There’s a 4 o’clock football game so there’s a corresponding thread. That’s just the way it goes around here. This will double as the evening thread, btw.
Fallout from yesterday-
Rams rook Henderson caught himself 6 passes for 38 yards but one of those was for 26. So really you’re looking at 5 catches for a measly 12 yardos. ESPN is trying to tell me lies. Why?
Them silly Lions have given up 11 sacks in their first 2 games this year. Please consider donating to the “Save The Considerable Backside of Chubby McCheesecake” campaign.
If the Chiefs with to maintain the dynamism of their O they should scooch Darwin Thompson ahead of Carlos Hyde in their rb hierarchy. Speed does kill, after all.
Hey, I don’t think anyone suffered a season-ending injury yesterday! Well done, NFL! [whispers] they got lucky, didn’t they? TO THE GAMES!
Saints/Chargers:
We’ll be seeing “The Little QB That Could” tonight for the first time. As for me, I’ll be cheering for Lil’Jordan Humphrey because everyone here at DFO needs more oddball names to riff on. The challenge for the coaching staff of the Bolts right now is how best to use rb’s Ekeler and Jackson, what with Gordon holding out. As stated yesterday, I think Zeke plays week 1 but I sure don’t get that vibe from his counterpart in San Derlegoland. Thing is, if one of the wanna-be starters grabs the role by the ballsack, that will just further entrench management’s position in the matter.
‘Hawks/Vikes:
Seattle has a bit of a logjam at the wr spot behind Lockett, Brown and Moore. Given what I stated above all of my moneys is on Jazz Ferguson and his Orchestra.
I’m done but you’ve just begun. Weird.
I met a guy yesterday who…get this….thinks Oakland will go 6-10 this year, LOLOLOL
Ghost hunter guy, the bald one, walked right into a chair and try to play it off as some whispered to him
It occasionally ends up on the TV in my house and all I do is make fun of the dude doing scared face until I piss off everyone else
Lmao you were serious
Scintillating second half of Seahawks Vikings under way. But also keeping an eye on when Maddon pulls his starter throwing a shutout for a reliever with a +5 ERa
Maybe it’s his dumb glasses, but a lot of people have fooled into think Maddon is a savvy analytical manager when he’s actually a dumb fucking meatball who cares about the ratio of homeruns to RBIs.
He rides a harley though. Convinces the base he’s da man
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/raiders-gm-mike-mayock-sounds-off-on-antonio-brown-says-hes-all-in-or-all-out/
Its a good thing Brown was traded to Oakland. Is this was happening while he was still a Steeler, I’d gotten serious brain damage from laughing and climaxing so much.
Paxton Lynch, wasn’t that the period of calm in the south when they stopped hanging people?
1980?
They don’t consider brown people, people.
“Kids today choose to stay inside and play egames” hot take of the night
“Tell me about it”
-Strangers in vans everywhere
The hottest part is that what he attributes to declining life expectancy, not a shit health care system and a massive opioid epidemic and I’d expect nothing less from a guy who’s a centi-millionaire with a centaur painting of himself.
Gee, I wonder if that has anything to do with adults (1) not letting their kids play without adult supervision and organization; and (2) turning organized sports into a joyless, expensive grind to make the “travel team” or get a scholarship or whatever, where kids who aren’t stars might as well give up?
All these parents sheltering their children from spending any time alone of developing any sense of independence are going to love it when their adult children end up hitting them up for cash well into their 30’s.
Did you see the prize pool for the recent Fortnite world championship thing? It’s all the money of football with none of the head trauma and probably about the same amount of trash talking by 14 year old boys.
Dota2 tournament going on right now has 15 million to the winning team.
ok. enough baseball for this year. that was pointless. I’d rather watch Ghost Adventures.
Still, 12 minutes is respectful.
What? You don’t like rambling stories playing over actual baseball?
I think I saw a guy holding a mitt back in April. That fulfilled my baseball quota for the year.
Good News Men! Gwynyth Paltrow, the lady who told us women to stick a jade egg up our vajayjays is expanding her lifestyle brand GOOP to sell products to and give advice to men! What will she tell you to stick up what?? WE WILL KNOW SOON!
She should be Marianne Williamson’s running mate
Embrace the orbs
I don’t know how they do it down in HollyWEIRD but I prefer the goop to come out of my butt.
$150 for a face scrubber. White people are crazy.
https://shop.goop.com/shop/products/goopglow-microderm-instant-glow-exfoliator?country=USA&taxon_id=1156&variant_id=58769
Next Saturday is the 1st meaningful Football game. Miami vs Florida.
I bet the Groupie scene at this Little League Game is intense.
MILFs galore
Fine. I’ll attempt to watch a baseball game. There better be a fight .
No fights. Just lots of children
Evening
Yooooo
How bout dem boys
Nice!
padres got the win.
Too bad Tatis Jr. is out for the rest of the season. Oh well…..
That’s going to be such a fun team to watch when they’re all together and healthy.
