Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

It was mid-July and I got the bug again. Usually I never know when, specifically, it’ll hit but this one is a bit different. There’s only one chance to see friends you’ve made along the way and that’s in Britt, Iowa in the early part of August. I was almost sorry to give this gig up-it was one the best I’d ever had. It might even be better than that stint I had in California, oh, probably about eight years ago. Huh, I guess not. Back then I was a groundskeeper for some rich folks that weren’t around very much but their daughter was and she took a shine to me. She said she was eighteen and that was good enough for me. When she wasn’t with her buddies she would wander over to my little cottage on the far side of the property. That was a hell of a summer…

Still, as I said, this gig is just perfect. I was wandering through Farmington out Deleware way and heard about an old lady that had a small ranch and was looking for help. Miss Edna was a widower and was doing okay funds-wise but needed help with the horses. She couldn’t get around much anymore, riding was out of the question but as she said, “I’ve been around these beautiful creatures my entire life and I’m not going to stop because I’m a bit infirm”.

We worked out a deal-I got a little setup near the barn. A cozy place that was to my liking. The money was okay but I didn’t have anywhere to spend it so my bankroll was better than it had been in some time. Food was there for the taking and I had my own burner as well. I had as much or as little privacy as I wanted. Miss Edna wasn’t nosy except for when I was feeding and watering her ‘precious ones’. She always made it to the porch at the proper times and made sure as well to give me proper instructions. That and Sunday dinner where pretty much my only obligations. She was hurt when I told her I had to meet up with friends-“Are you coming back?”. I replied, “Uh, sure. I’ll just be away for a little bit, maybe get a kid in here for a few weeks”.

I figured it would take at least fourteen days or so to get out to Britt by train and by thumbing it. Rodeo Dave, Hatchet, Stumps, Fat Harry, Fireman-I looked forward to seeing them and so many others. I’d crossed paths with all of them over the fifteen years since I’d left Nancy. It’s not a perfect life but it’s better than working construction day after month after year. I think she figured it out shortly before I did. I’ve no doubt she wouldn’t have been surprised to see the note I’d left the day the itching got too intense to ignore.

There had to be at least 150 of us there at the grounds where the meetup took place. Plenty more observers too. I was hoping I could hook up again with Sidecar Sally. It was sort of a tradition we had going on five years now-a great way to get the weekend started. Thing is, I was told she slipped under the wheels of a cattle car last winter. Ah well, I imagine it didn’t hurt much, would’ve been over with right quick.

This being Friday, the highlight is the bonfire and the fiddle music which gets everyone in a good mood. Me and Pennsylvania Slim were jawing off to the side and I noticed a fella looking at us. There’s all sorts that show up here and seeing a new face was to be expected. Slim called him over and he had some whiskey on hand. He just wanted to be there when the stories started flowing and he brought just the thing to loosen our lips and memories.

Wasn’t long before Slim was telling the old yarn about sleeping with the wife of a switchyard boss back in Chicago in the late ’70’s. It never gets old. As the dark closed in around us I thought Slim’s voice was more slurred than it ought to have been but I wasn’t feeling that great myself. I wasn’t drunk, I was slow. Couldn’t think quick. Gotta get outta here. Gotta take a leak. I opened my eyes. Leaning against a tree. All the sounds. So far away. I heard, “You okay?”. Sharp pain in my side. Piss going everywhere. It took me forever to put my hand on my side. Warm. Sticky. Opened my eyes again. Stars. On my back. Hands on my throat. Strong. No stars anymore. The horses… Nancy…

TO THE GAME!

Vikes/Cowboys:

Wr Amari is listed as questionable but is expected to gut it out and why wouldn’t he? In the ten home games he’s played since the trade he’s gone for 10 six spots. The Vikes lockup secondary has disappeared this year and even Rhodes can be taken for a ride, never mind Hughes and Waynes. Their run D is still exemplary but you’re playing Zeke because you’re no fool.

Let’s keep it going.

 

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Spur

Fucking Dallas. Come on. Don’t let Cousins Sugar Dick you

King Hippo

there you go, Balls – sugar dick cousins

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. That one’s a keeper.

herodotus450

The Vikings color scheme really throws a wrench in my “NFC colors are plain and ugly and boring and AFC colors are flashy and bright” theory.

Gratliff

Switching things up by going flashy and ugly

Horatio Cornblower

Have you seen what the Seahawks are doing!?

Gratliff

Watching Loose Change at team meetings?

herodotus450

But they started in the AFC, checkmate!

King Hippo

Rudolph…can’t fail?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ArmedandHammered

That turkey looks like it was from Nightmare Fuel farms.

Horatio Cornblower

Collinsworth sure is heaping a lot of praise on a defense that has done nothing but get their shit pushed in so far.

herodotus450

Vikings got the 4th property brother as their OC?

Spur

The white supremacists one

Horatio Cornblower

Cowboys wearing road blue at home?

They deserve this loss.

King Hippo

but wut if it is FOAR THE TROOPS???

Horatio Cornblower

Please. This is Texas. if they wore a color for the troops it’d be grey.

Dunstan

Anyone checked out the HBO version of His Dark Materials?

Gratliff

Dear Minnesota 38-7’s, It doesn’t have to be close. Feel free to blow the doors off this fucking building.

Gratliff

Can hit Saginaw Valley from here with a rock and seems impossible they sent a player to the NFL, and yet two of them went to the NFC East.

King Hippo

I could have used “Sean Lee, Deep State Murdered Epstein

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

If it isn’t “Almost Mrs. Derek Jeter.”

Spur

Boise State!

King Hippo

Does Zeke still want to be fed?? Has he developed an eating disorder??

