Your “Let’s Get This Party Started!” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Let’s get right at it… TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Fins:

Guh. Nice start. The spread in this game is 19, which is about 19 more points than my level of interest. Btw, Brady’s record in Miami is 7-10.

Cards/Ravens:

What’s better than young love? Only a battle between young, dynamic qb’s, that’s what. That reckless hypothesis will be tested today.

Niners/Bengals:

Kittle owners had to be pissed that 2 TD’s were called back on penalty-but fear not, he was targeted more than twice as often as the next wideout. Jimmy G had a trash day a week ago but every opponent should be loving Cincy’s secondary. It’s almost as bad as the Giants.

Bears/Lions:

T.J. Hockenson had the very best day that any rook te ever had in his splashy debut. I’ll bet that the Bears lay some pads on him, unlike the Cards.

Vikes/Pack:

Cousins threw a mere 10 times last week. You knew that they were committed to the run but that’s crazy. Thing is, they got up by 14 very early and could do whatever they liked and what they liked was running down the clock starting in the second quarter. Don’t worry, wr’s Theilen and Diggs are still there and will be used.

Jags/Texans:

The Constant Gardner Minshew gets his very first starty-start quite a bit earlier than even his mom expected. And she expects a lot! You would think that de Watt will spoil his milk but he had exactly one pressure last week and nary a a sackeroo.

Bills/Giants:

What can you say about this game that hasn’t already been said by the spittle running down the chin of a homeless heroin addict? Yeah, I’m gonna watch.

Seahawks/Steelers:

Speaking of talent-less secondaries (see, Giants above) Seattle’s has a distinctive lack of BOOM these days-expect the Steelers passing game and their talented wr’s to have a pleasant bounce back.

Colts/Titans:

With Devin Funchess gone, (he’s always been a ‘meh’ guy to me) Deon Cain looks to step in and make a difference. What happened to Parris Campbell?

Cowboys/Potato Skins:

Dallas backers are all agog regarding Dak’s newfound passing prowess but those TD’s last week were the result of missed tackles and assignments. (Antonio Hamilton is a bum) Dak only threw into the endzone once all game. Maybe OC Kellen Moore is onto something but in my books the ‘Boys qb is a glorified game manager.

Well, there you have it-everything you could possibly need to watch the early afternoon slate aside from pills, booze, dope and munchies. Have at it!

 

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Doktor Zymm

Three metres! Shit yards! (Do they know I know metric?)

LemonJello
LemonJello

Coach Reid already putting in his Door Dash halftime delivery order.

Gratliff

Eli Manning is now 116-116 in 232 career starts.

Eli could drop below .500 with a loss to the Bucs in Tampa next Sunday.

— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 15, 2019

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Bortleback
Bortleback

I’m shocked he hasn’t been below .500 for years now

Sharkbait

comment image?itemid=7870222

Spur
Spur

Fire Marrone

Gratliff

The absolute fuck are the Jags doing

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Losing, near as I can tell.

Gratliff

Fuck. Chark just sealed my loss for the week. My attempts to fuck lemonjello by starting AB were in vain.

Spur
Spur

Minshew!

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

Manning face activate.

WCS

FRUMBLE

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Please, lord I don’t believe in, no OT in Houston, please. I won’t suck your dick for this request, but I might hold it in my mouth for a minute or two.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go on…..

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

No OT in HOU, so I am safe…

King Hippo

Cincy D at -8 WOO

Sharkbait

Josh Rosen ded

Horatio Cornblower

Well, if he rises within the next three days we’ll know he’s the Chosen.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

So the Chargers game comes down to River’s throwing arm. They are fucked.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Lol, and he throws an interception.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Somewhere, LCSS just smiled.

Doktor Zymm

Hell yeah fake chrome chain!

Horatio Cornblower

I’d like to see Dallas play action pass here; just to really rub it in.

Sharkbait

Josh Rosen doing his best sex Cannon impression

WCS

No chance Rex is circumcised.

Horatio Cornblower

WOULD YOU CUT SOMETHING THIS GLORIOUS? NO YOU WOULD NOT!!! THE CHICKS WANT IT LONG AND DEEP AND THE DRAGON IS GONNA GIVE THEM EVERY GOD-GIVEN INCH HE HAS, NO MORE, NO LESS. NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY YOU TEBOW-WANNABE; I GOT A RECEIVER RUNNIN’ INTO TRIPLE COVERAGE AND I’M FUCKING EVERYTHING AND THROWING IT DEEP!!!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Poetry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Eli looking like he needs some orange slices.
MOM!!!!!!!! IT’S ELI AGAIN!!!!!!

Gratliff

Imagine being ground to dust in front of your home crowd by the fucking Bills

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Dolphins trading 3rd pick for Montcrief next week

Gratliff

Game on the line and y’all let fucking Marmalard scramble for a first

WCS

Like jet fuel melting steel, Pete doesn’t comprehend pass interference.

Sharkbait

Back to back pick sixes in Miami.

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

For the cover

Horatio Cornblower

Fitzpatrick didn’t go to Harvard for nothing, you know. Gotta supplement that backup QB income somehow.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m sure he’s got an in with his Skull and Bones bros.

WCS

BLEERGH FEASTS IN YINZBURGH

LemonJello
LemonJello

You would think BLEERGH had its fill just from ‘Dacteds/DemBoyz.

/BLEERGH makes Zeke’s “Feed Me” motion

Spur
Spur

Zeke TD caps this game. it started ugly.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Graphic sodomy in Miami

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Dolphins field should be sponsored by Bang Brothers instead of the heat with the amount of fucking going to be done on it this year

Sharkbait

Even the field in Miami is trying to quit

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty proud that I changed my oil and, just before backing the car off the ramps realized that, traditionally, an oil change isn’t complete until you’ve put the new oil in.

Bortleback
Bortleback

That’s just what big oil wants you to think maaaaaan

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A real man would have driven frontwards off the ramps.

ballsofsteelandfury

Mason Rudolph needs to take this team over. Fuck Big Ben.

Redshirt

I would say the Bengals are laying an egg, but laying an egg requires effort.

LemonJello
LemonJello

That is some high quality derp, Dallas DB!

King Hippo

My auction league side is gonna lose, despite my opponent starting the Cincy defense (-3 and counting)

Redshirt

How would you draft let alone start Cincy DST?

King Hippo

methinks it was a “waiver wire streaming” move – usual unit for him is Saints

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Dolphins entering VD formation

Redshirt

Did I just have a stroke, or did I see a commercial with Rudy as Col. Sanders?

Horatio Cornblower

Unless we’re coordinating our strokes, the good news is you’re healthy.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I hope so, I always liked Supertramp.

Gratliff

Jesus Christ, Dallas

Gratliff

Nevermind, slurs that time

Redshirt

Is Big Ben dead or just dinged up?

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, he’s been dead inside for years now.

Bortleback
Bortleback

Yes

WCS

ARM OWIE

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, this HOU-JAX feature really blows dead dogs.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

As someone starting Watson I agree