That early slate was something wasn’t it? (is composing this at 9am EST) It had all kinds of this and more than a little bit of that. The other thing was employed very judiciously as well. All in all, quite satisfying if I do say so myself. So let’s do it again.
TO THE GAMES!
Panthers/Niners:
One thing about a team being good/above average right out of the blue is that all of their games become relevant and it lifts the league a bit. That was the case last year as the Browns shed their ‘shabby loser’ status midway through the season and chased the .500 mark. Now it’s the Niners with their sporty 6-0 record making the NFC and especially the West far more interesting. Look for Carolina to try to get McCaffrey in space (catching the ball) rather than try to attack San Franny’s formidable D-line head on.
Browns/Pats:
Maybe Myles Garrett gets to Tommy Boy? Maybe Baker temporarily gets his shit together? Maybe Chubb breaks a few long ones? All that could happen. What will happen is that the Pats D will force at least 2 turnovers and will capitalize on them because Skynet doesn’t want us to have nice things.
Raiders/Texans:
The secret to Josh Jacobs’ success? Practice, practice, practice. Oops, sorry. He leads the league in yards after contact and is second in missed tackles forced. The only qb more cautious than Derek Carr is the suddenly benched Theodore Bridgewater. His adjusted completion percentage (drops are excluded) is 84.2%. With Will Fuller gone you can expect Hopkins usage rate of 33% to go even higher.
Now get out there and tap!
If somehow the P*ts and Tomsulas were 18-0 entering the Superb Owl? I would watch it and be mildly interested.
44-13 much more manageable than 48-13
assuming they just wanted MOAR long snapper practice
Jack
BlackWhite played Seven Nation Army at a Bernie rally today, and I’m declaring my blind loyalty to free market capitalism.EDIT: It would have better the first way
Nick Bosa u r a beast
Maybe Bosa needs to become a TE. He’s got better hands than any of mine do.
…Niners might be real.
Bosa is having a day.
o/u on the Nel Family Derby (Superb Owl) – 9.5
We’re pretending it’s mid summer and firing up the grill! Chicken, sausage corn on the cob. Shit howdy! It’s a much happier household today.
yes, I will take that 4th TevinDOWN!
you know, the P*ts might be in real trouble here
Nice timing there.
godfuckingdamnit
Hippo, we can’t have nice things.
I blame you for that.
as do I (smh)
Hippo jinx
Oh man. Just noticed next week is the Bears-Eagles rematch. If there’s a single missed kick, Nagy might commit seppuku.
think what that would do for ratings!
Maybe he’ll just hook a car exhaust up to the pop up tent, pussy out, and create a jump to conclusions mat where every space is “IT WAS THE KICKERS FAULT”
That is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.
Injuries piling up for The 500s.
I haven’t seen this many Texans hit the ground since the gatdamn Alamo!
From ‘Semi-Tough’ (paraphrasing)
“Hey, what is a Texan anyway?”
“Cat done told me it was a Mexican on his way to Oklahoma.”
What kind of an asshole got #372 and thought “yeah, what the hell; I got nothing else to do.”?
Hope the Niners go on a deep run and Garafalo busts out a pair of pig socks at the Super Bowl and everyone loses their collective shit
Lo, a white male has expressed a concern. We had better take it seriously.
Scherzer scratched from start tonight. Ross starting instead vs Cole.
Oh well Nats. You tried.
Yeah that’s about over. Last night was big but this could be fatal.
“There will always be a flag.”
-2019 New England Patriots
BLEERGH has money on this game.
Bad challenge Browns
That’s been their slogan since 1999.
Ever since I made my own pickled jalapenos, nachos have become a weekly game day feature and goddamn are they tasty.
99, 51, whatever.
Goddamn, Waller is big as fuck. He could just walk his routes.
It’s time for Joe Flacco to move back to Newark, DE, and live out the rest of his life in obscurity
Joe Flacco’s retirement plan consists solely of “live the rest of my life in obscurity” scrawled on an old receipt for two gallons of skim milk.
