Well, that was one hell of a first round.

For the

first time in NHL history, all four division winners were knocked out in the first round. Boston is the (theoretical) highest seed remaining in the tournament. Let’s look back on what some dumbass predicted would happen:

• Matchup: Prediction: Actual Result

East:

• Tampa vs Columbus: Tampa in four. Columbus in 4.
• Boston vs Toronto: Bruins in 5. Bruins in 7.
• Washington vs Carolina: Capitals in six. Carolina in 7.
• Pittsburgh vs NY Islanders: Islanders in seven. Islanders in 4.

West:

• Calgary vs Colorado: Flames in 5. Colorado in 5.
• Vegas vs San Jose: Sharks in 6. Sharks in 7. 
• Nashville vs Dallas: Nashville in 7. Dallas in 6.
• Winnipeg vs St. Louis: Jets in 6. Blues in 6.

Three series winners correctly predicted; no correct number of games predicted. This is why I leave the GAMBLOR to trained professionals.

Anyway, since the NFL Draft™ is tonight, and Horatio has an excellent post prepared about that topic, I thought I would make the second round preview its own separate entry for the day. It helps feed the #contentmonster, and makes up for my lack of output due to actually being busy at work.

Columbus vs. Boston

Columbus has had eight days to rest, so they are more than prepared to head into Boston. The trade deadline decision to hold onto Panarin & Goalie Bob has clearly paid dividends because Columbus finally won a series in four straight, and against the prohibitive favourites to take the whole damned thing. Coach Tortorella should be a delight behind the bench and in front of the press during the series, as he looks to distract the glare of the spotlight away from his team, fearing that if they buy into their own hype the magic will evaporate.

Boston, meanwhile, has to come down from the high of beating the Leafs again & get ready for a team they played three times in the final month of the season. They split the series 1-1-1, with Boston earning the extra point in overtime. Their last meeting was on April 2nd, with Boston winning 6-2, so the teams were already playoff-ready when they last met. Tuukka Rask was up to the task of the Leafs, but his wobbly defence will need to step up to keep the suddenly quick Blue Jackets from peppering the net against them the way they danced around Tampa.

Conclusion: It’s a pick ’em at this stage. Marchand should be able to get off the schneid, and Columbus likely has shot their wad. I appreciate the feelings of a majority on this site,

But what can I say – I’m a Bruins stan.

Prediction: Bruins in 5.

Carolina vs. NY Islanders

Here we have a team that never should have left their home versus a team everyone wishes was back in their original home. (I’ll leave you to decide which is which.)

Barry Trotz took his escape clause after winning the Cup last year to go to New York and took a bunch of rag-tag kids that just lost their franchise player & turned them into a defensive machine that focused on tight goaltending and building a defence that plugged up the middle and was near the top of the league in blocked shots.

Robin Lehner proved his Vezina nomination was worthy by consistently stymieing the Penguins offence, as evidenced by Sidney Crosby’s girl-punching towards the end of the series. And by not being focused around one high-scoring line, the Islanders proved themselves an effective counter-attacking threat, as proven against the Penguins when they tallied most of their goals against the stream of play.

We saw what Carolina was last night against Washington – a rope-a-dope team that lets you throw all your punches early and then works their way back into the game by methodically finding your weakness and continually pressuring it. First-year coach & captain of their only Cup winner Rod Brind’Amour has taken a group of kids and willed them into the second round by having them play a style of game that few teams muster in the modern NHL. Sometimes “giving no fucks” can be considered a positive strategy. They still have a Staal, which always counts for something, and somehow their goaltending has defied the heritage of the players holding the position, much to the consternation of the Commentists.

Conclusion: This should be the most bonkers of the four series. One team who shouldn’t be here, and a team who shouldn’t have gotten here as easily as it did. It’ll either be another sweep or a seven-game bloodfest.

Prediction: Islanders in 6.

Dallas vs. St. Louis

Dallas is the Bill Ponderosa of hockey teams. There’s always a better team against them, but they insist on dragging them down to their level. (In this scenario, Nashville is Dee.) There is nothing attractive about them, but they somehow still always manage to get a job done, albeit the quality of the product is somewhat suspicious. They just keep coming at you until you wear down, and after they’re done, you cannot comprehend how that happened. But it did, and now Nashville is sitting at home watching Dallas move onto a series that rightly should have been theirs.

St. Louis are the emotional favourite left in the playoffs. BFIB summer reputation aside, the Blues are the last 1967-expansion era team to not win a Cup. (The Golden Seals moved to Cleveland in 1976 & were eventually merged with the North Stars in 1978, who became Dallas in 1993, who beat Buffalo for a Cup in 1999.) They have had the misfortune of being in the same division as the ascendant Red Wings and Blackhawks, which relegated them to second- or third-team status despite having solid overall records during this period. And, they were in last place at the beginning of December, when they fired their coach & fortune smiled upon them by turning rookie Jordan Binnington into Glenn Hall.

“Interim” head coach Craig Berube has done a masterful job coaching these guys up, and has turned them into a version of himself from his playing days – unafraid, occasionally stupid, but able to put the puck in the net and protect their goalie. It’s what got them into the playoffs, and what drove them past Winnipeg. They are the sentimental choice to make the finals now, if only to give Internet Dad a late-June parade.

Conclusion: Dallas must be stopped. Their ugly brand of hockey must not be allowed to continue.

Prediction: Blues in 6.

San Jose vs. Colorado

Colorado is ahead of schedule. Here’s what I said in the preview of their series against Calgary:

Colorado is a good young team as well, but their rebuild is a couple years behind the Flames. Nate McKinnon is a beast around which they are building a small dynasty, and if they’d gotten the Hughes pick they’d be laughing deep into the 2020s. Gabriel Landeskog & Mikko Rantanen are solid forwards that have benefitted from working the PP alongside McKinnon. The Av’s defence is a bit suspect at times, and the goaltending hasn’t been what one would consider Cup-challenger ready. Semyon Varlamov suffers from the Russian goalie trait of taking mental breaks during games, often to the team’s detriment. If the Av’s go out in four quick ones, look for them to try & lure Bobrovsky away from Columbus in the offseason.

It was all bullshit. Turns out Calgary was the fraud in that series. The Avalanche are apparently the real deal, so either I’ve just cursed them or they really are that good. I wouldn’t have said they played out of their minds, because they won two games in OT by scoring late & wearing Calgary down. Young & stupid can sometimes also equate into wanting something more, and they sure as hell wanted it more than the Flames did.

As for the Sharks, they played the period of the year Tuesday night in their victory over the Golden Knights. Never mind the ethics of the five-minute power play they got, they made it work, got the luck they needed in OT, and now they have the intangibles they need to make a deep Cup run:

• A mission: Do it for the Old Man. 
• A cause: Do it for Pavs.
• A redemption story: Martin Jones’s netminding.
• A belief: The curse has been lifted.

These are all the “bulletin board” qualities teams strive to obtain during playoff runs – the motivational “thing” that can keep them going. It’s made a formerly dull team like the Sharks ‘fun to watch’, a phrase I never thought I could ever associate with them. And slaying the Beast that was Vegas has given them a platform to build upon & a great rivalry that will continue deep into next season (and hopefully beyond).

Conclusion: Another western time zone series that will drive Gary Bettman nuts because it will have all the good games people will complain they were too tired to stay up and watch. I hope it fucking kills him.

Prediction: Sharks in 6.

There you have it. Hopefully, the second round will be just as much fun as the first. Given that the only teams really expected to be here are the Sharks & Bruins, anything else that happens will be a pleasant surprise. Enjoy the games, and the commenting.