They’re right here where they always are you silly billy! We at Door Flies Open would never let you down. No matter how bad the tilt or the reffing or the blatant ass-kissing or the mythologizing, we’ll continue to bring you a barely adequate platform onto which you can blither away. It’s what we do!
TO THE GAMES!
Chargers/Titans:
I gave up on Hunter Henry two weeks ago and he repaid me with 2 TD’s and a 100 yard spot last week. Both he and the moon are harsh mistresses. From the first row of seats at the 50 yard line all the to the highest spot in the bleachers, from the bowels of the internet to the front page of the Nashville Warbler, the cry of “If You Don’t Mind, We’d Like Someone Else At Qb Please”. And lo, the Vrabel capitulated. Now they’ll be entertained by 2 yard screen passes and 4 yard crossing routes by Mr. Tannehill. Be careful what you bellyache for, you just might get it.
Saints/Bears:
It’s been a long way back but qb Teddybear Waterbridge is in form. He’s got a nice free agent contract headed his way after the season and I couldn’t be happier for the guy. Truth Biscuit is a game time decision which might be a bad thing if you’re a Bears wr. Speaking of, your *Sneaky Play of the Week* is Anthony Miller because he has run the most routes out of the slot and that’s where hybrid turnstile/pylon P.J. Williams plays.
Ravens/Seahawks:
‘Tis odd to see a Baltimore D that engages in sieve-like qualities and odds aren’t great that they’ll right the colander-ship against the multi-dimensional juggerback that is Russell Wilson. Perhaps the troika of Lamar!, Andrews and Ingram can match Seattle score for score but I’m sure the latter’s D has noticed that of Lamar!’s 5 Intercepts, 4 have come when targeting Andrews.
Whoop-de-Doo! Go you!
UPRIGHT! This fucking guy…
Oh look. Chipotle now has carne asada.
Will that convince me to try them for the very first time?
Fuck no!
Now with extra salmonella
So hey let’s maybe get Ingram and Andrews involved in the second half, Baltimore
Where the fuck is everybody?
Right here, just needed a quick beer and a stir of the sauce.
Fine, but bring over some of that sauce
It is indeed even slower than usual. UGH.
I think I need Marmalard to throw 2-3 TD passes to Ekeler to have a shot this week
NEVAR!
Remind me, which one is the MAGA douche, Joey or Nick Bosa?
Yes, probably. Racism doesn’t often escape the mobile home walls of upbringing.
It’s Nick. Joey is simply you’re over simplified Italian stereotype.
Bleerg says there’s been enough kick returns today and takes one back. Haha
If not, Nagy might go on Drew’s coaching hotseat
PRAISE BLEERGH.
Turned on Saints/Bears. Did I just see like twelve 3-and-outs in 200 seconds? I think I did.
Welcome to my life as a bears fan
So did Pagano bring his cancer with him to Chicago or did he leave it Indianapolis?
Props to Chase Edmonds RB for the tweet tweet cardinals
dude tore it up….
https://www.espn.com/nfl/player/gamelog/_/id/3119195/chase-edmonds
Guess the saints should have gone for it then, Troy.
OF COURSE HUTZ MISSED
These afternoon games are lacking
I think Michael Thomas might be good
he’s against both my teams, so he’ll catch 15
Listened to Spur and went out and kept drinking. How is everyone’s FF going?
just ducky, if I gets 5 MOAR Lionel Hutz FGs and 3 or 4 scores from Gallup tonight
Good fantasy and reality day today.
https://streamable.com/urkeq
https://twitter.com/GregLikens/status/1186008901151608832?s=19
Plays like this get me hard for quotables
Matt Nagy confirming that he’s the fruit of the Andy Reid coaching tree/chocolate shrub
what on earth would have been the penalty for that?? You disappoint, coked-up RedZone guy
Did Troy Aikman just day “expecially”?
