It’s not a good joke but it’s better than my “The Hills Have Eyes” riff that I couldn’t quite put together.
TO THE GAMES!
Cowboys/Lions:
There’s not much to choose from when it comes to the Detroit backfield but I should note that McKissic is good at catching the rock and Dallas gives up the 10th-most fantasy points there. Last week’s leading rusher Jeff Driskel gets the call again-he didn’t do too badly vs. the Bears last week despite being thrown into the fray with little prep time.
Jags/Colts:
What do Julio Jones and Lenny Fournette have in common? That’d be tons of production and very few TD’s to show for it. It borders on the impossible for an rb that gets 89% of his team’s carries and only has one stinking TD. Maybe little Nicky Foles will breathe some life into the Jags deep-passing game.
Bills/Fins:
I was so excited to start Singletary last week after seeing him go off vs. the Potato Skins. But it was Josh Allen that got the big rush yards and the two scores. Not sure what to make of Buffalo’s O right now. We know McDermott wants to run (because the pass game is a laugh a minute) and is transitioning away from Gore but his qb is a real wild card at the moment. Miami has two straight in the W slot and has covered the spread in 5 straight.
Broncos/Vikes:
Maybe keep it close and pray, Denver? Qb Allen fared okay last time out but Minny is a different kettle of lutefisk than Cleveland. There’s a bit of good news in that Linval Joseph is out but Griffin and Hunter are still there so the run game would be a no-go. Maybe Sutton can make a difference?
Saints/Bucs:
This is pegged at a fairly high over/under of 51.5 but Brees has struggled in Tampa-over the last 5 he’s 3-2 and hasn’t thrown for over 300 games. And he’s been struggling with a very poor average depth of target of just 6.5 yards which is 2nd-last in the NFL. There’s good news for Mike Evans in that cb Lattimore is gone with a hammy.
Jets/Potato Skins:
Qb Haskins is in a great spot to improve on his miserable 42.2 QBR. He’s had a bye week to prepare and the Jets D is a very forgiving bunch. It’s sorta now or never as far as him piling up the stats. Do you pick up Darnold and stream him against these guys, the Raiders, the Bengals and the Fins? Serious inquiries only, please.
Falcons/Panthers:
I read a small piece telling me to fade Matt Ryan because he was missing two of his ‘weapons’ in te Hooper (okay, he was playing well) and Devonta Freeman. Wait, you mean the guy that has been stumbling along at 3.5 yards per carry and has a mere three TD’s? Him? Go away. (Besides, Carolina’s secondary is all beaten up)
Texans/Ravens:
You know who’s having an under-the-radar good year? Carlos Hyde, that’s who. Sure he doesn’t score many TD’s or have electrifying runs but he’s chugging along at a pace that will give him a 1200+ yard season. What more do you want from your (relatively cheap) rb?
Let us do some commenting forthwith and such.
Wow, how is that not DPI against Hopkins? (Morning y’all.)
Josh Allen is a ‘strapping young buck’? How much did he go for in the slave auction?
So…I’m sitting here….just wondering how the Browns could fuck up this bye week….
Trade for Johnny Manziel?
Plenty of flag polls to lick
Bring in Kaepernick for a private workout, fail to sign him. Pisses off both sides who love and hate Kaep.
again questionable Dallas play calling
Hm. Yes. Indeed.
Hey, remember when Justin Tucker was good at the fitbaw kickingz?
Pepperidge Farm members
When he kicked that ball I said “doink”. My mom asked what does that mean?
Just watch for a second Mom.
SHAN’KHLOR makes her presence felt in NYJ v WAS
Uh oh….the white darling of the Ravens doinked it!
Davy from Dundulk is still somehow going to get racist on the call in show…
Nice jinx on Tucker there statman.
DOINK!
Someone explain something to me….why does Lamar Jackson get about 35 seconds to throw the ball?
