAVIS races around the street in the Big Wheel, expertly using the handbrake to make sliding turns.  [NAME REDACTED] is suitably impressed.  MARK DAVIS comes skidding to a stop and hops out of the Big Wheel.

MARK DAVIS: WANT TO TAKE IT FOR A SPIN?

[NAME REDACTED]: Yeah!

[NAME REDACTED] gets into the Big Wheel and starts out tentatively at first, but then starts to feel more comfortable and increases his speed.  He rides the Big Wheel up onto the sidewalk and then jumps off the curb.

MARK DAVIS: WOW! YOU WENT LIKE FIFTY FEET IN THE AIR JUST THERE!

[NAME REDACTED]: Really?

MARK DAVIS: YOU SURE DID! I BET YOU COULD JUMP OVER THAT GULLY OVER THERE.

[NAME REDACTED]: Hmm.  You know what? I bet I could.  But I probably shouldn’t, Mom would get mad.

MARK DAVIS: TELL YOU WHAT IF YOU CAN MAKE IT I WILL LET YOU KEEP THE BIG WHEEL.

[NAME REDACTED]: [looks contemplatively at the Big Wheel] Okay, deal.

Cut to: a couple of minutes later where they have constructed a ramp using a set of boards that MARK DAVIS conveniently had in the back of his minivan.

MARK DAVIS: GOOD LUCK!

With reckless abandon, [NAME REDACTED] races the big wheel down a slight incline and onto the ramp.  He makes it maybe one-eighth of the distance across, then plummets down five feet to the bottom, where a set of anguished wails emerge.

[NAME REDACTED]: [howling] MY ARM! MY ARM!

MARK DAVIS: [dons baseball cap, then mutters to himself] I do find this part of things distasteful.  [to the boy] I’m so sorry, [NAME REDACTED], looks like you didn’t quite clear it. I guess I’ll be keeping that Big Wheel.

MARK DAVIS hurriedly disassembles the ramp, putting the boards back into his minivan.  He then descends into the gully and heaves the Big Wheel out, then lifts the still-wailing boy and carries him to the top of the gully.

MARK DAVIS: Now you’d better go tell your mom.  Off with you, now.

Holding his arm, [NAME REDACTED] shuffles towards his house.  MARK DAVIS tosses the Big Wheel back into the minivan and gets into the driver’s seat.  As he pulls out and hurries away down the street, we hear a dial tone and then a series of numbers, then a click.

VOICE: Hello, you’ve reached the Child Protective Services Incident Report Hotline…