Your “Movin’ On Up!” Late Slate NFL Football Open Thread

That early slate was something wasn’t it? (is composing this at 9am EST) It had all kinds of this and more than a little bit of that. The other thing was employed very judiciously as well. All in all, quite satisfying if I do say so myself. So let’s do it again.

TO THE GAMES!

Panthers/Niners:

One thing about a team being good/above average right out of the blue is that all of their games become relevant and it lifts the league a bit. That was the case last year as the Browns shed their ‘shabby loser’ status midway through the season and chased the .500 mark. Now it’s the Niners with their sporty 6-0 record making the NFC and especially the West far more interesting. Look for Carolina to try to get McCaffrey in space (catching the ball) rather than try to attack San Franny’s formidable D-line head on.

Browns/Pats:

Maybe Myles Garrett gets to Tommy Boy? Maybe Baker temporarily gets his shit together? Maybe Chubb breaks a few long ones? All that could happen. What will happen is that the Pats D will force at least 2 turnovers and will capitalize on them because Skynet doesn’t want us to have nice things.

Raiders/Texans:

The secret to Josh Jacobs’ success? Practice, practice, practice. Oops, sorry. He leads the league in yards after contact and is second in missed tackles forced. The only qb more cautious than Derek Carr is the suddenly benched Theodore Bridgewater. His adjusted completion percentage (drops are excluded) is 84.2%. With Will Fuller gone you can expect Hopkins usage rate of 33% to go even higher.

Now get out there and tap!

 

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King Hippo

I needs to get me an energy drank for this late fixture.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Based on the box score, it looks like the Raiders actually played a pretty decent game, they just weren’t as good as the 500’s.

King Hippo

that’s a fair accounting

Covalent Blonde

So who do you think I talk to to see if I can get Brandin Coook in neurotrauma study? Did I read that right that this is second in a month?

Horatio Cornblower

Bill Belichek seems like just the kind of asshole who would insist that there’s only one way, his, to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

King Hippo

grumble grumble, It’s dry and flavourless without the tears of a small child, grumble grumble

Covalent Blonde

Pure white bread has to have the right PSI

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rainy onside kick? Hippo might even smire.

King Hippo

was writing my column and barely even noticed. #ThePauls were just a beaten dog at that point.

Covalent Blonde

That’s a whole lot of chat about “super balls”

WCS

Just contract The Hashtag Pauls.

Covalent Blonde

Helloski. i have heard this is where people make the funny about the foosball?

King Hippo

YES!! Superb Owl final – P*ts 7, Tomsulas 3? Or P*ts 6, Tomsulas 3?

Covalent Blonde

I mean, it has taken a 7-0 season to dig me out of the grout

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[dances a little jig]

Hiya!

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, it depends of how you define “funny”…

Covalent Blonde

Oh, gorgeous, my standards are as low as ever!

Horatio Cornblower

You’re gonna fit (back) in here right well, kid

Gratliff

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Covalent Blonde

One. That’s how many people have recognized Catbug.

Gratliff

My inner nerd is strong

Covalent Blonde

This warms me like grappa! I spend an unsetting amount of time in my life muttering, “throw a blanket over it!’ when shit is going tits up

yeah right

Glad to see you blondie! You’re just in time for the kegger.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Calling it now – Raiders drive stalls out, punt inside Houston’s 10. Houston has five consecutive first downs to run out the clock.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Punt was taken at the 15. I stand by the rest of my prediction, though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s one…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s two…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, Raiders are out of timeouts. Houston might not need any more first downs.

Gratliff

Incognito with his rare “holding” call as opposed to his usual infraction: Personal Foul: Hate crime.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m so happy that I sent Darren Fells to waivers yesterday.
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Horatio Cornblower

I decided to take the LA Rams guy instead of Fells two weeks ago.
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WCS

That was Buttfumble-esque.

WCS

Teacher says every time the New England third down foghorn blares, an angel gets it’s wings ripped off.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Same thing happens every time the stadium starts playing Hell’s Bells whenever the visitor has a third down (looking at you Lucas Oil in Indy). I’m surprised the country isn’t 3 feet deep in angel feathers.

litre_cola

AJ Macaroon plays for Houston? His missus is purdy…

Petronel

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Redshirt

Good for Sanu. He deserves a playoff run that lasts more than one game.

Redshirt

Browns, if you go back to those jerseys from the 90s, no questions will be asked.

litre_cola

There’s a birthday party in my building for an Ethiopian kid. I want to say that there is at least 50 people in a tiny unit and their food smells divine, I want in badly.

Redshirt

Portal from Facebook. Because your cousin simply posting racists comments on your wall isn’t enough in 2019.

WCS

“The all aiglhty allor!”

– Mark Z.

WCS

Freddie Kitchens has manure where his brain should be.

litre_cola

He truly is an awful coach. He should be fired by now. Get Les Miles in there for the LSU boys.

Redshirt

He is, but he may have a point though. The defender initiated the contact.

Redshirt

“Chubb Giveth and Taketh Away”

CBS just said the most profoundest thing ever.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Went and hung out at a buddy’s ranch this afternoon, watched some football, drank some home made whiskey, and went 4-wheeling out on the back 40 in his brand new Jeep Gladiator. Lots of fun, but the technology is frightening, compared to the 1970 Jeepster Commando my dad bought new to take with us to Turkey. That thing had a 3 speed manual, no PS or PB, no AC, no radio, rubber mats not carpet, etc. This Gladiator has more computing power than they had available to send Apollo 11 to the moon.

Horatio Cornblower

My phone has more computing power than we used to go to the moon.

Naturally I use it to keep track of baseball scores, look up naked pictures of minor celebrities, and get in pointless arguments on Twitter.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Awwwwww, lucky!!!

– N. Armstrong

Redshirt

I’m back from the store. Are the Browns still turning the ball over every other snap?

Gratliff

Are carnitas just pulled pork with tortillas?

Viva La Tabula Raza

With tortillas and Modelo Especial.

yeah right

Basically. Never smoked though. Oven slow roasted than crisped at the end. Super easy to make. There are probably 4 Sunday Gravy posts on carnitas.