[looks at late slate offerings] Oof! This slate is a bit of a skinny one, isn’t it? Ah, we’ll make the best of it regardless.
TO THE GAMES!
Cards/Niners:
What is going on with David Johnson? He’s run for all of 4 yards in the month of November and looked bad doing it. I heard Greg Cosell say on the radio that he seems to have gained weight and looks more like a tight end these days. He’s off the injury report but I can’t see him getting many touches in this ‘running back committee’ that has recently been announced. Does Kliff Notes just not like the guy? Is there some lingering injury issue that isn’t being made public? I’m sure something will come out at least by the end of the season but for now I think Drake is the way to go because San Franny can be run on.
Bengals/Raiders:
Poor Ryan Findley is up against it, what with trying to play behind this O-line that allows more ‘pressured’ plays than clean pocket ones. Things get a little better vs. a Raiders team that have let Rodgers, Watson and Stafford spank them into oblivion. Josh Jacobs makes defenders miss. And miss. And miss again. His 43 forced missed tackles is the highest ever seen over a ten week period since the stat first started being recorded.
Pats/Eagles:
Do you think that New England will put J.C. Jackson on Ertz, take him out of the game and force Wentz to go to the flubbers that are Nelson Oglethorpe and that Whiteside guy for yards downfield? I think so. Maybe the play here is Dallas Goedart if he gets some run at a wideout spot. Well, if rook rb Sanders wanted the spotlight he’s got it today. Hey, Jay Ajai and his reconstructed knees are back in town again! Philly fans are out looking for blood. Well, since that is their default position, perhaps I should be more specific.They want the Eagles medical staff’s blood because Howard has somehow come out of the bye week more injured than when he entered it.
Do your thing.
Roll away the stone in front of the medical tent. Dakota Jeebus concussed.
Would save me from Brocky’s assault in fantasy.
They gave Brady 3 minutes and he threw it away. Who is this secondary
No flag?
He almost retired mid-play
Let me put on my usually hidden Masshole hat:
BRADY NEEDZ TO RETIE-AH HE IS WASHED UP!
What the fuck was that? How is that not grounding?
Gonna lose to the fucking falcons and manhandle the Pats. Love Philadelphia sports very much.
FUCKING CROMULENT EAGLES SECONDARY PLAY HOW
That was some amazing coverage.
Pats throwing up tip drills? Is the timeline lightening?
Fucking love when they reverse the Very Bad Thing and you get to celebrate instead
Cards up on 49ers? Am I under the influence of LSD?
I hope you brought enough for evahbody.
MOSTERT TIME
Remember those two months when the Niners didn’t suck again?
That was fun.
That’s a TD
THAT’S A FUCKING TOUCHD OWN
That better be a TD
SUDDEN CHANGE???
…oh no
Agholor wasting one of his 3 completed targets on an OOB end zone catch
I’m no doctor, but tonight’s game SCREAMS “under”. It already came down 2.5 points.
Little hangover for the Tomsulas.
Railyard moonshine will do that.
Off a loss?
Cards played 49ers tough in their first game too. Kingsbury found some stuff that worked pretty well.
Also 49ers are down some LBs? Probably tough against Murray.
Hai! Does Deebo have 100 yards and a touchdown yet!?!
dude, I told ya Gallup!
Daily fantasy. That was season long league.
Iggles running at will on New England like they did Buffalo. Bill isn’t going to be having that. Time to start calling some knee shots.
That’s the way to attack this P*ts defensing unit. Balmer edges up to 1 seed with an Iggles win. GO BIRDS
Bengals needs to start wearing their stripeless throwbacks once a year. That would be nice.
The Cincinnati Orange Tabbies probably would be an apter name for this team.
I thought I read somewhere/everywhere that NE had a badass defense? Really?
They’ve taken advantage of shitty throws by bad qbs.
Lookit Dallas running with his blockers. You love to see it.
YOU ON MY LIST, YOU NOE AIN’T DESERVE THAT’UN
It’s just that in the past this is the exact type of game where we fucking no-show. Just to be able to come back was incredible.
IT HAPPENED!!!! A BENGALS RUNNING BACK FINALLY SCORED A RUSHING TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Looks like someone got into Hippo’s pill stash…
Would you rather have a win or another step towards locking up the #1 pick?
1-15 will lock it down.
