Your “Hey Julie, Whatta Ya Think of the Falcons New RB?” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

It’s not a good joke but it’s better than my “The Hills Have Eyes” riff that I couldn’t quite put together.

TO THE GAMES!

Cowboys/Lions:

There’s not much to choose from when it comes to the Detroit backfield but I should note that McKissic is good at catching the rock and Dallas gives up the 10th-most fantasy points there. Last week’s leading rusher Jeff Driskel gets the call again-he didn’t do too badly vs. the Bears last week despite being thrown into the fray with little prep time.

Jags/Colts:

What do Julio Jones and Lenny Fournette have in common? That’d be tons of production and very few TD’s to show for it. It borders on the impossible for an rb that gets 89% of his team’s carries and only has one stinking TD. Maybe little Nicky Foles will breathe some life into the Jags deep-passing game.

Bills/Fins:

I was so excited to start Singletary last week after seeing him go off vs. the Potato Skins. But it was Josh Allen that got the big rush yards and the two scores. Not sure what to make of Buffalo’s O right now. We know McDermott wants to run (because the pass game is a laugh a minute) and is transitioning away from Gore but his qb is a real wild card at the moment. Miami has two straight in the W slot and has covered the spread in 5 straight.

Broncos/Vikes:

Maybe keep it close and pray, Denver? Qb Allen fared okay last time out but Minny is a different kettle of lutefisk than Cleveland. There’s a bit of good news in that Linval Joseph is out but Griffin and Hunter are still there so the run game would be a no-go. Maybe Sutton can make a difference?

Saints/Bucs:

This is pegged at a fairly high over/under of 51.5 but Brees has struggled in Tampa-over the last 5 he’s 3-2 and hasn’t thrown for over 300 games. And he’s been struggling with a very poor average depth of target of just 6.5 yards which is 2nd-last in the NFL. There’s good news for Mike Evans in that cb Lattimore is gone with a hammy.

Jets/Potato Skins:

Qb Haskins is in a great spot to improve on his miserable 42.2 QBR. He’s had a bye week to prepare and the Jets D is a very forgiving bunch. It’s sorta now or never as far as him piling up the stats. Do you pick up Darnold and stream him against these guys, the Raiders, the Bengals and the Fins? Serious inquiries only, please.

Falcons/Panthers:

I read a small piece telling me to fade Matt Ryan because he was missing two of his ‘weapons’ in te Hooper (okay, he was playing well) and Devonta Freeman. Wait, you mean the guy that has been stumbling along at 3.5 yards per carry and has a mere three TD’s? Him? Go away. (Besides, Carolina’s secondary is all beaten up)

Texans/Ravens:

You know who’s having an under-the-radar good year? Carlos Hyde, that’s who. Sure he doesn’t score many TD’s or have electrifying runs but he’s chugging along at a pace that will give him a 1200+ yard season. What more do you want from your (relatively cheap) rb?

Let us do some commenting forthwith and such.

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Gratliff

So uh Baltimore’s Actually Good, eh?

Horatio Cornblower

Denis Leary has a Xmas special? I didn’t know Bill Hicks wrote Xmas specials.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

That deserves a cartoon of cigs …

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

THAT’S HARD KICKEN SAM FICKEN TO YOU MR BUS DRIVER

Horatio Cornblower

The Cowboys poor tackling today has been more than compensated for by Driskel being too dumb to run for wide open 10 yard gains.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Is the Ravens D this dominate normally or are the Texans this bad? I thought the Texans were decent on offense

Horatio Cornblower

I’m a Cowboys fan and even I think the Fail Lions should go for it here.

And they did and Dallas jumped. Michael Bennett and his dumbass tiny pads.

Good play LioUns.

Dunstan
Dunstan

I haven’t seen Texans humiliated like this since… uh, since the Astros’s cheating was exposed. So, not that long, actually.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Virginia State Lottery commercial.

A bunch of people are fucking up wrapping gifts and getting exasperated. A voice over explains that scratch offs are perfect!

And I guess it’s true…if you are two stupid to not be able to wrap a fucking box then you are a mouth breathing chud so scratch offs are a gift to you….

hippofant
hippofant

Also, can’t you just pay someone $5 to wrap a gift?

Dunstan
Dunstan

Five bucks? Looks like someone already won the lottery….

Horatio Cornblower

I just married an easily exasperated woman. “Jesus, just go upstairs and get out of the way; you’re making everything worse!”

Me: comment image?itemid=6219985

hippofant
hippofant

That sounds like it’d cost more than $5 but you do you.

King Hippo

Refs fucking Donks WOO

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

They got them from Tijuana?

King Hippo

Bleeding Kansas giving Orange Slices & Cocaine a chance to get to 3-8.

/of course I started Ryan Finley again

Col. Duke LaCross

Put in Singletary or throw the fucking ball.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m honestly not sure Awuzie wouldn’t give up 6.5 yards to me on a 3rd and 6.

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently the 3rd quarter of this week’s games is the “Fellate A Troop” quarter.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Several Scout Masters are really interested in your theory…

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

Hey Julie!


King Hippo

King Hippo

Telling ya, if not for the other-wordly seasons Russell Wilson and Lamar! are having, DAK DAK DAK DAK! would be a legit MVP contender

Horatio Cornblower

He’s still a legit candidate for all teh 3rd place votes.

