Your “Raging Semi” College Basketball Game Intro And Saturday Night Open Thread

King Hippo gave me the raging semi, by the way. He’s good like that-a real solid internet buddy, as opposed to all you viscous, semi-transparent folks out there in the ether.

So kiddos, we all know who’s playing who and where they’re playing and what sport they’re playing and which planet they’re playing on. Why don’t we get to know these schools? Maybe even rub up against one of their players, smell them-get to really know them? As Guga from Sous Vide Everything would say, “Lessss do it”.

Auburn:

This delightful learning center is located in the very appropriately-named community of… Auburn. The 25 member naming committee spent nearly three weeks in The Seychelles coming up with that doozy. Expletives were tossed, noses were bloodied, skin was burned and copious bottles of rum were consumed before the 30-23 vote sealed the deal. (Mathematics is not one of the stronger programs here) But hey, I can tell you that the Cat Drowning: How to Turn Your Hobby Into a Profitable Business course is full year after year.

Player to Watch:

Jared Harper is a cheeky fellow that pushes the play upcourt, can seemingly get to the basket at will and never asks, “Does anyone want that last chicken wing?”. So alpha…

Virginny:

As it says right there in the name, students here are all virgins-just like Sally Hemings was until she turned 14. Mr. Jefferson’s birthday ‘gift’ didn’t go over very well initially but he did keep on giving until an understanding was reached. Jefferson apologist Sandford Fleming would later qualify the former’s actions by saying, “It was a different time!”. Some courses offered in the Agricultural Sciences Program include How to Lick The Gucci Loafers of Monsanto Executives and Still Maintain Your Dignity. Mike Tyson is a guest lecturer in the summer and his The Chickens, They Cry in my Dreams: Why I Sold Tyson Foods for Pennies on the Dollar is back by popular demand.

Player To Watch: Kyle Guy came out of nowhere to burn Purdue for 25 points. His pre-game speeches to his teammates consist solely of quotes from Girl, Interrupted.

Texas Tech:

Should you bother to do a quick Googgly map search of this precious college you’ll see that it’s nestled softly between Gus’ House of Stuffed Newts (not a sponsor) and a barren wasteland being traversed by a boy and his father. (Spoiler-the dad dies and so will Gus, eventually) One course offered that has raised more than a few eyebrows is Dennis Rader’s All Trussed Up and Nowhere To Go: Examining the Predator/Prey Dynamic in Hitchcock’s “Rope”. Obviously this is only available on-line.

Player To Watch: Jarret Culver is 195 pounds of coiled steel. He’ll spring at you when you least expect it. Don’t dismiss this dude just because he has a 25+ fanny pack collection.

Michigan State:

This pride and joy of the lower peninsula is situated in East Lansing because-and I’m quoting from the school’s mission statement here-“We’re gonna teach (HA!) those retards in North Lansing how to run a proper fucking school!”. Seems like there’s a bit of history there… Anyhoo, one of the profs teaching Fluid Dynamics 101 is certain that a solution to the age-old ‘why can’t a free-standing colander ever be filled with running tap water?” problem is just around the corner.

Player To Watch: Joshua Langford has a tendency to score in the teen’s and with the teens. Let’s all hope that he grows out of that last tendency in the next few years.

There you have it. Bet accordingly.

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Rikki-Tikki-DeadlyBrettFavresColonoscopyUnsurprisedALXMACCol. Duke LaCross Recent comment authors
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Texas Tech honkey really likes that little fade away jumper in the paint.
I mean, he’s not good at it, but he really likes it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

wedged goddamned three. Dunno if I ever seen that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

So. Many. Airballs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

she has mah attention

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I like how she’s pliable.

King Hippo

teh best quality a woman can have ,, ppl forget that

theeWeeBabySeamus

Second best quality?
Moisture.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Physically anyway; she argues with everything tho.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

(North) Hollywood has a career in mind for her.

King Hippo

Wahoowa is silky smooth compared to these two chucklefucks

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s some good head

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mah Holmes is at the game!!!!!
Start the jokes!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Daddy decilitre day has come to a close for now. Time to get stoned!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Texas Tech Cheerleaders still fun to look at….check.

WCS

Glad I have no affiliation with Auburn. Good Lord.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The Carrick Bend:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Holy piss, that was a double dribble. Yikes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Holy piss………double dribble

King Hippo

merde, I should have watched my backlog of High Maintenance episodes at the break, but guess I just spaced

King Hippo

also in retrospect, that ending is a good reminder NOT TO BET BASKETBALL

litre_cola

Beverly hills cop is on. Tough decision to make.

Gratliff

Apparently, the WWE HoF had an idiot on the field moment and a fan tackled Bret Hart during a speech and I hope he’s going to be removed from the arena by being smacked into a wall until it breaks.

WCS

This just means the next game will be completely terrible.

King Hippo

oh, without question. But at least we can pass out!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That call is no more “controversial” than saying “vaccines cause autism”.

King Hippo

now that double dribble – which I completely missed…yikes

King Hippo

I don’t mind Tony Bennett’s overt evangelism, because unlike DABO! – he actually walks the walk and is a humble, excellent dude.

WCS

He’s a good guy. I happened to be in a pizzeria when he walked in. He bought everyone’s meals in line, and gave money to those that already had their’s.

