Your “But I Wanted a Quadruple-header!” Sunday Football Open Thread

T’aint fair! The NFL giveth with the one hand and taketh away with the other. AS ALWAYS! Hey, as long as I’m shouting… TO THE GAMES!

Cards/Bills:

Not a lot to like here. I’d just like to add-poor Joe Mixon. Poor, poor Joe Mixon.

Bills/Titans:

The hits keep coming. What’s the over/under here-14.5? Matt Barkley is not an NFL qb by any means and there are rumblings the Tennessee head office feels the same about Mariota. The end result? A run-heavy Gore (maybe Singletary?) and Henry grinder. Fade to black Corey Davis. And while you’re at it do the same to te Delanie-the Bills have given up 76 yards all season to the position.

Bears/Raiders:

There are plenty of kudos out there for te Waller but the fella is looked at between the 20’s and not at all in the end zone. This is not an exaggeration-he doesn’t have a single look yet.

Bucs/Saints:

Tampa has a good overall D but defending the slot is an on-going problem. Since the beginning of last year they’ve given up the second-most yards, completions and TD’s. Guess who grades out as the best slot receiver over the last three years? Yeah, that’d be one Michael Thomas. Shaquil Barrett and his nine sacks has an interesting matchup vs. tackles Armstead and Ramczyk, who have not given up a sack yet.

Vikes/Gmen:

Minny just barely avoids the dreaded Saquon-sanity showdown. This one is a real, actual test for Danny Ten Cent, given the pressure up front and cb Howard’s tendency to take players out of the game. (though he did get burned last week or the week before, I don’t remember and I’m running out of time)

Jets/Eagles:

Philly is completely exploitable at the wr spot and Anderson/Crowder are above average, but then one must add Luke Falk into the equation and just like that it all falls apart.

Rams/Steelers:

As I said, I’m running out of time. This should have been up two hours ago.

Pats/Potato Skins:

Another walk in the park W for New England is on the sked. Qu’elle surprise! Washington’s point total has gone souther and souther-from 27 to 21 to 15 to 3. I’ve a notion what the next number up is.

Jags/Panthers:

Bettors have no doubt noticed that Minshew is 3-0 vs. the spread but he now faces the only D that allows less than 200 yards thru the air. This is not the week to go Full Mustache Ride.

Falcons/Texans:

Lingering memories from last year tell me that Houston has an above-average D but when you actually peruse the numbers they’re in the 24-ish range. Same but the t’udder way with the Falcons-they’re knocking on top 10 status.

There she be. Why don’t you catch some Other Football while you wait for the games to commence?

 

 

 

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King Hippo

Charlottean Bananacakes!!

Redshirt

BWHAHAHAHA! Juju, you suck!

Gratliff

It annoys me no end that the garbage Falcons beat the Eagles, even if it did happen on one of the best pancake blocks of all time

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Chase Daniel has held clipboards for so many different teams that of course he can’t keep track of who he should throw to

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuuuuuck this

blaxabbath

Chase Daniels IS NFL on Fox bonus coverage.

blaxabbath

This is going to be a good day for Cardinals Talk postgame radio.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Cardinals WLT record is currently a palindrome, 1-3-1.

blaxabbath

TIME TO RAM THROUGH LEGISTLATION FOR THE PUBLIC TO BUILD A TWO TRILLION DOLLAR BIDWILL STADIUM!

King Hippo

London NEEDS an NFL-varietal DRAW.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Let them go to penalty kicks

Redshirt
Gratliff

It is wildly unfair that the Pats get to play the Jets twice a year

bk109
bk109

Wow, Redacteds @ Miami… There goes my “PICK ANYONE PLAYING MIAMI” in my survival pool at work

Dunstan
Dunstan

That’s what the Jets are for.

bk109
bk109

Or I guess Cincy as long as they’re playing someone strong 😀

Gratliff

10 sacks for Philly

LemonJello
LemonJello

What is “an old handwritten receipt for Andy Reid’s post game Geno’s Steaks order?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Bears are going to blow this and I had to see a Trump ad during the game. Fuck this timeline.

Doktor Zymm

The Trump campaign somehow got my email, but Gmail is awesome and sends them all to spam

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

If they get hold of my email address, I’m going to have to do my Outlook settings for whenever I get an email from them there’s an auto-reply sent back that just says “fuck you” in all caps and font 32.

blaxabbath

Those ads aren’t even believeable. Seriously, “The Swamp”?

And I thought his retard fans quit watching the NFL to show their love for [White] America?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

No shit there was a Trump ad on Los Angeles TV! I’ve never seen any presidential campaign ads of any party on TV here.

Redshirt

Welp.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wow

blaxabbath

THIS TYLER BOYD I CALL HIM THE TALIBAN BECAUSE HE DESTROYED THAT BUDDA AND A BUNCH OF OHIOANS ARE CHEERING FOR HIM BECAUSE HIS UNIFORM IS REDDISH.

