Your “Onward and Upward-Or at Least Sideways!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Open Thread

[looks at late slate offerings] Oof! This slate is a bit of a skinny one, isn’t it? Ah, we’ll make the best of it regardless.

TO THE GAMES!

Cards/Niners:

What is going on with David Johnson? He’s run for all of 4 yards in the month of November and looked bad doing it. I heard Greg Cosell say on the radio that he seems to have gained weight and looks more like a tight end these days. He’s off the injury report but I can’t see him getting many touches in this ‘running back committee’ that has recently been announced. Does Kliff Notes just not like the guy? Is there some lingering injury issue that isn’t being made public? I’m sure something will come out at least by the end of the season but for now I think Drake is the way to go because San Franny can be run on.

Bengals/Raiders:

Poor Ryan Findley is up against it, what with trying to play behind this O-line that allows more ‘pressured’ plays than clean pocket ones. Things get a little better vs. a Raiders team that have let Rodgers, Watson and Stafford spank them into oblivion. Josh Jacobs makes defenders miss. And miss. And miss again. His 43 forced missed tackles is the highest ever seen over a ten week period since the stat first started being recorded.

Pats/Eagles:

Do you think that New England will put J.C. Jackson on Ertz, take him out of the game and force Wentz to go to the flubbers that are Nelson Oglethorpe and that Whiteside guy for yards downfield? I think so. Maybe the play here is Dallas Goedart if he gets some run at a wideout spot. Well, if rook rb Sanders wanted the spotlight he’s got it today. Hey, Jay Ajai and his reconstructed knees are back in town again! Philly fans are out looking for blood. Well, since that is their default position, perhaps I should be more specific.They want the Eagles medical staff’s blood because Howard has somehow come out of the bye week more injured than when he entered it.

Do your thing.

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Gratliff

4 dropped INTs by the birds today

King Hippo

Because Brady PREPARES

Spur

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litre_cola

Just like our receivers.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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King Hippo

Qardinals…cromulent?

Gratliff

GERRY-..mandered? Works, I guess!

King Hippo

DJ is stuck on 6.66, the Beast abides

Horatio Cornblower

Josh McDaniel, offensive genius who spent a first round pick on Tim Tebow.

Redshirt

Didn’t he trade up for Tebow?

King Hippo

YES AND Y’ALL STOP I AM TRIGGERED ENOUGH TODAY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh you’re reading DoJu’s book too? Man, you’re just a glutton for punishment today.

LemonJello

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-Me, waiting for Hippo Thoughts

Gratliff

Really missing the ability to link back to Marmalard attempting to trick McDaniels into a trade right now
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Horatio Cornblower

Not sure, that seems like more of a Bears move…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I resemble that remark

King Hippo

juuuuuuusssst a bit offside

Gratliff

Went from a nail biter to a glass thrower real quick

BrettFavresColonoscopy

60 miles fucking done

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also, no one seemed down with my suggestion to rename the Susan G Komen 3 Day to “Three in the Pink.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

“San Fran back on top!”

Power top, right?

Spur

Good hustle
/slaps ass

Spur

Safety dance please.

King Hippo

been maybe 300 yards of BLEERGH in Santa Clara

litre_cola

Spur I am here for your abuse but I have been drinking in the sun all day and may get incarcerated at any moment.

Gratliff

This is different from most Sundays how?

LemonJello

Little to no sun in Canadia, I suppose.

litre_cola

I am in Mexeeeeecoooo

Viva La Tabula Raza

One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0U2BlYdWnM

Spur

make sure you keep $50 in your sock to bribe the cops

King Hippo

free Mexican food has a real human cost…

Gratliff

Every fucking other play this season they wait a half hour and blow the whistle after rulling it a touchdown except when it’s a Patriot

Gratliff

New England’s bullshit punt bounces are maddening

Viva La Tabula Raza

We all knows those bounces are ordered by the Commish.

King Hippo

because they due they jerb!

King Hippo

am very pleased how RedZone shows almost zero of the P*ts game

Gratliff

Fucking bullshit. THat ball came out before the whistle.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s no way this gets overturned, even though it probably should.

Horatio Cornblower

That is complete bullshit.

WCS

Ron Howard: “It suuuure is!”

