I believe we have a winner.

58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” beats 59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” 32-12

And there you have it. A champion crowned. And now for the contractually obligated unveiling of the commenters, master bracket, and all that noise. And for the love of God, NOT to “One Shining Moment.” No slight to Luther, it’s just been overdone. Anyway, here’s something only slightly less overdone.

Fun fact, I have to learn that on violin for my best friend’s wedding, whenever that is. If ever that is.

The easiest way to do this, I think, is just go 1-64. The numbers were in chronological order from first banner of the year to last, because it was just easier to organize it that way, and it made putting things in the RNG so much simpler. And unfortunately I have to line break or else it’ll become a list and we don’t want that. But it gives how far they went, and then your bracket order. Remember you’re all winners, except the ones who win more than the others. They’re super winners.

1. “Like most vaunted Ds, it ultimately disappoints” -Doktor Zymm (SHAN’KHOR, 2nd rd.)

2. “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” -Mr. Ayo (BOLTMAN Regional Champion, Penultimate Four)

3. “This game has had more fourth downs than a couple whose youngest child has trisomy 21” -BFC (BOLTMAN, 1st rd.)

4. “You Roughride long enough, you’re gonna end up with some Browns.” -Low Commander (BOLTMAN, 1st rd.)

5. “Fitzgerald is coming back to the Cardinals? I’m guessing that BS in communications from Phoenix University Online didn’t open as many doors as he thought it would.” -JustStopDude (SHAN’KHOR, 2nd rd.)

6. “LA is the trickle-down economics of sports: as an idea, it’s stupid, ignorant, and wrong. But every decade or so, it gets an awful lot of traction.” -Fronkenshteen (GAMBLOR, 1st rd.)

7. “Tony Romo’s mic breaking down is perfect, because Tony Romo always fell apart in the postseason.” -Horatio (SHAN’KHOR, Ice Milk Eight)

8. “Birmingham playing in the black unis is what Alabama natives call reparations.” -Gratliff (BLEERGH, 1st rd.)

9. “According to TMZ it was a $59 an hour massage parlor. Somewhere Mike Brown is applauding his fellow cheapskate owner.” -Rodney_Peete_is_1337 (GAMBLOR, 1st rd.)

10. “Fuck ‘A Star Is Born’: if I wanted to see a woman desperate to save her man from an alcohol fueled doom I’d put my wife and I on ‘Temptation Island.’” -Horatio (BOLTMAN, 1st rd.)

11. “We have to wait to vote? What are we, black people in GOP-controlled states?” -BFC (GAMBLOR, 2nd rd.)

12. “I’m not afraid to say that when I think of Brie Larson I also think of seamen.” -Mr. Ayo (SHAN’KHOR, 1st rd.)

13. “I’m not sure why I’m still watching The Walking Dead in general, but I will say that watching it while eating a plate of leftover ribs definitely adds a level of interactiveness that I wasn’t expecting.” -Low Commander (SHAN’KHOR, 1st rd.)

14. “To be fair, Gruden saw end of career Jerry Rice. Kind of like judging pie eating abilities of end of life Terri Schiavo.” -BFC (BOLTMAN, Ice Milk Eight)

15. “11 days to make it just one round—what are we, Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ belt?!” -Blaxxabbath (BOLTMAN, 2nd rd.)

16. “The band Beyond Reasonable Doubt was not nearly as good.” -Moose (BLEERGH, 1st rd.)

17. “I haven’t seen this much scrutiny over a black man touching a piece of metal since the OJ trial.” -Herodotus (GAMBLOR, 1st rd.)

18. “Now THAT’S some music to fuck your 13 year old cousin to!” -SonOfSpam (BOLTMAN, 1st rd.)

19. “Like an improvised rope made of bedsheets, Sharkbait’s banner held together long enough to strangle the competition.” -Lemonjello (BOLTMAN, Salty 16)

20. “THIS AAF, I CALL IT A LOT OF MY RELATIONSHIPS, BECAUSE IT GOT OFF TO A GOOD START, BUT WHEN THE MONEY RAN OUT IT WAS ALL OVER.” -JJFozz (GAMBLOR, 2nd rd.)

