Request Line: Names, Names, Names!

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

A well-tanned PRODUCER and a cheerfully lit-up DJ 3000 stroll into the office.

PRODUCER: Well that sure was a relaxing eight week stay in Puerto Vallarta, wouldn’t you say, DJ 3000?

DJ 3000: SI, SI, FUE MUY RELAJENTE.

PRODUCER: We’re back in the States, buddy.  Better switch back to English before those human piles of excrement that work for I.C.E. slap a tarriff on you.

DJ 3000: [flips boolean]

PRODUCER: I wonder if anything interesting happened while we were gone…

[CUT TO]

DANIEL JONES in the upper boughs of a tree outside a brownstone in Brooklyn, wearing only a lacy camisole and looking very frightened and very confused.

[CUT BACK]

DJ 3000: SO WHAT IS ON THE SCHEDULE FOR TODAY?

PRODUCER: I thought you would know.

DJ 3000: MY CALENDAR HAS NOT SYNCHED YET…AH, THERE IT GOES.  IT LOOKS LIKE TODAY OUR HOST IS…

— [door flies open] —

JOHN DAVID BOOTY: Hiya fellas!

PRODUCER: John David Booty.  Wow.  It’s been awhile.

JOHN DAVID BOOTY: It sure has!  Good to see you boys!

DJ 3000: WELCOME.  I REMEMBER SEEING YOU PLAY FOR THE [hurriedly looks him up on Wikipedia] MINNESOTA VIKINGS.

PRODUCER: What are you…are you…here to host?

JOHN DAVID BOOTY: That’s right!  Me and station management go way back, and I’ve been looking to get myself a few more public speaking gigs, so I thought I’d turn up and show the world what I got!

PRODUCER: Well, that’s…

JOHN DAVID BOOTY: Anyhow, I’m supposed to have a co-host but it doesn’t look like he’s gonna make it – he said his car broke down and he’s having trouble getting a lift.

[CUT TO]

Jason Pierre-Paul standing by the side of the freeway, attempting to hitchhike, looking very frustrated.

[CUT BACK]

DJ 3000: Ninety seconds to air.

PRODUCER: Shit, time is tight.  Okay, so…

— [door flies open] —

ARANTXA SÁNCHEZ VICARIO: ¿Disculpe, DJ 3000 trabaja aquí? [sees him] ¡Aha!

DJ 3000: AHORA NO, ARANTXA.

ARANTXA SÁNCHEZ VICARIO: ¡Pero nunca dijiste adiós! ¡Y tu nunca pagaste la cuenta en el bar! Era mucho dinero.

PRODUCER: Goddamnit, we’re running out of time.  Okay, John, get in there.

The PRODUCER shoves JOHN DAVID BOOTY into the recording booth and starts furiously punching buttons on the console, while DJ 3000 and ARANTXA SÁNCHEZ VICARIO begin arguing furiously in Spanish.  He pounds on the glass to get JOHN DAVID BOOTY’s attention, then counts things down with his fingers.

JOHN DAVID BOOTY: Good day, folks!  It’s your favorite…[looks at PRODUCER, who shakes his head slowly and holds up five fingers]…fifth-favorite…[looks out at producer, who taps his forehead to acknowledge his own forgetfulness and is now holding up a picture of Todd Marinovich]…sixth-favorite former USC quarterback with you for another edition of Request Line.  Today we’re looking for songs whose titles include the full name of a person.  Bonus points for songs that have a first, middle and a last name in the title.  I’ll get us started with one from Green Day.  Lines are open now, so have at it!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Subscribe
Notify of
128 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
theeWeeBabySeamus

Technically doesn’t qualify, but gotta anyway….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3hkwAlOlzY

SonOfSpam
scotchnaut

Younger me was absolutely fascinated by Billy Burroughs and this is a spoken word thingy with a jazzy background that is actually, well, the last words uttered by the gangster Dutch Shultz.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8D-Cj1TyjY

SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam

I’m useless, but not for long

(That’s actually a half-truth)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V_xRb0x9aw

SonOfSpam

Can’t find the Rancid version from the Chef Aid album, but WOO ANAHEIM HILLS!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gXSO6NBick

scotchnaut

Upbeat rockabilly tune about the founder of the UFW? Say no more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fmyh4gP3_dk

ballsofsteelandfury
scotchnaut

I told you I was fresh out!

SonOfSpam

Kinda assumed “Jean” wasn’t a last name. Also, the kid is not my son.

scotchnaut

According to Snopes her full name is Billie Jean Krupnick.

Game Time Decision

Awaits ISM’s rebuttal, and\or 60,000 word post on why this song is wrong\right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JhVo2zS8hU

SonOfSpam

“I got chunks of guys like you in my stool!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSypnaxAlP4

SonOfSpam

Q: Where does The Lone Ranger take his trash?
A: To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3T8-aeOrbg

SonOfSpam

Sing along (swallow a handful of gravel first)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkOMiA_uGso

SonOfSpam

Music for test-driving a Porsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1Syd7kRIuk

SonOfSpam

Good pull. Have a cigar.

scotchnaut

His close friends called him ‘king” so this totally counts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgTPH5y1-ZI

scotchnaut
Senor Weaselo

What every lady sings at an R&B open mic night.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXV_QjenbDw

LemonJello

I only knew her first name:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8iTjP5cTcQ

LemonJello

Goddammit.

I will drink tonight to atone for this oversight.

scotchnaut
BrettFavresColonoscopy
LemonJello
scotchnaut

Here’s the second song you ever heard from Dexy’s Midnight Runners. Yeah, it’s a cover but them’s some solid mullets!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLjlrNpKsSk

LemonJello
ballsofsteelandfury

Excellent work!

scotchnaut
Sharkbait

Solid steal there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Given the other shenanigans in this thread, I think we can DOUBLE SHOT this up:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=YcqauC49Xmc&feature=youtu.be

SonOfSpam

no fundamentals just showoff urban guys smdh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDLvbnoGA6M

ballsofsteelandfury

¡Excelente español!

SonOfSpam

SEND BALLS BACK SEND BALLS BACK SEND BALLS BACK

Don T

For a long while, I thought this was a high point of art. Stormtroopers of Death – The Ballad of Jimi Hendrix

https://youtube.com/watch?v=oAp7Vz6GwzA

Senor Weaselo

Some Schoolhouse Rock in this joint.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koZFca8AkT0

Don T

Rubén Blades – Pedro Navaja
This song should be part of every storytelling curriculum.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=3z5K–_5aXE

Don T

BLADE GUY DOUBLE SHOT
Bobby Darin – Mack the Knife

https://youtube.com/watch?v=SEllHMWkXEU

Don T

Last name. “The” is the middle name.

SonOfSpam

Songs about drug use in the conductor industry are my jam.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_x2m6i4KFqg

Don T

Los Kinks – David Watts

https://youtube.com/watch?v=RBcRUVLbmro

SonOfSpam

Good song, and the video features Alexandra DaDDario, which is nice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ahglrb_z7wQ

SonOfSpam

Jason Pierre-Paul standing by the side of the freeway, attempting to hitchhike, looking very frustrated.

Excellent.

Senor Weaselo
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Damn, I came here to pull this shit.