Gratliff

very cool feeling to go from eagles are going back to sb 100% to this eagles team is probably—very likely—the worst group of athletes this world has ever seen

— joe м (@dr_pizza_MD) November 17, 2019

Spur

Live look at Wentz comment image

King Hippo

I don’t think the Iggles is very good y’all

Spur

Dallas did beat them…………

Horatio Cornblower

37-10

Gratliff

Their ability to swap back and forth from world beaters to tomato cans multiple times in the same game is quite impressive

Horatio Cornblower

At least Dallas does that from week-to-week

King Hippo

Sybil-esque (if I have name right, I usually don’t)

Gratliff

Sybian, I believe

Horatio Cornblower

Watching this game I am just constantly reminded of how much better than Dak that Wentz is.
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King Hippo

but but leadership intangibles no gloree boi ,, smh

Spur

Am guessing he passes out Fox News articles in the locker room.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nice punt!!!

Gratliff

The absolute fuck is going on

Viva La Tabula Raza

“We’ve replaced the Philadelphia Eagles with the Cleveland Browns at halftime, let’s see if anyone notices.”

Spur

Wentz looks like he’s ready to fumble.

Viva La Tabula Raza

or throw a pick 6.

King Hippo

Someone tell Dakota Jeebus he’s at 6.66 in Yahoo Fantasy Points

Gratliff

Brady’s gonna get carried another Super Bowl like donks Manning and it’s gonna be torturous

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not for everyone.

Senor Weaselo

“Everyone who counts hates Tom Brady!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZHWx8ShOnY

litre_cola

Just looked at Mrs. Cola and said I hope you have bail money, these fuckers are obnoxious.

Spur

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litre_cola

Bahahah this is excellent Spur

Viva La Tabula Raza

Careful amigo, Mexican jails are not necessarily as nice as Canadian jails.

Horatio Cornblower

“How do you say ‘please stop beating the soles of my feet, I am not a drug dealer’ in Spanish? Asking for litre.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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LemonJello

“You’re looking LIVE at Viva La Tabula Raza’s basement…”
-B. Musberger, Las Vegas (in a gimp suit)

Spur

“tengo dinero para ti”

Viva La Tabula Raza

SF back up on AZ, NE up on PHI, order restored to the universe (for the moment).

Spur

I’m convinced the world ended on Dec 21, 2012. We’re all in hell now. It explains so much, Trump, the Eagles Super bowl, Spike Lee winning an Oscar.

Gratliff

Blackkklansman is a ridiculously good movie, though

Spur

yeah but when does the deserving writer actually win? NEVER

Spur

Edelman>Wentz

Viva La Tabula Raza

GO FOR TWO!

Petronel

Dun

Spur

HAHAHAHAHA

Gratliff

what the actual fuck

litre_cola

This bar is full of Massholes.

Viva La Tabula Raza

There are some here on this website too, Sorry man.

Gratliff

Ah, this is gonna be enjoyable, I bet

King Hippo

BLEERGH Bowl in Santa Clara. JEEBUS.

Spur

Guess that camo aint working Wentz, the Pats can still see you.

Spur

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hippofant

Ugh, I Googled to see who that was and the only hit that popped up was, “How roughly would you throatfuck [her]?”

Ugh.

Spur

You didnt know who Clara was?

hippofant

I know of Jenna Coleman. Haven’t watched TV in years though now. Didn’t recognize her anyways.

Gratliff

Did it have a followup?

hippofant

Buncha internet alpha dudes talking about how they’d fuck her up with their huge 4-ft schlongs in a totally not homosexual way.

Horatio Cornblower

I just found her Wikipedia. You need to adjust your search parameters.

Spur

Clint Eastwood really hates the government.

Gratliff

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Viva La Tabula Raza

But only when a Democrat or a black man is president.
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, I certainly have no interest at fucking all in Clint Eastwood’s new joint. Who cares about some fat idiot? I’ll have the same reaction to the Trump biopic, which will inevitably be made at some point.

WCS

Directed by Senor Spielbergo.

Spur

MAGA QB Bowl is going well. Let’s hope the Pats shove that camo arm sleeve up Carson’s ass before the game is over.

Redshirt

CBS showed the halftime score as 14-0, probably assuming the Bengals wouldn’t have scored a point in the first half.

WCS

Sigh.

Viva La Tabula Raza

There we go!

Gratliff

oh dear god here we go

Spur

The league is better when the Raiders and Bears are good. Gruden and Mayock really did a good job.

Gratliff

YOU’VE GOTTA CATCH THAT HIGHLANDER

WCS

It saddens me deeply that Bill Ponderosa is being wasted on Young Sheldon. Pondy’s the coolest.

Gratliff

How the fuck did Young Sheldon actually succeed?

BC Dick

Have you not been watching? It’s because he’s really smart.

Redshirt

God, the Bengals defense sucks ass.

Gratliff

RIP Sanu’s foot

Gatoraids

The monkey paw up Bellichecks ass curls another finger

Viva La Tabula Raza

Belichick just smiles as the finger tickles his prostrate,