Doktor Zymm

If it involves vomiting up the ball I’m all for it

Unsurprised

Kinda.
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Fronkenshteen

Zeke didn’t have this head twitch thing last season, did he?

Gratliff

Philadelphia by-god Flyers may actually be legit

Doktor Zymm

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WCS

Boooooo

herodotus450

Who do you get to deliver it?
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s good work, full thread.

Gratliff

Fuck yeah, [Not Dallas]!

King Hippo

HOLY SHIT HE CAUGHT THAT

Fronkenshteen

Gronkian

King Hippo

maybe 25% less syphilitic, but YEP

King Hippo

This is a voluntary guideline, but we do please ask commentists to refrain from making the Open Threads (outside of Friday) overwhelmed by sexy pics. Danke schoen.

Mr. Ayo

Boooooo

#MakeSundaySexyAgain

Horatio Cornblower

Nothing like getting home after a long day, turning on the TV to watch the Cowboys play and running right into Collinsworth’s goddamn folksy “golly gee” schtick he’s beaten to death worse than what happened to that poor hobo up top.

I can tell the dog is gonna get walked by the 3rd quarter

King Hippo

During the Everton match Sabadao morning, I noted that so many people referred to “walking the dog” that I assumed it must be a British euphamism for masturbation.

Hippo noticed that you walk the dog maybe MOAR than is healthy, Horatio.

#DFOcarez

Unsurprised

It’s only bad if you tear, strain, or bruise something

Horatio Cornblower

Everyday, close to 3 miles.

If that was my jerk-off routine I’d have died of dehydration ages ago.

King Hippo

Someone calculate how much wank motion gets one’s Fitbit to 3 miles

ArmedandHammered

Probably depends on the size of the wanked.

Spur

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Gratliff

Did anyone actually get through S3 of Man in the High Castle? S1 was very good, S2 was a drop off, I gave up after 2 eps in the third. Figured it was over.

Doktor Zymm

Apple is the Patriots of tech companies

herodotus450

In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

+1 post-traumatic stress banner

King Hippo

I got teh pillz covered!!! #MILEHIGHSALUTE

Dunstan

I’m going to send myself somewhere I don’t want to go, with a mission I don’t believe in. Like every other weekday.

Fronkenshteen

Usually the order is reversed.

Unsurprised

Got DAMN

Fronkenshteen

I’m a veteran. You can hit your own gang.

Gratliff

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WCS

Juuuuuuust a bit outside.

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— Blair Walsh

King Hippo

THROW TO GALLUP ASSHOLES

Spur

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Fronkenshteen

Scotchy slipped a Mickey! Gadzooks!

Dunstan

The hunter becomes the hunted….

ArmedandHammered

Actually, I think Scotchy was the one handing out the Mickeys, this was told from the victim’s perspective.

Spur

As long as Randy Moss isnt playing, Dallas has a chance

Unsurprised

Seems appropriate for the game

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Unsurprised

That is to say, a fantastical simulacrum of what is in reality a disappointing and messy affair that doesn’t really leave anyone except the team owner any happier or better at the end.

Unsurprised

Something something Kraft Single

ALXMAC

I’ve “heard” that after the regular massage, you have to ask for a “better massage”.

Doktor Zymm

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Unsurprised

America!

Spur

How much are we being billed for this anthem salute?

Gratliff

My cable bill went up twice before the anthem finished

Unsurprised

Less than the price of a F-35. Barely.

Mr. Ayo

Could that flag BE any bigger?

Gratliff

Literally no

Spur

TEXAS!

Doktor Zymm
Mr. Ayo

600 hundred volunteers! I don’t have that many friends, real or imaginary.

Spur

Mahomes just wants to be friends Rodgers, back off, be cool

Spur

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Spur

Green Bay Refs

Spur

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Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I don’t wait all day for Sunday night. In fact, I kind of dread it because it means I don’t have that many hours of consciousness left before I have to go back to work.

Spur

Chicken Prem. I will enjoy it

Unsurprised

The fight had now lasted about 14 minutes.

They were both wedged on their sides in the hallway outside Susan’s bedroom. She threw her left leg over Haffey’s body, climbed up on top of him, and hooked her left arm around his neck.

“TELL ME WHO SENT YOU HERE AND I WILL CALL YOU A FUCKING AMBULANCE!” she yelled in his face.

https://www.wweek.com/news/2016/08/17/a-hit-man-came-to-kill-susan-kuhnhausen-she-survived-he-didnt/

Gratliff

Live with an ER nurse and can confirm they will fuck your day up. They spend 12 hours a day throwing 500 lbs drunks around and will not take any of your shit.

Doktor Zymm

This is the only game I’m watching this week, so it better not suck. Bring your A-game, purples.

Spur

you know Cousins is the QB?

Gratliff

Goddamn
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WCS

This dude definitely has a huge penis and definitely doesn’t have a manifesto.

Unsurprised

Penis: 0

Redshirt

Dave Chappelle: “The First Amendment is first for a reason. Second Amendment is just in case the first one doesn’t work out.”

herodotus450

Guy in a “Flag Code” jersey across the bar is not happy.

Spur

Kirk Cousins after Dark. I dont think you will enjoy this haters

Gratliff

Let’s go, Kirk Cousins, who is worth every dollar of those $84 million. Hoping this comment ages better than that contract.

Doktor Zymm

He earned every cent of that by surviving starting a season for the Redacteds without any sort of horrific injury

Spur

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Spur

Go gathering Dallas Cowboys haters. Dallas has no chance against the Purple team,. none.
I will still root for Dallas. Peace be with you.

Gratliff

Congratulations to the Cowboys on their record 24th nationally televised game this season

Spur

Don’t be Jelly

Gratliff is Jelly

Unsurprised

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