Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Business is brisk at The Salvation Army store on Sundays. It wasn’t always this way, hell it wasn’t even open on Sunday before I offered to put in the time. You see, the shop is a nondescript building that faces another nondescript building and they’re separated by an over-sized walkway. The only other business of note open on the sabbath is a bottle store. I happened to grab some vodka before the football games and noticed the large amount of people loading up. Many of them were a certain kind of people. My kind of people.

I suggested to the world-weary and harried spinster that ran things that I could, perhaps, maybe run a Sunday shift. Hell, I could do it on my own-all she had to do was open up for me. Well, it didn’t take long for her, maybe just three weeks, to decide that missing the beginning of Coronation Street wasn’t worth the hassle. So I got the keys just as I had planned. Of course I was the only one working as well. And sales increased overall by 15% because, as I suspected, a part of the demographic that buys alcohol early on Sunday morning also happens to shop at a used goods store. Sometimes a plan is just that easy to put into action and, you know, execute.

A guy by the name of Brad started stopping by and I’d pour him a coffee and we’d chat away. The cashiers desk was elevated so that I could survey the entire store quite easily all while ‘flapping gums’ as they say. Brad’s clothes were worn but not raggedy so I guessed he’d only recently ran into a rough patch. He eventually made it known that he was working in a wrecking yard and busted up his leg in an accident. Some nasty hospital fees (no insurance of course) and a later infection that sent him right back into care for two weeks put an end to him having an address.

“You know what I miss most about having a place?”, he asked one day. “Huh, no idea”. “It’s being able to sit back today with a cold beer and just relax and watch football.” Of course his team was the Browns-it couldn’t have been any other. The gears started doing their calculations…

The following week I closed the store one hour early so that we could catch the 4 o’clock games. There was a dark dive bar that I knew, the sort of place where everyone is a serious drinker and everyone minds their own business or they’re out the door real fast. Brad drank down that first glass from the pitcher in two gulps. Yeah, as I thought, he liked his beer and didn’t get to drink much these days. I offered to buy him a burger or something but he wanted that alcohol to sit on his empty stomach for awhile. He entertained me with stories of Peyton Hillis, Dennis Northcutt (Dennis Northcutt?) and ‘that son of a bitch’ Butch Davis.

By seven it was time to go because he was sloppy and all over the place. I could feel a few eyes looking in our direction and that’s all it took. I insisted that he grab a spot on a park bench and sober up a little before heading to the hostel where he was staying. He was amenable. Things happened fast. I stuffed a rag in his mouth when his head lolled back, punched him hard in the stomach to knock the wind out of him and then I knew he was mine.

Heading back to the car I was worried about all the spatter on my clothes should someone happen by but it was a sleepy Sunday night and there was only  dogwalker at a safe, unidentifiable distance. Business is still brisk at the store, might stick around a bit longer. Oh, almost forgot-Goodnight, Brad.

TO THE GAME!

Cowboys/Saints:

Dallas wins 20-10 as OC Kellen Moore continues to weave his magic spells over DAK!, Amari and Zeke.

Have at it gringos!

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ALXMAC
Game Time Decision

Shoulda thrown it away

King Hippo

I don’t think Payton wanted any part of the long FG

Spur

Out of FG range. NICE!

Sharkbait

Oh Saints.

Spur

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

da Fuq man? That ain’t no Milkbone!!!!!

litre_cola

I just dragged your fucking ass out of the creek and you give me a fucking lime?

Mr. Ayo

That’s not a booty!

King Hippo

From last timeout – Watch Apple TV’s new show! Black Lady Lawyer!! We are SO bold and progressive!!!

Doktor Zymm

No way it’s better than Human Female Lawyer

King Hippo

they can be on same Apple night, like NBC’s Chi**** trilogy

litre_cola

Malort, a bad makeout sesh, and a thick pizza?

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, she can be both!?

King Hippo

but what she REALLY wants is a man and a baby!!!111

ALXMAC
Horatio Cornblower

This alpaca ad makes me unreasonably angry, mostly because I can absolutely see it happening.

Spur

Great. Just Great. i hate New Orleans

Horatio Cornblower

New Orleans is a great city. Sean Payton is a scumbag and Brees shills for a Ponzi scheme, so there’s that.

Doktor Zymm

NEW, MIDDLE AGED, AND OLD ORLEANS, ALL OF YOU GO

King Hippo

best case, DAK! gets 90 seconds, no timeouts needing 6

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas D is too tired here.

Doktor Zymm

Pfft, heard that before

Horatio Cornblower

I think there was a movie about it…

Game Time Decision

There’s a pill for that now

Doktor Zymm

Curious as to why there has been only one whistleblower against Trump? Curious why Snowden went straight to the press? Think the attempts to ruin the current whistleblower’s life are a fluke? NOPE WE JUST SUCK AND TRY TO KILL ANYONE WHO ATTEMPTS OVERSIGHT https://www.whistleblower.org

litre_cola
herodotus450

You call it whistleblowing, I call it light treason. Let’s all just take a trip to a secret CIA “retraining center” and talk about it.

King Hippo

May not even get the ball back now.

Horatio Cornblower

I dunno, Cris, I’m pretty sure the Saints would take a TD here.

