Your “Perfectly Adequate, Nothing More” NFL Football Open Thread

None of these tilts strike me as that compelling but what do I know? I was dead wrong about the Thursday Nighter. AND AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I’LL BE WRONG AGAIN! I’m not usually that confident in my abilities but being wrong is the exception. You see, the law of averages catches up with everyone and I’ve made peace with that. The key is to surround yourself with good folks, trash the rest, and that way you limit the amount of bad decisions you make. Ta da! It really is that easy.

TO THE GAMES!

Bucs/Rams:

If you’ve got depth at the rb position you may want to fade Gurley here. I know-preposterous! But it’s apparently a thing that his usage is being monitored and the Tampa run D is legit and second only to the Pats. (because Fins and Jets)

Seahawks/Cards:

Two very bad secondaries walk into a bar… And I thought the Gmen couldn’t cover the tight end-get a load of these numbers. Arizonny has given up 131 yds, 1 TD to Hockenson, 112 and 1 TD to Andrews and 75 and 2TDs to Olsen. You will play Dissly if you can and you will play him hard!

Vikes/Bears:

“What the raging fuckballs is this start time?”, I imagine Papa Bear Halas screaming from the grave. I also imagine Vince Lombardi shouting, “Keep it down over there. I was just dreaming about beating the wife again and you interrupted!”. Those guys just do not get along. smgdh…

Jags/Broncs:

I’ve run the numbers on this one and it comes up snake eyes. Unless you’ve got some ‘stache kink going for you, there’s nothing to see here.

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Gratliff

I have a 30 point lead with only Jason Garret left to play, against 2 players and Zac Taylor. I should toss Princeton on the bench to avoid backing into a loss, right?

herodotus450

Not a cornfucker, but I’m still upset that Suh didn’t win the Heisman trophy all those years ago. Upset enough that I officially unrecognize the Heisman as a trophy and as an institution.

herodotus450

Donks really hurting after that FG by Lambo, especially since they went and drafted Maseratio.

Mr. Ayo

More like DONKS, pew.

Gratliff

Goddamn Denver sucks

King Hippo

55-40 has to be a Scorigami

Mr. Ayo

That is correct, sir.

King Hippo

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK

Doktor Zymm

I miss Suh being on the Lions

Spur

Suh stomps on Baby Buster’s head for good measure.

King Hippo

FAT GUY SCAMPER!!

Spur

Donks shitting the bed again.

Gratliff

Goddamn Suh can still move

Doktor Zymm

Someone tell Minshew this ain’t Aussie rules and he doesn’t have to dribble

Mr. Ayo

In his defense, that was a textbook dribble.

Now we just need to see a drop kick from him.

Col. Duke LaCross

Oh man, it’s happening again in Denver.

Doktor Zymm

Aw shit, I really was hoping to see 60 minutes

Doktor Zymm

I LIKE BIG TIE AND I CANNOT LIE

Gratliff

Now let’s get Fournette some more points

Mr. Ayo

23-23?

King Hippo

DO IT FOR OUR FALLEN CHUBB!!!

Sharkbait

Elite throw?

Doktor Zymm
King Hippo

Liking this Jagura prevent

King Hippo

Gay is good again!

Gratliff

TikTok would like a word

Doktor Zymm

I wonder how many British children have been named Asbo? I hope at least one, and I hope he becomes a star

Spur

So is Minshew serviceable?

Mr. Ayo

I’m sure for some porn stars he is.

Spur

I mean if you were the Viks would you start him over Cousins?

Gratliff

“Denver does it’s job defensively!”

Job = giving up 80 yards mostly on the ground to bleed the clock

Doktor Zymm

GET THAT W BOYS

King Hippo

yay DONKS, Hippo needed another Lambo FG

Gratliff

Let’s slow down about beating up on Cousins as making a statement

Doktor Zymm

Hey, that’s what happens when you already told Minnesoty once

King Hippo

48-48?

Mr. Ayo

#FreeFootball

Doktor Zymm

please please please

Gratliff

Was Denver expected to be 0-4 bad?

King Hippo

No, 5-11 or 6-10 was deemed likely

Col. Duke LaCross

So they’re gonna figure it out at some point.

Doktor Zymm

No one is ever predicted to be winless, even this early

Sharkbait

Miami would like a word.

Doktor Zymm

I like watching teams with good defenses play good offenses. I also like watching two teams which both have mediocre defenses each score 40+ points

Gratliff

Fournette has 28.5 points without a TD in DFO ball

Mr. Ayo

lol Jameis. Just cut him now.

Doktor Zymm

Which size knife should I use?

Mr. Ayo

Machete? Maybe start with a paring knife to get the tendons and immobilize him.

King Hippo

try ’em all, be on safe side

Horatio Cornblower

Look, if he hasn’t faced consequences for his shitty decisions before it’s not gonna happen now.

Doktor Zymm

No. There is no tennis match analogy here.

Col. Duke LaCross

Marcus Peters got fucking decked.

Doktor Zymm

but he a winner

Gratliff

They may never pass another ball in Jacksonville

King Hippo

Christ, 210 for Horny Fourny

King Hippo

shutout avoidance BOO