Welcome back! Last night we had the NFL’s attempt at scheduling a decent game on Thursday Night: the Green Bay Packers against the Philadelphia Eagles. It was actually successful!

For those of you that stayed up with us and participated in the Live Blog, you witnessed the Packers battling the Eagles at home all night in a high scoring and interesting game that ended when the Packers decided throwing the ball was better than attempting to run and were proved wrong by the Philly D twice in the fourth quarter.

As for me, I was watching The Living Daylights on Turner Classic Movies on the main screen with the football game on the second screen with the sound off. Everything was going great until Maryam D’Abo let out some of her utterly cringeworthy lines. I had to mute both TVs for a bit.

It was funny to see, though, the Russians stuck in Afghanistan on a neverending war they couldn’t win and the Joe Don Baker character, Whitaker, referencing the British getting stuck in Afghanistan in a neverending war they couldn’t win with all this happening prior to the US getting stuck in Afghanistan in a neverending war they couldn’t win.

What’s that saying about learning from history?

Anyway, I contend that The Living Daylights had some of the best music of any James Bond movie. The A-ha theme song was great and the ending song was pretty good too.

Man, the 80s were great!

Then, TCM showed Licence (2 c’s!) To Kill and I completely forgot about the game even though it turned out to be good. The two Timothy Dalton films are highly underrated.

Anyway, it was a rare good Thursday Night game and here are your highlights:

As noted previously, during the game attentions tend to wander and we get into some interesting topics. Namely, Pornhub search terms. So, in the interest of educating the DFO audience and the public at large, here is your weekly Pornhub search term results report.

Search Term: “Tinkerbell pegging a leprechaun”

Requestor: Rikki Tikki Deadly by way of Redshirt

Results: 1174

Report: As expected, you get a healthy dose of pegging videos which, I get it, lots of people enjoy. HOWEVAH, did you know there is a porn actress that goes by the name “Naughty Tinkerbell”? The fun part? She ain’t little…

The other fun part about this search? We got leprechaun results! “Beautiful Babes Dominate A Leprechaun” featured not only a guy dressed in a leprechaun outfit, but one of the girls used a strap-on dildo and stuck it in his mouth!

Score: The search results surprisingly covered everything this search term requested. A+ for accuracy. We literally got what we asked for!

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Search Term: “Miami back door cover”

Requestor: Yeah Right

Results: 1743

Report: Did you guess that most of the videos would focus on the word “cover” and provide videos with people covered in cum? You’re smarter than me. I mean, you fully expect lots of hot booty videos and instead you get a face-full of jizz?

That ain’t right.

Also, apparently a hot school teacher got fucked by an athlete in Miami once? Pornhub has the story!

Score: The search reminded me that I miss Peter North and that I really should eat healthier like he does.

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Search Term: “SET BUTTOCKS TO SQUEAKY!!”

Requestor: Fronkenshteen by way of Unsurprised

Results: 1100

Report: I’ve no idea how Pornhub translated “SET BUTTOCKS TO SQUEAKY” to Behind The Scenes videos, but here we are. Was it the first word, “set”? I think so. In any case, the videos are interesting by themselves as I’m fascinated by how the actual videos get made and all that entails.

Did we eventually get to people banging in squeaky beds and/or banging people that are squeaky clean/ fresh out of the shower? You better believe it!

Score: It’s not what I expected, but it’s a surprising good search term. Minus two points for a severe lack of buttocks, though.

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Search Term: “Cowboys ream Dolphins”

Requestor: Dunstan

Results: 1106

Report: Guys and gals, I’m deeply disturbed. It wasn’t due to the vast number of videos featuring people “reaming” people. That I expected and don’t really mind. And, no, it wasn’t a few videos featuring a couple playing Cowboys and Indians or girls wearing Cowboy hats. Those were nice.

Thanks to you fuckers, I can now say I’ve seen a grown ass man fuck a Dolphin plush doll in its specially-made Dolphin fuckhole.

Score: 1 too many dolphin-plushy-fucking videos.

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Search term: “Lime juice cactus fucking”

Requestor: Entropy

Results: 1311

Report: On the bright side, I discovered a hot Latina that goes by Mira Lime that has a very nice ass and a pretty pussy. In the not-so-bright side, someone actually filmed their wife masturbating with a fucking cactus and uploaded it to Pornhub.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHH!

Seriously, that shit looked painful.

On the bright and funny side, there is a video titled “Cactus Cock!!!” and, as I’m sure you guessed by now, it features an Asian guy with a gigantic cactus cock banging a hot Asian girl.

Score: 27 inches of cactus cock.

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Finally, we had:

Search Term: “mural painter surprise from behind”

Requestor: Herodotus450

Results: 1677

Report: To my surprise, the word “surprise” was the keyword here as most of the videos featured people being surprised by something.

My favourite surprises were the surprise cumshot, the big cock surprise, and, I think it goes without saying, surprise anal.

Score: Have I said the word surprise enough? Surprise! I HAVEN’T! 2 surprises out of 5. Would surprise.

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That’s been your Thursday Night Football Review! Make sure to write in the comments any search terms you want me to look up and report on next week. See you next Friday!

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