Spur

Dallas needs to win so i can post my new booty GIF.

Mr. Ayo

Just post it anyway.

Doktor Zymm

That’s not nearly a strong enough argument to make me want to see Dallas win

theeWeeBabySeamus

She has a good point.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Still willing to see the booty though.

ALXMAC
Sharkbait

How the hell is Law and Order: Slightly Rapey Edition still on?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Because Ice-T watches you while you sleep?

King Hippo

Murrica LOVES rape!!

Spur

1 out of 2 people enjoy rape

King Hippo

ppl forget that!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sometimes the ratio is higher.
I’m not condoning it by any means.
Just pointing it out.

Game Time Decision

Cause you touch yourself

Spur

So Dallas is betting on Teddy to screw up. Bold Strategy

ALXMAC
Spur

Let Dak run.

theeWeeBabySeamus

See Dak run.

Run Dak run.

(sorry, I might be a little drunk)

Spur

Been watching 60 Minutes during the commercials. The whistleblower is under Federal Protection from Presidential Witness Tampering and Intimidation.

Can you imagine if Obama sent out those tweets

King Hippo

How can it be, the feds all WORK FOAR ME!!! – Herr Fuhrer

Doktor Zymm

Like if he was Thomas Drake or something? This country sucks as far as whistleblower protection

Sharkbait

Not surprised they’re under protection. I can only imagine what a MAGA chud would do if they found out who they were

herodotus450

I’m still remembering republicucks getting all bent out of shape because Obama was only a “city planner” before a Senator before the President.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m no offensive genius, but I think the Cowboys could really use a TD here.

Horatio Cornblower

3 and out works too, I guess.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, at least I didn’t start Teddy Bridgewater.
UP HIGH!!!!!!
comment image
(jerks)

Spur

Big Sack

Horatio Cornblower

Robert Quinn is apparently invisible.

herodotus450

If that’s not a Balls search term…

King Hippo

he quit taking my suggestions after Pissing Abuelas

Doktor Zymm

Took a nap on the couch, looks like a good time to tune in! Go jet lag!

Horatio Cornblower

I switched over to The Righteous Gemstones for 40+ minutes and see I missed jack shit.

herodotus450

Al apparently baffled by the concept of wireless communication.

King Hippo

BLEERGH! (redux)

Sharkbait

HAIL BLEERGH!

King Hippo

17-15, or 17-18?

theeWeeBabySeamus

At the rate they’re going either one might be a bridge too far.
15-10

theeWeeBabySeamus

But hey, at least neither one let the Browns put 40 on ’em.

King Hippo

BLEERGH!

Spur

Defense needs a turnover here

Sharkbait

Ending my day drinking with bourbon. I chose wisely

theeWeeBabySeamus

You do realize it’s not still daytime.
KEEP GOING!!!!!!

Sharkbait

Go the full loop? That’s just crazy enough to work!

Viva La Tabula Raza

And with what are you starting your night drinking?

King Hippo

GO FOAR IT

Brick Meathook

Here’s a building that’s next to another building. I think it’s a bank:

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King Hippo

yeah, come Q4, make sure you use your full Tavon Austin package

Game Time Decision

Why would one need a visor on, inside at night?

litre_cola

LADIEZ

Spur

Good ole Eli Apple

King Hippo

Fiona, once again a bad, bad girl

ALXMAC
theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Horatio Cornblower

Still Matt Damon’s finest role.

ALXMAC
King Hippo

valid point, DAK!’s mechanics are indeed very, very good

herodotus450

Why is it not a penalty no matter what if you make contact with a sliding qb? Have we learned nothign from Trent Green?

Game Time Decision

-Trent Green
/obligatory

King Hippo

/turns on microwave, pisses pants

litre_cola

Parts of Southern Alberta have a METRE of snow, 170 collisions in Southern Alberta today. These fuckwits will argue it is colder, not that things are changing for the worse. MOAR OIL.

Game Time Decision

They got a litre of snow. That’s nuts

Game Time Decision

I think it’s cute that Budwiser is trying to pass of their non-alcoholic “Prohibition Brew” as “beer”. Their regular stuff is barely beer

King Hippo

horse piss, now in non-fermented varietal!

King Hippo

all he did was TOUCH him

theeWeeBabySeamus

– Joe Paterno

Spur

no flag?………………ok

King Hippo

GOOD CALL.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kinda wishing I hadn’t benched Chris Godwin at the last minute today.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

litre_cola

Had Decilitre gotten you up Hippo would have given you correct advice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hell, I was barely awake, and probably not sober, before kickoff.

theeWeeBabySeamus

James Conner better not fuck up tomorrow night.
Or I will cry.

King Hippo

Oh great, Hilter Mouse Corp. going into the streaming bidness

Sharkbait

I’m pretty sure we’re somehow in the streaming business

King Hippo

send Entropy out to collect our revenues

herodotus450

All I heard was “unreleased video… toughest stuff he’s ever done.” Did somebody on the Saints make a sex tape with Tara Reid?

Sharkbait

Did we really need the Brees iso-cam in the corner there NBC?

King Hippo

look how he FLEXES HIS THUMB. Such a leader!!

litre_cola

Can I interest you in my NOT pyramid scheme?