Your The Night Before Winning The Lottery Sunday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Today was the first of two major sport free-agent negotiation windows. The NBA’s started today, and the salary cap for the NBA this year is $109.14 million, up seven million from last year. Negotiations could officially begin as of 6:00PM ET today. Before I left for the ballpark to get people drunk, the big talk was of Kawhi Leonard & Kevin Durant signing on the same team & forming a new superteam.

The NHL’s is tomorrow starting at noon ET. The Penguins unofficially kicked things off by trading Phil Kessel to Arizona, just in time for a Fourth of July hot dog roast. (Not my line; can’t remember whose.) It should be a fun day watching people move around for millions of dollars.

We just have to get through the garbage that is Sunday evening sports. Good thing Canada has a three-day weekend to help us with our misery after losing to fellow soccer minnow Haiti last night. The difference between Canadian & US sports fans is that Canadians expect their team, even if favoured, to lose, which is why we are considered experts at hate-watching events. We love them & want them to win, but we’re never surprised at the opposite result. It’s what makes us so pleasantly sanguine.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Atlanta at Mets – 7:00PM | ESPN
  • Fútbol:
    • Concacaf Copa Oro 2019:
      • Cuartos de final IV / Quarterfinal IV: USA vs. Curacao – 8:00PM | UNI / FS1 / TSN3

Guaranteed this is more entertaining than either sports event,

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick MeathookUnsurprisedCol. Duke LaCrossMoose -The End Is Well NighMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery, with “Hitler” (left) and “Rommel” (right), France 1944
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I grew up in Washington D.C. back when it was a hick town. It ain’t a hick town anymore.

If you live in a hick town, then embrace it because you are “the man.” One day it won’t be a hick town.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s a flag that me and my younger brother Jimmy (1964-2002) stole from the Washington Monument.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVEATF7VNTk

. . . and the chick in the middle here is every school teacher I ever had between kindergarten and fourth grade, with the exception of first , second, and third grades.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Kids today will never understand how raw Barry Sanders was.🔥 pic.twitter.com/q4pNiQQA1e

— AAWOL (@AAWOLSports) June 27, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Video

https://giant.gfycat.com/GranularEarlyBull.mp4

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Explain this.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Barry Sanders was fucking awesome and I was randomly reminded of that while making myself irrationally angry on Twitter. Sometimes good stuff slips in by happenstance.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Okay you should’ve said this in the first place.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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A long, long time ago, Old Jake remembers still; that first night was the worst theater clean-up in memory.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Saw the Jordan Peele film “Us” last night. Anyone pulled that one apart here yet? Odd film.

Fronkenshteen

Rhinos fucking on BBC America. Just a heads up.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is the kind of information I can only get on DFO.

Thank you for doing the Lord’s Work.

Fronkenshteen

GIRAFFE FIGHT!!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Indeed. Also, never realized that was my thing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DVRed!!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

RHINOCEROS!

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Did this guy ever actually get “tazed?”

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Of course not. He respectfully asked not to be while white.

King Hippo

I am realizing that at this time next week, there will be 4 days ahead without even el beisbol or various continental Euros to watch. I wonder if that is peak suicide time, at least after Christmas.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Seriously. The CFL is missing a golden opportunity.

At least there’s a bunch of WNBA games…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I think there are some MLS games

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s a scene where Owen Wilson and Ben Affleck are talking about how surreal the whole thing is and who’s which movie character. Affleck claims Han Solo over Wilson and I just realized that Ben Affleck is the Han Solo in Armageddon because he comes out of nowhere at the end to help save the day.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Also, he has sex with the woman the star is related to.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I don’t entirely feel comfortable with Amazon sending me an email of my front door while I was sitting right next to it and had no indication of anything. I guess there’s no need for the slightest whiff of “confrontation” but that’s not right.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This sounds like the first two minutes of a Black Mirror episode.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I think it is how that VR Star Trek episode begins, but that also includes the dude being a dick to his Amazon/Postmates guy. So that’s probably what they want to avoid.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that was a fun one. Jimmi Simpson is good in everything.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait, whut?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Since Amazon now lets any random person deliver packages for them and not just USPS or UPS, to prove they actually delivered packages they now send you a photo of the package in front of the door or wherever you have it delivered in the delivery confirmation email. It’s only really useful when you want to complain about the delivery person leaving them out for porch pirates to steal your shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Huh, interesting. I haven’t gotten one of those. Just had an amazon delivery a coupla days ago.
I think it was Fedex who delivered it, actually.

