Your “Night Comes Early” Sunday Open Thread

There’s a 4 o’clock football game so there’s a corresponding thread. That’s just the way it goes around here. This will double as the evening thread, btw.

Fallout from yesterday-

Rams rook Henderson caught himself 6 passes for 38 yards but one of those was for 26. So really you’re looking at 5 catches for a measly 12 yardos. ESPN is trying to tell me lies. Why?

Them silly Lions have given up 11 sacks in their first 2 games this year. Please consider donating to the “Save The Considerable Backside of Chubby McCheesecake” campaign.

If the Chiefs with to maintain the dynamism of their O they should scooch Darwin Thompson ahead of Carlos Hyde in their rb hierarchy. Speed does kill, after all.

Hey, I don’t think anyone suffered a season-ending injury yesterday! Well done, NFL! [whispers] they got lucky, didn’t they? TO THE GAMES!

Saints/Chargers:

We’ll be seeing “The Little QB That Could” tonight for the first time. As for me, I’ll be cheering for Lil’Jordan Humphrey because everyone here at DFO needs more oddball names to riff on. The challenge for the coaching staff of the Bolts right now is how best to use rb’s Ekeler and Jackson, what with Gordon holding out. As stated yesterday, I think Zeke plays week 1 but I sure don’t get that vibe from his counterpart in San Derlegoland. Thing is, if one of the wanna-be starters grabs the role by the ballsack, that will just further entrench management’s position in the matter.

‘Hawks/Vikes:

Seattle has a bit of a logjam at the wr spot behind Lockett, Brown and Moore. Given what I stated above all of my moneys is on Jazz Ferguson and his Orchestra.

I’m done but you’ve just begun. Weird.

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Moose -The End Is Well NighThurberHerderBrick MeathookWCSSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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WCS

Martin Short gets blowed up real good!

WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

From the back:

NORA WAYNE – She believed that a wife’s place was in the home, until company politics led her to a motel with another woman’s husband.
RENA BLYTHE – Her husband was a wheel, so she had her pick of young executives hot for promotion… and play. The lovers she chose were always scheduled for transfer. Rena didn’t believe in long-term entanglements!
ANITA GOMEZ – Half-Indian, half-Mexican, she hoped to further her night club singing career by hitching her voluptuous torso to a company star.
What happens to today’s young, attractive, self-seeking couples when their careers meet for a moment of truth? This novel dares to reveal the relationship between sex and success in today’s feverish business world!

That’s just good writin’.

Doktor Zymm

$7.96 for ‘The Black Six’ starring Mean Joe Greene? Hell yeah!

Doktor Zymm

So I hurt myself putting on a wetsuit yesterday. When I was pulling up chunks of neoprene, I scraped the skin off the first knuckles of my ring and middle fingers. It’s such a dumb injury.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought that was going in a different direction.

Senor Weaselo

Well it was after she stole the Declaration of Independence for the treasure map on the back.

Doktor Zymm

I didn’t actually realize how shitty the Steelers were until the 70s

...

Nodding sagely as a Boomer bitches about $15/hour minimum wage while saying he started at $3 at 16 in the mid-1970’s.

Doktor Zymm

Do you think people actually end up in the positions they’re best at? People do convert in the NFL, but not much more than WR -> TE or SS->FS. Sean Taylor switched from RB to Safety when he went to college, but that’s not very usual. It seems people end up in a spot in HS or earlier based on combinations of needs and wants, then stay in that spot because they learn it, but do we trust that? Are we optimizing?

Gratliff

Hopefully, one day, Kirk Cousins will find his fit.

Doktor Zymm

I legit Reefer Madness armchair guy laughed at this

yeah right

I never saw myself ending up here.
Even based on multiple iterations but I’m here. And it’s cool.

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

Golden Tate was a high school running back, but RB to WR in college isn’t that much of a stretch

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

What I’m hearing is that you’re a proponent of caste football, right?

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A little bedtime reading about droit du seigneur.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve heard from some sources that it wasn’t all that widespread

Doktor Zymm

At least in the Prima Nocte sense. I think it goes without saying that the nobility raped commoners at will

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Its back, baby AWWOOOOUUU
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Doktor Zymm

EWWWWWWW

Gratliff

Just imagining the lynch mob that would have formed if that had been Obama

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Secret Service would have just shot him.

Doktor Zymm

Huh, Mean Joe Greene was selected in the same draft as OJ Simpson. The Bills went on to win 0 Super Bowls. The Steelers, slightly more.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Also, Mean Joe gave that kid in the Coke commercial his jersey. OJ just left behind a fucking glove.

Doktor Zymm

An OMEN!

Doktor Zymm

It must suck to be part of an awesome defense on a team where the offense blows

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is a to-do list, and I know it can be accomplished. I’m sick and fucking tired of treating this shit like it’s a Christmas wishlist to Santa. We can do everything outlined and we can do it within months of the inauguration if we don’t falter.

https://berniesanders.com/justice-and-safety-for-all/

...