King Hippo

DABO! would have left a $10 tip, and put it all over Instagram

yeah right

There are a lot of local folks that are saying he needs to come to UCLA.
Most of them are as delusional as Lakers fans.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Poor, poor Auburn.

litre_cola

Wow. This is a shithouse way to lose.

King Hippo

if any solace to it…Bruce Pearl is maybe the cheatin-est mofo out there. AND a hypocrite (he snitched on someone else)

Col. Duke LaCross

Wow.

King Hippo

they fouled the honky, too. That’s DED

WCS

HOLE E. FUCKING. SHIT.

King Hippo

he ain’t touch him A-TALL

King Hippo

stand corrected, good call

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Major guts by the official to actually make the call in that situation.

King Hippo

agreed, could have just let it go, nobody says boo. I am wrong a lot, but at least I admitted being wrong here LMAO

King Hippo

I sure hope the winner wins it all. Whoever gets out of this deserves it.

litre_cola

I would like to see barkley and Bo happy.

King Hippo

oh, what a way to lose….

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

War Damn Foul!

King Hippo

#AnotherAyoBanner

King Hippo

Guess this fixture is kinda ok. 😀

Fronkenshteen

If Auburn loses this, and they DON’T have a torchlight march through campus chanting “HOOS! WILL NOT! REPLACE US!” then Doug Kenny’s entire life was lived in vain.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The One-Handed Bowline:

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I can do that without a glove

WCS

I lived in Charlottesville for two and half years.

This game is friggin awesome.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OK, time to party.

King Hippo

somebody tell Nantz his white ppl boner is showing

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

I haven’t seen this many shots rejected since the movie Jarhead

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Kids are watching the cartoon Peter Pan from God-knows-when. I’m watching this for the first time in at least 30 years. Holy hell is this movie racist. Like, wow.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Yeah everybody always conveniently forgets the blackface part

WCS

This is almost impressively racist. Hitler and Mussolini must have loved this.

King Hippo

snowflaek!!!1111

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The Blimp Knot, also known as the Zeppelin Bend.

It’s used to tie blimps and zeppelins to their mooring masts. The airship drops a nose line; the ground crew ties it to the mooring line that is threaded through the mast tip, then the airship is pulled home on the mast. So this knot has to have no slip yet untie easily after strain is removed.

I can tie the shit out of this knot.

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Col. Duke LaCross

Nice.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

A zeppelin bend I just tied (I prefer “zeppelin bend” to “blimp knot” for obvious reasons).

Expert Knotsman is on my resume, in bold italics with underline.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

If Auburn wins this, I’ll bet $1000 of Hippo’s money that Barkley snorts coke off a hooker’s ass on camera during the post-game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

If Auburn loses this, he’ll do the same, but in front of a different camera.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

c’mon, prop bet!!

King Hippo

Hippo has push

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Okay, we may have reached the point of too much wrestling
https://twitter.com/i/status/1114356484824076289

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

I said the same thing in 2002.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

On tonight’s menu is NJPW’s G1 Supercard at a sold out Madison Square Garden, the first non-WWE show in the history of MSG.
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King Hippo

gots me a little #ACTION on Aubie being ahead after 15 minutes

yeah right

/ stands up

“Hi everyone. My name is yeah right.”

[crowd] “Hi yeah right.”

“I’m… I’m a wasabi- holic.”

/ polite applause

Sharkbait

I see nothing wrong with that

WCS

I’ve watched Santa Clarita Diet since it debuted. I’ve had a thing for Drew Barrymore since I was like, 12, and Timothy Olyphant is fucking awesome in everything.

Season three is great. Absolutely fantastic. It’s nice to see The Waitress in a situation that isn’t terrible, and not because of Charlie.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Timothy Olyphant used to do the sports report for Indie 101 back when it existed and he was still small-time. I think it actually did a lot of good for his career.

yeah right

It worked for Jimmy Kimmel.

theeWeeBabySeamus

TT vs UVa.
tWBS wins the pool.

Everyone is happy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, maybe not everyone.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, Grant Hill looks older than me. Considering I once treated his gf’s kitten and vaccinated it, this makes me happy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, I hope you vaccinated it before you “treated” it. Anyhow, it must have been a treat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, her kitty was very attractive.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, Kyle Guy. Yours truly got not one but TWO top-notch zingers in on the last deadspin article about that fellow.

https://deadspin.com/of-course-the-ncaa-had-to-clarify-whether-virginias-kyl-1833824169

herodotus450
herodotus450

If you befriended Kyle Guy in the military, he could be your buddy Chief Guy.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

If you marry Kyle Guy, you can call him My Guy.

yeah right

If you bury Kyle Guy you could be Kyle Guy’s burying guy.

yeah right

Since tomorrow’s meal promises to be a doozy I’m opting for sushi today. Hamachi nigiri and chicken tepanyaki with gyoza.
Back up, son. That shit is going down!

Col. Duke LaCross

Taking on a new challenge tomorrow. I’ve got a copy of that Essential Pepin cookbook. As a date idea, I told the newly minted Duchess LaCross that we’re going to pick a main and a couple sides and cook something awesome together for the first time. French is really one of my culinary blindspots. What are the odds I’m still in this relationship by the end of the night?

I’m praying for better weather, I kind of don’t want to get in a trap of everything we do having to involve food.

yeah right

I’m cooking a straight up homage to Marcella Hazan tomorrow.
Details to follow a week from tomorrow.

King Hippo

JUST FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!

yeah right

Our dear Scotchy is quite the wordsmith yes?