Maybe the folks in North Cackalacky can’t afford cameras.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I order from Amazon all the time and it’s mostly USPS or FedEx delivering, but one time (on a “same day” delivery) I got an emailed photo of the package at my door. This is in Playa del Rey California which of course is more sophisticated than the rest of North America and there’s a lot of granny porn here plus we’re all coke addicts.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Don’t hate the Playa del Rey, hate the… something.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hate the Rey

King Hippo

just NAE Lana Del Rey

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Not this Rey

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King Hippo

or porch pirates, I am glad they leave my nonsense on the landing, I am too weird and half-deaf to be answering the door and shit

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, you’re getting Green Day.
It’s been that kind of day.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Wait a sec, I need to scratch my nut sack.

/scratches nut sack

Okay I’m done. Carry on, men.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Need a hand? Figuratively speaking, of course.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I said carry on.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

20 years ago today, "Smooth" with @SantanaCarlos was released! pic.twitter.com/U3ogJQA4Qz

— Rob Thomas (@ThisIsRobThomas) June 29, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shue in.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I only just found out about this.

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/irs-satanic-temple-church-tax-exempt-826931/

I think it would be pretty cool if one day a Congressperson was sworn in using the Necronomicon.

herodotus450
herodotus450

With all the swearing that goes on here, DFO should be a Church by now.
…We could make it ok to marry our attractive cousins?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We have attractive cousins?

*takes pants off.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

**pants were already off, just needed the phrase for the joke.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Someone around here is bound to have one. Maybe a woman cousin even. Then we can all marry her.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I have at least four first cousins who I would fuck the shit out of (I never have nor have ever brought it up). I think all four of them know it too, in a charming way.

Maybe I should introduce them to you.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Wooo boy, someone get the rag-on-a-stick and get scrubbin, I got me a date.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

But remember, they really love me. You’re just a surrogate.

Report the details. Include photographs.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

And step sisters!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t even need the stop, brother.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

We already have the Commentarianist Church. Technically, we don’t have any Articles of Faith regarding consenting adult cousins, attractive or otherwise.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This is a movie I’ve never seen that I most want to see (The Wicker Man (1973) (not the remake with Nic Cage (2006) (“The bees! Not the bees!”)))

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The one with Nic is not a tenth as good IMO.

Col. Duke LaCross

No, but it’s still kinda entertaining in that Nic Cage May be legitimately batshit insane kinda way.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean we already do have our own pantheon.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

If you will it, Dude, it is no dream. Just a matter of time and interest.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Man, this dry skin….

Redshirt
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You’d think they would include Bobby Bonilla as wishful thinking.

Redshirt

The next time a Christian gets all Holier Than Thou and starts judging those that “live in sin”, remind them that “truth with grace is love, truth without grace is mean and grace without truth is meaningless” and say your quoting a Christian pastor in response to the LGBTQ Pride celebrations.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I prefer to go straight to the gospel and go with “it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.”

herodotus450
herodotus450

Or how about the “only god can judge life and death, unless it’s a black guy on death row because of a coerced confession” part.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hold on just a minute!

We can get coerced confession from Messicans toos.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d rather go with logic, facts, and ethics, but those usually have no affect.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Muppets are (almost) always the answer

Redshirt

You sick freak!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

#muppetporndotcom

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Time to wipe the pitch with los Licores Azules

yeah right

Damn. I mean DAMN I wish you folks could smell what Sunday Gravy is cooking.
I’m going to work with my work engineers to bring smell-o- vision to real life.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

After today’s recipe, I don’t think I want to eat or smell food for quite a while.

yeah right

I’m coming back with my A game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

All you SHOULD be able to smell what I just dealt.

yeah right

I was wondering what that was.
Jesus.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Even he couldn’t let one go like that.

King Hippo

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Once you get outside the usual Padres bullpen, that’ll happen.

King Hippo

I am sure Rev. will agree…that 11th inning closer combo of Webb and Leone made us more than a bit itchy. And no clue who would have pitched after the 12th.

But fuck, I am just glad we at least fought back and competed. Jeebus.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I wasn’t watching/monitoring in real time. I will admit to a great deal of puzzlement looking at the pitching portion of the box score.

King Hippo

they wuz all that wuz left, went a little matchup-heavy in the 7th and 8th

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Alright Padres, how about a walk off?

rockingdog
rockingdog

come onnnnnn team…

King Hippo

or how about the #BFIB hold onto a teeny scintilla of non-despair??

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

WIETERS!

ballsofsteelandfury

Someday, the Canadians amongst us will have to explain the Canadian Cottage thing…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I always assumed a “Canadian Cottage” was an extremely perverted (yet polite) sexual position involving two men, a woman and a moose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wat?