Your “Have Some ResPEK” Open Thread

At work today, I got distracted on the Web looking for glues with the most intoxicating bouquet. And then, “Kobe Bryant Dies in a Helicopter Crash” popped up. The first thing I thought of was Bryant ravaging NBA defenses like AIDS inside Roy Cohn, and then the Colorado rape allegations. Expecting a torrent of paeans to Bryant, I say screw manners: Death should not impede badmouthing a deserving subject.

The respect for the dead comes from a simpler time, when only nerds and the military had Internet, and children routinely shut the fuck up. The wisdom went that the dead cannot defend themselves, and a visit from The Cold One warrants eternal, peaceful rest from the living. At least until it becomes known that the deceased stiffed everyone and had a secret family with a waaaay uglier side thang.

At present? The thirst for Internet notoriety will bear the most slobberin’ and scathing taeks about Kobe. A Facebook pic of a steak will be dressed as a homage to the Laker legend and Celtics fans will get even more unbearable, but I secretly hope that the ball-hogging perorations will make the Internet look like Tom of Finland’s studio.

I don’t mean to make light of the tragedy. Point is: Death shouldn’t compel anyone to extol only the virtues of the deceased, unless they are sincere and deserved. In memoriam tributes easily become an exercise of fake pieties, or the odd rumination on death and the randomness of existence. I don’t want hypocrisy, much less any ponderous stuff. We’re re already mourning the imminent end of the 2019 NFL season. Dammit, have some fucking respect. [Wipes nose with empty Funyuns bag].

This is how the world will be from two weeks on: complete desolation until mirages of substance appear (Free agent signings! Draft speculation! Projections based on guys practicing in shorts!). But let’s be thankful of what we have: a Patriots-less Superb Owl between two dynamite teams. And also celebrate the worthy: raise yer drinks to the Tennessee Titans, who made it happen.

On tonight’s docket (all times Central) 

NBA

Bullets @ Hawks – 5:00 PM

Suns @ Grizz – 5:00 PM

Damn Celts @ New… Orleans? – 5:00 PM (ESPN)

Nets @ Knix – 5:00 PM

Clips @ Magic – 5:00 PM

Pacers @ Blazers – 8:00 PM (NBA TV)

Liga MX

(Home team first, which makes all the sense in the world)

Necaxa v. Atlético San Luis – 5:00 PM

FC Juárez v. Morelia – 7:00 PM

Australian Open

Men

Gael Monfils (10) v. Dominic Thiem (5) – 8:00 PM

Daniiil Medvedev (4) v. Stanislas Wawrinka (15) – 10:00 PM

Women

Anett Kontavelt (28) v. Iga Swiatek (Unranked GO IGA!) – 8:00 PM

Garbine Muguruza (Unranked; ¡VAMOS GARBINE!) v. Kiki Bertens (9) – 10:30 PM

NCAA Basketball

Stanford @ California – 5 PM (ESPNU)

Ohio State @ Northwestern – 5:30 PM (Big Ten Network)

Superliga Argentina

(Riots permitting)

Boca Juniors v. Independiente – 6:45 PM

NHL

AaaaaandD, there’s a new “Curb Your Enthusiasm” on! [finger jab] I’ve yet to see any of the new season, but my DVR is keeping them warm. I love Larry David, a soul misundertood more than the NFL’s standard of evidence for replay reviews. It saddens me that LD, a man so invested in reason and honesty, gets derailed again and again by ridiculous social mores or the affectations that lubricate human relations. Sure, that stuff keeps persons in society from tearing each others’ windpipes, but still! He’s a tragic hero, to be sure—and the episode when his mother died is crying-from-laughter funny. And I bet Larry slapped Martin Scorsese harder than any Marvel fan could.

Enough digressin’. Go nuts, heretics.
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