Do you have the tiebreakers against the Redacteds?
don’t they play late in season?
NO, think that’s MIA
No, there’s a Dolphins-Bengals game that people thought would be the clincher, but no Bengals-Redacteds matchup.
Reading that the first tiebreaker is strength of schedule… and the Bengals have had the stronger schedule so far… but I think that’s BAD for them, right? So if they both go 1-15, the [*Redacted] s get the #1 pick because they had the weaker schedule and still got that record, so that means they sucked more, right?
Oh sweet, [*Redacted] s gets automatically replaced? I don’t have to always remember to retype it? Wooo.
‘Dacteds still have to play Giants and a probably resting Cowboys. I’m seeing 3-13.
Y’all got Jets, Steelers, Browns x2, and the Dolphins. Are you really that confident that those teams won’t fuck things up?
I’ve been a Bengals fan since 1992. I know this team. The Farce is strong in this team.
True true, you’re a certified expert on suckage.
I should be. I’ve seen countless media on the subject. Oh, the Bengals? Yeah, that too.
And the Jets. Boom.
PLEASE FINLEY TO BEATIE TD
Going out on a limb and saying this won’t be as exciting as their last meeting
Just had an enjoyable half hour rescuing my Netfilx account from some kidnappers since Netfilx apparently didn’t realize that I don’t live in Yaroslavl, Russia, and probably wouldn’t be asking that my password and email be changed from there.
Moar like Sa-booooooooooooooooo
Oh god, whoever’s covering the 49ers game just said that there was a “strong” kickoff return.
Aikman and Buck’s bullshit is spreaaaaaading!!
Belichick is 1000% calling the pass to Brady out of spite today, right?
The camo compression sleeves are tacky as fuck
Refs can’t call holding if they can’t see your arms.
Dreamboat calling Goodell and demanding an explanation mid-punt
Oakland: “Anything you can derp, I can derp better. I can derp anything better than you!”
really wish I could see every play of this shitshow
found a funny:
The monocle was popular in the 1800’s because ears hadn’t been invented yet.
I was gone for an hour. What the fuck happened to Denver?
GODDAMNED REFS
Yes. Those refs. So damned by God. I agree.
Cousins killed em in the 2nd half
Well its was nice to hope for four football minutes this week.
Progress!
wearing my Brady jersey (so I can blend in) and rolling to the da local bar here in New England.
Goooooo Pats!
Rocking my Lawyer Milloy in the privacy of my own home. Maybe will go to Seau or Bruschi at halftime if things are not going well.
An unfortunate side effect of cell phone resolutions increasingly drastically is every image from a screenshot is stupidly large. Scale your shit, people.
I bet on the Bungles to win too
Aw, Hippo. Why?!
SUCH INCREDIBLE ODDS. Almost 5-to-1, against the shit-ass Raidahs?
/also Ryan Finley fanboi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDWdr67gBW8&feature=share
I like DAK DAK DAK DAK! almost as much as I detest Zeke.
Go Pats!
Go SANU
Just as the nfl season enters the doldrums, most teams realize they’re still shit, and Kaep tries to do… something, the Myles Garret thing happens and every sprotswriter in the country has thinkpieces coming out their ass? Awfully convenient timing…
I see Vance Joseph has tits now?
Hello late games. YES, I cover bet the shit-ass Vikings to win at 17-nil. So I just have the scars in my SOUL, not GAMBLOR.
Did I just hear an actual dirty sanchez reference at the end of BUF v. MIA?
You left out the CFL Western Final: Blue Bombers! Roughriders! WHO YA GOT?
Bombers. I think Hamilton is winning next week
Been up since 2:30am EST for some reason. It’s nap time.
Hobo murder doesn’t just work Monday through Friday 9 to 5, amirite?
Any ideas or suggestions on how the Bengals lose this one?
They’re trailing by 1 with 5 seconds left, about to sink a 30 year field goal.
Vontaze Burfict then runs past security onto the field and eats the kicker whole and shits him out in the shape of a football. He blows it out his ass and hits the left upright while screaming at Zac Taylor, “You ain’t ever gonna win shit in Cincinnati”
There’s a three hour delay and the backup kicker shanks it.
That makes sense. Bullock is a little bit shitty to me.
Jay Ajai is what uncle Ed calls that FCC guy
I just call him the cunt who’s trying to fuck up the internet