Your “But I Wanted a Quadruple-header!” Sunday Football Open Thread

T’aint fair! The NFL giveth with the one hand and taketh away with the other. AS ALWAYS! Hey, as long as I’m shouting… TO THE GAMES!

Cards/Bills:

Not a lot to like here. I’d just like to add-poor Joe Mixon. Poor, poor Joe Mixon.

Bills/Titans:

The hits keep coming. What’s the over/under here-14.5? Matt Barkley is not an NFL qb by any means and there are rumblings the Tennessee head office feels the same about Mariota. The end result? A run-heavy Gore (maybe Singletary?) and Henry grinder. Fade to black Corey Davis. And while you’re at it do the same to te Delanie-the Bills have given up 76 yards all season to the position.

Bears/Raiders:

There are plenty of kudos out there for te Waller but the fella is looked at between the 20’s and not at all in the end zone. This is not an exaggeration-he doesn’t have a single look yet.

Bucs/Saints:

Tampa has a good overall D but defending the slot is an on-going problem. Since the beginning of last year they’ve given up the second-most yards, completions and TD’s. Guess who grades out as the best slot receiver over the last three years? Yeah, that’d be one Michael Thomas. Shaquil Barrett and his nine sacks has an interesting matchup vs. tackles Armstead and Ramczyk, who have not given up a sack yet.

Vikes/Gmen:

Minny just barely avoids the dreaded Saquon-sanity showdown. This one is a real, actual test for Danny Ten Cent, given the pressure up front and cb Howard’s tendency to take players out of the game. (though he did get burned last week or the week before, I don’t remember and I’m running out of time)

Jets/Eagles:

Philly is completely exploitable at the wr spot and Anderson/Crowder are above average, but then one must add Luke Falk into the equation and just like that it all falls apart.

Rams/Steelers:

As I said, I’m running out of time. This should have been up two hours ago.

Pats/Potato Skins:

Another walk in the park W for New England is on the sked. Qu’elle surprise! Washington’s point total has gone souther and souther-from 27 to 21 to 15 to 3. I’ve a notion what the next number up is.

Jags/Panthers:

Bettors have no doubt noticed that Minshew is 3-0 vs. the spread but he now faces the only D that allows less than 200 yards thru the air. This is not the week to go Full Mustache Ride.

Falcons/Texans:

Lingering memories from last year tell me that Houston has an above-average D but when you actually peruse the numbers they’re in the 24-ish range. Same but the t’udder way with the Falcons-they’re knocking on top 10 status.

There she be. Why don’t you catch some Other Football while you wait for the games to commence?

 

 

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alright, I missed kickoff, did anyone ever say why Roquan Smith was out and why he’s back?

King Hippo

holy cats, 1.2 points ALREADY FOAR Beatie Mixon! 2-3 here I come!!!1111

Gratliff

Torn between Giants and Vikes fan schadenfreude. Leaning towards laughing at 84 million

King Hippo

was looking forward to 3rd and 20 checkdown, but they ran a draw instead

Spur

so nice of Giants to help Cousins with his confidence.

bk109

Holy shit, I’m watching Colt McCoy’s life flash before his eyes… XD

King Hippo

#FalkImplosion

Redshirt

How did Thom Brenaman get banished to the Battle of the Winless?

ballsofsteelandfury

Gotta love English anthem titties

Gratliff

Like to see the Eagles not fuck around and actually bury a team like it’s supposed to for a change.

Gratliff

That’s a good start right there

litre_cola

comment image

LemonJello

[*Redacted] s v P*triots = Train Wreck or Snuff Film?

The Maestro

Yes.

bk109

Very.

The Maestro

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS???

Only downside about today is that my RedZone experience is getting interrupted by my having to go see a house for sale today. I say the realtor should bring the house to me to make my life more convenient!

LemonJello

Can’t they live stream or VR the walk-through so you don’t have to put on pants?

The Maestro

This is the correct answer right here.

litre_cola

10 early games is fucking stupid.

bk109

Ok, not sure what’s happening, but my DAZN commentary is in German… Ehhhhh… Better than Fouts, tho…

Spur

I’m aboard the Bucs (Rape) Train.