Charge of the Light Brigade
Charge of the Light Brigade

Some poor officiating all around down in Florida.

Petronel

Ded punter cleanup on Aisle Stupid

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

There has to be something in the rule book that makes Lamar Jackson illegal….

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Stephen Miller agrees

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Well if the Browns had drafted him….he would be out of the league already….

hippofant
hippofant

He stole his jerb from a good old-fashioned hard-working salt-of-the-earth Amurrican named Joe!

King Hippo

OGDOWN!!!

Charge of the Light Brigade
Charge of the Light Brigade

Sean McDermott: Maybe we should involve the running back.
Brian Daboll: I told you to stop making up positions.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Same thing Phil Rivers says anytime the missus brings up anything other than missionary

King Hippo

MRSA might have to keep this Gay kicker

Spur
Spur

Bills have no idea what to do with Singletary

Petronel

Yes, Josh can TOTALLY go from a tenth-grade education to being an astrophysicist with appropriate education and credentialing based solely off of YouTube videos.

Yep. Bacc & doctoral degrees, thesis, hands-on experience – just a waste of time.

S.M.G.D.H.

King Hippo

Idiocracy looking MOAR and MOAR like a documentary

Dunstan
Dunstan

Dolphins did a good?

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Stephen Ross shakes his withered hands at the accursed trade deadline

Spur
Spur

comment image

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

At a bar with for Dolphins and Redacteds fans only thing missing is some Vikings fan to achieve the Browning noise

Fronkenshteen

Know who’d be a nice palette cleanser, Zim? Founding Fucking Fathers.

SonOfSpam

The Vikings are coughing up more balls than Lindsey Graham at a pageboy convention.

Horatio Cornblower

Banner

King Hippo

100%

Spur
Spur

+1000 uncut rent boys

King Hippo

oh godfuckingdamnit

King Hippo

What’s that you say, Mister Winkles?

Horatio Cornblower

The Dallas Cowboys sideline doctor is giving Cobb a neurological check while wearing a 10 gallon hat, which should tell you all you need to know about Texas.

Spur
Spur

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

This gif is giving me epilepsy

LemonJello
LemonJello

Who wants to tell Horatio that it’s a still image and he may want to get EMS en route to his location?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
King Hippo

LOLVikes REDUX!!!

Fronkenshteen

Holy shit vikes

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Vikings how would ya like them Fiona Apples to be your qb

King Hippo

Jeebus, DAK have a half!!

Dunstan
Dunstan

Ice Steelers leading Ice Argonauts 3-0. The Mike Babcock Firing Watch heats up….

Spur
Spur

Very nice drive to end the half. Go Dallas

Horatio Cornblower

Well, at least Randall Cobb’s last hit before needing a head transplant was a TD.

King Hippo

LOLVikes

blaxabbath

THESE HOUSTON TEXANS, I CALL THEM ALL TEXANS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT HOW BAD THINGS GO FOR THEM.

Horatio Cornblower

DeMarcus Lawrence hit Scarborough like Bo was a member of the opposing team standing in the handshake line and looking the other other way.

Fronkenshteen

WATSON DED

/whew
//maybe NOW he’ll get rid of the goddamn ball

Spur
Spur

Cousins has PTSD now.

King Hippo

Donks Boner status – invincible!!

Dunstan
Dunstan

Ad for The Unicorn claims “It’s thoughtful and sophisticated..” and yet it’s on CBS. I am skeptical.

blaxabbath

CBS also advertises their broadcast of Gym Jordan at the impeachment hearings as “thoughtful and sophisticated.”

Dunstan
Dunstan

“From the network that pretended ‘Big Bang Theory’ was for intellectuals because, well, NERDS!…..”

Horatio Cornblower

I give Walton Goggins a lot of respect, but no.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Since I’m ranting about CBS promos: “Evil” is a new show where a Catholic Church investigator teems up with a skeptic to investigate bizarre mysteries. Like, say, why anyone sends their kids to Catholic churches any more?

Horatio Cornblower

I was raised in Catholic schools and went to a Catholic high school, and while I have since fallen well away from the holy mother Church there is no shortage of people who will blindly follow Church leaders right over a cliff if necessary.

Could be worse. Could be Unitarians.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The parish my grandmother founded and the school I went to from K-8 is dying. Perhaps the three consecutive pedophile priests (one of whom was also the police dept. chaplain) had something to do with it.

I wish I could say thank God she didn’t live to see it, but that pederast fuck who solicited friends and my brother’s friends conducted her mass. So fuck the everliving shit out of that parish and the Church.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Stella Artois: for those special moments, like when your dad offers you a room temperature shitty beer while washing the dishes.

blaxabbath

Stella Artois: Because guys doing women work drink what Sarah Jessica Parker drinks.

blaxabbath

WHat the hell is wrong with the DAL d?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Too much cocaine?

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

members owned by Jerrah need a blue pill else they aren’t gettimg

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, let’s see you devise a scheme to deal with Jeff Driskely and Bo Sarbourough, smart guy!!

/also their tackling has sucked today.

blaxabbath

Good point. I probably couldn’t do any better.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Ribs

Horatio Cornblower

Say that three times in front of a bathroom mirror and Andy Reid will appear and raid your refrigerator.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s nothing left to raid. Breakfast ribs

Spur
Spur

nice drive for Dallas. Zeke seems to play better when Pollard gets touches.