The most verbose, unhinged tweet storm about Bernie I’ve ever seen was circulating today and hoooboy this election cycle going to be pure Hell.

Gratliff

Biden is winning the primary. Just accept it. They’ll bring him out like fucking Hannibal Lecter to shut him up if they have to and put a cardboard cutout of Obama next to him and that’s gonna be enough to win it.

...

The one upside of Biden winning the nomination is those debates with Trump where the winner is whomever manages to shit their pants last.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’ll be Harris. She was ordained the day after Hillary lost.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

She has two things against her … gender and skin tone. Probably loses 5% of the plasterbrain midwest vote because of both.

...

Obama won those people easily.

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Oh man considering how her campaign has gone so far that would be a huge lol

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You could say the same thing about HRC. If they want her to be the nominee, they’ll make it happen.

This is like when Kerry’s people were running around in January 2003 already squaring up the pieces for his eventual nomination.

...

The person not yet mentioned who has raked in a lot of money and is nuzzling up to the most important people is Buttigieg who will probably float around long enough to get the cabinet position or VP slot he’s hoping for.

Doktor Zymm

Although I hate her record, she’s got her shit together. I think she would do okay in the top job.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I love it. Trump has gotten everyone to show their asses, but Bernie has gotten the shittiest right-wing assholes in the Democratic Party to rip off their masks and show what a bunch of corrupt, evil pieces of shit they have always been. He pisses off all the worst people in the world, and I appreciate it. But I don’t love it. It doesn’t affect me. What I love is that he inspires people who have in many cases long since given up. He’s Obama without being completely full of shit.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Bernie is a senile goat. So’s Biden and so’s Trump. The Worst Generation has done enough. Time for them all to go.

...

Bernie is not remotely senile.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Senile? No, he’s just consistent on his principles and those have shown him to be right almost all of the time for the last 60 years. You’re thinking of Biden, who so loves enriching the wealthy that he did it for free and didn’t even reap the material benefit for himself. That’s not only evil but stupid.

Doktor Zymm

Bernie “Do we want more immigrants or more jobs for our kids?” Sanders? No fucking thank you. I hate populists. His trade and immigration policies mirror Trump’s, he just gives different shitty justifications.

Gratliff

He checks the most boxes for me, but his record on guns and border shit is hard to reconcile. If I could bring myself to trust Warren won’t just rip the mask off once she’s stripped enough votes off Sanders and/or be just completely tossed in the trash heap by the centrists, she’d probably be the more pragmatic choice.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

She voted for Reagan twice. Warren’s judgment is suspect at best.

Gratliff

Yup. That’s the problem. It’s hard to trust that she doesn’t just 180 everything once she feels comfortable.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Look at Warren’s history. Long before she was even being hinted at as a Senate candidate, her academic writing was about the problems that working families face, medical expense-induced bankruptcies, etc. She worked on bankruptcy reform bills and testified before Congress and tore a strip off Joe Biden, who represented the credit card-issuer state of DE.

She definitely cares about the issues that working-class families face. Is she a socialist? Nope. She isn’t bullshitting about that — if you really want a “pure” socialist president, Bernie’s your guy. But the idea that she’s some Manchurian Centrist candidate is pretty funny to me. Realistically, the things that Bernie would want to do that Warren wouldn’t probably wouldn’t make it through Congress and/or the Roberts Court anyway, so I think functionally there wouldn’t be much difference.

...

I’m balking at the idea Bernie is a “pure socialist” but I think your take on Warren is mostly accurate. Warren’s problem has never been that she doesn’t actually care (she’s the only leader besides Bernie who does) but always that she’s a tepid reformer who will get bested by the Jamie Dimons of the world who will just grin and say whatever she does to them they can just pay to get around.

Doktor Zymm

I think Warren is legit, I disagree with her on some stuff, but she’s a friendly policy wonk. She likely is somewhat playing to the base, she takes more advice on messaging than some candidates, but I think she believes what she says. The real question is how much she’ll actually be willing to compromise to get shit done, and how. Congress isn’t going to suddenly get more complacent if a progressive woman is elected. I don’t know that she’ll stand up to that well.

Dunstan
Dunstan

I prefer Warren
I’ll be happy with pretty much everybody else not mentioned in this post
I’ll grit my teeth if it’s Biden
I will drink everything in sight if it’s Williamson, Yang, or Gabbard. (Hint: it won’t be. My liquor supply is safe)
All of them preferable to Trump

...

Gabbard will always have a tiny place in my heart for knifing Harris in the last debate.

Doktor Zymm

Curious what you hate about Yang? Williamson is a joke and Gabbard is Islamaphobic, Yang is basically running on UBI, so not a UBI fan?

Dunstan
Dunstan

I regard Yang as another vanity candidate. Feel free to toss Steyer in there, too — I had forgotten about him.

I think that skill and experience in governing actually matter. Run for Congress or Senate or fucking dogcatcher first. People who go straight to president annoy me.

