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Your Sunday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

/

,

Before we move on to the coming week, I’d just like to reflect again on CBS’ decision to pay Tony Romo SEVENTEEN MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS per season to sit beside Jim Nantz while he says “Uh huh” and “Ooh” approximately 37 times per game. Somehow, this man

has turned into the best broadcast analyst since Troy Aikman gave up around 2009 because Joe Buck drove him insane. He has managed in football retirement to earn the same salary he did while getting beat up on the field. Plus he doesn’t have to listen to a crazed owner screaming “YEE-HAW!” at the start of every game day.

For that, and the fact get got to bang in-her-prime Jessica Simpson

   

I have to tip my hat to the man.

   

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Canucks at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Capitals at Wild – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Kings at Vegas – 10:30PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Lakers at Pelicans – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
    • Wizards at Warriors – 8:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Colorado at Stanford – 6:00PM | ESPNU
  • MLS:
    • Los Angeles FC vs. Inter Miami CF – 5:30PM | ESPN / TSN5
    • Portland Timbers vs. Minnesota United – 7:30PM | FS1 / TSN5
  • XFL Football:
    • DC Defenders at Tampa Bay Vipers – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2

Enjoy your evening.

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ALXMAC

Why did Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s split?? Was it amicable???

2
Brick Meathook

They were Evangelical Christians (not that there’s anything wrong with that) who maintained THEIR religious beliefs in a for-profit workplace (that’s wrong) so Carl Jr. and Hardee split up because they couldn’t agree on who should suck who’s dick (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

1
ALXMAC

So was it East Coast/ West Coast for how they decided it? I mean ChickFila (sp?) has taken over

0
Brick Meathook

It was TOP vs BOTTOM which the distribution network interpreted as East vs West.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You all laughed when I started talking about how awesome my bidet is, but as you stroll the aisles of Costco musing about how on earth they managed to completely sell out of ALL the toilet paper, I hope my laugher haunts your dreams.

4
Unsurprised

I was broke

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ALXMAC

Didn’t realize that a bidet means no wiping; I will stay with my motto of “Cheap beer; expensive toilet paper” for now.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, just a lot less. A roll lasts 3x as long these days.

0
Brick Meathook

Ha ha I only use baby wipes. Greatest invention ever and they’re cheap. Carry travel packs with me.

1
ALXMAC

Carry them with you like, everywhere? I carry the “Hobo’s shower” with me when I’m traveling.

1
Brick Meathook

The travel packs fit in the pocket of any man of action.

0
BC Dick

I cannot understand why bidets aren’t standard issue. Mind blowing.
If you fell and you got shit on your arm and someone handed you some paper towel to clean it, would you be satisfied with that?
It’s not my joke but I can’t remember where I heard it.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

This is worth binging.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEY3Q43aE_c

1
Gratliff

He had a good run

New York state confirms first coronavirus case: Governor Cuomo https://t.co/q3h7PIIMCv pic.twitter.com/6s2ynvCZTL

— Reuters (@Reuters) March 2, 2020

3
herodotus450

It turns out corona’s only weakness is inhumanly sugary drinks

Uh oh.

2
Unsurprised

So much for Bloomberg’s campaign

0
Unsurprised

He definitely never made the trains run on time.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Asking Mayor Pete why he’d drop out right before Super Tuesday.

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SonOfSpam

Now he has time to Stick It In The Pooper Tuesday.

4
Gratliff

Jesus Christ. 60 Minutes did a fucking get-to-know-him interview with the war criminal SEAL that scared his unit so much they used to sabotage his sights to make sure he didn’t take pot shots at kids

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fuck.

0
Unsurprised

What are the odds he replaces Pence on Trump’s ticket?

3
Unsurprised

Mike Wallace is spinning in his grave.

1
Brick Meathook

Navy Seals used to scrub the marine growth off our hull before my submarine went on patrol. Those guys are fags, not that there’s anything wrong with that as long as you don’t execute people.

3
SonOfSpam

You’re saying Navy Seals used to loofah your stretch marks?

4
Brick Meathook

We would kick nuts and bolts over the side on their heads. The Seals couldn’t do shit about it either. If they tried to climb up on the sub’s deck it was the “repel boarders “ alarm and the topside watch could have shot them (we were fully loaded with nuclear weapons at that point). They couldn’t wait for us ashore either, because when they were finished we cast off lines and left for a 40 day patrol.

Yeah, Navy Seals. They don’t tell those stories, now do they.

3
SonOfSpam

I like the idea of firing a nuke at a Seal.

I also have a bumper sticker that says “Nuke a gay whale for Jesus”

Do you have any other Navy stories involving lots of seamen?

2
Brick Meathook

Oh, I got stories.

4
Unsurprised

Don’t the Friends earn $17 million a year just in royalties?

0
blaxabbath

This should be Bernie Bros to the Warren camp at this point.

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Unsurprised

Why should we listen to the one who can’t come in higher than fourth?

1
blaxabbath

Cuz Idiotic-ness!

And with Pete and Steyer out of the way, we’re talking a hold-off Klobes for third here!

