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Your “Beautiful At Any Age” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

/

,

I tried to find a different masthead for tonight, so I went to the well of Americana I tend to dip into, and found something so shocking to my 21st century eyes I could scarcely believe it.

What the fuck is that guy looking at? It looks like Jackson Pollock ate & then threw up a Monet.

Oh, and about the articles? That’s Mrs. Fucking Partridge, pal! You mind your P’s & Q’s around such a fine lady.

  

That’s the good stuff. Never mind Mrs. Cleaver – Mrs. P was the original MILF.

Sunday Broadcast maps: (courtesy 506sports.com)

CBS SINGLE

█ Anchorage
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu

█ Houston @ Tennessee – Jim Nantz, Tony Romo

█ Denver @ Kansas City – Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts

█ Miami @ NY Giants – Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta

█ New England @ Cincinnati – Andrew Catalon, James Lofton

█ Minnesota @ LA Chargers (LATE) – Greg Gumbel, Trent Green

█ Jacksonville @ Oakland (LATE) – Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon

█ Cleveland @ Arizona (LATE) – Tom McCarthy, Jay Feely

There’s nothing really to watch here outside the Houston-Tennessee game, but the Vikings-Chargers late game has the potential to throw a spanner into the NFC’s playoff picture. It is Oakland’s final home game before finishing the season on the road & alighting to Vegas, so if you get that game take some Tums & prepare for an onslaught of hagiographic & nostalgic bullshit.

FOX EARLY

█ Anchorage
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ Chicago @ Green Bay – Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis
█ Philadelphia @ Washington – Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman
█ Seattle @ Carolina – Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber
█ Tampa Bay @ Detroit – Dick Stockton, Mark Schlereth
█ NO GAME due to blackout enforced by local home team on CBS
I guess the only mystery to this block is, ‘How will the Eagles screw it up this week?’ The Seattle-Carolina game has the potential to decide if I have to spend money on home playoff tickets, so I don’t know how to feel about that.

FOX LATE

█ Anchorage
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ LA Rams @ Dallas – Joe Buck, Troy Aikman
█ Atlanta @ San Francisco – Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
Due to geography I’m being sentenced to the Falcons-Niners game, when all I really want to do is watch the life slip from Jason Garrett’s eyes with each passing quarter of the game. All the while, Troy will be promoting his skill set as a potential GM, which you know some ass team like the Cardinals will totally buy into.

Tonight’s sports:

  • Hockey:
    • NHL:
      • Leafs at Oilers – 7:00PM | CBC
      • Red Wings at Habs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet360
      • Canucks at Sharks – 10:00Pm | CBC
    • Women’s Hockey: the “Rivalry Series”
      • U.S. vs. Canada – 7:00PM | NBCSN / TSN3
  • NBA:
    • Nets at Raptors – 7:30PM | TSN
  • NCAA: Hoops
    • Oklahoma at Wichita State – 6:00PM | ESPN2
    • Gonzaga at Arizona – 10:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
  • Fisticuffs:
    • UFC 245 – Usman vs. Covington: From Las Vegas
      • Prelims – 8:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
    • Top Rank Boxing on ESPN:
      • Main Card: Crawford-Kavaliauskas (welterweights) – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN3

My brother was invited to the Army-Navy game today by one of his colleagues who did two tours of the Mid-East. I don’t know if he’ll make it back okay, since that’s pro drinking on a level no Canadian can ever be used to.

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Unsurprised

https://twitter.com/justinboldaji/status/1179173257544531968

“It sounds like he’s drowning at one point”

I miss Tim Curry

1
Unsurprised

I cannot emphasize enough how repulsive it is to see grown adults consume children’s products and media and to purposely just continue to remain childish and infantile into adulthood. Why did I FB friend these idiots?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Susan Dey looks way too much like Carrie in this.
I’m expecting pig blood and pyrokinesis any second.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU7psHBVyQE

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Unsurprised

I grew up watching her on L.A. Law, when she had lost the baby fat and her face was more severe. It wasn’t necessarily in a bad way, but I’d have preferred her closer to this age (and legal).

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

No matter how attractive she is, never date a girl who is 6’2″. Unless you’re at least 6’4″.
I’m not.
Should could kill me.