Thinking about starting a Twitter account that retweets nothing but angry Chipotle customers who don’t know what a bay leaf is.
https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Bayleef_(Pokémon)
Chipotle’s secret ingredient is a middle-evolution Grass-type pokémon? Wow, who’d guess that?
https://www.sacbee.com/news/california/article234130442.html
i guess that gender reassignment isn’t working out so well for Carmen San Diego
found a funny:
Wife: Why is there a bouncy castle in the garden?
Me out of breath with no shoes on: I’m not sure.
I think the Vikings have established they would be completely screwed without Cousins
Unlike Alabama where you only get screwed with cousins.
So football got renewed for another season, eh?
The Tom Brady coma story line this year looks fun.
Do not tease me like this!
Seahawks pick 6
Is there any punishment sufficient for people who unironically use the term “spirit animal”?
Drano enema?
My spirit animal is the blue-ringed octopus, because I like hanging out in crevasses and think it would be really cool to be super poisonous
My spirit animal is extinct.
Mine is the raven.
I think mine is a narcoleptic sloth.
Looks like the Cubs have a great score for their pen to blow it.
I see you are serious about wanting to be roasted.
The Cubs 50 year re-enactment of 1969 has been going great so far
That team wasn’t shit until September though
Still time for this year’s to flip the script!
Free Meek Miller
I’ve always felt his name is kinda false advertising. He’s not all that meek.
And when was the last time he gave you a bag of flour
Although most Millers won’t just GIVE you a bag of flour, this isn’t communism dammit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-4UCHr6XIE
thats a good funny
Man, I really wasted my youth by not jersey chasing. Instead of hanging out with assholes, I could have been hanging out with assholes who really love spending money irresponsibly!
First day of DFO this year. Already questioning my choices. FOOTBALL is almost back. Nice to see you effers. Roast me.
Welcome back. We’ve been waiting for you.
Appropriate username
Tre Flowers PI counter: 1
ESPN does it’s damnedest to remove the actual baseball from its baseball broadcasts.
They had to interrupt pre-recorded video of Rizzo asking people in the dugout if a hot dog is a sandwich to show a double. Goddamn it
Counterpoint: baseball is pretty boring.
Nobody who thinks baseball is boring is going to think ESPN’s take on baseball is interesting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLnxRWKAX48
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwOMnIuAGOY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmpRLQZkTb8
Imagine how much they could have done if they didn’t spend the last 20 years taking shots at each other in the media
Zen diagram for ya:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LemG0cvc4oU
Speaking of moms-
Mine is still alive but I haven’t spoken to her in 14 years because she’s a toxic piece of fuck. Don’t fall for that “family is everything” crap. If anyone in your clan tears you down, just get the hell out of there and don’t look back.
I feel ya, I ran into Somerset Maugham once at one of Buddy’s masquerade orgies and he was a DICK.
You can’t choose family, but you can sure as fuck choose to dump them on the side of the road. I hadn’t talked to my dad in 6 years when he died, and I have no regrets about how that relationship ended. I haven’t said more than a few sentences to my mother in about 5 years now, which was triggered by her cash grab lawsuit after my dad died that I told her would be the last straw between us, though it had been building since long before then. When my grandfather died a year after that, I offered condolences at the funeral. A few months later, she told me she was going to be at my house for Thanksgiving, and I had to explain to her that if she showed up at my home, I wasn’t opening the door. Fun times.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XO-8SmOQ84
It’s a tough thing to do, drawing that line in the sand. But living your life without that constant stress/drama/heartache? You’re so much better off in the long run.
I learned early on in college that I couldn’t be happy when I was actively involved in my family’s shit. I consider it a generosity she’s done nothing to earn that I let her keep in contact with my son, who she’s also done as little as humanly possible to build a relationship with since well before I stopped talking to her. At the end of the day, I believe that if you’re going to live your life as a bad person, you don’t get to complain when people come to the conclusion on their own and act accordingly.
Nothing a cross-country move wouldn’t solve
The first and most important step imo
I just shoveled some brisket, spare ribs, St. Louis ribs, and mac ‘n cheese into my gaping maw and this may be the last thing I ever write.
If you find yourself in the City of Angels this coming late October, try a Baseball Steak!
http://pacificdiningcar.com/98-cent-baseball-steak.html
Saturday, October 19, 2019 @ 1:30 PM, Pacific Dining Car downtown location, Party is DFO
You have to register on-line in the next 6 days if you want a $0.98 steak made from a baseball, just like the big-league ballplayers eat. If you don’t register, you’re still welcome but you’ll be buying off the menu and PDC ain’t cheap.
(DFO blazer and tie required to be seated)
I’m there!
I’ll buy the first round!
All steaks USDA Prime baseballs certified as used in actual MLB gameplay
FUN FACT: October 19 2019 is scheduled for Game 6 of the League Championship Series (if needed) between TBD and TBD.
I’ll be in Chicago on Oct 19th. It’s a city of many things, but not angels. When I was there a week ago it was a city of Steampunk strippers doing some interesting things with power tools and steel underwear.
My name is…. Jeff Epstein
Hi kids, do you like islands?
Wanna see me fly there with each one of my friends?
