In retrospect, it may not have been wise to make the 2019 Indianapolis Colts Preview post all about Andrew Luck. Just before the season started, Andrew’s agent gave Jim Irsay the Sister Christian treatment; e.g., “You know that boy don’t wanna play no more with you…it’s true.”

MOTORIN

WHAT’S YOUR PRICE FOR

Sorry. Anyway, many assumed the Colts would have a lost season once Hodor hit the bricks, but it turns out one man does not make a team, even if that man has a degree in architecture.

Enter Jacoby Brissett. (Into the picture. That wasn’t a command.) Brissett is a perfectly cromulent quarterback, especially for a team that wants to run the ball and play solid defense. The Colts’ running game has been pretty good, with Marlon Mack leading the way like a semi truck. A Peterbilt, for example. “Peterbilt Truck” would be a good nickname for Mack. The receiving corps has been a little banged up, as Thank You Hilton has not really gotten started yet. But Brissett has been efficient and played well overall, showing that he has enough ability to McCown his way to a 15 year career. Who needs Luck? Certainly not these Colts. The colts at Santa Anita? Yes, they need luck and prayers and perhaps fewer horseyroids.

The Colts’ defense is fine, I guess. They’re missing Defensive Rookie of the Year Darius Leonard, so they could be better when he gets over his Trent Green Brain. The secondary is comprised of guys who play cornerback and/or safety. The kicker is old and unreliable, like a Ford Pinto or a shitty president.

Indianapolis is 3-2 at their bye, which is about what was expected. However, the last two weeks they’ve lost to the Raiders at home and beaten the Chiefs on the road, showing the kind of schizophrenia heretofore only seen in one-eared painters. Their remaining schedule is pretty easy, so let’s say they finish at 10-6 and win the division. Let’s also say that Indiana can go to hell for producing Mike Pence. Finally, let’s say “veiny dong” because it’s funny and life is pain. À plus tard, têtes de pénis.