2019 Quotables – Week 4 (Submissions)

This week will be the only impeachment submissions day we enjoy. Some of you may not care for it but, let’s be honest here, Quotables isn’t about the submission captions, it’s about the commentist participation. That said, thanks for letting me give it the ol’ college try here.

Anyways, at the time you read this (Tuesday) I will be traveling to Santa Fe, New Mexico for a few days. It’s….a place I have never before been. But don’t worry, I have a late flight on Thursday that includes a sweet layover (because there are no Vegas to Santa Fe direct flights) that’ll give me time to judge your submission and assemble Friday’s results post. And so, with that out of the way, I give you your Week 4 Quotables submissions!


“My great friend, Vontaze Burfict, has been an EXCELLENT MLB for @raiders, who have been a tremendous success. I am looking forward to close collaboration with his successor (starting Tuesday) and Strong Leader, @Big_Tah47!”

No quid pro quo!

A visual representation of: “[W]hen I spoke to the secretary [Pompeo] last week, I said, ‘Are you aware of this?’ and he said, ‘Yes, I know about this.” -R. Giuliani.

“…If the Democrats are successful in removing the President from office (which they will never be), it will cause a Civil War like fracture in this Nation from which our Country will never heal.” Pastor Gardner Minshew II, @jaguars

What does OBJ know about Hunter Biden that the rat-infested left is trying to Seth Rich him?!

Jerry Nadler would have dropped that.

Kelce’s lateral here cost me my FF win. Arrest for Treason?

 

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blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 4 (Submissions) – October 1, 2019 […]

King Hippo

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I said I ain’t no holla back girrrrrl

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Make it 55% dirtier
–V. Burfict

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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No, YOUR city is worse than Mar-a-Lago!

WhyEaglesWhy

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“See, Dobbs? I told you I could throw a football over those mountains.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Forget the Molotov cocktail, burn all of Duval County to the fucking ground

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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That’s worth 1.67X the “other” kind of catch, right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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First basketball and now volleyball? These tight ends are getting out of hand.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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THIS GUY, I CALL HIM THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO HAUNT ME WHILE I WATCH KHALIL MACK WREAK HAVOC ON THE LEAGUE AFTER I TRADED THAT ONE AWAY FOR NOTHING BUT A BUCKET OF BEER AT HOOTERS

WhyEaglesWhy

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“Stop, stop, it’s the Browns! They’ll choke on their own!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Even Tarik Cohen thinks this is inappropriate

WhyEaglesWhy

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“That’s my tenth suspension, my next one is free!”

Viva La Tabula Raza

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“Can’t let some no-name upstart on the Patriots steal my ‘Most CTE’s Administered’ crown!”
—VB

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“Man, if I could juggle things half as well as that, maybe my staff would stop changing my title to ‘Professional Daughter Husband.'” – Jared Kushner

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“ICE could really learn a lot from these guys.” – Your racist Grandpa

yeah right

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“You said there would be fucking CARROT CAKE!!!”

Unsurprised

Reminder that Santa Fe is like 6,500 feet above sea level and in the cold that air sucks if you’re not used to it.

Also, there’s nothing worth doing in SF.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Still better than Phoenix, where it’s not worth living.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Buncha hippy artist chicks. And rich old lady chicks.

nomonkeyfun

They may be smelly, but…
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LemonJello

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“GET. YOUR. FLU. SHOT. Right here, in the meaty portion of the thigh.”

ThurberHerder

Kinda looks like the high up back part of the thigh, but ok whatever you say doc

LemonJello

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“What’s the term, in bird law, for killing one of your own?”

LemonJello

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“Did we get more points? Be a lot cooler if we did. Alright alright alright.”

Brocky

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OBJ: my good friend, could you possibly assist me with a chiropractic adjustment?

Humphrey: why certainly old chap, what do you require?

OBJ: my vertebrae need a good crack, I’ll lie down, and you apply pressure from the front

Humphrey: like so?

OBJ: exactly. Jolly good show old boy!

Game Time Decision

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Coach Marrone says that this red-neck inbred hick is still the starter. yay
-Dobbs

nomonkeyfun

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Minshew is shown watching the rushes from his latest movie, “A Secret Love: Teammates Cumming Together.”

nomonkeyfun

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But is it a catch?

SonOfSpam

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Dick Stockton: “Kelce with the ‘hot potato’ back to McCoy for a big gain!”
Mark Schlereth: “I thought a ‘hot potato’ was where you take a shit on an Irish girl.”
Dick Stockton: “No, you’re thinking of a ‘Dublin Dumplin’ and I haven’t done that since 1956.”
Mark Schlereth: “Oh right…damn, the Irish are good sports!”
Dick Stockton: “Speaking of good sports, don’t forget to watch 60 Minutes tonight.”

SonOfSpam

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Haven’t seen a Colt get helmet like that since the last Mr. Hands video.

nomonkeyfun

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“That’s my Raiders.”
-Rikki
/Tries to shoot self in head, hits own foot.

Brocky

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Maybe if just go like this all this fog will go away…. ewwww…I got it on my hand..

nomonkeyfun

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(Yaketty Sax is heard in the background.)

Game Time Decision

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Historically it was Detroit getting the bailouts just before impending disaster

nomonkeyfun

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Glad to see Ray Lewis is still playing for the Ravens.

nomonkeyfun

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The Presidents supporters just came watching a white man duck, allowing a Mexican to take out a black man.

nomonkeyfun

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“Life is so much harder for us Millenials. All I heard about my dad growing up was, Easy Ed.”

-C. McCaffrey

Game Time Decision

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No, no, no, you help pull when spotting a sit up, not push
-ref

Game Time Decision

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Trent Green uncontrollably wets himself

LemonJello

It is a day ending in y, after all.

Enrico Pallazzo

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When you see that .38 Special is playing the State Fair this year…

LemonJello

I don’t know if any of these should be changed.

Downfield Matriculator

Yes, their content and character are . . .

/puts sunglasses on

. . . Unimpeachable

YEEAAAAHHH!