What? You didn’t think I’d make some sort of lame Brexit joke, did you? My lame jokes are all my own, friend. Well, here it is-the grandest of traditions at DFO, fourteen long hours of football. We pride ourselves in plowing through the ghastliest of tilts because at the very least we can make each other giggle here and there. First, we should get caught up on a few football items.
-Seattle has won the right to be the next team to cut Josh Gordon loose. Leaks from Stalag DoYourJob indicated that Josh was late to meetings or couldn’t be located at all.
-The player hated by all those that picked up Ty Johnson-Tra Carson-is gone to IR Town.
-Donte Moncrief and his astoundingly lousy 26.7% catch rate are free to ply their ‘talents’ anywhere in the league now. He gone from the Steelers.
TO THE GAME!
Texans/Jags:
The key to the Jags being at .500 despite losing their starting qb? Why, it’s elementary my dear Minshew! This might be our last look at him ’cause Foles and his 30 million price tag is ready to go next week. This AFC South showdown for all the meth marbles will also feature a shit-ton of Lenny Fournette, who squeezes that pigskin just like a rabbit. His yards after contact of 626 leads the league-too bad he’s got just the one lonely score. Qb Watson is also a league leader but it’s in the TD’s thrown category.
Enjoy the game and make mine a Darjeeling! One milk please.
I’m just going to let spellcheck take over in Doug Mare one’s name.
THROW TO CHARK, DICKASSES
A 2 yd. completion just now. It’s like you’re a wizard or something.
Hippo head just went ‘splodey.
Let’s go Conley. It just takes one.
Hey Siri, go make me a sammich.
Steve Smith has that, “I’ll just sit here patiently until these dickbags stop yakking” look on his face.
“Bears at Eagles… both teams trying to get that one.” Wow, NFL Network Lady, most games there’s only one or none of the teams wanting to win, so this one must be a real outlier. Christ on a soda cracker.
To be fair she does have to also discuss games involving the Dolphins.
What the fuck dude? “Makes you undangerous”? That is not even a word. Are you Donald Trump?
Punchball’s personality is wasted on a shitty halftime show.
I like that the first half of the rugby world cup final, which people were complaining about as “too dull” and “too much of a kicking game” had a higher score than this Jaguars-Texans abomination.
“All I can be is myself. *sniffle*”
-AFC South
Holy shit, I thought this was the start of the third. Was that a 20 minute commercial break at the warning?
with a timeout, you can run a 7-yard slant here
No, you can’t.
– B. Parcells
Watson is a glitch in the matrix
Jesus Christ, that dude can play.
At some point the Titans may wish to attempt to contain The Shaun.
I mean, the Jaguras sure ain’t gonna
…Jesus. I royally fucked that one up.
yet it still worked
YES, it is permissible to put one’s teevee box on Lesser Footy while at commercial or halftime
These Jaguars I call them the Jaguars because they’re coming to me from Britain, look flashy, but end up falling apart and costing me a lot of money in the end.
Tried to get some sweet, post-halloween discount candy today at the store but all they had was already-marked-up christmas candy.
We tried that two days ago and the shelves were already barren. Some of them even had teeth marks in them.
My local Ralphs had shelves full of 50% off candy yesterday.
Shelves full I tell ya.
Everton finally breaking out the 4-3-3, Spurs better watch they ass today
I do love how the NFL promotes the Half Time Report like it is, in some way, both better than and completely
separate from the game itself.
OMFG DARREN FELLS PLAYD HOOPSBALL
Does he “use his big old body right there”?
totes boxed out
At friends house watching Sesame Street instead of football. It’s okay, except when Cookie Monster was told there was no cookies, not only were the police not called but he was okay with it. What are we teaching kids nowadays?!
Plus Count von Count is just saying how many cookies there are; not counting the cookies. I…how…it’s in his name!
The episode blaxito watched yesterday had Will Arnette as a magician. It was pretty good Sesame Street.
did he ever say I made a huge mistake?
Holy cats, TheShaun!
Angrily put 2 bills on FC Midtylland last night, they thankfully were already up 1-nil when first checked score.
Why are these London games never outside?
because London?
I feel like we missed our chance to sell Gardner Minshew “mustache rides” t-shirts.
What, did they cut him after the last series or something? We just need someone to actually go to fuckin Jacksonville to sell them.
Morning Folks
If I ever opened a can of soda and weird shit started flying out of it, and suddenly my team did something well, I’d know I was hallucinating because, well… Jets.
prediciones por el shitshow with Fuck You, Dolphin?
I am not expecting greatness, Hippo. Hell, I’m barely anticipating competence.
Some combination of the Browning Noise with “the Entertainment”
Hehehehehe…he said “Jumbo Package”.
BALLS!
one presumes he is already familiar with blacked.com
It amuses me how Domino’s is wagging its dick around about basic goddamned customer service that you get pretty much anywhere
Really, what else have they got? They’re like the Keystone Light of pizza places, all they can crow about is having the same “specially lined can” as everyone else.
“I’d like to specially line *your* can, if you know what I’m talking about.” – my go-to pickup line whenever I encounter a woman drinking a Keystone Light.
/then the biker beside her kicks one in the stomach
What’s the average success rate on that one? I’m guessing fairly high, since, y’know, actually drinking Keystone Light in public, and not at home, under a blanket, to hide your shame from god.