King Hippo

anything a rapist likes, it’s a train

Redshirt

Wait a minute? Where’s my radio?! I can’t find my radio!!! I have to listen to the TV Broadcaster!!!

Okay. Its okay. Its okay. Can’t breathe. Walls closing in. WHO PUT THIS SKIN ON MY ARM?!?!?!?!?!?!

Spur

Spent some time with my nephew and some of his friends last night. I would say a half of them vape and not one smoked cigarettes. I asked about the proposed ban and recent deaths. The general feeling was that it’s tobacco companies trying to ban a rival. They all agree vaping is not healthy/safe but its not as bad as cigarettes.

The kids alright.

Gratliff

They are at least as bad as cigarettes. What it does to lung tissue is actually worse, at least in terms of how fast it does it. Within the next 10 years, it’s going to become very obvious how bad vaping is.

Don T

Blasphemy.
?
[hacks, spits]

Redshirt

Its moderation. All those people who got sick vaping probably vaped the equivalent of 4 packs a day or something.

bk109

What the fuck does our imaginary happy place where we get sloshed does have to do with vaping? XD

Spur

i read most of them smoked some CBD oil bullshit.

Redshirt

I use CBD oil, but only under my tongue. That’s the fasted way to get it in the bloodstream and the excess gets swallowed and digested. You inhale it and the part that doesn’t turn into vapor stays in the lungs.

Spur

I meant CBD from a wacky source. Non-dispensary source. I use a CBD/THC cream for some hip pain. But i would never buy from 7/11.

Gratliff

lol we have Family Video around here still and you can tell how well the rental thing is going because every one is covered in signs announcing they sell CBD oil

bk109

You do realize that Big Tobacco is the puppet master of Big Vape,right? And honestly, “healthier” than tobacco only until you realize that a vast majority of these vaping liquids have 0 oversight and come from China (et al), so no one the fuck knows what the bleep yer inhaling?

Redshirt

What in the flying feather is this I’m watching on Fox?

bk109

If you’re suppressing your gag reflex? Riggle’s Picks probably?

litre_cola

Uggh Jacobs v the BEars, or Jones II v the Saints. How do I have this decision in 2 leagues?!?!?!?

Fronkenshteen

I think TB/NO is going to be a track meet.

litre_cola

Yeah, I am leaning that way too. Jacobs is my ride or die guy in my money leagues because I got him late and his keeper status will be great if Gruden uses him properly. There is the issue though….

Redshirt

(joke borrowed/stolen from “DuckTales” Season 2 Season Finale)

(Bengals Locker Room pregame)
Coach Taylor: “Okay, team. Our fans have abandoned us. Half the fans, the county and city want us to leave. Most of our good players are hurt, and the media is calling for a Fire Sale like we’re the Florida Marlins the winter after winning a World Series. But if everyone one of us stays together, we’re going to start winning!”

The Ghost of Paul Brown: “I’ve decided you’re doomed. My time would be better served preparing your places in the afterlife. Cheerio! (leaves)

Coach Taylor: Not reassuring that he went down instead of up.

bk109

Wow, so apparently Sophie Turner’s lack of acting skills extends to a 20 second shoutout from the sidelines… Seriously, how the fuck does she and Kristen Stewart still get cast…

Redshirt

Belichick: …mumble…mumble…Harvey Weinstein?

bk109

Belichick: …mumble…mumble…mumble… She’s Ontop Harvey Weinstein?
Sounds about right XD

The Maestro

And yet, I still don’t care for a second and remain happy to watch her in just about everything.

Spur

The one thing the teams playing in London had was to have the only National televised game on. a de facto primetime game. Fuck that Ginger Nut.

bk109

Omaigod, The Ginger Hammer is in London?! I can go piss on him and be back in time for dinner!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please add an extra squirt from me.

Spur

Folks

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gentlepersons, please raise your glasses in a toast to the two-touchdown anniversary of the Vikings Boat party.

Spur

Am going to piss in my neighbors bushes to celebrate

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shouldn’t we raise a double dildo?