(Ike was before my time. But motherfucka beat the Nazis, so that excuses a lot.)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yang is peddling one of the UBI plans that is completely worthless except as an excuse to gut the social safety net. There may be one or two good UBI plans that accounts for the ways every other plan just ends up feeding all of that to the wealthy when they increase costs on items with inelastic demand like housing, food, and medicine; but no one is running on those plans.

I’m assuming Gabbard is Islamophobic because of her stance on Modi?

Doktor Zymm

More all her engagement with the Mid East, Sisi, fascist Syrian parties, her suspicion that every Muslim nation is helping ISIS. Hell, she’s so Islamaphobic that she stopped being homophobic because extreme Islam is homophobic and she felt that was too close to home.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is the correct take.

Gratliff

I don’t know how I missed this the first time around. It’s so good.
https://twitter.com/ChrisStephensMD/status/900192642234949632

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Somewhere in Phoenix, carpet is not being sold at rockbottom prices because this guy’s at a Trump Rally.

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Are you sure about that?
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Dunstan
Dunstan

You’re right, that headline is totally inaccurate.

“Preseason action” is an oxymoron.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Cubbie bullpen in full effect

...

You love to see it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

I’m entertained by the presumption of artists that women’s breasts roughly follow the styles of bra that are popular. Hence the relative pointiness in old-school illustrations like this. Also, all women totally wear full makeup in the bath.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Christ, it’s a pulp cover.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

If they cant win, fail spectacularly

Don T

Think I hacked DirecTV’s channel packages. I’m saving a shitload by going basic Spanish package. WARNING: Fox Deportes does not have spicier NFL programming, despite the crawl’s claims.
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Doktor Zymm

NFL es no muy picante?

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Spanish soap operas on the other hand…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

/WATCHES IN SPANISH

herodotus450
herodotus450

No thanks, I take these pills to avoid Eros Regresa

Gratliff

Switching to spanish broadcasts is the fastest way to get a visit from ICE. Does ICE exist out that way?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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See! That’s what our presidentay is talkin’ ’bout; TERRORISTAS!

Gratliff

Feel like they’re really burying the lede with the nest of zombies bit

Don T

They’re here. And instruct Spanish speakers to go home, usually between 20 miles and a coupla blocks.

Gratliff

At the risk of showing my ass, I always assumed all Puerto Ricans spoke Spanish. Surprised Trump hasn’t had them set up a fucking blockade around the island at this point.

Don T

We speak Spanish. English is taught in every school grade, 1 to 12. Some master English and even speak it among themselves casually (usually private school teens). English is often a job requirement.
A friend from Minnesota came to visit PR in March. He got by very well speaking inglés.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

The little leaguers are rattling Kimbrel

...

Hey, everybody. Want to experience instant brain death?
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I assume this is satire, but Poe’s Law …

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It is actually not lol

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck

Gratliff
Gratliff

My guy was trying to debunk second hand smoke decades after the tobacco industry knew it was killing people

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s a shame he didn’t accidentally kill himself in the process somehow

...

I once met a petroleum engineer who worked in Alberta and while he was an obnoxious shithead in many ways, his disbelief in global warming really seemed to be denial to avoid facing the reality of what he was doing for a living than real malice.

That Milloy guy? He seems to be genuinely evil.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s also plenty of money to be made in the anti-change grift

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

But like I said about hating lawyers, it’s especially the ones who I look at or know who I am too much of a pussy to just ask “How can you work for the bad guys?”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Of course he’s a lawyer.

Jesus Christ. I hate lawyers.

Doktor Zymm

I personally have no stake in the continued instance of humanity. The planet will go on without us.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The effect may be considerable in a few centuries.

That aged like milk. What is that law that states for every efficiency, consumption will increase to neutralize the gains? Ah, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jevons_paradox. First noticed in 1865. Eep.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It was written in 1912 dipshit.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Nah, this was entirely composed in the 21st century. There are too many little things that give it away.

Take the lower-case “t” for example; it’s raised identically in every use. While that may happen somewhat on an old typewriter (and not identically), it wouldn’t happen in newspaper linotype of the day. If it happens identically every instance, that’s digital typography in a font designed to look “old-timey.”

Also the use of the word “about” in the first sentence meaning “approximately” seems very anachronistic to 1912.

And atmospheric science was in it’s infancy in 1912 as the measurement equipment barely existed nor did the means of sampling the upper atmosphere via sounding rockets and high-altitude balloons, yet alone aircraft or spacecraft.

The entire masthead is full of made-up words.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are even a bigger dipshit; you should do a little research before blathering your “analysis.” Maybe stick to ball waxing commentary.

Doktor Zymm

I heart skunks like whoa

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Somebody doesn’t have smell-o-vision.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Russell Wilson interview cliche game is mid season form

...

Just thinking about the fish tube video.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Hmm. And Q is done after 7 innings, and heres Holland with an ERA over 5.

Doktor Zymm

What about a New Holland IPA?

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

“Oh, I thought you wanted over 5 ABV — Joe Maddon, probably