Why don’t teams have V-L-T (or draw) records? How did the short and curt ‘win’ win out? Is it because ‘victory’ is a bit melodramatic? Perhaps. I’d suggest a new word and that is ‘wictory’. It’s new and exciting and just rolls off Elmer Fudd’s tongue. TO THE GAMES!
Ravens/Chiefs:
All corneas should be on this one. There was lots of chatter about Arizony picking up the pace with Kingsbury showing up but the team that is the Hurry Up king so far is Baltimore at an average of 72.5 offensive plays per game. PFF’s highest ranked O player is… tight end Mark Andrews? They’ve remarked that he only plays 55% of the teams snaps and that is a travesty. But perhaps his grade is so high because of his limited participation?
Bengals/Bills:
Well, he’s gone and done it. Thanks to Singletary’s injury Frank Gore is the very first solid RB2 at the age of 36. Why? Because the Bengals are the worst tackling team in the league and Mr. Gore loves to break himself tackles. He’s got to go for at least 80 and a score.
Miami/Dallas:
The Fins are leading the league in fewest points scored, most sacks allowed, most INT’s allowed and most points scored against by opposing D’s. Call a family member rather than watch this Atrocity Exhibition.
Broncs/Pack:
Fantasy owners of Aaron Jones were the opposite of delighted at the news that coach LaFleur wants to up the number of touches that Jamaal Williams gets, creating a potential RBBC. Kudos go out to wr Sanders for his phenomenal recovery.
Falcons/Colts:
We were told that Brissett was a very conservative tosser of the football and this has been proven the first two weeks. No one aside from T.Y. has more than 40 yds. receiving so far. That’s a recipe for a losing record. Am I right, yeah right?
Raiders/Vikes:
Minny’s running game is all roses and pink unicorns but the same certainly can’t be said about Cousins and the passing game. Of the 42 players that have tossed at least one pass so far he ranks dead last. His QBR is a nasty 16.6-for comparison’s sake Mahomes is at 92.9. Sure he’ll get better but he won’t ever be good enough to take the Vikes to a conference championship game.
Jets/Pats:
The spread is 22.5. The Pats D hasn’t given up a TD yet. The Jets are playing their 3rd string qb. Is this what you want NFL? Really? Probably.
Lions/Eagles:
The Eagles secondary as a unit has handed opposing qb’s a 127 qb rating. They’ve just one INT and given up 5 TDs. Start Chubby Bubblegum. Now. By the by, you may want to pick up J.J. Arcega-Whiteside while he’s still cheap.
Did I miss anything? I hope not. There’s also some soccer going on. DAZN tells me that Sassuola/SPAL, Brom/Hudder, HAM/MAN, Lecce/Napoli, Palace/Wolves, Chelsea/Liver and Arse/Aston among many others are on offer this morning.
Have at it.
Jacoby Brissett can play, y’all
it’s the Lions, they’ll find a way to lose this.
Cincy pulls ahead? Buffalo is coming back to earth faster than Felix Baumgartner.
PHI thinking has to be they need 3 and out regardless, and a TD would still win it. Think the maths works.
This does not bode well
bode-acious
OK, you Brokeback shithead. Go get Hippo a TD, preferably with lots of catches for Gore and Bleeding Kansas.
(knock-knock)
Hope: “Can you let me in? I won’t leave you this time.”
Me: “Screw you, Hope. Go away!”
At last, Eagles pull off a stop with the clever decision to have Matt Stafford throw a ball short for no particular reason
They brought Brady back in to make sure they cover? Man, the Pats are pricks
If Matthew Slater was white, he’d be the next Governor of Massachusetts.
warm apple pie and vanilla ice cream sounds good right now.
entropy is about to go drop some cash on the entire hardcover collection of Planetary, by Warren Ellis. If you read comics and you haven’t read Planetary, you really should. It is amazing.
Global Frequency is good too.
Just got this in the mail, excited to start reading it: https://www.amazon.com/Hark-Vagrant-Kate-Beaton/dp/1770460608/
eh I tried.
Planetary was, to me, a brilliant revision of comics history, from a weirdly normalist view. Imagine seeing the shit comics people have seen, how would you react? Planetary gave that a realistic examination. You’d feel betrayed and hope someone would look out for you.
Just added the 4 collected volumes to my Nook wish list for future purchase.
I’m in. Ordered.
Kansas City is as likely to keep the P*ts out of the Superb Owl as I am.
Save us, Jalen Ramsey. You’re our only hope.
and here come the garbage time TDs from the Raiders WOOT WOOT
Bengals Defender #1: “Josh, do I have your consent to tackle you?”
Josh Allen: “No.” (evades sack)
Bengals Defender #2: “Josh, do I have your consent to tackle you?”
Josh Allen: “No!” (evades sack)
Bengals Defender #3: “Josh, do I have your consent to tackle you?”