Again. 500+ channels and I can only watch the NE vs CLE game. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Kids and wife’aren’t home and I can watch whatever. Wonder what I did wrong to deserve this
Porn. The answer is porn.
Honestly, the moment the house is empty, there should at the very least be a second screen with nothing but nudity on it
Yes but which one?
Donkey
Midget
Stroma
Clown
Just got back from running some errands and why are Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair yelling at each other on my TV?
I believe they have Hulk Hogan actively involved in WWE storylines again. Coincidentally, Black WWE wrestler ACH/Jordan Myles took to twitter today to scream bloody murder over the T-Shirt design WWE revealed this morning.
Wow. I mean, I haven’t really followed pro wrestling since the NWO stuff, but even by those standard, never mind today’s, that’s really..uh…really…what’s the term I’m looking for here…oh, right, really fucking racist.
Bad enough for an active employee to openly blast WWE, which is incredibly rare even with there being other avenues of success these day.
From the comment section over at Uproxx:
What a shithole that place has become.
Niners legit?
I think so. That D seems to finally have its shit together and the offense is just good enough to capitalize.
Even when the Raiders had a seven point lead, ESPN still gave the Texans a 65% chance of winning. That’s just humiliating.
Imagine being like a 17-point dog to Mason f-ing Rudolph.
/sorry Wakey
Was expecting Chubb to just hand the ball off to a Patriot for an autograph on that run
If they turn the ball over this snap, I may die laughing.
The Browns have talent but it doesn’t extend to the coaching staff.
Wait, what the fuck?! I went to the toilet after the Browns fumble and … uhh.. the fuck is happening and why do we already have a ball in the redzone?!
The Browns Brownsed.
I know, that’s when I went to the toilet… What happened NAO?!
First play after fumble: Bayfield shuffle pass right into Patriots lineman.
Wow…. That’s next level Brownsing…
Because Baker Mayfield is colorblind?
Jesus Browns.
They’re all the way back!
Ummmmm…that was a really nice shovel pass. sort of.
It is impossible for the Browns to be this bad
..the fuck?!
PENIS VAGINA PENIS VAGINA PENIS VAGINA
Well this is a fucking terrifying precedent that will almost certainly become a thing people quote as fact going forward
I like Derek Carr’s stats: 2 of 7 for 77 yards (and 1 TD)
In Chubb’s defense, when his position coach asked him to look at game film of that great Brown running back for inspiration, he should’ve clarified it was Jim Brown and not Earnest Byner.
“But coach, you told me to study all his moves!” – Nick Chubb, after having been arrested for hurling some poor woman off a balcony.
Okay, I’ve give the asshole his due. Its nice that Mayfield was diving into the pile for the fumble.
#ThePauls!
o browns
He didn’t.
Are the Niners for real? The clubhouse really doesn’t have any Niner fans except Petro.
Yes, we do. I think Petronel is a niners fan.
Yeah I edited it after I thought of her.
We get the Hox in two weeks. That may provide some sort of reasonable test.
Browns be Brownsin’.
That wouldn’t be the first time a Chubb messed things up.
Tom Brady is your President in 2028. You deserve it.
If it gets him off the field and Trump out of the White House, I’ll take it in 2020.
Just a word of caution guys. The Pats picked up Mohamad Sanu Sr. This guy is known to throw many WR passes. So the Patriots and the media giving fellatio to them get may be getting worse.
It’s crazy how quickly your fortunes can change with Mike Evans in fantasy. He goes from 1.2 points to 35 points in a heartbeat.
I got fucking smoked this week thanks to Evans
Same here.
On the other hand, Brocky is kicking my ass because of Evans. Well that and Jacoby Brissett forgot how to play until the last two minutes.
Goodbye first place. I enjoyed you for a few weeks, just the two of us.
…I may have to root for New England here. May God have mercy on my soul.
One of them. One of them. One of them.
Your favourite tune is the My Little Pony intro. You have no soul.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaAN8vEchyY
Both good points, but I have no choice. Never forget.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8fwPV_vcBY
Down 100 points after the first slate in goofy ESPN DFO ball. Did much prefer being 3-1 to being 3-5.
That Bear Kicker better not leave the stadium for the next two days