Yowza! Looks like we’ve got a stinker tonight but we’ll muddle through as always. Some of you (me) just might need 8.6 points from Saquon Barko to pull off a W that you don’t remotely deserve. So there’s that.
Fallout:
-Players looking to shut it down for the year after getting injured yesterday include Mike Evans, Rashaad Penny, D.J. Chark and Derrius Guice. Their teams are done, no point in risking further damage, is there?
-OBJ has apparently been playing with a sports hernia. Why did this come out now? Perhaps to combat the rumor that he’s telling opposing players and coaches to rescue him from the Browns. The image that comes to my mind is him in a trench coat and when he reveals what he has for sale he says, “Psst! Want some cancer? I got all kinds”.
-With wins yesterday the Ravens and Niners poked ahead in the Home Field for the Playoffs Sweepstakes. Other big winners included the Titans and Chiefs. Tennessee is rolling and gets Houston twice in the next few weeks so it’s all in their (and Tannyhill’s) hands.
TO THE GAME!
Giants/Eagles:
Of course the biggest news regarding these two moribund squads is that Eli is back for a short return engagement. Will there be flashbacks? Well of course. What the hell else could a producer possibly think of to distract the viewers of this game? Neither of these teams has an O or D unit that is in the top half of the league. As far as fantasy is concerned the Giants give up the 2nd most points and the Eagles aren’t far back in 5th. Did I mention that rain has been called for? It’s gonna be one big sloppy mess of incompetence and Booger gonna get all worked up about it. Enjoy.
Type.
Litre staying alive if PPR
I hate Sack Hertz.
I hope they wiped the stench of failure and uselessness off the cart after Alston used it.
Pedersen is quite fluent in cliche, even for a FITBAW coach
why is NY calling timeout?
“Forget it, Hippo. You just don’t understand the Empire State of Mind.”
-Jay-Z & Pat Shurmur
GRRRRRR, just needed you chucklefucks to run the clock out
Of course The Book of Eli would be a pop-up book.
Bless you, silly 23 year-old boy hitting on embittered old ladies at the bar who would sooner buy a pop-up Book of Eli than give you her number. You keep trying. I admire your pluck.
Embittered old ladies are my jam, so I can appreciate his gusto, as well.
Why hello there… we should talk
They should turn him down because Brad Pitt might show up any minute now.
“Book of Eli” should be a D&D guidebook
6.3 more points, Saquon. C’mon man!
I can hear the Fargoan wailing and gnashing of teeth from here
Lane Johnson out. Game over for Dakota Jesus.
Iggles going to be left with only 11 and have to play both ways.
Super duper fucked
still, one of us HAS to win Week 16 – Donovan M., Syracuse, NY
I don’t understand how Eli and I are the same age. I don’t like the taste of mini corn dogs at all.
Eli prefers them over pizza rolls because they don’t burn his mouth.
Dear Experian, why on earth would anyone sign up for your nonsense?
once they leak your data once what do you got left to lose?
Announcers not talking about Eli’s first consecutive start tonight. smgdh…
If this turns into another Dolphins-Jets, I will be happy with the FG barrage.
More ertz yards less Barkley. I concur.
PeyPey thumbs up for little bro’s fumble.
Peyton has a practiced look of disappointment
I don’t think he has to practice.
Looks like Eli’s “wife” has been “taking” “her” “supplements”
HAIL MUTHAFUCKIN’ GAMBLOR!!
#TooSoonAbed
Hey
M’Lord.
“I’ll show you, Peyton. I can, too!”
– Elisha
I think Slayton is going to be something.
NOTE to self. STOP BENCHING SLAYTON
Darby, not good at football.
ELI ELI ELI
Ertz wide fucking open two plays in a row. I’d like to say something snarky but it’s goddamn insane that the Giants D is vulnerable to the tight end across 4(?) different DC’s over the years. I just don’t get it.
Look the Giants don’t have time to draft linebackers when they are busy stockpiling talent at uh… getting top draft picks.
If it weren’t for the Harrison Bergeron-esque lights and bells going off all the time in their heads due to the CTE, do you think football players would feel stupid for doing an elaborate celebration on a play that gets called back?
The beauty of selective amnesia
I hate Philly so, but I want the best for Wentz and Pederson. I feel conflicted.
Did Wentz not just remove his helmet in the field of play??
#QBPrivilege
Oh most definitely. Ironically, I got to work with him related to traumatic brain injury disorders. We met too late.
Rules for thee, not for me. he’s a MAGA boy
Bye, guys. Gotta go line up in the slot
That’s what he said
hey-oh!!!!
I dont get it – Eli
“No, you don’t.” **heavy sigh**
-Abby Manning
“Ninety degrees?”
~Lenny Dykstra
No, not the guy that doesn’t catch the ball
Can you narrow that down for us in this game?
fortunately, PHI has sooooooo much wideout depth
Oofta. Ohnoez.
Ah here comes the Giants
Run the ball more, you jerks! I need that clock to run out before anyone has a good game.
I just needs me a Gigantes halftime lead!
Maybe put a fella on that Ertz?
They just threw to him! They won’t throw to him again any time soon!
Duce Staley looks like he would smack you around for fun.
Eli is focused. His teammates told him if he wins the game, they’ll get him a Disney+ account paid for a year.
Eli smash!
I think Slayton is gonna be something.
I hope everyone’s ready for another round of “Guess the band based on the obscenely detailed wikipedia member/instrument chart.” And please, let’s not have a repeat of last time.
Smashmouth. Anyone named Davey instead of David or Dave makes me think Smashmouth.
Heh, nope. When you think of a band with a stable lineup that’s been active for (checks calculator) 30! years, you naturally think of AFI.
Eli wants that Carpi Sun.
Hello, I am here for the verbal abuse.
Eli can throw all day long. No Saquon points please.
No Saquon points! YEAH! And Wentz needs to continue to use his arm in the same manner as he has done thus far. Gets me in the playoffs.
I’m gonna go get my sack and pubes waxed. peace out. i’ll be back soon.
Ask Brick where is the best place. He’ll hook you up.
How hairy is your bag???
Once you do it you’ll never go back. I live in The Comfort Zone™️ and I’d post a picture but PostImage is apparently down.
Has Eli thrown past the line of scrimmage yet?
This MNF shitshow is an embarrassment to all shitshows, everywhere, since the dawn of time.
even the Germans find it hard to watch
Get the first down, chump.
A gathering of bartenders in Ireland for Jameson whiskey.
“We can’t say what goes on.”
Right, you can’t, because everyone is blacked out wasted and stabbing each other by evening and burning the bar to the ground. Anyone left alive is probably fucking someone in the ashes .
So, the Ball of Kerrymuir?
/On my phone on the subway, can someone please link to it?
These guys wish they could be 3/5’s as good as The GoGo’s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COuIdJF-Pdo
Oh but she was so petite and cute. Like a gymnast who could mount your pommel horse and spin and spin and spin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Sq_GoHSVoQ