I had Pizza Hut a couple months back. It was terrible.
I quite like Pizza Hut, but it always tears up my insides. So, I guess I only short-term like it.
Pizza Hut is the only thing keeping Dominoes from being the worst pizza chain
Papa Johns does still exist, doesn’t it?
See, I haven’t had Papa John’s in 20 years, and I remember it being significantly better than Pizza Hut, but I haven’t tried it since their key ingredient became racism, so can’t say for sure
Much like life, it got worse. Haven’t had in like 5-6 years now.
FUCK, I miss my Marco’s Pizza, that was the tits.
I had a slice of bar pizza yesterday that could accurately be described as “probably cooked on a warm engine hood for 30 minutes.”
#BestLief
One of the best pizzas I ever had is from around here. Dude who runs it is apparently one of those crazy chefs who goes on excursions and comes back after learning how to cook like that region and tries whatever narcotics they have on hand, so the place is the size of a closet and has a menu with like 200 items on it. The biggest knock? He cuts the pizzas into squares:
they should start offering rat as a topping, show a little bollocks in their trash pizza status
I watched the Canelo fight last night and there was an ad for some new chain called “Pizza Patron,” because obviously when you think pizza, you think, “Mexican.”
As opposed to “Piazza Patron”, which means, um, something different.
When I was in Phoenix there was a Pizza Patron in the bad Fry’s (you all call it Kroger, I think) shopping center. I never went there but, from what I picked up, it’s Mexican Little Caesar’s. So, I guess it should be called like Pizza Coronadito?
Also, i have a winco by my work up here. People seem to love winco; why?
It’s cheap, open 24 hours, and employee-owned to give the customers a smug sense of doing good when they buy booze and ice cream at 3AM
Man, I was not super stoked when the mrs told me to put in a home gym set up in the garage. But now that I’ve been using it for a couple weeks, I don’t think I’m ever going back to COMMUNAL barbells.
Just wait until you’re trawling Craigslist, patient as a spider, looking for a pair of barely-used 45 lbs plates that someone is foolish enough to list for $25 or other ridiculously low price.
I wanted to but the Mrs just directed me to the most expensive items from Rogue.
I do need more plates though.
Any of these seem like decent deals:
https://lasvegas.craigslist.org/spo/d/las-vegas-fitness-gear-olympic-weight/7011930118.html
https://lasvegas.craigslist.org/spo/d/las-vegas-cap-olympic-weight-set/7011926613.html
https://lasvegas.craigslist.org/spo/d/las-vegas-olympic-weight-set/7002579506.html
But if you’re patient you can usually find something that’s a real steal.
Well I got lots left to do. Wife’s bday is tomorrow so I was gonna get her some accessories she’d use but settled on those lifting booty shorts.
Wow, you weren’t kidding. Next you gotta put up some motivational posters of J.J. Watt.
I’m gonna get a $3200 CrossFit Blaxito US Flag next.
For the troops.
I see that the London games continue to exhibit their high standard of quality American football.
Oooo but at least we get a lovely WWE moment.
Clever plan by the EU to use this game to convince Britain to not leave.
@balls – porn search requests of “bog snorkeling”, “risk management”, and “invisible hand” please.
Done!
Minshew would look right at home as one of the Village People.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Gardener Minshew
Free moustache rides? FOR TEH BUTT
“I like to watch.”
—Chauncey Gardner
But enough about OBJ’s one night stand with Leena Dunham.
ok, you win the morning
Hey Advertisers:
Quite glad my chill’uns old enough that I ain’t got to give a fuck about my lack of Xmas Spirit.
They will like it a lot more if you leave them a Lexus or Mercedes with a big ass ribbon in the driveway for their holiday gift.
BLEERGH <3 London
1st and 35, c’mon quick kick!
Maybe I shouldn’t have cut Duke this morning?
Shitty call.
ok, Fulham Jaguras. Show us what ya got.
Honey Nut Cheerios have been choked down successfully.
Let’s do this.
Counterpoint to anthem – the Queen can eat shit and die.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02D2T3wGCYg
Aaaaand FanDuel forgot there was a London game this morning. Someone is gonna lose their job, I’ll bet.
I’ll give you 3:1 on that.
Hee!
Ooh, there’s a red-haired vixen in “Christmas on Honeysuckle Lane”. It’s Alicia Witt and she’s melting snow wherever she goes!
I’ll never have a shot with her-I have a chin.
I mean, mine is pretty weak, but at least it EXISTS.
He looks like a character from Bob’s Burgers
https://sports.yahoo.com/innovative-paul-brown-voted-nfls-020833572.html
No one ever thought to suck with two separate teams before Paul Brown.
but only ONE got to be #ThePauls
oh, forgot it was Sad Trumpet Weekend in the UK
It’s true, sifting matcha through a strainer makes a huge difference. I didn’t want to beleive the hype, but tea don’t lie.
Remember, it’s acceptable to watch Lesser Footy until kickoff. Then, better start streaming.
It’s a separate site from NBC Gold for the televised matches.
stream.nbcsports.com
Whooooooooaaaa! Horny Fourny!! Horny Fourny.
chewin’ up yards like it was vajayjay