Your “Two Whole Games?!” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

If the London Game had been an early morning affair, yes, I get it. I’d be totally fine with that. But this is ‘our’ NFL, giving us the illusion of choice when there is in fact none or the choices are garbage. (borrowed from that old crank George Carlinski) Why do we put up with this? Or do we? I guess the league’s Downward Dog numbers indicate that we don’t. I mean, not ‘us’, us. We’ll watch a shit game and ask for more so that we can come on here and try to make one another larf their butts off. It’s a pitiful existence, but what else is there?

TO THE GAME!

Broncos/Chargers:

It’s fade time for Courtland Sutton again because he’ll be getting a big, fat dose of Casey Hayward. Not so for Manny though-the gap between the aforementioned cb and the rest of the Chargers is calculated in light years. But will Flacco go for it? He’d better because Denver is staring at going 0-5 for the very first time in ever.

Packers/Cowboys:

Speaking of lockdown dudes, Green Bay’s Jaire Alexander is PFF’s top ranked cb and he’ll be showcasing his wares against Amari today. You might think twice about starting rb Jones this week as he’s had just the one game with over 40 yardos rushing but his arch-nemesis, (not including Matt LaFleur) Jamaal Williams is out this week. ‘Increased touches lead to increased chances’ is what I whisper to my sixteen year old kid from the closet of his bedroom when he has a girlie over but it also holds true in fantasy football.

Get your engines revving, sportsters!

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Horatio Cornblower

Dak is going to throw an interception right to #55* just so he can take out his knees** on the return.

*Or someone else, but odds are he’s gonna thrown one.
**Or because he’s just not having a very good game tonight

Gatoraids

Hell end up throwing an old interception to Aaron Jones somehow

Spur

Well, at least I took the over.

Horatio Cornblower

See? That’s how you enjoy the NFL; winning money on various bets. Fuck teams

Dolph Ucker

There’s your dagger. Fuck you Dallas.

Horatio Cornblower

I guess battering the receiver in the head is no longer pass interference.
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Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know about ‘never’, but certainly not after the 1st half.

Brick Meathook

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Spur

Send his ass to Lubbock for the week. Let him think about what he’s done.

hippofant

Ladarius asking Dak why Chunky’s doesn’t have Seafood Chowder any more.

Sharkbait

HAHAAHA DAKCEPTION

Spur

Holy Fuck. Dak this is not how you get paid.

Gratliff

“???” – Kirk Cousins

Gratliff

A SERIES OF DAKFORTUNATE EVENTS

Spur

Cat fight on the Green Bay sideline

Spur

No flag for throwing around Rodgers?

Horatio Cornblower

Shhhhh.

Horatio Cornblower

3rd and 22 for Rodgers against Dallas? I will bet my children on a 24 yard completion right here.

Horatio Cornblower

Good old Jeff Heath

Horatio Cornblower

That said, Jimmy Graham took a dive there. Probably something he learned on the basketball court, which I don’t know if you’ve heard, Graham used to play in college.

Gatoraids

Big if true

hippofant

That was some real gritty holding there.

Brocky

If there’s one franchise besides the Patriots that I wouldn’t mind the refs pulling for the cowboys over….its the packers.

Since i can’t get a decent radio signal (im too cheap for sirius) I’m listening to mlb. Braves just took a 3 to 1 lead in the ninth.

I have no idea who they’re playing. Announcers haven’t said the other teams name

Horatio Cornblower

The Brewers? I’m honestly guessing.

Brocky

Nope. I can hear hippo losing it from here

Col. Duke LaCross

The Steelers said that Mason Rudolph had “concussion-like symptoms.”

No shit.

Spur

he lived?

/why did they let him walk? get the cart. the was rough to watch

hippofant

The cart was broke.

Which, you’d figure the people in Pittsburgh would want to keep equipment they use regularly well-maintained.

hippofant

Is being unconscious a “concussion-like symptom”?

Gratliff

“I knew I was out of it because I imagined the cart I was on was being pushed by a team of assistants and that I was being dragged off the field by my teammates”

Spur

Rodgers is going to dick the Dallas D. He’s known for doing it.
The only hope is some other Packer player fucks up.

Horatio Cornblower

More and more I don’t care who wins these games, I just want to see somebody clock one of the officials.

