Your “On To Victory! (*Not Applicable To Jets or Fins)” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Why don’t teams have V-L-T (or draw) records? How did the short and curt ‘win’ win out? Is it because ‘victory’ is a bit melodramatic? Perhaps. I’d suggest a new word and that is ‘wictory’. It’s new and exciting and just rolls off Elmer Fudd’s tongue. TO THE GAMES!

Ravens/Chiefs:

All corneas should be on this one. There was lots of chatter about Arizony picking up the pace with Kingsbury showing up but the team that is the Hurry Up king so far is Baltimore at an average of 72.5 offensive plays per game. PFF’s highest ranked O player is… tight end Mark Andrews? They’ve remarked that he only plays 55% of the teams snaps and that is a travesty. But perhaps his grade is so high because of his limited participation?

Bengals/Bills:

Well, he’s gone and done it. Thanks to Singletary’s injury Frank Gore is the very first solid RB2 at the age of 36. Why? Because the Bengals are the worst tackling team in the league and Mr. Gore loves to break himself tackles. He’s got to go for at least 80 and a score.

Miami/Dallas:

The Fins are leading the league in fewest points scored, most sacks allowed, most INT’s allowed and most points scored against by opposing D’s. Call a family member rather than watch this Atrocity Exhibition.

Broncs/Pack:

Fantasy owners of Aaron Jones were the opposite of delighted at the news that coach LaFleur wants to up the number of touches that Jamaal Williams gets, creating a potential RBBC. Kudos go out to wr Sanders for his phenomenal recovery.

Falcons/Colts:

We were told that Brissett was a very conservative tosser of the football and this has been proven the first two weeks. No one aside from T.Y. has more than 40 yds. receiving so far. That’s a recipe for a losing record. Am I right, yeah right?

Raiders/Vikes:

Minny’s running game is all roses and pink unicorns but the same certainly can’t be said about Cousins and the passing game. Of the 42 players that have tossed at least one pass so far he ranks dead last. His QBR is a nasty 16.6-for comparison’s sake Mahomes is at 92.9. Sure he’ll get better but he won’t ever be good enough to take the Vikes to a conference championship game.

Jets/Pats:

The spread is 22.5. The Pats D hasn’t given up a TD yet. The Jets are playing their 3rd string qb. Is this what you want NFL? Really? Probably.

Lions/Eagles:

The Eagles secondary as a unit has handed opposing qb’s a 127 qb rating. They’ve just one INT and given up 5 TDs. Start Chubby Bubblegum. Now. By the by, you may want to pick up J.J. Arcega-Whiteside while he’s still cheap.

Did I miss anything? I hope not. There’s also some soccer going on. DAZN tells me that Sassuola/SPAL, Brom/Hudder, HAM/MAN, Lecce/Napoli, Palace/Wolves, Chelsea/Liver and Arse/Aston among many others are on offer this morning.

Have at it.

 

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King Hippo

Jacoby Brissett can play, y’all

Spur

it’s the Lions, they’ll find a way to lose this.

King Hippo

PHI thinking has to be they need 3 and out regardless, and a TD would still win it. Think the maths works.

Gratliff

This does not bode well

Doktor Zymm

bode-acious

King Hippo

OK, you Brokeback shithead. Go get Hippo a TD, preferably with lots of catches for Gore and Bleeding Kansas.

Redshirt

(knock-knock)
Hope: “Can you let me in? I won’t leave you this time.”
Me: “Screw you, Hope. Go away!”

Gratliff

At last, Eagles pull off a stop with the clever decision to have Matt Stafford throw a ball short for no particular reason

entropy

They brought Brady back in to make sure they cover? Man, the Pats are pricks

King Hippo

If Matthew Slater was white, he’d be the next Governor of Massachusetts.

Spur

warm apple pie and vanilla ice cream sounds good right now.

entropy

entropy is about to go drop some cash on the entire hardcover collection of Planetary, by Warren Ellis. If you read comics and you haven’t read Planetary, you really should. It is amazing.

Spur

Global Frequency is good too.

Doktor Zymm

Just got this in the mail, excited to start reading it: https://www.amazon.com/Hark-Vagrant-Kate-Beaton/dp/1770460608/

herodotus450

eh I tried.

entropy

Planetary was, to me, a brilliant revision of comics history, from a weirdly normalist view. Imagine seeing the shit comics people have seen, how would you react? Planetary gave that a realistic examination. You’d feel betrayed and hope someone would look out for you.

LemonJello

Just added the 4 collected volumes to my Nook wish list for future purchase.

entropy

I’m in. Ordered.

King Hippo

Kansas City is as likely to keep the P*ts out of the Superb Owl as I am.

Gratliff

Save us, Jalen Ramsey. You’re our only hope.

Spur

and here come the garbage time TDs from the Raiders WOOT WOOT

Redshirt

Bengals Defender #1: “Josh, do I have your consent to tackle you?”
Josh Allen: “No.” (evades sack)
Bengals Defender #2: “Josh, do I have your consent to tackle you?”
Josh Allen: “No!” (evades sack)
Bengals Defender #3: “Josh, do I have your consent to tackle you?”
Josh Allen: “NO!” (evades sack)

Dunstan

“Con… sent?” — chorus consisting of Big Ben, Jameis, A. Brown, and way too many others to mention

herodotus450

NFL football is just so much better quality than colle–oh, Falcons just committed their 16th penalty?

