Your “On To Victory! (*Not Applicable To Jets or Fins)” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Why don’t teams have V-L-T (or draw) records? How did the short and curt ‘win’ win out? Is it because ‘victory’ is a bit melodramatic? Perhaps. I’d suggest a new word and that is ‘wictory’. It’s new and exciting and just rolls off Elmer Fudd’s tongue. TO THE GAMES!

Ravens/Chiefs:

All corneas should be on this one. There was lots of chatter about Arizony picking up the pace with Kingsbury showing up but the team that is the Hurry Up king so far is Baltimore at an average of 72.5 offensive plays per game. PFF’s highest ranked O player is… tight end Mark Andrews? They’ve remarked that he only plays 55% of the teams snaps and that is a travesty. But perhaps his grade is so high because of his limited participation?

Bengals/Bills:

Well, he’s gone and done it. Thanks to Singletary’s injury Frank Gore is the very first solid RB2 at the age of 36. Why? Because the Bengals are the worst tackling team in the league and Mr. Gore loves to break himself tackles. He’s got to go for at least 80 and a score.

Miami/Dallas:

The Fins are leading the league in fewest points scored, most sacks allowed, most INT’s allowed and most points scored against by opposing D’s. Call a family member rather than watch this Atrocity Exhibition.

Broncs/Pack:

Fantasy owners of Aaron Jones were the opposite of delighted at the news that coach LaFleur wants to up the number of touches that Jamaal Williams gets, creating a potential RBBC. Kudos go out to wr Sanders for his phenomenal recovery.

Falcons/Colts:

We were told that Brissett was a very conservative tosser of the football and this has been proven the first two weeks. No one aside from T.Y. has more than 40 yds. receiving so far. That’s a recipe for a losing record. Am I right, yeah right?

Raiders/Vikes:

Minny’s running game is all roses and pink unicorns but the same certainly can’t be said about Cousins and the passing game. Of the 42 players that have tossed at least one pass so far he ranks dead last. His QBR is a nasty 16.6-for comparison’s sake Mahomes is at 92.9. Sure he’ll get better but he won’t ever be good enough to take the Vikes to a conference championship game.

Jets/Pats:

The spread is 22.5. The Pats D hasn’t given up a TD yet. The Jets are playing their 3rd string qb. Is this what you want NFL? Really? Probably.

Lions/Eagles:

The Eagles secondary as a unit has handed opposing qb’s a 127 qb rating. They’ve just one INT and given up 5 TDs. Start Chubby Bubblegum. Now. By the by, you may want to pick up J.J. Arcega-Whiteside while he’s still cheap.

Did I miss anything? I hope not. There’s also some soccer going on. DAZN tells me that Sassuola/SPAL, Brom/Hudder, HAM/MAN, Lecce/Napoli, Palace/Wolves, Chelsea/Liver and Arse/Aston among many others are on offer this morning.

Have at it.

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
595 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
theeWeeBabySeamus

Viagra?

Senor Weaselo

Holy shit the Jets covered! I haven’t been this surprised since South Park covered against Middle Park.

Doktor Zymm

Burrata and heirloom tomato time

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck Kansas City and the shitty officials they rode in on.
/awaits high five from both Hippo and RTD

ArmedandHammered

Entropy, thanks for the Planetary reference, just bought the omnibus in hardcover from Amazon, it was actually on sale for $50.

Recovery Whiskey

Its Teddy time in Seattle. Which is your cue to launch the late games thread pls and kthx

Gratliff

All-time Giants great? I am not looking forward to the revisionist Manning felatio

Redshirt

He beat the Patriots twice in the Super Bowl and prevented 19-0. We gotta give him that.

Recovery Whiskey

Phil Simms can’t remember anyone better

LemonJello

except the career of Phil Simms.

King Hippo

would have been funny if they called that an Orlovsky

Doktor Zymm

I don’t understand how the Bengals

Redshirt

Taylor has a point. He wasn’t touched down.

Gratliff

Oh Bungles

Recovery Whiskey

Its great how the tradition continues without Marvin Lewis

Redshirt

There it is.

King Hippo

y’all’s will to lose was stronger

King Hippo

Bills can still Buffalo this up

Redshirt

No rush, guys. You always got the 5th Quarter to win this thing.

King Hippo

WHERE IS UR GOD NOW, DAKOTA JEEBUS??

Spur

he’s still in the Whitehouse unfortunately

Gratliff

I’m very impressed that the Eagles receivers have more drops than the team had passing plays

clint greasewood

Antonio Brown is available.

Spur

he only drops his pants.

Gratliff

lol what the fuck was that game even

Doktor Zymm

wow, that’s legit

King Hippo

OPI LMAO!!!

Spur

OPI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gratliff

fuck fuck fuck

Gratliff

The fuck with these goddamn drops

Gratliff

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JAWNKINS

King Hippo

that was really some fuckety shit! Fuck Liouns deserve no joy.

Spur

the Lions are snake bitten

Gratliff

Really nice of the Eagles D to wait til the last 5 minutes of the fucking game to do a single goddamn thing

Doktor Zymm

This applies to multiple games/fan basescomment image

King Hippo

Hippo calls that day ending in a -y

Redshirt

If that’s not holding, I don’t know what is.

1 4 5 6