Horatio Cornblower

Drum roll please.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you think he’s in a white room with black mirrors?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, phew. When you said “ginger baker” I was worried you were talking about Bobby Flay.

Redshirt

Oh my God, it finally happened. We’ve become the Bills!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can coaches get CTE? Jimmy Johnson just said the Bears should keep starting Chase Daniel when Trubisky is healthy.

bk109

Y’see, he actually has a point, because while Chase Daniel has a lower ceiling than Kissin’Titties, he has a way-higher floor, so … y’know, with this defence it’s better to just have someone always adequate vs a coinflip between “rather good” and “Fitzception?!? How the fuck did you sneak in here?! “

bk109

AB is still a free agent, so they can try to get back up on that horse… If anything, at least to see how many people will riot at the Black Hole 😀

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh no, now they won’t be able to…wait, how will this affect their laughable aerial attack in any way?

Gratliff

Against the Bears no less. I’d wager it’ll actually lead to LESS interceptions.

Spur

It’s ok. they’re counting again in metric.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw, thanks to injuries and stupidity, I’m starting Jordan Howard in the flex this week. I look forward to a painful regression to the mean.

Gratliff

Jordan Howard’s entire offense this game will be pitching to Miles Sanders on a double reverse

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So you think Ronald Jones is the better play?

Gratliff

Checking out Castle Rock while waiting for the game and hoping the supernatural evil shit starts soonish

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It is indeed bullshit that I’ve been awake for 2 hours and didn’t have an opportunity to watch the bears in England whilst having a spot of tea.

litre_cola

This is the proper reaction.

bk109

So, if Kirk Cousins wins today, do we bench BabyEli for OG Eli, so he doesn’t get injured in a meaningless sub .500 season?

litre_cola

In places at St. James park there are 3 levels of ads. The rotating one pitch side, then the ring around the pitch the bet365 everywhere as well. Ashley gives 0 fucks about results and just wants that teevee money.

theeWeeBabySeamus

T’aint fair!

There must be some interesting rides and attractions at this particular fair.

yeah right

Fuck it, let’s get 5 miles in.

Dunstan

Wow, retirement hasn’t chilled Rex Grossman’s ambitious, has it?

litre_cola

Running? That seems like a terrible Sunday morning idea. Why don’t you smoke a bowl, make a full English breakfast and just calm er down a notch?

bk109

Can’t you like cycle* 10 miles on the stationary bike as a normal person on a FOOTBAW sunday?

*Cycle in this context is to attach your 18V Makita to the pedal assembly and finish quickly? 😀

bk109

My arse just went into “squeezing out diamonds” mode, which can only mean one thing.. ManUre just kicked off, so say a prayer for me lads that those wankers don’t piss off the wife too much….

Horatio Cornblower

You just missed having your house burn down around your ears.

bk109

Actually, still trying to regain my bearings after the “TACKLE HIM, YOU FUCKING USELESS CUNT WHAT THE FUCK… WHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEE”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let me take another swing at this:

THIS GUY GARRET BOLLES I CALL HIM DONALD TRUMP BECAUSE EVERYONE AROUND HIM IS BLOWING WHISTLES.

King Hippo

NAWT FAYUH!! You should have to suffer through actually watching your Raiders if ya want rights to mock my Donks!!

Gratliff

If the Eagles lose today against the fucking Jets of all teams, WIP may provide just the quake we need for the yellowstone caldera to blow

Horatio Cornblower

Hmm, maybe I’ll wait a few hours before taking out the air conditioners.

Gratliff

By the time the Flyers play their second game of the season against the Devils, it should be a pretty easy affair, since either the tank will be well underway or they’ll be resting their top line for the playoffs.

Dunstan

I went to TSN’s web site yesterday to check the result of the Leafs-Habs game, and mysteriously, the front page was all CFL headlines. That told me all I needed to know about the outcome.

Horatio Cornblower

Good God Wolves

Horatio Cornblower

5 extra minutes with Man City down 1?