Josh Allen: “NO!” (evades sack)
“Con… sent?” — chorus consisting of Big Ben, Jameis, A. Brown, and way too many others to mention
NFL football is just so much better quality than colle–oh, Falcons just committed their 16th penalty?
ATL needs ONE MOAR to set a BLEERGH record!!
Calvin Ridley can go eat ass
Hoping he can score a meaningless TD late.
motherfucker single-handedly losing my match to tWBS
BLEERGH making its presence felt in Philadelphia
Ha ha Brady on the bench and Stidham throws a pick six.
It’s coming. I hope Pats fans are ready for the basement when Dreamboat kicks it.
I am going to become SUCH a bigger asshole than I am now…
And meanwhile bettors are screaming bloody murder against the pats 😀
J-E-S-T back-door-COVER!!
Aaaaahhhhhhaaaaahahahaha
HAHA Tie game in Buffalo. Go Cincy!
Wentz keeps hitting receivers in the hands, ball keeps hitting the ground
Latest Fantasy Update: The Philadelphia Smeagols are in tough against the Detroit Aslans.
THIS GILLETTE STADIUM, I CALL THE DAVIS MONTHAN BONEYARD BECAUSE ITS A PLACE WHERE JETS GO TO DIE!
Cincy still has a chance here.
That’s adorable
That’s next-level delusional… Have you considered a career in the NFL?
They do just enough to get Redshir’s hopes up.
Yup. (smiles)
I’ll believe it when its 0:00 and the players are leaving the field.
not-Lamar!DOWN WOO!!!, have to at least beat tWBS
/my money league team gonna lose to an opponent with Shady on his bench
I actually didn’t think Oakland was going to be quite this bad. I mean, if I was actually watching them play I’d have expected it, but since I’m not I thought Murphy’s Law would kick in and they’d go 7-9 or something at least mildly respectable.
i got them +8, come on garbage TDs!
Falk is furiously dialing Darnold on the sideline, saying “you better be fuckinv ready in two weeks, I am DONE with this shit!!!”
Come on Donks, can you get one stop here.
Kansas City failed challenge, drink!
The Ravens did not egregiously push off
I truly hope the Jets score a TD this drive just to fuck the people who bet against them
The only way the Jets could bring confusion and fear to New England would be if they hired two Chechen brothers as coordinators.
They would need the Scareceow from The Dark Knight to put drugs in the Pats gatorade
They need the Scarecrow from Arkham Knight to have a chance.
Stick some MDMA in there and they just roll around on the turf all game
The refs calling penalties against the Pats in NE is the NFL trying to say, “See?! We don’t play favorites!”
How far out of reach is the game?
The Jets will need four seasons with Falk under center to catch up.
Notice they only do that after the Pats are up 20.
I can hear Marty Lyons slowly lose the will to live calling these games.
I got twitter enforced for responding to “describe the Chicago Cubs season in one word” and I replied “choke.”
#BFIB now, #BFIB tomorrow, #BFIB forever!!
“It was an australia joke!!”
I had assumed it was a Chuck Palanhiuk joke.
Marvin Jones 3 doing his best Billy Zane sniper crawl after hauling in the TD.
“HEY!”
-Tom Berenger
Did LAMAR! think he had on a cloak of invisibility leading up to that last sack?
Shit. Fatty just threw a good ass pass
Was the football full of vegetables?
After the Jets lose I am going to go spend an ill advisedly large amount of money at a used bookstore to make myself feel better.
Pfft
I’m currently reading a history of the Cabrini-Green public housing complex in Chicago. That’s probably more uplifting than watching the Jets
Jared Diamond’s “COLLAPSE” is more uplifting than watching the Jets, but hey, the team’s not named after a racial slur, so we have that.
I’m reading a WWII and now I imagine Hitler with Gase’s eyes!
Nazi, more like can see everything!
Hope all the Jest folks at Entropy’s bar went berzerk over that hilarious score.
What, you mean me? There are no other Jets folks within a hundred miles, most likely.
LOL at Redzone guy assuming everyone will be surprised that the Jets scored and being totally accurate in his assumption
When is Tampax going to get a sponsorship on that channel already?
The Jets needed a muff to score, Aaron Rodgers doesn’t even need that!
Is it still ok to call it a muff if there’s no hair?
I was told by a gender studies friend that it is a ‘back hole’!
Thank God. No shutout for the Bills D.
Well, this weekend’s a wash, but I’ll be back home next weekend and it’s my town’s Celtic Classic festival, the Jets are losing to the bye, and well fuck me the Jets scored.
Let’s see if the Balls jinx works the other way: KC is a good team.
What’s the blue colored area after the 1 yard line?
The DANGER ZONE!!
The Josh Allen Circus and High Wire Act continues to pay dividends for the viewer.