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

Not gonna hang with a gal who could eat beans off the top of my head and fart in my face.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s not be too hasty.

1
Unsurprised

She’s also married to Jared Kushner’s brother, so her judgment is obviously shitty.

Oh, wait. She sound perfect for you.

2
Brick Meathook

I’m feeling homesick tonight:

https://vimeo.com/341216783

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Love this one, fwiw.
You did a good.

1
Brick Meathook

Thanks. I’ve never finished it even though I keep saying I will.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

I miss it out there.
Hopeful to get back out soon.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Every time I’m on the 105 by the airport, I think about recreating this video.

0
tomsellecksmoustache

Live PD is hot tonight. Four members of the same family got cuffed and taken in already tonight. Now we have a stole AK. Terre Haute sounds crazy.

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King Hippo

I guess Terre Haute ain’t gotta say it was a good day?

1
Beerguyrob

I caught it on repeat. The family that bails out together stays together.

0
Redshirt

Halfway done with Christmas Shopping. Plus had to bailout Dadshirt because he was going to wait the last second to buy something online and turn Momshirt’s present into around the 10th to 12th day of Christmas. But the neighbors would’ve complained about pipers piping and drummers drumming and lords a-leaping is just begging for a personal injury lawsuit, so I help him get her a nice weighted blanket.

Also when I am elected Evil Overlord for Life, whenever someone says “I can’t think of anything I want for Christmas” they forfeit the right to complain about the Amazon Gift Card they receive. Additionally if anyone says “I don’t want anything for Christmas”, they forfeit the right to get any presents at all for that season.

1
Senor Weaselo

This is the part where I say “I still haven’t gone onto Amazon or wherever and gotten Senorita Weaselo’s Batman TAS box set, I should get on that.”

And since I’m currently on my phone in the car waiting for her to wake up, not getting on that.

0
Gratliff

Orlando Jones says he has been removed from American Gods because the new white show runner thinks Mr. Nancy is bad for Black America. That is, uh, definitely something if true, especially given that his introduction was probably the best scene on the entire show.
https://variety.com/2019/tv/news/orlando-jones-fired-american-gods-interview-mr-nancy-1203436890/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eybZjacAS2o

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Redshirt

A White person educating a Black person on Black America…

That’s not whitesplaining. That’s…that’s… … …be right back…

https://www.quora.com/What’s-brighter-than-white

…that self-luminousredsplaining!

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Unsurprised

The Republican gets it.

White liberals are the biggest obstacle to minorities’ progress than reactionary conservatives. At least the conservatives stab us in the front.

1
Brick Meathook

This really makes me mad, is what I’d be saying if I had even the slightest clue what this even is.

I haven’t watched TV since Gunsmoke went off the air.

1
Redshirt

Hey, if an anonymous person on the Internet you don’t know in real life tell you to get mad, you get mad.

That’s the rule!

2
SonOfSpam

Ice Rams and Ice Stillers bout to start OVERTIME.

1
King Hippo

Rams on ice just seems cruel imo

0
Gratliff

Flyers lost their leading scorer to bone cancer this week, and lost two more to injury tonight. Down to 10 active forwards. Apparently, Flyera picked up the birds training staff

0
King Hippo

Did Mr. Bigshot Make-A-Wish at least TRY rubbing sum dirt on it smgdh?

0
King Hippo

I have recently re-entered my Bathrobe Phase, and for the life of me dunno why I ever left it. For a sweatshirt can leave one’s back fat exposed to chilly winter drafts. No problem in a long-sleeve workout shirt (no working out obvs) plus bathrobe!

In fact, were underwear not inherently fascist, one could get by without sweatpants!

1
Unsurprised

Since AotC came up:
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herodotus450

The Veeeestas!

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Brick Meathook

What’s up with this shit of girls being action heroes? Or even worse, being generals. No one’s going to obey some chick with her titties flapping around in a cut-off t-shirt. It’s unrealistic.

1
herodotus450

No one’s going to obey some chick with her titties flapping around in a cut-off t-shirt

I’d consider it, at least.

3
Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

I’d run plum into traffic if she told me to.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup.

0
Redshirt

Burrow is crying only because that means he’s being drafted by the Bengals.