King Hippo

ATL needs ONE MOAR to set a BLEERGH record!!

King Hippo

Calvin Ridley can go eat ass

King Hippo

motherfucker single-handedly losing my match to tWBS

Gratliff

BLEERGH making its presence felt in Philadelphia

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ha ha Brady on the bench and Stidham throws a pick six.

Gratliff

It’s coming. I hope Pats fans are ready for the basement when Dreamboat kicks it.

entropy

I am going to become SUCH a bigger asshole than I am now…

bk109

And meanwhile bettors are screaming bloody murder against the pats 😀

King Hippo

J-E-S-T back-door-COVER!!

entropy

Aaaaahhhhhhaaaaahahahaha

Spur

HAHA Tie game in Buffalo. Go Cincy!

Gratliff

Wentz keeps hitting receivers in the hands, ball keeps hitting the ground

LemonJello

THIS GILLETTE STADIUM, I CALL THE DAVIS MONTHAN BONEYARD BECAUSE ITS A PLACE WHERE JETS GO TO DIE!

Spur

Cincy still has a chance here.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s adorable

bk109

That’s next-level delusional… Have you considered a career in the NFL?

Spur

They do just enough to get Redshir’s hopes up.

Redshirt

Yup. (smiles)

Redshirt

I’ll believe it when its 0:00 and the players are leaving the field.

King Hippo

not-Lamar!DOWN WOO!!!, have to at least beat tWBS

/my money league team gonna lose to an opponent with Shady on his bench

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I actually didn’t think Oakland was going to be quite this bad. I mean, if I was actually watching them play I’d have expected it, but since I’m not I thought Murphy’s Law would kick in and they’d go 7-9 or something at least mildly respectable.

Spur

i got them +8, come on garbage TDs!

entropy

Falk is furiously dialing Darnold on the sideline, saying “you better be fuckinv ready in two weeks, I am DONE with this shit!!!”

Spur

Come on Donks, can you get one stop here.

herodotus450

Kansas City failed challenge, drink!

Recovery Whiskey

The Ravens did not egregiously push off

entropy

I truly hope the Jets score a TD this drive just to fuck the people who bet against them

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The only way the Jets could bring confusion and fear to New England would be if they hired two Chechen brothers as coordinators.

entropy

They would need the Scareceow from The Dark Knight to put drugs in the Pats gatorade

Redshirt

They need the Scarecrow from Arkham Knight to have a chance.

Doktor Zymm

Stick some MDMA in there and they just roll around on the turf all game

entropy

The refs calling penalties against the Pats in NE is the NFL trying to say, “See?! We don’t play favorites!”

LemonJello

How far out of reach is the game?

entropy

The Jets will need four seasons with Falk under center to catch up.

ballsofsteelandfury

Notice they only do that after the Pats are up 20.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I can hear Marty Lyons slowly lose the will to live calling these games.

Recovery Whiskey

I got twitter enforced for responding to “describe the Chicago Cubs season in one word” and I replied “choke.”

King Hippo

#BFIB now, #BFIB tomorrow, #BFIB forever!!

Recovery Whiskey

“It was an australia joke!!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I had assumed it was a Chuck Palanhiuk joke.

LemonJello

Did LAMAR! think he had on a cloak of invisibility leading up to that last sack?

Gratliff

Shit. Fatty just threw a good ass pass

LemonJello

Was the football full of vegetables?

entropy

After the Jets lose I am going to go spend an ill advisedly large amount of money at a used bookstore to make myself feel better.

entropy

Pfft

Doktor Zymm

I’m currently reading a history of the Cabrini-Green public housing complex in Chicago. That’s probably more uplifting than watching the Jets

entropy

Jared Diamond’s “COLLAPSE” is more uplifting than watching the Jets, but hey, the team’s not named after a racial slur, so we have that.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’m reading a WWII and now I imagine Hitler with Gase’s eyes!

Nazi, more like can see everything!

King Hippo

Hope all the Jest folks at Entropy’s bar went berzerk over that hilarious score.

entropy

What, you mean me? There are no other Jets folks within a hundred miles, most likely.

Doktor Zymm

LOL at Redzone guy assuming everyone will be surprised that the Jets scored and being totally accurate in his assumption

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

When is Tampax going to get a sponsorship on that channel already?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Jets needed a muff to score, Aaron Rodgers doesn’t even need that!

ballsofsteelandfury

Is it still ok to call it a muff if there’s no hair?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I was told by a gender studies friend that it is a ‘back hole’!

Spur

Thank God. No shutout for the Bills D.

entropy

Well, this weekend’s a wash, but I’ll be back home next weekend and it’s my town’s Celtic Classic festival, the Jets are losing to the bye, and well fuck me the Jets scored.

ballsofsteelandfury

Let’s see if the Balls jinx works the other way: KC is a good team.

Redshirt

What’s the blue colored area after the 1 yard line?

entropy

The DANGER ZONE!!