1
Brick Meathook

I’m sad that the Democratic campaign is losing its Benetton diversity. We’ve already lost the colored guy, the Chinaman, and now the homo-sexual. We’re just left with a couple of broads, two old Hebes and Joe Biden. I embrace diversity and hate racism of any type, even against races that I don’t like.

1
blaxabbath

Call me old fashioned but I like racism against people I don’t like.

Or, more accurately, call me an Evangelical Christian.

5
SonOfSpam

I don’t like orange-colored simps.

5
Gratliff

These fucking interviews
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFcRZQ92GSk

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Crystal Meth.
It’s a helluva drug.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously, Philly is scaring me.
Shut up Gratliff.

2
Gratliff

Wednesday could be for the division lead
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup, Anaheim v ColorAdo.
Oh wait, you meant….never mind.

1
Gratliff

So looks like the novel virus is some crazy nature correcting shit. Overall fatality rate of 2%, scaling only with increased age. 8% from 70-80, 15% for 80+. Not a single fatality under 10 years old, which is really strange for these sorts of illnesses. It might get real ugly, all the same. All four cases tonight, including another death, are out of the same nursing home.

1
Senor Weaselo

“Okay, Boomers.” -Millenial Labs

4
ballsofsteelandfury

Hey, maybe it’ll hit Congress and we’ll finally get out of the Darkest Timeline!

4
Unsurprised

God, I wish

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

A hockey puck doing about 80mph into the knee doesn’t feel too good according to Siegenthaler, or whatever the fuck his name is. He’s one of my guys, but seeing someone limp while trying to skate is funny.

Go back to Switzerland, you suck.

0
herodotus450

Blue Jackets with a stormin comeback against the Canucks, tied at 3. Will be quite humourous if they finish above both New York and Florida.

0
BC Dick

Wow. Was 3-1 last i checked. Canucks need Markstrom very badly apparently.

1
Redshirt

Race for the White House: LBJ vs. Goldwater? I think CNN has run out of good Presidential Races.

We don’t need an hour to discuss how LBJ won because he was a bully who used the death of JFK and the Civil Rights Act who faced a Republican extremist to win.

1
Brick Meathook

“Used the Civil Rights Act”????

There would be no Civil Rights without Lyndon Johnson. The Civil Rights and Voting Rights acts of the 1950s and 60s only passed because Senate Majority Leader and later President Johnson made them pass, despite intense opposition from his fellow Senators of “the Solid South.” Johnson did this not for any political angling but because civil rights was a lifelong dream. JFK didn’t do shit and probably never would have.

Lyndon Johnson was the force behind the U.S. manned space program as well. JFK only made some speeches.

Now you can understand why Johnson had Kennedy killed.

6
Gratliff

I wrote a paper back in college arguing that LBJ was a good president because he was so obsessed with being remembered as a great president and was willing to do anything to make it happen. The general idea was that he was a scumbag whose ego greatly benefited the country. Sometimes, what you need more than anything is a sociopathic narcissist willing to shatter his entire party into pieces if they don’t do what he says. Although, sometimes that gets you Trump. Ah well, nevertheless

2
Unsurprised

He should’ve said “I’m not running in 1968, but Jumbo is” and then spent the whole year with his dick out. Big Dick vs. Tricky Dick. Johnson with a 50 state sweep.

2
Brick Meathook

And Redshirt, I’m not picking on you. It’s just that two days in a row you made comments about two topics that are right in my wheelhouse.

1
BC Dick

Someone didn’t wear a pink shirt last Thursday

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

ADRIAN!?!?!?!?!?!

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Ooooh….PBR Bullriding is on.
Is it wrong to root for the bull?

3
Gratliff

The one thing that makes bullfighting acceptable is that the bull wins from time to time

4
SonOfSpam

I completely agree, and yet I’m gonna enjoy some rib-eyes tomorrow.

I guess…my steaks weren’t tormented before being killed? I guess?

But yeah, I’m Team Bull when it comes to the “fighting”

2
Gratliff

Also good when you get Ron Artest in bull form
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Where’s mah money? You got mah money?
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6
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

Look closely. That bull doesn’t gore the guy with his horns, he flings him like a rag doll with his nose.

After the gif cuts, however, the bull probably spears that moron like a cocktail olive.

1
Unsurprised

The adrenaline can’t make it taste good compared to normal but they still do sell the meat after, which I get in context but in reality seems like the worst meat to buy for a bunch of reasons

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehe….Bull won that one. And the idiot who voluntarily got on him actually is trying to look surprised that the bull stomped his ass.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, this guy’s not even wearing a cowboy hat. He’s got a goalie mask on.
NO SHIT!!!!!

0
Gratliff

Tactical error. Everyone knows cowboy hats grant +2 wrangling

6
Horatio Cornblower

I think that’s a new safety requirement after too many riders had their faces smashed into the back of the bull. Don’t really see how that would help but then, I don’t see why anyone would hop on the back of a pissed off bull either.

1
BC Dick

Like when they made headgear mandatory for bear boxing.

0
Unsurprised

Always cheer for the bull

2
Senor Weaselo

Is Mason Saunders in it?

0
BC Dick

8 seconds is one of the most underrated horror films of the 90s.