21. “This list of Bond villains proves that white folk are evil.” -Game Time Decision (SHAN’KHOR, 1st rd.)

22. “I’ve seen photos of barracuda with less pronounced underbites that [sic] this Habsburg-jawed harpy.” -Unsurprised (BLEERGH, 2nd rd.)

23. “The last time Magic Johnson said that he wanted to have fun again he had to go on a retroviral cocktail.” -Unsurprised (with the rare double banner) (SHAN’KHOR, 2nd rd.)

24. “French construction workers will always do better work than international terrorists.” -BeerGuyRob (BOLTMAN, 1st rd.)

25. “THESE GWS GIANTS VS. FREMANTLE, I CALL THEM BALLSOFSTEELANDFURY BECAUSE THEY SEEMED TO PREFER SCORING BEHINDS RATHER THAN JAMMING IT HOME UP THE MIDDLE” -BFC (SHAN’KHOR, 1st rd.)

26. “Tan Son Nhut Air Base has been renamed Adrian Peterson International.” -Yeah Right (GAMBLOR, 1st rd.)

27. “You’d think everybody would remember the name of the jockey who became famous for riding Cigar, but all everyone ever talks about when it comes to that subject is Monica Lewinsky.” -Rikki (GAMBLOR, 2nd rd.)

28. “I haven’t seen Ajax write their own death sentence so quickly since Deadpool learned his disfigurement was unfixable.” -Senor (BLEERGH, 1st rd.)

29. “THIS GUY TUUKKA RASK, I CALL HIM AN IUD BECAUSE NOBODY IS SCORING WHILE HE’S IN POSITION!” -Lemonjello (BLEERGH, 2nd rd.)

30. “I am going to get ahead of things here and insist that you cut off all contact with her immediately.” -Rikki (BOLTMAN, 1st rd.)

31. “My lifelong dream is to become a kept man.” -Horatio (BLEERGH, 1st rd.)

32. “‘Two base error’ also describes the first time I had sex.” -Herodotus (BLEERGH, Salty 16)

33. “So to summarize, tWBS collected three pussies this week, and didn’t get to keep any.” -Herodotus (another double) (SHAN’KHOR, 1st rd.)

34. “If the German men’s team is called ‘Die Mannschaft,’ then it follows that the women’s team should be called ‘Die Neinschaft.’” -Scotchnaut (SHAN’KHOR, Salty 16)

35. “Asian women haven’t been involved in something that shameful since Robert Kraft’s last massage.” -Dunstan (BLEERGH, 1st rd.)

36. “All this talk locally about the passing of Pat Bowlen and the affection of the players, coaches, and front office just goes to show you that one should go ahead and pay for a higher quality and more discreet massage parlor handjobs.” -Moose (GAMBLOR, 1st rd.)

37. “If Chile just takes its time and let’s [sic] all of its various ingredients come together slowly, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the end result.” -Scotchnaut (BLEERGH, 1st rd.)

38. “Spitse is a very popular player in the Netherlands, but not so much as her cousin Swallowse.” -Rikki (BLEERGH, Salty 16)

39. “Jesus gets a red. Where’s your VAR now?” -Don T (BOLTMAN, 1st rd.)

40. “I’ve had enough of condescending bodies of water. Get over yourself, Lake Superior.” -BC Dick (BOLTMAN, 2nd rd.)

41. “A friend of ours got married, for the 5th time, recently. When we saw the news my daughter said ‘One more and she’ll be Thanos.’” -Horatio (BOLTMAN, 1st rd.)

42. “The Peloton going downhill at incredible speed reminds me of Eli Manning’s last three seasons.” -Scotchy (GAMBLOR, 1st rd.)

43. “‘I aspire to write as infrequently as this DTZM fella’ -George R.R. Martin’” -Scotchy (a third double) (GAMBLOR, 1st rd.)

