Your “Let’s Get This Party Started!” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Let’s get right at it… TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Fins:

Guh. Nice start. The spread in this game is 19, which is about 19 more points than my level of interest. Btw, Brady’s record in Miami is 7-10.

Cards/Ravens:

What’s better than young love? Only a battle between young, dynamic qb’s, that’s what. That reckless hypothesis will be tested today.

Niners/Bengals:

Kittle owners had to be pissed that 2 TD’s were called back on penalty-but fear not, he was targeted more than twice as often as the next wideout. Jimmy G had a trash day a week ago but every opponent should be loving Cincy’s secondary. It’s almost as bad as the Giants.

Bears/Lions:

T.J. Hockenson had the very best day that any rook te ever had in his splashy debut. I’ll bet that the Bears lay some pads on him, unlike the Cards.

Vikes/Pack:

Cousins threw a mere 10 times last week. You knew that they were committed to the run but that’s crazy. Thing is, they got up by 14 very early and could do whatever they liked and what they liked was running down the clock starting in the second quarter. Don’t worry, wr’s Theilen and Diggs are still there and will be used.

Jags/Texans:

The Constant Gardner Minshew gets his very first starty-start quite a bit earlier than even his mom expected. And she expects a lot! You would think that de Watt will spoil his milk but he had exactly one pressure last week and nary a a sackeroo.

Bills/Giants:

What can you say about this game that hasn’t already been said by the spittle running down the chin of a homeless heroin addict? Yeah, I’m gonna watch.

Seahawks/Steelers:

Speaking of talent-less secondaries (see, Giants above) Seattle’s has a distinctive lack of BOOM these days-expect the Steelers passing game and their talented wr’s to have a pleasant bounce back.

Colts/Titans:

With Devin Funchess gone, (he’s always been a ‘meh’ guy to me) Deon Cain looks to step in and make a difference. What happened to Parris Campbell?

Cowboys/Potato Skins:

Dallas backers are all agog regarding Dak’s newfound passing prowess but those TD’s last week were the result of missed tackles and assignments. (Antonio Hamilton is a bum) Dak only threw into the endzone once all game. Maybe OC Kellen Moore is onto something but in my books the ‘Boys qb is a glorified game manager.

Well, there you have it-everything you could possibly need to watch the early afternoon slate aside from pills, booze, dope and munchies. Have at it!