1
Unsurprised

And the worst porn movie of all time.

3
BC Dick

I sent that to you in confidence.

4
Unsurprised

Mayor Pete has been sent to a farm upstate to kill old dogs for the CIA

1
Horatio Cornblower

An all-female hockey announcing team? Man, I’m glad Don Cherry isn’t alive to see this!

4
Brick Meathook

Women belong as sideline reporters, at least until they get fat and old.

2
SonOfSpam

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6
herodotus450

The same pointless inanity, but now in a higher register!

3
SonOfSpam

They only know about “stacking the pads” during a heavy flow smh

7
Horatio Cornblower

It’s funny, because I can absolutely see Cherry saying that while his co-announcer reels in horror.

3
Gratliff

“We’re not having that here. I’m only going to let you say this kind of shit for 20 more years, then I’ll slide slowly off camera to avoid any fallout.”
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4
theeWeeBabySeamus

Oshie taking a beating tonight.

0
SonOfSpam

(Seamus calls his penis “Oshie”)

7
Gratliff

Let’s see if the rat fucker can get through his concession speech without rat fucking

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Holtby still hasn’t seen that shot.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Look NBCSN, if you don’t want to hear “That’s fucking right” in heavily accented English across your airwaves, maybe don’t go for a close-up on Ovechkin after he scores a goal.

2
SonOfSpam

Now that Buttigieg is out, the only gay Indianan left is Mike Pence.

10
theeWeeBabySeamus

Mike Pence’s Mom is gonna be my FF team name next season.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Doesn’t that poor woman have enough to be ashamed of?

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Fair point.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

I go outside to say goodbye to my family as they drive off… finally…. and I miss two Caps’ goals. Glass half full or half empty?

Yes.

0
Mr. Ayo

Time for a refill, imo.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Wish I could. Still 2 days to go.

1
Gratliff

This is definitely a headline
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4
SonOfSpam

If you try to stop it, Marty McSorley appears from out of nowhere and cross-checks you.

12
WCS

This is banner-worthy.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Agreed, although it needs the thread for context.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Context schmontex. It’s up.

1
herodotus450

“It’s obvious then, we simply pay Los Angeles to take the virus off our hands.”
/Or LA pays them for it? I don’t remember the 80s so well.

4
SonOfSpam

The virus just wanted better marketing opportunities.

3
WCS

So it will announce it’s joining the Big Ten Conference next?

2
Horatio Cornblower

The virus’s wife said it would enhance her career.

3
Gratliff

The virus’ daughter is incredibly fuckable

5
Senor Weaselo

“I mean, I said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” -Wayne Gretzky on vaccinations

7
Gratliff

YAY THE WILD

0
Gratliff

boo the wild

0
Mr. Ayo

Really respecting our nation’s capital.

1
WCS

That escalated quickly.

1
Mr. Ayo

Who has two thumbs and isn’t needed around here anymore?

To the freezer for a new bottle!

2
Gratliff

Let’s go, Wild. Do any people cheer for the Wild? Fuck it. Let’s go, Wild.

1
rockingdog

Found a funny:
SUPERHERO: I alienate my loved ones to protect them from danger

ME: Me too, that’s also my reason

2
rockingdog

Raptors vs nuggets seems interesting…..

0
rockingdog

Yea Romo!
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2
ballsofsteelandfury

Tony Romo is indeed a genius

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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0
Brick Meathook

This link (which is hard to find) won’t display as a thumbnail, but it is the best of the Hitler “Downfall” parody videos: “Jessica Simpson’s Surprise Party”

0
Mr. Ayo

Very hard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdM0t6gNsms

3
Brick Meathook

Mr. Ayo is the best assistant I’ve ever had. I mean this sincerely and not just because we’re firing his ass on Monday. I hope I didn’t say that last part out loud.

2
Mr. Ayo

I’ve been drinking all weekend so I’ll enjoy the day off.

By drinking, of course.

4
Brick Meathook

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1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The squirting fetish was out of hand.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Okay, let’s get ready for work tomorrow.

2
Mr. Ayo

Needs a nice Chianti to wash down.

1
Redshirt

Buttigieg is out. Looks like he’s going for VP or ’24 candidate.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Or starting quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals!!

3
Gratliff

His support among Black voters may well double by then. He’ll be able to drag all 8 of them on stage at his rallies.

2
Brick Meathook

Maybe he can hit the lecture circuit and tell paying audiences that he’s gay, since he likes to remind everyone of this every chance he gets. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, besides the obvious sinfulness of it of course. That just goes without saying. At least we can all come together despite our differences and agree on that.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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2
Redshirt

Hey, the #88 Cincinnati car won the Auto Club 400?

Something Cincinnati won something!?

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Yeah, you can say that, but she has a real-estate license.

1
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Ivanka 2040

1
blaxabbath

Romo deserves every penny. The one thing I want from my broadcast is the right answers when some dude who knows it all wants to second guess every non-homer call.

Romo is the NFL’s Walter Cronkite.

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Was gonna comment on Sunday Gravy but there are 69 comments there, so I waited.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ni………………..

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I looked back and somebody jammed some fingers in to that thread.

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