The fucker can do his taxes back there before chucking it …
His line is good and his running means that lb’s are on their heels a bit. Everyone saw him slicing up the Pats.
Usually it’s the Pats doing the slicing!
Someone in Baltimore having enough income to file taxes? What happened — did Elijah Cummings not actually die?
It’s going to be one of those types of days again isn’t it.
This may be a fun Sunday. BLEERGH is the first injury of the day here at HOU-BAL.
BOSCARBOROGHDOWN!
I mean, that was an extremely convincing play action, but ideally, you don’t want every single skill player on your team getting crushed on the same play
‘DACTEDS! JEST! TWO FREIGHT TRAINS OF RADIOACTIVE HUMAN EXCREMENT COLLIDING! IT’S THE NFL ON FOX!!!!!
I call these Redacteds the Human Centipedes because Bruce Allen clearly has his mouth seen onto Dan Snyder’s ass who’s mouth is sewn onto Jerry Jones ass
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSss
Zeke fumbles.
Only 3 more hours of preshow to sit through
Singletary’s first carry is for 22 yards and he broke 3 tackles on the way.
watch the Bills sit him for rest of the half.
“IT’S THE McDERMOTT WAY!”
All this talk about Mason Rudolph being blamed for causing the fight by pulling on Garrett’s helmet is forgetting that Garrett escalated it beyond where it was. If Garrett would’ve thrown the helmet down onto the ground, that would’ve been it.
HE’S AN ADULT
v
Bottom line, Mason Rudolph — between that face and that hair cut — looks like someone you want to crack in the head with a blunt object. Garrett was just doing what everyone else wants to do.
What happened to Fatty Matty?
He’s got a fat back problem. You may want to read the intro every once in a blue moon.
I can’t just flip between HippoSPEEK and English.
I’ll rake up the leaves after the Dallas game. I promise.
Yeah, and I’ll take care of my leaves before the Bengals loss.
FF question:
DAK @ DET –or– Brees @ TB (coming off a pathetic 11 points post-bye vs ATL)?
And am I crazy for wanting to throw AD in the flex off the bye vs NYJ? I figure, WAS has one win and Gase has to be on the hot seat. My thoughts are, nothing cute, just let AD pound the rock today.
Amari is feasting these days but you figure the ‘Boys will get out front early and then go Zeke. [shrugs]
DAK DAK DAK DAK!!!
D’awwwwwwwww
Turned on CBS to hear Bill and JEEM praise Brady’s performance in his Super Bowl loss to PHI.
The NFL has about as fresh a list of talking points as a Trump rally.
So I’ve enjoyed Letterkenny so far. The one thing that bugs me is they have those mutant show german shepherds with the short back legs. It’s crazy how different normal GSDs look next to ones bred to be show dogs.
Gronk wants to join the Cowboys.
I was gonna plug Emmanuel Sanders in this morning, then I thought… “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, then fuck you asshole”.
He stays benched until further notice. It’s all on you Stefon Diggs.
Lizard people.
Dallas getting Detroit without Fatty. Lucky motherfuckers. A loss would be incredibly delicious, though.
Put my beer in the freezer while doing the hobo intro and now all my beer is frozen. When will bad things stop happening to good people?
Who is drunk on fancy blender drinks????
/a really pale Scottish guy.
#girldrinkdrunk
I only woke up an hour ago and already need a nap (not as bad as it sounds since I didn’t fall asleep until 5am).
Where’s the liquor?
Poolside!
You get yoself into any trouble with da Chicas yet?
Mrs Cola is here. I am a bridesman on Weds. That being said I fully forgot I had edibles in my bag and found them this morning…
I bet that thing would be tasty if cooked with some onions, potatoes and a vinaigrette. Yum.
This directors cut of Star Wars: Episode III is going to be fantastic!
(midwife droid removes infant boy)
Padme: “Luke.”
(midwife droid removes infant girl)
Padme: “Leia.”
(midwife droid removes infant in that GIF)
Yoda: “Look late the time is. Things to do I have.”