3
herodotus450

Burrow: “Also I’d like to announce my arm injury that will prevent me from being drafted before pick 20”

2
WCS

Joe Burrow wins the Heisman; continues to look like a bulimic Drew Magary.

2
herodotus450

Hockey talking guy: “If Team A didn’t have Goaltender, Team B would be winning.”
Well no shit, if they didn’t have a goalie the other team would probably score a few.

1
herodotus450

But otherwise I am enjoying this Canadian broadcasting team; such a clean, industrious people.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

It’s 2 months until Valentine’s Day. Have you started planning?

1
WCS

No joke: the RiteAid up the street have their Valentine’s stuff two days after Halloween. There was Thanksgiving, Christmas, anf Valentine’s.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

That’s crazy. And all kinds o wrong

2
Brick Meathook

Even before Halloween this year my local Rite Aid was selling stuff for next year’s Halloween. C’mon man, let’s make this about the kids, okay?

1
Senor Weaselo

Dick in a box?

2
Redshirt

Report: “Okay, Chase. Tell the truth. You ever touch your QB in practice.”

Are we no phrasing anymore?

2
Gratliff

Oh shit. Season 4 of The Expanse is out.
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2
BC Dick

I really like Angie Dickinson in Rio Bravo. I’m attempting to put a picture in here. If this doesn’t work it will be my last attempt at internet picture tomfoolery.
https://postimg.cc/gallery/22esl6un6/

2
BC Dick

God Damn it! Fuck computers.

1
Brick Meathook

Use “Direct Link” not “Link” on PostImage.

Direct Link is the second choice.

1
Brick Meathook

Here’s Ronald Reagan punching Angie Dickinson:

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Brick Meathook

Here’s Angie Dickinson beating up Lee Marvin:

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Brick Meathook

Actually, you’re linking the whole gallery. Open an individual picture in PostImage, click “Share” in the upper left, copy “Direct Link” (pressing the button to the right of the address copies it) and post that here. The picture will display here.

0
herodotus450

Angie, Janice, Bruce: who ya got?

1
Unsurprised

Now we have four pics instead of one to ogle.

0
Redshirt

Heisman Trophy Prediction

Joe Borrow – Winner
Justin Fields – 2nd Place
Chase Young – 3rd Place
Jalen Hurts – 4th Place

1
Gratliff

The boy’s suddenly getting an interest in Norse mythology and Camelot shit, so introducing him to Gargoyles before he wanders down a youtube rabbit hole and starts asking me for problematic Knights Templar shirts and shit. I forgot how much star power this show had.

2
King Hippo

Make sure he sees the American Dad “Illuminutti” episode

0
Gratliff

For a while, he was obsessed with Gravity Falls for a while, in which the main villain is Bill Cipher, a walking All-Seeing Eye. This led to some interesting google rabbit holes for him, and deprogramming an obsessive 9 year old for us. I’m sometimes amazed that every single child isn’t completely insane.

1
Redshirt

It was like the casting agency was lazy and only walked onto the set of Star Trek: TNG and got the actors with the most powerful voices (Stewart passed).

1
Gratliff

Also, Clancy Brown and Keith David. I’m convinced there’s 4 or 5 twins who work under Keith David given just the sheer amount of work he does.

1
Redshirt

(while watching Revenge of the Sith)

Why am watching Revenge of the Sith?

3
herodotus450

You could at least be watching the porn parody version, Revenge of the Clit.

1
Brick Meathook

Return of the Jedi Ass Fuckers

3
King Hippo

Return of the Piss – Tinklers in Space!

1
yeah right

“Return of the Stith arm.”

By Mike Mayock.

3
herodotus450

Tronno-Edmonton might be as high scoring as the Saints-Niners game from last week.

0
Brick Meathook

OUR NEGRO ARISTOCRACY is the new name of my FF team.

3
King Hippo

ALL HAIL BRICK MEATHOOK

3
WCS

“Triggered!”

— Fox News

2
Brick Meathook

The old name was “Young, Gifted, & Black.”

0
Redshirt

You league allowed that name? My league rejected it and suggested CULTURAL APPROPRIATORS

0
herodotus450

My Neo-Hipster Bakery/Brewery is gonna be called “Cultural Appropriation.”