44. “Touchdown, Mohammad. NO, NBC! DON’T SHOW HIS PICTURE!” -Redshirt (GAMBLOR, Ice Milk Eight)

45. “This [AFL] game reminds me of Brazil because there are a lot of behinds.” -Mr. Ayo (SHAN’KHOR, 1st rd.)

46. “Rim the top of a Narragansett tall boy ‘Not too tall or they’ll hit the shower head.’ -J. Sandusky” -SonOfSpam (SHAN’KHOR, 2nd rd.)

47. “When they Punt you punt shorter, They put up a touchdown you put up a field goal. They take the lead you throw an interception… that[‘s] the [C]hicago way!” -Duchess (BLEERGH, 2nd rd.)

48. “Maryland channeling their inner older, more mature Jesus by not going crazy at Temple.” -Herodotus (BOLTMAN, 2nd rd.)

49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” -Dunstan (GAMBLOR Regional Champion, Penultimate Four)

50. “THIS AARON DONALD I CALL HIM PEYTON MANNING IN THE TRAINING ROOM BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO DROP THE SACK ON YOU AGAINST YOUR WILL AND NO ONE WILL DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.” -BFC (GAMBLOR, 2nd rd.)

51. “THIS JASON GARRETT, I CALL HIM HILLARY CLINTON BECAUSE HE TOOK WISCONSIN LIGHTLY AND IT’S GOING TO COST HIM A JOB” -WhyEaglesWhy (BOLTMAN, Salty 16)

52. “This Julian Edelman I call him a symptom of white flight because he’s got 14 Targets.” -Herodotus (SHAN’KHOR, 1st rd.)

53. “Packers musta been acquired by Goldman Sachs to be bailed out that bad.” -Gatoraids (SHAN’KHOR, 1st rd.)

54. “Michigan must be approaching puberty because Penn State seems to be losing interest in beating them anymore.” -Redshirt (BLEERGH, 2nd rd.)

55. “I’m not saying Belichick’s son looks like a homeless person, but Scotchy just slit his throat.” -Fronkenshteen (SHAN’KHOR, Salty 16)

56. “The Bengals have a bye next week. They’re three point underdogs.” -Redshirt (GAMBLOR, Salty 16)

57. “Brady watching Jackson from the sidelines wondering about the science of ‘Get Out.’” -Gatoraids (BLEERGH, 1st rd.)

58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.”-Herodotus (BLEERGH Regional Champion, 2020 Banner Madness Champion)

59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” -Horatio (SHAN’KHOR Regional Champion, runner-up)

60. “The way the Jets are hitting him, Renfrow’s nickname must be World Trade Center.” -Entropy (BLEERGH, Ice Milk Eight)

61. “Chase Young is a great football player in addition to being the job description for Jerry Sandusky.” -SonOfSpam (GAMBLOR, 1st rd.)

62. “I feel it’s fitting that the final play in the Oakland Coliseum is of a Raider being hit in the face with a pass that it was really important for him to catch.” -Rikki (BOLTMAN, 2nd rd.)

63. “It’s the second career game for Tampa receiver Ishmael Hyman. Hope nobody played him in fantasy; he’s probably still sore from last week, as the first time can be pretty rough on a Hyman.” -Dunstan (BLEERGH, 1st rd.)

64. “Only thing wetter than this Ravens-Steelers game is my wife seeing the Witcher in the tub.” -Gatoraids (GAMBLOR, Salty 16)

And in fresh bracket form…

So I guess that does it. Don’t break an arm jerking yourselves off, especially Herodotus who had six in total, won the damn thing, and had a second in the Salty 16. Points also to Redshirt who had two in the Salty 16, and Horatio, who had two in the Ice Milk Eight and one of those was runner-up. In case you need to know who to murder in a fit of envy congratulate.

All right, this is Senor Weaselo signing off. On to write a piece for violin in a month!

New House of Pain and Senor in the City installments will come. Especially House of Pain, there’s a massive backlog and no Hot Sauce Expo until September.