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did,
Get placed on watch but still be suicided?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWtRRlQXtPA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ri6FtCktCw
Holy shit! It’s a Chargers “home” game! I could drive there and get in free! But I won’t!
Aaron Rodgers watches his Super Bowl victory once a week while listening to Peabo Bryson’s “If Ever You’re In My Arms Again” on a loop.
Zymmy, Zymmy, Zymmy can’t you see
Your drunk posting will hypnotize me
Last time I saw someone skip work because of a helmet issue, Peter North was pissing blood
Speaking of Moms; my mom passed away 2 weeks ago after a long slow goodbye and this is the song she wanted played at her service:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn1zpAWbC6Q
Sorry to hear it. About your Mom, I mean. The song’s good.
(Don’t post Crazy Bitch, don’t post Crazy Bitch, don’t post Crazy Bitch)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ6pLKlU-8Q
Oh well, I tried to try to not post Crazy Bitch.
Sorry for your loss, man. That’s a tough part of life. Still miss mine and that was 16 years ago.
Condolences
Sorry to hear. Mine passed away 8 years ago and it still seems recent.
Sorry.
Wow, Sean Taylor’s mom was super skinny
He was a size 21 to be fair
In what should surprise absolutely nobody I’ve got a fairly serious bout of OCD and I have not been able to stop listening to this since they opened with it at the Greek a week and a half ago.
Fuck me their newest album is spectacular track-for-track.
This song in close to perfect.
Also do yourself a favor and seek out the lyrics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_Vf8dNikAk
I like it a lot.
It restores my faith that there really can be good new music. Check out the entire album. For real.
Speaking of the best cuts of meat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt9vy4aTi0w
yes, yes, FUCK YES, yes
well fuck a duck, now I really wants a steak and nice baked sweet tater, but it would require leaving not only my recluse recliner, but also the HOUSE.
Do you want a baseball steak? Just like Hollywood?
I don’t think I’ve ever had sweet potato pie, but it sounds super good
is a little sweet* for my taste. Very prevalent in The South.
*the potato itself is so sweet, I don’t believe in adding anything to it outside of cinammon
Also, from reading baby food jars, I learned that they contain an impressive amount of vitamins.
Butter, like most things in life, to make them better you have to add butter. Just ask Marlon Brando.
Getafe y Deportivo Capiata need to at least draw level here. I don’t believe this is asking too much.
performances in preseason are always a great indicator of what will happen during the season.
obvs ‘Aints and Spanoi is gonna be defensing juggernauts
“Always”? Where did you get this from?
*Certain* people.
They told me that the t-bone was the best cut of steak. They lied.
a properly marbled ribeye is proof of a loving and merciful God
This hippo gets it.
Agreed, porterhouses are great, but if you eat the whole thing you have go rest for five days like a snake that just ate a pig.
You seem to be implying that is a bad thing.
No, just some of us have to work tomorrow to afford more steaks.
The preseason game is on CBS and they think they’re so freaking special that they have their own streaming service and don’t participate in any other one, so I’m watching the ‘A Football Life’ about Mike Vick instead because that’s free with Prime. I know people love their dogs, but it still amazes me that America reacted way more strongly to his dog fighting than they have to all the domestic violence. Although I guess they reacted even more strongly to Kaep kneeling during the anthem, so who the hell knows.
Murrika > Hound Dogs >>>>>> Women
(smh, swigs a Busch Light)
I think the fact that child abuse isn’t even mentioned at all in your equation is appropriate given the league’s inaction regarding Tyreek Hill.
ah meen half of them will just turn out to be women anyway (smgdh)
*maths may vary in China
AP sorta had some consequences, but yeah, that’s even lower on the ‘stuff the NFL/NFL audiences cares about’ totem pole
The Peterson situation taught the NFL that a slap on the wrist really doesn’t accomplish much, so now they are trying “nothing” instead.
It’ll probably work until there’s a video 🙁
A slap on the nuts will do the trick
With an ax.
I can’t upvote this comment near enough.
That’s the only bush I’d put my mouth on I tell you what
They made 3 Sharknados?!
They made 3 Matrix’s!?
“They made 3 seasons of The Handmaid’s Tale?”
-M. Atwood
“They made 3 slabs of ribs?” – Andy Reid, with obvious disappointment
They made three, then they also made a fourth and a fifth, I think.
I just re-subscribed to the live TeeVee so I can catch some of this red-hot pre-season action! I’m excited enough to use different punctuation! Wow, this is messy!
Nice work Zymm!
-The Exclamation Appreciation Network!
Family has been here all weekend and today I got a brief respite as they went off to visit a friend in Riverside. They are the loveliest of people but it’s nice to be able to catch my breath.
But you had to go to Riverside, which is like when you get potassium benzoate.
Is that the same Riverside that features in the Vandals song ‘Ape Drape’ ?
The very same! Maybe the best synonym for mullet.
Also the same Riverside featured here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtrD5NkrLHY
No, *they* went off to Riverside. I am still here, loafing.
Reading is not my strong suit.
(My strong suit is seersucker.)