1
yeah right

The double Smoke Shack from Shake Shack is officially my favorite mainstream burger.

That IS a tasty burger!

Fuck, that was tasty.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Did you have a concrete?

0
yeah right

No. Just many beers and some fries and a couple of chicken bites.

0
Wakezilla

If Man United win tomorrow, they’ll be within 2 points of 4th place? You know what that means?

United 1, Everton 2.

2
King Hippo

I would bet the mortgage moneys on y’all getting all 3. If you completely shit your pants…1-1.

/did nae actually bet it, though

0
Redshirt

You know after watching Attack of the Clones, I’m going to change my opinion. This is far worse that Episode 1. While Episode 1 made the bad choice of having Anakin as a kid instead of starting Episode 1 with Anakin as the same age as Luke in Episode 4, which would’ve both allowed for a better performance and it would’ve explain Yoda’s resistance in training Luke in Episode 5 (“Tried this before we did. Fucked up royally it did!”) at least the script wasn’t as bad as Episode 2.

Anakin comes off less a lovestruck boy and more a creepy obsessive stalker. Padme falling in love with Anakin wasn’t love, it was Stockholm Syndrome. Plus, no one questioned how the Chancellor was able to grow an army’s batch of clones in less than a day. I work in manufacturing and you need three days to get a PO approved, let alone get the required shipment. There was no question how the clones showed up that quickly?

2
King Hippo

They will only stop making these horrible, shit films if people quit watching them. Just don’t look! Just don’t look!!!

2
Redshirt

I tried that. That’s how I missed out on Joker and X-Men: First Class.

0
yeah right

Joker was incredible but my favorite film of the season so far still remains “The Lighthouse.”

Just absolute insane shit.

0
Horatio Cornblower

The wife and I saw ‘Knives Out’ recently. Good flick.

0
yeah right

Got Richard Jewell on tap for Monday.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood was also very, very good.

0
Redshirt

I’m uncertain about Richard Jewell. Don’t get me wrong, the guy got royally screwed and deserved a daily sincere apology for the rest of his life (Lesson kids is “If you see something, say something and you may be accused of planting the something.”), but with all the story about the journalist trading sex for information and the fact it was written by Eastwood, a conservative, I have a feeling its going to be Goebbels-eque indictment of the news media rather than the struggles of an innocent man falsely accused for a crime he helped to partially prevent.

1
yeah right

Yeah, kind of torn but the reviews are exceptional.

0
Unsurprised

.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Agreed. Episode 2 was by far the worst.

0
WCS

Despite being an Air Force guy, the end of the Army-Navy game always gives me goosebumps.

Congrats Midshipmen on the C-I-C.

1
King Hippo

My Dad was USAF as well (really disappointed him that none of us kids would do it), not Academy, though. He did ROTC at NC State, they paid for him to get a masters in engineering, and he worked on devices to melt the snow off our nuke launchers. FUN SHIT.

I guess skipping the Academy helped him avoid some awkward proselytizing. He was never very polite about such things.

1
Horatio Cornblower

“devices to melt the snow off our nuke launchers. ”

I think that thing’s called ‘The Sun’, and it’s been around for a while.

4
King Hippo

don’t yeeeewww be letting turrorists noe our military secrets smh

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like the Navy doesn’t get enough credit because unlike dry land, the ocean is *constantly* trying to kill you.

3
yeah right

My Dad was Navy. Just missed the end of WWII. Then they transferred him to San Diego, where he subsequently got kicked out after propositioning an officer who was not inclined to my dads advances and broke dads jaw.

Got to love the family history that barely got shared.

3
King Hippo

c’mon, in the Navy there is no wrong hole!

2
King Hippo

WE NEED SNOW FOR THE MORROW

0
WCS

“Did someone say cocaine?”

— Tyrone Biggums

2
King Hippo

There needs to be an alternate timeline somewhere, in which Dave Chappelle is part of “Mr. Show”

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve never said this in my life. Probably never will again.

But go Buffalo, go Denver.

0
WCS

Quite you.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m curious about the aristocracy article…

Also watching Thunderball. It’s a good little Saturday!

0
WCS

Claudine Auger is incredibly beautiful.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m partial to Martine Bestwick
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