LemonJello

“Why’s errybody looking at me?”
-Zeke, stuffing his face with lead paint chips

hippofant

The officials with the bailouts. How much did Jerrah pay them?!

Game Time Decision

Ref bailing out Dallas

Horatio Cornblower

How was that not hands to the face?

hippofant

The best part is I can feel the anguish of all the Cowboys fans at the game right now. Yesssssssss.

Horatio Cornblower

As a Cowboys fan I disagree.

The best part of this game is the cutaways to a miserable Jerry Jones.

Gratliff

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hippofant

DOUBLE LUL

Spur

Dak. Why you do this?

Gatoraids

Adam gase named new Dallas head coach

LemonJello

Dakpocalypse?

Gratliff

CADAKCLYSM

hippofant

LUL

Spur

Calm down Troy. There is nothing brewing.

Brick Meathook

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Spur

I want to see Garrett throw a haymaker at that ref.

Gratliff

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Game Time Decision

My money’s on the lady ref

Game Time Decision

LAC with some awful clock management inside of 2 minutes left. Onside kick coming up

Gratliff

I started him in the DFO league. Should make up for the uh, 70 points I was down with him and Flacco to go.

LemonJello

Odds Ol’DubbleJ fires Garrett and makes himself the head coach?

“YEEEEEEEHAAAAWWWWWW I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZY AND CALLING THE PLAYS!”

Redshirt

Please let Garrett be ejected.

Spur

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Dolph Ucker

Nice catch though.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jason Garrett not exactly acting like a Princeton man hmmmmm

LemonJello

The eating tonight at Dinner Club will be most subdued, indeed.

SonOfSpam

“You can take this challenge flag, good sir, and MASTICATE IT.”

Dolph Ucker

Ginger pain.

Spur

Garrett rage?

Sharkbait

I will be at the game Thursday. BotG?

Game Time Decision

Yes please

ballsofsteelandfury

YES

LemonJello

Absolutely.

Redshirt

So today I learned that we should fully fund and reform the mental health industry and strengthen gun laws to prevent the sales of guns to people who shouldn’t have guns for either legal or mental reasons, or else and crazy guy dressed in clown makeup will kill me and everyone I love.

ballsofsteelandfury

You went to the Bengals game?

SonOfSpam

No no…he said he learned something.

Gratliff

We’re breaking away from this one sided contest to bring you something a little more evenly contested like the Gulf War.

Viva La Tabula Raza

First Gulf War? Keep an eye out for the Iraqi Ass Map. I understand there’s gold in that thar bunker.

Game Time Decision

And nu-clue-lar weapons

Brick Meathook

I won the Cold War and never got credit for it.

Redshirt

That was a good war. Mostly it was the Military getting revenge for the Vietnam War and showing how much technology has advanced since then.

“You don’t want your sons to die on foreign soil? Fine. Watch him kill a building from the comfort of a desk chair.”

Also, the public perception was changed. It went from “Oh, my God. We’re killing civilians.” to “Hey, war is just like a Nintendo game!”

Viva La Tabula Raza

How’s things going in Jerrah World?

Oh.
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Gratliff

Did Marinelli start Jones on his fantasy team?

Dolph Ucker

I’m thinking there’s a whole bunch of fans looking to beat the Arlington traffic.

Game Time Decision

Dpi? Even as a packer fan I’d say no

Gratliff

Someone just saw Roots for the first time

Trump: "African Americans built this nation. You built this nation. You know, you're just starting to get real credit for that, OK? I don't know if you know that … You built the nation. We all built it. But you were such a massive part of it. Bigger than you were given credit." pic.twitter.com/3LKJVNFk90

— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) October 4, 2019

SonOfSpam

“The other night Melania was being a real Kunta Kinte a lot of people were saying bigly.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

“However, Toby is a much more dignified name than Kunta Kinte; that sounds too much like the name of some guy from some shithole country in Afrindia.”

Gratliff

We’ve always been at war with Afrindia

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe a bullet paper on PowerPoint, with some snappy pix of that guy that had a Fram air filter for eyes in Star Trek TNG.

Brick Meathook

Chinamen built the railroads, them and drunken Irish.

Redshirt

How can a team cross midfield five times in 2.5 quarters and have no points?