In honor of bears, here is a top 5 count down of the best Bears to ever live:

Coming in at number 5, Jay Cutler.  Not because of his game play.  But because of his presence on and off the field.  How many modern QBs have you seen with a cigarette hanging from his mouth?  Not many.  He had that apathetic face down to go with that cigarette dangling from his lip.  That face defined his career. His eventual marriage to Kristin Cavalarri (whose name I don’t even want to google for spelling, because she is terrible), a D-List TV actress, was just a symptom of who he really is.

https://youtu.be/XsMGlHtVV9o

At number 4 on our countdown, Yogi Bear.  No one loved pic-a-nic baskets, Booboo, the way he did.  And he was always getting over on that park ranger.  Gosh, that bear was swell!

Blasting through your screen and your hearts at number 3 is Ben.  Adopted by Grizzly Adams, Ben and Grizzly got into something each week.  The show ran for 2 glorious seasons, giving us such heart-warming things like bear hugs.  It might have been based on a book or something.  I don’t know.  As Cutler would say, “Don’t care.”  Books suck.

Football is the key focus here at number 2 (the best number every morning, after lunch, when I get home, and before bed) with Bear Pascoe.  Coming out of the mighty FRESNO STATE in the 2009 draft, Bear earned his SB ring with the NY Giants when they beat the Pats, where Bear had 4 catches for 33 yards.  These days, Bear has gone back to his roots of wrestling steers at Rodeos.  He’s one tough hombre.

Ladies and gentlemen, in my hand I hold this envelop with the winner of our countdown.  The votes were counted and verified by the accounting firm of Howard, Fine, and Howard.  Here to open the envelope is our dear friend Leonardo DiCRAPio!

LD:  What?  I fucking hate bears!  Do you know what that bear did to me?!

Me:  Well, you deserved it.  Just read the envelope before I punch you in the mouth, Gilbert Grape.

LD:  And the winner is…  barebacking?

Me:  Great! I couldn’t agree more.

Onto the game.

We have the shitty Bears who are allergic to offense and a Cowboys team that isn’t good at defense.  The way to make this game good?  Only have the Cowboys offense on the field and the Bears defense on the field.  Really, that is where the game is going to be decided anyway.  Mack and Dak head to head.  Can’t get any better than that.

I’m so disgusted with this game I don’t want to talk about it anymore.  But, please, feel free to talk about it yourselves down below.