Doktor Zymm

LOL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I believe it’s time for me to stop paying attention to this game; I’d rather not be able to pinpoint the exact moment my heart breaks.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dalton good?

bk109
bk109

Or Cards are worse?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

That looks like a pretty elaborate brace on Ol’ Graydick’s arm. I wonder if it makes it difficult for him to jack it. Meh, he probably just forces some random chick in a bar do it for him.

Dunstan
Dunstan

“That seems like a lot of work. I know of a place….” — R. Kraft

Redshirt

WHERE THE FUCK HAS THAT OFFENSE BEEN FOR THE PAST FIFTY-EIGHT MINUTES, YOU ASSHOLES?!

Gratliff

Oh shit. Eagles get Captain Dingleberry next week.

Gratliff

9 sacks for the Eagles with 5 mins to go. Record in play!

Dunstan
Dunstan

This is a strange game. The Raiders appear to be trying to avoid Raidering in the hopes that the Bears will Bears, and vice versa.

blaxabbath

It is at this intersection that the AAFL folded.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder if that guy they just showed on CBS WAS-NE game is Sikh of watching the TatoSkins. Or maybe he’s a P*ts fan.

Looks like CBS is tired of showing a 33-7 game to me here in TX, they just switched to the PIT-BAL matchup. Fine with me, even as a NE fan I say fuck watching a blowout.

Horatio Cornblower

My decision to start Brady seems to have been…good?

That can’t possibly be right given how the rest of my season has gone.

Gratliff

Defenses don’t usually pad stats like this. Poor poor Luke Falk

Gratliff

Welp there goes my good TE

King Hippo

I appreciate how dedicated Cincy is to making sure Beatie Mixon doesn’t score.

Horatio Cornblower

grrrrrrr

Gratliff

Christian McCaffrey: Actually Bad

Gratliff

Wonder how many people dropped the Eagles defense right before this game

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Welp, my opponent sure didn’t.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Got tired of jags d and picked up Philly cuz of Mon o

Gratliff

oh jets

bk109
bk109

Horatio Cornblower

It’s not often you get to see natural selection work that quickly.

Horatio Cornblower

The B-Dubs ad about people who schedule for game day reminds me of my wedding. As things worked out UConn wound by playing Georgetown in either the semis or the finals of the Big East tournament that day. My wife absolutely vetoed having a TV at the reception, (her father actually asked; no fucking way I was asking), so that was that.

We get in the limo for the ride from the church to the reception hall, which for reasons I never understood, (I picked out the cake and otherwise was just there to match well with the bride), as about 25 minutes away. The limo had a TV. The TV got one channel. That channel was showing the Big East tournament.

It was a pretty good game.

Redshirt

The Bengals aren’t not going to win a single game this year, are they?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Take your perfect seasons where you can get ’em.
—2008 Detroit Lions

Don T

This Cairo Santos I call him Anwar Sadat’s fate because of anger.

Gratliff

McCaffrey is threatening to put up 50 points. He’s definitely gonna get the Peyton Hillis treatment

The Maestro

Fuck, was that ever a weird time in the NFL.

Gratliff

Hillis vs. Vick in a fan vote for the Madden cover was definitely a social experiment

Redshirt

Hillis wasn’t that bad. He just got hurt and couldn’t keep up with the hype.

blaxabbath

If the Bengals aren’t tanking on purpose, they’re just as shitty as the ’18 Cardinals.

Redshirt

No, they’re trying.

Horatio Cornblower

“Ereck Flowers saw the guy run right by him and make the hit.”

No worries, Ereck is used to that by now.

Senor Weaselo

Afternoon lizard people. Are we sure the Jets actually scored an honest to goodness offensive touchdown?

Gratliff

Second of the year!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Everything else about them is offensive, so, I guess so?

bk109
bk109

Sooooo, the Tits’ is going to be set on fire and sent to Chicago, eh?

Redshirt

“tits fire Chicago” would be a nice PornHub search.

bk109
bk109

Eh, it’s Chicago, so it could end with a lot of clips with moobs

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Tonya Harding doing an ad for an insurance company pushing forgiveness. Fucking America.

bk109
bk109

Same people that are doing ads with Johnny Fucking Football or another one?

Edit: YARP, same people. He, Tonya and something called a “Fat Joe” are headlining them… Might as well call in Greg Hardy to fill out the roster?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I didn’t pay attention to the name of the company, but it was not one of the usual suspects like progressive or geico or liberty mutual.

Edit: Google tells me the name of the company is Direct Auto Insurance. Never heard of them.

Game Time Decision

ten kicker wide right again. Ahaha.

King Hippo

HOW DO YOU NOT GO FOR IT ON 4TH AND 4 THAT LATE??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not sure I’m aware of the Raiders ever having Raidered harder than this.

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