Yes.
ohhhhh
Russel wilson throws first INT of the season
Have you ever felt the air leave a stadium? Because Russell just did that.
Everybody farted at once??
Errands done, finally settling in on the couch to watch my Bears struggle. What’s the haps?
It’s a much better day if your team wins and you’ve got a two day gravy simmering.
It’s a good day.
CHARMDERP
PI enforcement is just a coin toss game by game. Pretty sure Chawx and Ravens can stab eachother freely mid-pass.
REMINDER – spot challenges are very stupid. But not quite as stupid as PI challenges.
Much like how the NFL is very stupid. But not quite as stupid as the rest of my life.
If you want to get right down to basic principles, sports are stupid and so are we all.
found a funny:
friend: *hands bouncer fake ID*
bouncer: *snaps it in half* get out of here
me: told u it wouldn’t work bro *hands him permission slip signed by my mom*
bouncer: come right in sir
Later that same day:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6CXajCNvC0
The curse of The Green Volkswagen!
How many hubcaps did that thing have, anyway?
Test pilot picking up his kids and rotisserie chicken must be a contractor, Air Force would not allow the beard.
Source: Work for the Air Force.
I would not understand that if I had not taken the US Navy’s Blueprint Reading and Sketching correspondence course when I was in the fleet.
You seem well………. grounded.
ummmm
In the bengals game, they panned out to the crowd….
and the camera caught a dude in a bengals jersey wearing a bag over their head with eye holes and waving a Thumbs Down
Anyone find that .gif yet?
Please don’t doxx Redshirt.
whooooooaaaaa, Tanny Fanny!!!!
see also “around”
I was gonna go out and work on the car earlier today, and was supposed to go over to a friend’s house to drink some of his really good homemade whiskey and then go 4-wheeling on his ranch in his new Jeep Gladiator. Instead, I had an edible and am halfway through a pitcher of beer margs and am not going to do anything but be fucked up in front of the TV.
One of us! One of us!!!
/got any black tar, by any chance?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kla_Jd7EyT4
Sears Tower jutting out of the clouds makes me think of some scene from Ice Station Zebra.
—-Howard Hughes, from beyond the grave.
Teh Senate’s loss is footy’s gain imo
LAMAR!
Quoth the Raven.
The Bearistocrats STRIKE BACK!!
Is that a Sears photo studio portrait of the Clive Bundy family?
So, currently:
LAC-TEN 3-3
BAL-SEA 3-6
NO-CHI 2-0
I thought baseball season was over.
Damn it. I missed the safety in the NO vs Chi game
It looked like this
REALITY ALARM! REALITY ALARM! THE BILLS ARE 5-1! THE BUFFALO BILLS ARE 5-1! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
That’s a cool fucking car.
NEVER FORGET!
Seriously, she’s a 9/11!
11/9!!!
Agreed; The tower would blow in nine seconds.
also is that Lorena Garcia, not that I noe who that is
That’s just a rumor.
thanks for the halftime, uh, internet research suggestion
She seems fun; I’d offer to by her a coffee drink if presented with the opportunity.
“SHE’S GONNA BLOW!”
-partner, off-screen
It was damn good chili, though.
“There’s nothing we like more than beating the ones we love.”
Phrasing, Pete Carroll! Phrasing!
-Domingo German, when asked why he cost the Yankees a pennant. Also Aroldis Chapman, when asked why he cost the Yankees a pennant.
No Joe Buck! Hooray!
“Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.”
-David Byrne
Trying to find the same porn a month later:
*this joke was stolen.
Cody Parkey, curred. WOOO
/sausage fingees, nawt raycess
I picked up Henry in my money league last week, but was too chickenshit to start him. No matter, I ended up losing by 80.
“You ended up losing by 80? I ended up losing a few seasons by 420.”
-Josh Gordon
Woo trickeratuob!
Its not 4:00, its 3:54!
It’s not 3:54, it’s 3:55!