(Yoda exits Stage Left)
Gallup or Deebo?
Rotowire sez Gallup
Sanders is damaged so Deebo should get extra looks.
/I hope Hippo and I have cleared things up for you.
I have no strong leanings which is why I deferred to RW (Gallup #21, Deebo #30)
Morning Folks
Are there any doctors here? I was thinking about paying an unscheduled visit to my physician on a weekend in order to do a “portion” of my annual physical three months early. That’s totally normal, right?
Are you actively seeking bankruptcy?
Was a reference to this: https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2019/11/trump-heads-to-hospital-for-unannounced-part-one-of-annual-physical
Oh right. It wasn’t immediately followed by Walter Cronkite delivering a sobering news story, so I didn’t care.
While a “Weekend at Bernie’s” style conclusion to the impeachment hearings would certainly be entertaining…um…I realize I don’t have a counterpoint here. That would be the best thing ever, especially when everything gets exposed at the end but the GOP Senate still declares “you can’t impeach a President who is dead!”
[slowly takes off glasses, stares into camera] “Ladies and gentlemen, that son of a bitch is dead.”
-Walter Cronkite, announcing the passing of Donald Trump
Mean Democrats picking on sickly man – Faux News Headline
Is Willie McGinest the first NFL personality on TV to come out and say the outcome of the Steelers-Browns brawl was bullshit?
It would appear so.
Irvin screaming the company line at him while he was explaining how Rudolph was to blame for the whole thing was very satisfying
Probably going to miss the games, but worse will not be able to enjoy the comments today as I am being forced to go with the wife as we visit friends here in Chicago. We are visiting for the weekend.
Maybe the friends will have a game on?
Drowning in Kaepernick takes. Stephen A. Smith’s tweets are getting lauded by MAGA hat avatars. People are just the worst.
And somebody tell me how fucking Mayor Pete is jumping up in the primary race entirely thanks to slapping a big “SPONSORED BY FACEBOOK” sticker on his campaign bus. This fucking country.
Probably just people who aren’t quite on board yet with Warren, but realize Uncle Joe is bordering on senility now.
Will almost certain;y fade away, I don’t see how anyone but Warren has a viable path now.
Warren is distancing herself more from the harder progressive lines as it gets closer. It’s probably a winning strategy, but won’t do her any favors with the more progressive types, and yes, I will break the machine by smashing the shit out of the button to vote for her in the general election if and when that time comes.
yeah, I am coming from the end where I have defended her against being “too left” policy-wise early on, because that was always her path to the nomination (followed by drifting back to the mainstream now). I don’t blame anyone for having the path that they have – you have to be able to win to change ANYTHING, and to me she is just showing some strategic acumen. She will go as left as she reasonably can, with the Congress and political capital she has. She’d be a good President.
Well, I suppose, statistically, there’d have to be one eventually. The biggest fear is she’s gonna do a lot of kicking the can down the road on M4A and other bigger progressive agendas like Obama did. She’s still going on about taxing billionaires, but it comes across to the cynical types more like the agenda is balancing the budget rather than massively improving quality of life for most people/exiling the billionaires to the Mariana Trench.
she seems a little better tactically than Obama, and will learn from his mistakes (I think), though there are no guarantees. Plus she will have the hostile Senate to deal with. Any additional M4A steps she can take are greatly beneficial.
Rwanda’s beloved Hoteliers have a big African Euros qualifier going on against Cameroon. One presumes very few “just wave your hands in the air!” chants, though.
I still say Charissa Thompson is one good looking gal:
Good looking in a very Fox networks way, though. No Molly McGrath, that’s fo sho.
She’s no Allie LaForce, but she’s a’ight.
I like Brian Hill against Black Panthers’ bad run defense.
Got him locked and loaded. Picked up Ajayi in both money leagues, too. He’s running for a contract somewhere next year. Chung being out today is a BIG deal, methinks.