I’m just shocked it wasn’t 9.

bk109

Down 2… Trololololo

Horatio Cornblower

You hate to see it…

bk109

… I’d love to see it, but my hate-boner for Shitty just killed my telly XD

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta start Brady against Washington over Dak vs. Green Bay, right? For some reason Yahoo gives Dak a +1 in the comparison, if anyone needed further proof that Yahoo’s suggestions are garbage.

King Hippo

that’s “flip a coin” for me

bk109

Except that Green Bay (sorta) have a defence nao, so Dak may be playing catchup all game… and y’know turn into Fitzeception!, whereas Brady is playing the only team objectively worse than the lolfins and will be trying to erase the stink from the non-showing against the Bills….

Horatio Cornblower

That’s my thinking. Washington is just so, so bad.

King Hippo

Bad enough that Dreamboat COULD only throw like 12 passes.

Dunstan

Plus, Brady is a troll genius, and might “take out just enough to win” to spite you.

King Hippo

Ian Curtis’ Ghost Reacts Reasonably

King Hippo

If ya still got Beatie Mixon
Then your team is beyond fixin…

King Hippo

He’s on my bench. Went with Gallman instead as starter, could decide to risk Michael Gallup instead.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…these games could use some fixin’

– Vegas bookies

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…he sure could use some diction.

– television executives, watching Emmit Smith’s audition tape

Dunstan

… these penalty calls are fiction
— Everyone

litre_cola

…all you need is friction. -K Winslow Jr.

Horatio Cornblower

My alternatives are Peyton Barber and Chris Thompson.

There’s a reason I’m 0-4.

King Hippo

oh, I am also there. OY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS UKRAINE INVESTIGATION I CALL IT A FOOTBALL GAME BECAUSE NOW THERE ARE MULTIPLE WHISTLEBLOWERS.

bk109

Afternoon gents, how’re ya this fine and miserable Dublin day 🙂

litre_cola

No day is miserable where you can have a Caffreys and a Powers.

litre_cola

Had a glitch there for a bit but I have Lazio vs processed meat team right now.

bk109

Occasionally glitchy here too, but I assumed it was courtesy of my VPN acting up 🙂

bk109

Eh, I’m more of a cider guy, so ice-cold Bulmers (aka Magners outside of OY!reland) for me

King Hippo

Since we get no QUADRUPLIN’, why don’t ya regale us with some tales of Bulgarian culture?

bk109

… Or how about… not? Nothing against my country of birth, but … uhh… it (as a combination of the people, politics and culture) made damn fucking sure to beat out from me any fond feelings to it and basically pushed me to disown it as soon as humanly possible 🙂

litre_cola

Veliko Tarnovo has one of the best restaurants I have ever eaten at. Menu was enormous and it was a mom and pop place. Will always remember that town.

King Hippo

Etar is the side from there, I believe

bk109

I’m not saying ALL is bad, just the vast majority, lol. IE – try to open a business there, the shakedown that the government gives you would make even the most brutal mafioso flinch. Rule of the law? Sure, it applies to all (all, unless you’re rich, connected,a “star” (so someone’s fuckboi/fuckgurrrl) or a “minority” that dilligently votes for whomever’s in charge or a combination of all 4). On the bright side, in the nice school I studied at, only like a third of us were armed (I personally had a “gas/signal” Makarov, which funny enough you could buy no more than 40 yards away from the school… LEGALLY … Or hell, as someone growing up in the 90s and 00s, I still remember the rather important lesson to give shiny Beemers and Mercs a wide birth, because you didn’t know how many pounds of TNT were buried under one of those… (At least one never got to worry about contract killers, those fuckers were virtuosos, that managed to pop an armoured jeep in gridlocked traffic with an RPG without ANY bystanders getting hurt or killed)

King Hippo

see, it sounds COOL AS FUCK 😀

herodotus450

The first matchup in the article should be Cards/Bungles, not Cards/Bills. The Joe Mixon reference is very avant garde otherwise.
Not that anyone would even notice if those two matchups swapped partners, or just didn’t take place at all.

litre_cola

This no early London game is bullshit. Hell, Decilitre even slept until 6 am! (This is a huge victory). Oh well, I guess its cherries/Gunners, or a Man City snuff film.

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