Yowza! Looks like we’ve got a stinker tonight but we’ll muddle through as always. Some of you (me) just might need 8.6 points from Saquon Barko to pull off a W that you don’t remotely deserve. So there’s that.
Fallout:
-Players looking to shut it down for the year after getting injured yesterday include Mike Evans, Rashaad Penny, D.J. Chark and Derrius Guice. Their teams are done, no point in risking further damage, is there?
-OBJ has apparently been playing with a sports hernia. Why did this come out now? Perhaps to combat the rumor that he’s telling opposing players and coaches to rescue him from the Browns. The image that comes to my mind is him in a trench coat and when he reveals what he has for sale he says, “Psst! Want some cancer? I got all kinds”.
-With wins yesterday the Ravens and Niners poked ahead in the Home Field for the Playoffs Sweepstakes. Other big winners included the Titans and Chiefs. Tennessee is rolling and gets Houston twice in the next few weeks so it’s all in their (and Tannyhill’s) hands.
TO THE GAME!
Giants/Eagles:
Of course the biggest news regarding these two moribund squads is that Eli is back for a short return engagement. Will there be flashbacks? Well of course. What the hell else could a producer possibly think of to distract the viewers of this game? Neither of these teams has an O or D unit that is in the top half of the league. As far as fantasy is concerned the Giants give up the 2nd most points and the Eagles aren’t far back in 5th. Did I mention that rain has been called for? It’s gonna be one big sloppy mess of incompetence and Booger gonna get all worked up about it. Enjoy.
Type.
…and remember, let not call a Defensive Timeout. Its not like the game’s on the line or anything.
The dream off a6-10 winner is dead
Oh, please let time runs out on the Eagles drive before they could kick a field goal.
Screw you guys. I’m going to Vegas and sit in the sprotsbook for a few days.
I’ll show you!!!!!!
I’ll give you $100 for a 10% stake in your winnings.
This looks good to me.
You have heard the story of our barely missed six game parlay, I presume?
Of course. And now that you’re in charge it’s a can’t miss.
I’m in charge?
Sweet,
Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
—Donald Trump
Honestly, I’ve checked out the Sportsbook in the local casino and I don’t get it. There were 20 people standing in line for 1.2 to 1 odds.
Heptadekaphobiacs demanded they add two seconds to the clock.
In real sports, the Columbus Blue Jackets (really the fucking Blue Jackets is their fucking name????) topped the Washington Capitals tonight.
Fuckers.
Season doesn’t begin until the playoffs.
About fucking time. Flyers been a force and they’re not gaining any ground. Another bullshit overstacked metro division.
Better than the Columbine Metal Jackets.
At least better than my baseball team. We went from the Red Long Socks to the Cincinnati Commies.
/sends email to HUAC
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1953_Cincinnati_Redlegs_season
Not making this up.
“The team changed its name from “Reds” to “Redlegs” prior to this season in response to rampant American anti-communist sentiment during this time period.”
They even got rid of the pointed C logo.
Doug gives no fucks
Throw one to field goal range and call timeout. Makes sense
And he did the opposite.
/boo
Wait, WTF are they punting?!?!
NFC East.
They have to. They miss it, Eagles start in FG range.
Blackjack rules: Win if you can, push if you must.
YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!
I’m coincidentally terrible at BlackJack.
Also, they’re 2 and fucking 10. This win means jack of all shits to them.
*frantically scribbles Game Over in notebook*
Eli is fucking terrified. It’s like he never left
Seeing ghosts there.
When Eli combines don’t talk to strangers with Alzheimer’s its a scary combination
Adrestia demands a tie!
There is no one in America that wanted that. Not even Eli.
In the last 11 years, Eli has as many wins in Giants-Eagles games as Donovan McNabb
Good god, this is going to go to overtime. TIE MAYBE?
It’s what this disasterpiece deserves.
Let’s go tie!
Come on missed extra point
ERTZDOWNNNNNN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kijpcUv-b8M
John Deacon was one of the best bassists in EVAR.
Yes I will fight you on this.
This game would have the potential for overtime wouldn’t it
Lazlo Holmes there’s the horn. You know what that means!!!!!
No, I do not.
As a Bengals fan, I deserve this for supporting the New York Giants. That’s like going from a flaming paper bag of shit to the New York Giants.
If the NFC East sends a team with a losing record to the playoffs, that team should be made to play all their playoff games in their skivvies (underpants only, no undershirts).
Easy there Donald Stirling
Do you really want to see the linemen like that?
If I was stoned and drunk, and I would be, it would be funny as hell.
Good thing Eagles stopped running the ball, it was most effective.
Well that one wasn’t.
I call this game “A Derp in the Rain”
Obligatory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I57nIP0vc44
That is what happens when Lane Johnson goes down
what the hell was that?!?!?
Oh that was tricky!
That sack was almost as bad as the Strahan one on Farve to get the record
Laces weren’t out…lol
BOW DOWN BEFORE SHANK’LOR.
LOL
— Blair Walsh
lol
We should get hazard pay for watching this game.
Don’t tell Walter White.
something…something…Trump…something…something
Giants just gonna let us screen to the win
When you hear Boston Scott, that is not the person you picture.
Tawmmy but with a clip on tie?
What a Dredful joke.
Scott juked a column of Giants. Very nice
Fuck this. If I die, I die.
/good night
The fuck is a Tom Steyer and why is it running for president?
that rich assole? No, the OTHER rich asshole.
Starbucks guy
Literally said he was running because billionaires are underrepresented
It got moneys?
At first it was Tom Haverford. Which would be an improvement.
Eagles now have two active receivers and two active rbs for the rest of the game
What came 1st the injury or the player?
Next week Freddie Mitchel and Billy McMullen will be signed.
Assuming he doesn’t drop the pen.
Jalen Mills just went to the locker room during the break
2.1 points away from the W and it’s 2.5 hours past my bedtime.
At the point that I literally can’t tell which Star wars product is being advertised
Where’s mini Yoda?!?!
The Eagles did a thing
Scott is running hard because Sanders just went to the locker room lol
Boston Scott, an even Tinier Darren?
You sure he wasn’t the guy who stole the Red Sox bannah?
McNabbian worm burners tonight. Not great!
Guy I’m playing against just changed his team name from Jumping The Chark to Started Sony Michel.
Give me an Ertz down god dammit