I picked him up in a league as well but am not playing him. I didn’t think he’d be in even remote game shape. Do you think he can handle even 12 carries?
he’s playing against me in DFO-ball, so let’s hope not.
Dunno. He worked out for the Qards & Liouns, but no info was disclosed about his conditioning. Hope he’s healthy enough to fall into the end zone a couple of times. He’s a punishing fucker of a runner, if memory serves. Still only 26…
I’ve always liked him and thought he could be a fantastic back until injuries set in. You give him enough work and his ypc gets into the 4.5/5 range.
Just finished my 6 x 5 player draft on FanDuel. Came away with:
QB – LAMAR! vs .500s
RB1 – Horny Fourny @ Humps
RB2 – M. Ingram vs .500s
WR/TE 1 – D. Waller vs Redshirts
WR/TE 2 – M. Gallup @ Liouns
Puncher’s chance, I’d say.
Hey, I may have a shitty life but unlike the Bengals, I’ve picked up a few wins here and there!
Pina Colada in hand poolside. Wifi here so all of the degenerates will have redzone.
/we all clearly have a gambling problem.
Kolding IF came good for Hippo this morning, I shall ride that wave of joy all day (I also bet on Bahia after learning from Balls/DonT how awesome they are)
Nothing better than a Sunday in Mexico knowing you don’t have to go to work the next day.
Tua tweeted out that “God always has a plan”. And yesterday that plan included a dislocated hip and a fracture of his posterior wall. God is a bit of a character at times.
God has a great sense of humor. It’s just that sometimes it’s at your expense.
God: (creates “Threea”) “Yep and sometimes you gotta throw away your old plan and start over.”
So basically, the ball was ripped out of the socket?
Visualization:
?zoom=2&resize=344%2C193&ssl=1
In God’s war with Nick Saban, sometimes there is collateral damage
The Process vs The Plan, Discipline vs Dogma, and The Loser will be decided in Tuscaloosa Liiive on CBS
Tua going to form the new Dutch VanDeLin Gang. ‘I have a plan. I just need a hip and some time.’
Hey, didn’t y’all fuckadoos read the Old Testament? Ask a Globalist about it sometime ,, smh. – G-d
In Gods defense, Tua did pray not to be drafted by the Bengals or Dolphins.
He still will be- just in the third round for an order of magnitude less money
Steelers get him. NO!
Good morning everybody! I am still shaking off the effects of Friday night’s celebration of the Roger Stone verdict, and it’s gonna be 89 degrees in LA today.
I was in the car with the baby and let out a yahoo from the bottoms of my feet. First lobbying firm in America?
Paul Manafort – imprisoned
Roger Stone – convicted, awaiting sentence
Lee Atwater – fucking dead from a horrible, painful, exploding brain tumor.
Reading about Lee Atwater’s horrible death at the age of 40 is making me question my lack of faith.
My favorite part of Atwater’s horrible death is how he went scorched earth at the end and explained to everyone in detail how the entire modern Republican party is built off hating black people while convincing white people that’s not true, so that 3 more people would write about him before he died
There’s a peace that comes with knowing you’re going to get obliterated in fantasy. If you lose, you were supposed to. If Jay Ajayi and Latavius Murray, and Philly’s d/st blow up, and you squeak out a win, you look like a fucking genius.
Hola! Ran a test at the all inclusive last night. As it was day 1 and I have a penchant for red wine, I decided to drink my face off and if I woke up with a debilitating hangover then no red wine this trip. I. Feel. Great. To the pool bar!!!!!!
MANDATORY PIÑA COLADAS!!!
MANDALORIAN PIÑA COLADAS!
I did it! I dropped Goff and picked up Fair Harvard Fitzpatrick. I couldn’t turn away from his easy-peasy sked. (Cleveland, Philly, Jets, Giants and Cincy)
Animal
Don’t know how long I can last, living on the edge like this.
– Hobo in Northern Ontario